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PeonForHer -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/10/2010 5:06:44 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
When I am feeling really burnt out, I do dread opening letters from people I don't know. Most of what I read tries it's best to drag me down and adds weight to the wrong side of the scales. Maybe one man in sixty actually reads my profile or even a journal entry before sending me a letter. This tells me that they don't care to learn anything about me as a person...that they want serviced in some way
See, it really does hit me to read that a woman dreads opening letters from people she doesn't know. I'm not going to argue the point of 'it's all just words on the screen, why care about it?' because I know better. No anonymous writer has hurt me on this site, but it happened on another site, and I got hurt very badly indeed.
I don't ever - not ever - 'dread' opening cmails here. If a woman's said something in anger, it's been silly to the point of laughable, and it's happened very, very rarely. No woman has ever written to me without first checking me out - either what I say here on the forums, or what I say on my profile (most often, actually, it's both).
To me, though, the bottom line is that women eternally have to take the risks in this game in a way that men don't and never will. If you're looking for a partner with whom you'll one day have sex, then you're looking for someone who will be alone with you, while you're naked and vulnerable, and he's a third bigger and stronger than you are. More than that, he's likely to be temperamentally more aggressive than you are, too. So, if he's aggressive, is he the type who'll use such aggression to protect you, or will he use it on you, yourself? You have to decide that. You have to work it out from whatever clues he gives, that first night you meet him at some bar in town. And then, further down the line, will he make you pregnant? If so, does he have the human feeling to stick around?
It's a fucker, really. I like to think of women as Goddesses, but I still wouldn't want to be one. Not even one with a brilliant brain, superb tits, willowy legs and permanent youth.
To drag this waffle back to the question of the thread: women will always take the risks when it comes to choosing a partner. Nature just gave women a bum deal in that respect. What makes it all worse, these days, is that now men and women are meeting in the virtual world rather than the real one. In the real world, a woman would avoid the sorts of places where thugs meet. In that real world, they can size up a man from across the bar-room floor. He swears a lot, says 'fuck' and 'cunt' every few seconds, he belches loudly - he's wrong. She'll avoid him. Here, though, in this new, virtual world . . . all those 'tools' that women have learned over the millennia that help them minimise their risks in choosing a mate - they're not available. In virtual space, no-one can hear you belch . . . .
To be very blunt, and somewhat depressing: it's women's lot to take the risks when choosing males. I can't see that it'll ever be any different. The old, old problems of men and women coming together are simply transposed to a new medium here on CM, and sites like it. Women need to develop new tools with which to sort the wheat from the chaff; men have to find new ways of making it clear that they're good guys and not thugs.
Me, if I'm going to make the initial approach to a woman here, I'll do it in only a few lines. I'll read her profile and say something that refers to it, hopefully interestingly and amusingly. I can't do more because I learned the hard way that if my initial, long and thought-out, message gets ignored, I'll feel very low. I can't help that because I'm a sensitive sort of bloke. I don't have as thick a skin as I'd like. Good men, as I like to think I am, generally are like that. We can't deal with too many women being cold towards us. So, I do the written equivalent of a quick flirt at the bar of a pub. Not a one-worder, not a generic 'hi' plus something that looks like a CV/resume . . . just something small, and friendly. It usually works, though not always. I do think that that's the best kind of approach from a man to a woman, given what both women and men have to put up with on this site.
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