RE: The need to be rude?!? (Full Version)

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odysseyIndeed -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 12:33:54 PM)

~ FR ~

Would it be possible to make a script where mail would be sorted depending on the content?Perhaps anything that does not contain a word of your choosing goes straight to bulk mail, those mails that do contain the word are delivered to your inbox. If you wanted to, you could put the word in your profile. That way at least the people in your inbox will have perused at least a bit of your profile. Later on, if you are not looking or prefer only to speak to friends, you  could change the word and give it out only to your friends. People could also have the option of not implementing this if they wanted everyone to be able to contact them without going to bulk mail.
I don't know how viable this is - just something that popped into my head as I was reading Samboct's post.
This would not stop "nastygrams" but if You truly have no desire to speak to that person You could block them right after sending them the 'not interested' email.



odysseyIndeed -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 12:47:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct

1) The purpose of these nastygrams is clear- its to express anger and vengeance. It is NOT to meet someone- it's completely counterproductive. How many people after receiving a nastygram are going to say, gee, it's been six months, I wonder whatever happened to so and so?

Thoughts?

Sam


[snipped to address]

Hi, Sam -
I often get repeat emails from people I have explained were not compatible.
My general message is "Thank You for writing me. I appreciate it and have read Your profile but I do not think we are compatible. I wish You the best in Your endeavors."
About half write me back complimenting my manners and asking me why in my estimation we are not compatible and attempt to convince me otherwise if I do attempt to explain.
I do get some rude responses also but I don't have a picture up of more than my eye so the rude thing I get is a "real sub" would not think she knew better than the random "Dom" that is writing her basically :)

But then a week or two later I will get the exact same opening email from them again. Some have written so often that I can tell them what they would have written next :)

Another small group are men who stopped writing to me first and then a few days later write me as if they never have before (what's up with that? lol)

There are two that were downright nasty to me over and over on different accounts last year and when I came back from my hiatus a couple of weeks ago one of them wrote to me  basically the exact same thing I remember them first writing me a year ago (I'm intrigued by your profile .. tell me more of 'you').

I believe that some people, if they choose to be nasty, do it to so many that they do not remember who they "didn't like" a month before.



WolfyMontgomery -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:04:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
I'm not sure how long you've been around before you started to post. I've admitted my wrongs and in this case I'm sure you see it as an attack but you did ask the question..Maybe it was rhetorical from your viewpoint but it wasn't from mine and since I believe in standing up when I see something I think is wrong...I do voice my opinion. A lot of things in life could be looked at as subjective and in many cases I would agree but I also know that many use that as a way to justify the things they do.
Since you have stated that, in some ways what you were doing was petty by your own admission, I can't really be seen as someone who is attacking another for looking at things differently, could I.
No snark here: I appreciate that you did at least admit it. Many would not have admitted that they might have been mistaken, especially to me.


Icarys, my reasoning for the attack is that you seemed to base all of my arguments on a very singular event, calling me a petty person because of one thing that - if I didn't laugh about the absurdity of some of the things people say - I'd be burnt out on those things VERY quickly and probably wouldn't be polite to anyone. Doing Nothing is very hard to do for a great many people - we are not emotionless, we have feelings, telling us to do nothing is to feel nothing as well. I don't write the person and tell them I'm laughing at them, heck, I don't even laugh AT the person, I laugh at the absurd message that they sent me. I cannot look at a rude, snarky email or a condescending, demeaning email to me and not feel something, and I sure as hell don't want to be hurt by it.

If someone does one thing in their life that could be considered a little bit petty, it does NOT make them, by definition, a petty person - they let their 'higher than thou' attitude rule their lives, and it effects much of their lifestyle. So, yes, you did attack me, by bringing everything back to that one simple phrase and labeling me with it. Which, in most peoples' eyes, is in and of itself a very petty thing to do, because I had the feeling that you were trying to make me less than you with rude comments about "wondering why you even bothered" stating rather bluntly from the start that I was a "red flag", making derogatory comments about how my attitude is obviously the reason why I get those emails.

Ever think about stating your opinions in a more polite manner without bringing insults into the mix? If you hadn't noticed, I was trying VERY hard not to insult you in my replies to your posts, even though several of your comments I felt were quite hurtful and demeaning. If you yourself tried to be more polite, perhaps people wouldn't be so against what you say much of the time, and WOULD admit fault or agree with you.


Going back on topic...
Another thing to keep in mind from the test there, which actually almost makes me want to make a sub version of said test if I had the time, is that Doms - I have a little inkling - are much more insistent than sub men are. If I had the time to do it I'd make a fake submissive or slave account and remake the profile again, to show how the other mindset tends to act. After all, most subs (as far as I know, I've only gotten messages from a few, and only one got pissed when I wasn't willing to Domme them when I told them I was of the same mindset as they were, aka submissive) don't usually go demanding, "And you shall tie me up and brand me and control my food intake and fuck me whenever you want to and you will provide me with all my submissive needs and etc...etc.." Though please correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not exactly totally well versed in the mannerisms of submissives beyond a total of maybe three or four emails from strangers, and the friends I have, who would be WAAAY too chicken to do something like that lol.

Are there any sub/slave women who would be willing to do the test for the other mindset?



Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:08:46 PM)

quote:

A kinder gentler Icarys????? oh thats right....on your best behavior????

Try as you might, you won't be successful in getting me to break my promise. There's a difference in how I've interacted with most of you in the past six months..Intentional and controlled. I had specific purpose whether you understand that or not.

I surely can show the same control in not replying to you nastily. If I decide to switch on that other side of me again then it'll be on my terms.

I got tired of all the nasty things people were saying to new comers just because they didn't fit the mold of what they believed was good and I got tired of the comments to me as well. They didn't bother me personally but the idea that someone would do these things to others annoyed me so I then decided to do it to those who chose to act so. If you got "Attacked" then it's because I thought you were being an arse to someone or that your ideas were bashing others belief..

It's the saying like you've used above that you hate in so many men.."I'm entitled to this"..



lusciouslips19 -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:08:59 PM)

Ewwwwwww. I like her that is above me![:)]



Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:11:58 PM)

quote:

Icarys, my reasoning for the attack is that you seemed to base all of my arguments on a very singular event, calling me a petty person because of one thing that

Well you posted a certain email and then went on to say you were laughing at the guy and then asked if anyone thought that was mean of you..So I answered.

These debates wouldn't be nearly as long and in some cases hurtful for people if they took the time to pay attention to not only what they say but what others do as well.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:12:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

A kinder gentler Icarys????? oh thats right....on your best behavior????

Try as you might, you won't be successful in getting me to break my promise. There's a difference in how I've interacted with most of you in the past six months..Intentional and controlled. I had specific purpose whether you understand that or not.

I surely can show the same control in not replying to you nastily. If I decide to switch on that other side of me again then it'll be on my terms.

I got tired of all the nasty things people were saying to new comers just because they didn't fit the mold of what they believed was good and I got tired of the comments to me as well. They didn't bother me personally but the idea that someone would do these things to others annoyed me so I then decided to do it to those who chose to act so. If you got "Attacked" then it's because I thought you were being an arse to someone or that your ideas were bashing others belief..

It's the saying like you've used above that you hate in so many men.."I'm entitled to this"..



Well if I condesend to a douchebag whos been objectifying me and most likly trying for a hook up, I'll dang well consecend to him.

I dont take it personal when they go for the dumbest most unoriginal attack on me. I aint looking to make friend with them Their feelings are not something I'll feel guilty about.



Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:17:34 PM)

quote:

Well if I condesend to a douchebag whos been objectifying me and most likly trying for a hook up, I'll dang well consecend to him.

I dont take it personal when they go for the dumbest most unoriginal attack on me. I aint looking to make friend with them Their feelings are not something I'll feel guilty about.

Now that I've made my statements of trying to be nice your going to pour it on huh? That's fine..It just proves to me that I was on track with you from the start.

No problem, continue.



Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:27:19 PM)

I think a good deal of those are really great ideas Sam... If we were to get together a simple list of them and their functions we might be able to get "Them" to add a few or more. 



lusciouslips19 -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:29:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Well if I condesend to a douchebag whos been objectifying me and most likly trying for a hook up, I'll dang well consecend to him.

I dont take it personal when they go for the dumbest most unoriginal attack on me. I aint looking to make friend with them Their feelings are not something I'll feel guilty about.

Now that I've made my statements of trying to be nice your going to pour it on huh? That's fine..It just proves to me that I was on track with you from the start.

No problem, continue.



Huh????

Im confused? When did this become about you????



LadyPact -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:30:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct

Wyld Hrt-

Thanks for the offer, but I don't think it's necessary. See below.

I have to say this.  In other words, you expect other people to do what you are not willing to do.

quote:

Lady Pact and Icarys

Thank you both for the time and effort

You're welcome.

quote:

Clearly, there are two separate issues that need to be resolved here-

1) Too many emails.
2) Nastygrams following polite rejections.

I agree with both of these.  As I've told Icarys on the other side, this is where My lack of personal knowledge of computer programs prevents Me from being helpful.  The second issue is one that can be solved with the set up that currently exists for mail.  I do this now by blocking if I send a return mail to someone I am not interested in corresponding with.  You may not consider that polite, but it does happen to be 100% effective.

quote:

First- too many emails. Some additional thoughts and suggestions-(cut for brevity).

My issue with these, though they may improve in cutting down the volume, is that nice people will get put off and prevented from being able to contact each other.  The one stellar person that wrote on the other account was message 38 or 39. 

quote:

If you're an impatient domme, this may be annoying.

I think you're looking at the wrong angle here.  I think it will be harder on the males writing than the females receiving.  I believe many males would complain.

quote:

Second problem- and possibly more pernicious... How to deal with the nastygrams that come after a polite rejection....

The idea of a second reporting button does not stop the women from having to receive them.  Somebody out there has to be subjected to the nastiness or abuse.  That's not acceptable, in My view.

quote:

What I'm a little concerned about is too many settings can make the site seem daunting for the new user.

This is a concern of Mine as well. 



WolfyMontgomery -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:30:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
Well you posted a certain email and then went on to say you were laughing at the guy and then asked if anyone thought that was mean of you..So I answered.
These debates wouldn't be nearly as long and in some cases hurtful for people if they took the time to pay attention to not only what they say but what others do as well.


Of course it's mean of me, but not nearly as mean as they are openly to me first. That question in my introduction thread was BECAUSE I knew it was mean of me, and I wanted to give someone a laugh. I don't do it to peoples' faces, I don't email the person telling them how stupid they are, I don't laugh if a person just seems misinformed or if there seems to be something wrong with them (ie learning disability, abusive past, whatever). But if they're just going to take all the information that I give them freely (on profile or in previous emails) and throw it away because they feel that my Master isn't training me to be a proper slave or totally ignore the fact that I am owned and demand I go live with them or make absurd demands that go against all of my limits or against the bounds of common sense, then I will find their attitude laughable. Because the only other way that I could possibly find their attitudes to be is horrifying and hurtful, and I don't want to feel that way, so I choose to laugh it off.

These debates wouldn't be nearly as long if you wouldn't keep bringing up one single reference, when I have spoken multiple times of the hows and whys of the reasoning behind that reference. You have not acknowledged my hows and whys for the things that you attack me for, nor have you acknowledged my questions about your rudeness beyond throwing another insult out. So in some ways I have the feeling that you are not taking the time to pay attention to what others say either, other than what you want to see to fuel more insults about lack of paying attention.



Geekdomme -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:32:20 PM)

.



Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:36:42 PM)

quote:

Of course it's mean of me, but not nearly as mean as they are openly to me first.

Not being snarky here but what are we going on about then? I kept going because I thought by your posts that you didn't understand that, Wolfy.



Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:42:12 PM)

quote:

These debates wouldn't be nearly as long if you wouldn't keep bringing up one single reference, when I have spoken multiple times of the hows and whys of the reasoning behind that reference. You have not acknowledged my hows and whys for the things that you attack me for, nor have you acknowledged my questions about your rudeness beyond throwing another insult out. So in some ways I have the feeling that you are not taking the time to pay attention to what others say either, other than what you want to see to fuel more insults about lack of paying attention.


Let me reply to this so you understand...No malice..I don't believe you when you say your reasoning..I find that to be an excuse or rationalization for your behavior if your saying it's okay in some way and although you've agreed that it was mean..your were reticent to do so..soo maybe I'm wrong here but I see that in a negative way.



WolfyMontgomery -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:47:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
Not being snarky here but what are we going on about then? I kept going because I thought by your posts that you didn't understand that, Wolfy.


The fact that you've been insulting me when I have perfectly valid reasons to BE mean, because my laughter in no way hurts them, and makes me feel better rather than hurt.

If you looked at my explanations, I'm only 'mean' because I laugh, I am not mean TO that person to their face, even though I could be. I am not mean in the sense that I bring it out or act in insulting manners to GET those emails or replies when I correspond to people. I do NOT encourage people to be rude to me so I can get my jollies off. But if and when I get the absurd, threatening, demanding, and condescending emails that I keep telling you about -that you have proof about now, even - I can and WILL laugh, because if I am not 'mean' about it in that way, I will be hurt, and become sour and will get mean in different ways.

If other women laughed about the rude and condescending emails they got, maybe they wouldn't be so sour towards men. That is why I laugh, so that I can keep myself bright and happy and able to be polite and friendly to anyone until they show me that they in no way deserve said kindness, and then I just ignore them and laugh about it so that I'm not hurt that someone else was mean or rude to me. Laughing is my defense to keep from being hurt - is that a crime? I keep telling you this, yet I seem to not be getting my point across.

I understand PERFECTLY what I do and why I do it. Yes I know some things I do are mean, but I make sure that anything that I do that can be considered mean does not backlash on anyone but myself (i.e I tell a story and omit names, I laugh about hurtful things because it's easier to find them funny than be insulted by them). I don't consider myself a mean person by any means, and I honestly don't even consider my laughter to be THAT mean for the simple fact that the only people that I my laughter affects is myself and Master. I don't take names, I don't act out at people for revenge, I don't insult or point my finger AT someone and laugh in their face.



WolfyMontgomery -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:49:24 PM)

In other words, while I do admit that the action is mean. Yes, I do find it okay. Because if I didn't do it, I would be crying. 



lusciouslips19 -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:56:42 PM)

Well I am getting bitter about the way Im treated online. Im erecting defenses. Who wouldnt? I find it interesting that Icarys denfends the feelings of douchbag jerks.



Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 1:58:09 PM)

quote:

If other women laughed about the rude and condescending emails they got, maybe they wouldn't be so sour towards men.

People who aren't sour about men usually don't spend their time talking about them. Just saying.



Icarys -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/11/2010 2:00:13 PM)

I think everyone on this thread knows or at least I hope they know that is the last thing I'm supporting. 



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