RE: The need to be rude?!?

RE: The need to be rude?!? (Full Version)

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Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 11:53:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise Since this discussion started a few days ago, I started my own experiment and replied to all of the emails I've received. The majority have been one liners from "Hi" to "Nice" to "How are you". I responded in kind. There were a few "You are the type of submissive I'm looking for, lets be friends and see where it goes." I thanked them for taking the time to write me, told them that while I was honored to have been selected, but I had no interest in forming any relationship beyond friendship. I haven't gotten any replies back. Am I now to think this person rude for not responding? My experiment tells me damned if you do, damned if you dont. When there is no compatiblity, someone is going to wind up being ignored. Uh no..What you are to think is that has concluded your compatibility..but it didn't hurt ya to make that short effort did it? Haven't gotten any "You nasty cunts yet"?

poise -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 11:57:57 AM)
It was totally painless..darn it!! No "You nasty cunts" yet either...I guess I'll have to try harder.[:-]

Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 12:00:15 PM)
quote: Maybe it went to your bulk mail. I'm probably outside of any filters you may have set. Yeah I forgot after coming into this thread for very mild amusement..I checked all of the mail controls :>

Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 12:02:30 PM)
quote: No "You nasty cunts" yet either...I guess I'll have to try harder. See! (Making new profile)

WyldHrt -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 12:03:13 PM)
quote: 5) To Peon's classification scheme....I think that's probably not a bad model of how women operate at a party or a social situation in real life- or hell, maybe another dating site. The problem is that on this site, the response is the same regardless of classification, i.e. no response. It's only if the woman considers you interesting enough to overcome the fear barrier that she'll respond. And on this site, the fear barrier is set so high that in practice, most men can't clear it. So you're left with a site where people say they want to meet others, but they provide no incentive for the reasonable guys to stick around and are left with the creeps Incorrect, again. I and others do respond when we are interested. What we do not do is send 'Thanks but no thanks" when we aren't. I don't know why you keep missing that. It has nothing to do with fear, at least for me; it has to do with how much nastiness I am willing to tolerate from someone that I am not interested in to begin with.

LadyPact -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 12:03:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes I'm really wondering how this thread got to 11 pages... There isn't even a point to this, cause we all know no one who needs to know is going to read it. While I agree with you that most of the folks who are on the collar chat side of things (non forum participants) probably aren't going to read it, there is still interesting discussion here. Why not allow folks from a different demographic than their own have information on what it's like from another perspective?

CaringandReal -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 12:36:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys That's a lot to respond to and since I'm a man of fewer words I'll just say this. I've read your profile and what I get from that is someone who is doing her best to hold up defenses as you've said and "may be doing a much better job at it" than she thinks..so much so that it's working against you. You've also eluded to that..Which is why I don't understand how you would continue doing those things. I've always thought that you close yourself off way too much to do any good for you or a possible mate. "People that are stuck behind brick walls slowly starve to death." Here recently it seems like your down on men and maybe think the other side holds better options..Which isn't true...Good people aren't gender specific. Just saying. That's fair. I won't demerit you for your shortness if you don't demerit me for my longness. :) Don't take this the wrong way, but your impression of my profile is actually exactly what I hope that the people I don't want to contact me will think. The deterrents (they are far too consciously crafted to be defenses, IMO) do not deter in the least the right sort of person, the kind I hope to hear from... and occasionally do. But they do cause some rather unsuitable sorts to DQ themselves, which saves me considerable stress. While I wonder about my deterrents at times, in the end I decide that they help me far more than they hurt. This isn't a baseless conclusion, it emerge from experiences, experiments, risks I take in other, different directions. Like any sensible person, I try to stick with what works, or at least with what works best. My biggest problem here is similar to one that many people have stated before me: the right sort of person doesn't come along very often, and in the meantime one needs to stay sane and not let all the negativity get to you. I find that a difficult balancing act because a part of my personal brand of "sanity" involves being extremely open and vulnerable. I've always thought both genders hold good options as well as have their weak points, but since this is a thread that is discussing the stresses that male first contacts sometimes impose upon women, I'm trying to keep my posts on topic (failing miserably in this one, though!). Perhaps some day this forum will discuss first approaches to a man's personal ad from women. I hear about those frequently when reading male profiles, and they are not pretty, either.

Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 12:49:51 PM)
quote: Don't take this the wrong way, but your impression of my profile is actually exactly what I hope that the people I don't want to contact me will think. I don't...It was just my take and I know you've stated that exact thing in your profile...the reason you do it that way but if your getting negative emails and have now closed down your profile..is it really working that well? In my opinion it's not because you don't seemed to thrilled about it. I think you might be missing out on possible friends as well and truthfully even possible mates that you might have knee-jerked blocked. Am I really that awful of a guy in your eyes that you wouldn't even want a possible friendship with me? It won't hurt my feelings..You can answer that if you like.[:D]

DesFIP -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 12:57:20 PM)
I can't answer for Caring but I have never had a guy write, saying he just wants to be friends, who didn't start asking and saying inappropriate things within two emails. Never and that's eight years on a couple of different sites. Either he starts telling me The Man is a bad dominant and I should abandon my kids to serve his wife and him, or if from a male sub they start asking me to dominate them or recommend a domme in their area which is clear across the continent from me. Those are the most typical, but I've gotten cock shots or shots of his ex naked covered in clothespins also. And I didn't want any of those.

Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 1:03:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I can't answer for Caring but I have never had a guy write, saying he just wants to be friends, who didn't start asking and saying inappropriate things within two emails. Never and that's eight years on a couple of different sites. Either he starts telling me The Man is a bad dominant and I should abandon my kids to serve his wife and him, or if from a male sub they start asking me to dominate them or recommend a domme in their area which is clear across the continent from me. Those are the most typical, but I've gotten cock shots or shots of his ex naked covered in clothespins also. And I didn't want any of those. I can imagine you've had a lot of bad emails but you've never met anyone like me I guess..You'll think you have of course because of our interactions here but I don't think you have. There are a couple of females that I've written to that I have no attraction to at all other than possible friendship. I can't be the only one.

Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 1:12:24 PM)
Could it be also that maybe some of the females that post regularly are targeted specifically? Maybe the posting style has something to do with it?

Killerangel -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 1:24:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I can't answer for Caring but I have never had a guy write, saying he just wants to be friends, who didn't start asking and saying inappropriate things within two emails. Never and that's eight years on a couple of different sites. Either he starts telling me The Man is a bad dominant and I should abandon my kids to serve his wife and him, or if from a male sub they start asking me to dominate them or recommend a domme in their area which is clear across the continent from me. Those are the most typical, but I've gotten cock shots or shots of his ex naked covered in clothespins also. And I didn't want any of those. I can imagine you've had a lot of bad emails but you've never met anyone like me I guess..You'll think you have of course because of our interactions here but I don't think you have. There are a couple of females that I've written to that I have no attraction to at all other than possible friendship. I can't be the only one. I have to echo Des's words....I have never had a man write me here and use the phrase of wanting to be my friend who wasn't trying to get into my pants under false pretences. There are several men on this site that I am friends with, but we just started writing back and forth in a friendly manner; they didn't use the tactic of offering friendship as a way to get my guard down. The friendship just developed. Now if anyone uses the 'can we just be friends' line I don't write back again- I've been burned too many times by genuinely expecting friendship, putting my own effort into it, and finding out that it was a ruse.

Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 2:00:19 PM)
quote: I have to echo Des's words....I have never had a man write me here and use the phrase of wanting to be my friend who wasn't trying to get into my pants under false pretences. There are several men on this site that I am friends with, but we just started writing back and forth in a friendly manner; they didn't use the tactic of offering friendship as a way to get my guard down. The friendship just developed. Now if anyone uses the 'can we just be friends' line I don't write back again- I've been burned too many times by genuinely expecting friendship, putting my own effort into it, and finding out that it was a ruse. As some of these people here will attest to I think..I am very straightforward. I'm already aware that a lot females see almost any male that writes to them just like you do. So if I'm only interested in their friendship...I will say something along the lines of " I know we probably aren't compatible but we share some interests..I'm not opposed to being friends" this may be after they have written me or even before. I admit it doesn't work always but I do get positive responses from it. Friendships are a lot like any other relationship in that they don't always pan out..but I am sincere in the asking and getting to know someone like that. Not all of us are like what you've posted.

Twoshoes -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 2:01:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Twoshoes I'm really wondering how this thread got to 11 pages... There isn't even a point to this, cause we all know no one who needs to know is going to read it. While I agree with you that most of the folks who are on the collar chat side of things (non forum participants) probably aren't going to read it, there is still interesting discussion here. Why not allow folks from a different demographic than their own have information on what it's like from another perspective? It seems to me like Icarys is arguing with people out of boredom. Other than that, I'm fully interested in the 'other' perspective.

Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 2:08:57 PM)
quote: It seems to me like Icarys is arguing with people out of boredom. Other than that, I'm fully interested in the 'other' perspective. I get that from you..no worries. You don't have a clue what I would or wouldn't do and for what reasons.

DesFIP -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 2:15:52 PM)
If you wrote to a strange woman whom you hadn't had forum discussions with saying you wanted friendship, she would wonder why. I usually don't go up to strangers on the street and say "wow, I have that same book at home, can we be friends because we have so much in common?". And that's why it's so offputting when someone does that here, because it isn't how friendships develop. I've had friendships develop with people I rode the elevator with everyday. It progressed from ignoring each other, to nodding, to commenting on the weather. And then went on to going into the same coffee shop before companionably riding the subway downtown together. A little over time, over months on end. And ended up later that year with a drunken New Year's Eve party I never did remember. But it didn't start with someone asking me out of the blue to be their friend.

Zevar -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 2:29:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Orchid62 Hello dears, I haven't been a member very long, yet in the last few days I've getting a lot of rude and impatient emails. No, my feelings are not hurt, just wondering, does a male sub get so much rejection he is always ready to lash out? Is it built in you psych to revolt when you are not getting your way? Or is it, and the this is my main concern, that nice people bring the worst out of you? I am nice, not about to change that -thank you- O. Factually speaking, rudeness is not unique to CollarMe, submissive males, submissive females etc.. Rudeness is offensive regardless when it is encountered. Personal choice is not eliminated when others are rude. Rudeness is usually an indicator of something that remains unspoken and is instead behaviorally acted out. Nonetheless inappropriate manners are forgotten when rudeness is chosen to be acted out by whomever. Obviously not everyone who is rude is aware that they are rude and when confronted about being rude most often reject the notion. Thus the key to handling rudeness remains within the personal choice made when rudeness is encountered. Clearly, personal choices are not ever adversity affected by rudeness, even though those who are rude aim to do damage by way of being rude to others, in most instances, and especially online. Virtual reality does tend to produce, from some people, what would never be socially acceptable, one to another, in person. Yet then, some people are not emotionally and psychologically aware thus not equipped to make choices that are devoid of behavior that is rude and altogether inappropriate, online or not! Take care!

DesFIP -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 2:32:52 PM)
I just got an email that said, and I quote, "Wowza, tingles". I have no idea what he meant nor do I want to know. The profile was equally weird saying his last mistress said he was a natural dominant. Yet he still believes he's a switch. I have no intention of writing back.

Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 2:33:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If you wrote to a strange woman whom you hadn't had forum discussions with saying you wanted friendship, she would wonder why. I usually don't go up to strangers on the street and say "wow, I have that same book at home, can we be friends because we have so much in common?". And that's why it's so offputting when someone does that here, because it isn't how friendships develop. I've had friendships develop with people I rode the elevator with everyday. It progressed from ignoring each other, to nodding, to commenting on the weather. And then went on to going into the same coffee shop before companionably riding the subway downtown together. A little over time, over months on end. And ended up later that year with a drunken New Year's Eve party I never did remember. But it didn't start with someone asking me out of the blue to be their friend. Yeah but your very cynical and it has worked for me to get friends..not everyone is like you Des..Thank goodness for that.

PeanutTigerinBox -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/9/2010 2:47:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule quote: ORIGINAL: Orchid62 It's hard to see where you are coming from since I have no clue if you are male, female, dominant or submissive, but boy, are you angry or what? I can see barelynangel's avatar. It has breasts! And that says what???[8\|] I know one person on here who considers himself to be a Dominant and shows off on his pictures how he would be a normal healthy bloke able to move around like most of us, when in reality he is wheelchair bound and paralised hip downwards. And nope, nothing against disability, just reminding that pics say nuffin after all, as everything can be more or less correct on here [:D]

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