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Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:18:34 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		I was once a slave to a Pro Domme for serveral years and then she moved to the west coast and I stayed behind. For the last couple years before she left, I was eventually graduated to the title of Dom and was taught the art of domination by her and her other domme friends but still submitting to them for teaching me. I still do have sub tendencies but know most female subs want a total Dom to serve and a male switch presents problems.My question to you is this..Would having a relationship with a dom who has submissive tendencies present issues/problems in the relationship? Or should I consider listing myself as a switch and seek a domme or switch instead of a sub/slave?
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:23:24 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tewy01
My question to you is this..Would having a relationship with a dom who has submissive tendencies present issues/problems in the relationship?

Yes.

quote:

Or should I consider listing myself as a switch and seek a domme or switch instead of a sub/slave?

That's your choice. Seeking a domme says to me that you are sub or at the least switch. A dela breaker in my book. Not a deal breaker in others.



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(in reply to tewy01)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:26:46 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		A delima I am having rite now. It's a deal breaker in most cases.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:27:38 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Would having a relationship with a dom who has submissive tendencies present issues/problems in the relationship?


Yes.  The foremost problem would be the question of who is in charge.  I think the same problem would arise with a switch male (for me, anyway).


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to tewy01)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:29:12 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		Exaclty,and in both roles.I argee.

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:33:18 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It is a dilemma, but can't it be fixed by seeking out other switches?  

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:36:55 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		I am leaning towards sub/slave.There would be a delima if I tried to serve a Domme again I think. I don't know if I would be able to give myself in that way anymore.

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:39:12 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		What does "submissive tendencies" mean? Does it mean that you COULD sub to someone or that you NEED TO submit to someone?  If the first, then it's just a part of your past.  If the second, it affects your relationships currently.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to tewy01)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:41:31 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		It's more I could. I wouldn't want too because once the line is crossed,it opens doors they may not be able to be closed.

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:47:30 AM   
shanaya


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline 		For me personally it proved to be a deal breaker , this happened only recently and it changed my perception of him and destroyed any Ds between us.

I do wish that it didn't have that effect on us submissives but it breaks the original synergy that is shared between  a Ds couple. And like most things in life, how we percieve ourselves and our role with our intimate partner is an integral part to our  sense of being and own happiness,

I wish you luck and hope you find a way to be who you truly are in your heart .

< Message edited by shanaya -- 10/16/2010 9:51:54 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:48:59 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Isn't a Dom with submissive tendencies an oxymoron?

To me that is a switch. And it would not be an option for me.

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:53:13 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		All of your feedback has been greatly appreciated thus far.

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 9:56:54 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		In my mind, this entire question only makes sense if you buy into the nice neat little boxes that the BDSM world likes to use. At least for me, I have bajillions of "tendencies". I'm a complex person... as is Carol. We have a complex relationship. Kind of like... well... every other relationship I know of.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to tewy01)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 10:01:01 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		I also believe the D/S relationship is what the two partners make it.You don't have to live by definition but so many others when they enter the lifestle believe it should be defined and used to a tee when that's not the case.

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 10:06:52 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		for me it would be a dealbeaker. I can't submit to someone who has thoughts of wanting to submit as well. It's not the type of men I'm attracted to at all. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Why not just seek out other switches?


(in reply to tewy01)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 10:12:37 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		There would be a conflict of who's gona top my dear. The issue is I was once trained as a slave and served for several years as one.I have been a dom for over 10 years now but the past role is still there inside me.I am a sadistic Dom,one of many few.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 10:18:13 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
for me it would be a dealbeaker. I can't submit to someone who has thoughts of wanting to submit as well. It's not the type of men I'm attracted to at all. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I had to think about this answer. I have "thoughts of wanting to submit" from time to time. But as I considered it more, I realized that Carol and I don't really change the underlying dynamic of our relationship. It's just not really possible even if we wanted to. In my case, the scenario is going to be something like, "I'm emotionally wrung out to the point of exhaustion." From there, it's quite possible that I'll delegate authority to Carol for some period of time... usually "the evening". She then figures out what needs to happen to fix me and makes it happen.

At no point in any of this was either of us confused about who was running the marriage. Given our two personalities neither of us can really even conceive of that sort of confusion. It'd be like getting confused about which way was down.

So in a very real sense I am "submitting" to her. She's giving directions... possibly even topping in the bedroom or at least orchestrating getting us into the bedroom if she thinks that'd be helpful. I'm doing as I'm told. But it's also true that for us, this kind of thing happens as an aberration to fix a momentary problem. It is, in a sense, role play since the roles we are assuming are not the actual roles in the marriage or native to us.

This sort of thing is what I meant by "complex". On one hand, our M/s relationship is strikingly simple. Carol is submissive in the world, with me, and that feeds her. I am dominant in the world, with her, and that feeds me. Everything lines up for us nice and neatly. But then real life happens and ... you know... reality never quite works out as simply as the theory said.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 10:19:33 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tewy01

There would be a conflict of who's gona top my dear. The issue is I was once trained as a slave and served for several years as one.I have been a dom for over 10 years now but the past role is still there inside me.I am a sadistic Dom,one of many few.


Unfortunately, it seems as if you have a conflict within your own desires. With that said, it would be difficult to connect with someone who is not sure of their own role. That is why I always ask about how someone came to BDSM, how they feel about it, if they ever thought of switching, etc.

I like to know that someone is comfortable in the role that I am seeking, as I am completely sure of my own inclination.

(in reply to tewy01)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 10:23:20 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		Very well said and congrats on a healthy and loving D/S relaionship. You direct her when to take over but you are always incharge leader.

< Message edited by tewy01 -- 10/16/2010 10:24:34 AM >

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/16/2010 10:26:07 AM   
tewy01


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/9/2009
Status: offline 		Yes sexyred,I do have a conflict but know I am a Dom.

(in reply to tewy01)
Profile   Post #: 20
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