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RE: Childless ? - 9/30/2010 4:03:24 PM

itsmeinLV

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I'm childless by choice but I do think about the greener grass on the other side sometimes. But I guess I am a true child of the "me-generation" and often think of selfish things like how I may not be able to sacrifice alot of my life to another...

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RE: Childless ? - 9/30/2010 4:42:51 PM

calamitysandra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

It might be different for aunts- but uncles can not - be too interested in any niece, nephews. It just would not look good.

It is sad that our society has come to a point at which many males feel that way.

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RE: Childless ? - 9/30/2010 9:35:35 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: calamitysandra

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

It might be different for aunts- but uncles can not - be too interested in any niece, nephews. It just would not look good.

It is sad that our society has come to a point at which many males feel that way.

What a sad thought. I'm totally close to a couple of my uncles. We hug, kiss, go out together, etc. When one of them went into a month-long coma following a major surgery that sent him into shock, I sat at his hospital bed every night and held his hand while talking to him.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/1/2010 12:57:50 AM

HeidiAnn

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I've wanted to have children for as long as I can remember.

[rant]But now that I am a parent, I find myself questioning wether I'm up for this "middle-class nuclear-family" - lifestyle or not. It feels like this parenting-stuff is causing a conflict within me and so far it hasn't gotten any easier. I'm aware that I cause the conflict myself and I feel it's abouts ome sort of inner freudian madonna/whore - conflict; what can a parent be and what can a parent not be.

We have one child who is 2½ years old at the momnet and my partner would like us to have another one. I am still unsure wether I want another child and we've agreed to wait until we both are sure on the matter. These first years of our child have just been so consuming on so many levels that I don't know if I can do it again, atleast not yet. All the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the strain it has put on our relationship (with both being tired and stressed) is just too much for me to handle. And also, I worry about the financial side of things too. With two or more children our next 20 years would be even more poor. I do like to have money and spare time to spend on selfish things, and I'm unsure if I'm ready to give it all up completely.

With that all said, I do not regret becoming a parent. But I do hope I find a solution on how to reduce the inner conflict and to construct an enjoyable life for myself and my family. And at the moment I'm feeling that one child is enough. hough I'm also hoping that I'll change my mind. Gah, more inner conflicts!

[/rant]

Heidi

< Message edited by HeidiAnn -- 10/1/2010 12:58:50 AM >

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RE: Childless ? - 10/1/2010 3:49:08 AM

Aileen1968

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I never wanted to have children. Was absolutely positive that I wasn't going to have them.
Until I woke up one day in my early 30's and I didn't quite think that anymore.
And then the next day it was a little less and then a little less...
I now have two wonderful daughters. They fulfill my life in ways that are only possible through their energy, minds and personality.
They have made me stronger than I ever thought I could be and have shown me that love grows bigger every day.

Both of my parents are dead as are Shore's. My mother died before any of her grandchildren were born. My father knew all of them.
Shore made me aware that hearing, holding, touching and loving my children is like seeing a little bit of my parents.
It was an added bonus above and beyond just loving them for who they are.
My oldest has my father's eyes...

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RE: Childless ? - 10/1/2010 6:34:31 AM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: calamitysandra

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

It might be different for aunts- but uncles can not - be too interested in any niece, nephews. It just would not look good.

It is sad that our society has come to a point at which many males feel that way.

What a sad thought. I'm totally close to a couple of my uncles. We hug, kiss, go out together, etc. When one of them went into a month-long coma following a major surgery that sent him into shock, I sat at his hospital bed every night and held his hand while talking to him.

My siblings are out of state. My brother has been divorced a few times. So that adds to the mix.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/2/2010 7:46:08 AM

MasterJohnSteed

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I am childless both by choice and by fortune. I wanted a child but then my exwife decided no children, now I am 42 and see no reason to try.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/3/2010 6:53:10 AM

ShoreBound149

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You should adopt Hunky.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/3/2010 6:59:36 AM

KatyLied

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When I was in my early 20's I was unsure about children, parenting, etc. By the time I hit my late 20's I knew that I wanted children. My children taught me that love is boundless and can have no strings attached to it beyond the parent-child tie. My children expanded my world in a way that no one else ever has. I have two adult children, they are very different, yet I clearly can see myself in both of them.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/5/2010 12:34:37 PM

daddysprop247

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never wanted children, and will die childless. even as a child myself i knew i would never have children...couldn't stand them then, have a difficult time with them now. the idea of having my very own...just fills me with 100% fear and horror...no warm fuzzies at all. part of it is the fact that in many ways i'm childlike myself...very dependent (on my Master), somewhat naive about the big bad world, etc. part of it is the fact that in general i just don't like children, especially the little ones. i find it difficult to adjust to them (speech, actions, etc.), and they bring out my germaphobia like nothing else.

so yeah, no kids for me. i am also an only child...and no, i feel no guilt whatsoever about that. everyone is not meant to be a breeder and there are far too many unwanted, unloved, miserable children in the world as it is. i wish more of those who truly desired children would adopt these poor souls, rather than pop out more people to crowd the planet and annihilate its resources.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/6/2010 8:07:46 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
i wish more of those who truly desired children would adopt these poor souls, rather than pop out more people to crowd the planet and annihilate its resources.

Most first-time parents want a newborn, and there is quite a waiting list for newborns. It leaves a lot of older kids still in need of a home. There are risks, though, with adopting kids (as opposed to babies), because they often come with emotional issues that not every adoptive parent is prepared to deal with.

Adoption is also extremely expensive, and not everyone has those up front funds readily available. My sister adopted two babies, through private adoption (as opposed to the State, where they'd have to foster for 6 months and risk the baby being given back to its birth-mother). She spent years on a waiting list, and paid around $10K in legal costs each time. Insurance covers childbirth; doesn't cover adoption fees.

A friend of mine adopted a young boy through a County adoption. The boy was fostered in their home for almost a year, and then the birth-mother decided she wanted him back. She had quit drugs and alcohol and was "in the program" and ready to be a mom. The boy (about 8) was returned to her. 6 months later, she was back on drugs and had severely abused him. He was returned to my friend's home, and they adopted him, but he was a completely different kid, in need of a lot of psychological help.

My brother & his wife fostered a young girl for 6 months who had so many emotional problems, it was too much for them to deal with. It was heartbreaking for them to give her up, but they knew her problems were too big for them and she deserved a family who could manage them better. She ended up adopted by a family who had taken on 4 kids of that nature - the mom stayed home and focused on all the care they needed. It was perfect for her.

I completely agree with the theory that these poor kids need adopting. But I did want to point out the difficulties people face, when going through adoption. It's not as easy as it seems, unfortunately. I personally had considered adopting a pre-teen, but I don't have the legal fees, and I'd be a working, single parent, unable to give a troubled kid like that the focus and attention he/she would need of me, and deserve.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/6/2010 8:52:10 AM

daddysprop247

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hi NuevaVida...

i certainly understand the difficulties adoption poses, and the ridiculous legal hurdles that loving and stable people have to overcome just to give a child in need a forever home. but going through 9+ months of pregnancy, where you could be ill for the duration, even bedridden, and limited in your ability to work in or outside the home is difficult as well. not to mention yucky childbirth! and then the millions of couples spending their life savings on IVF...all for what? so they can have a baby with daddy's eyes? i guess i just don't get the obsession so many wannabe parents have with having a child of their very own loins. i also don't understand the obsession with babies in the adoption world...perhaps it's assumed that older children will come with emotional and psychological baggage...but guess what? their biological children will have that as well, no matter what great parents they may be. it's called life. it leaves its scars on us all.

if i suffered some traumatic brain injury which changed my personality completely, and suddenly i wanted children, i would not hesitate to adopt a teenager. that's the very best age imo...they're already their own person, there's no talking down to them and no disgusting diapers to change, lol. plus i believe that's the age when as a loving parent you could really make the biggest positive impact on a young life. but eh, maybe as a non-kid person i'm biased. i have just known so many people soooo desperate to have children, willing to spend tens of thousands on endless tests and fertility treatments, who would never ever consider adoption, and it just gets to me.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/6/2010 9:42:42 AM

popeye1250

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I don't have any kids but everytime the doorbell rings I panic.
I guess I was just too busy doing the countrie's business gone for months at a time.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/6/2010 4:52:34 PM

Aneirin

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In the UK, the criteria for adoption is immense and draconic the minders seek the ideal where the natural birth is often very far from ideal.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/6/2010 8:30:36 PM

camille65

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I've never wanted to be pregnant or give birth. The thought makes me queasy in fact and it is something I've actively avoided happening for most of my life. Nor have I ever wanted any person that dependant upon me. When I was a lot younger I felt all sorts of angst that I was selfish or that something was wrong since I'm female and so disinterested in reproducing. Luckily my parents didn't care and my ex-husband didn't want children either.

There has never been even a moment of regret. Instead it has enabled me to focus on first our marriage then after our divorce I was able to focus solely on myself. My goals in life have been to create the best life for me without the worry of having to put children first.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/6/2010 8:38:01 PM

NuevaVida

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Hi daddysprop. You make some very good points, and I agree with you on most of them. I think for some (myself included), there is (was, in my case) a strong desire to experience pregnancy and childbirth. I really wish I had experienced it myself.

In my case, there will be no birth or adoption. I find myself extremely fortunate to have my owner's daughter in my life, though.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/6/2010 8:52:41 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

I've never wanted to be pregnant or give birth. The thought makes me queasy in fact and it is something I've actively avoided happening for most of my life. Nor have I ever wanted any person that dependant upon me. When I was a lot younger I felt all sorts of angst that I was selfish or that something was wrong since I'm female and so disinterested in reproducing. Luckily my parents didn't care and my ex-husband didn't want children either.

There has never been even a moment of regret. Instead it has enabled me to focus on first our marriage then after our divorce I was able to focus solely on myself. My goals in life have been to create the best life for me without the worry of having to put children first.

Same here but without the angst about selfishness or really giving a fig what other people might think. In fact, I think childlessness is the LEAST selfish choice if one isn't certain he or she will be able/want to give 100%, one hundred percent of the time. Instead I've been Mom/devoted servant to kittehs all my life. That just seems/seemed more natural to me. All the concern/anxiety I felt throughout the years keeping them safe, content and comfortable was enough to know I should NEVER have human kids.

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RE: Childless ? - 10/6/2010 10:48:31 PM

Carouselambra

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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206634/

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RE: Childless ? - 10/7/2010 8:26:52 PM

Firebirdseeking

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I relate. I am childless by choice. I never felt my path included children. Sometimes I imagine what it might have been like to have a daughter...then I also imagine what it could have been like to have a daughter.. .. : )

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RE: Childless ? - 10/7/2010 8:35:39 PM

pahunkboy

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