RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies?

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/21/2010 9:41:35 PM

OneMaster4You

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From: San Francisco
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I would say one must needs to be honest with oneself. To be submissive is honorable and should be acknowledge no differently as being Dominant. It takes all kinds to make this wonderful world. I know and have always known my Alpha nature. In fact I was ceratin about it at the early age of nine.

To have to ask the question is not an indication that one may possibly be leaning more toward a submissive nature. However to post it I feel is. It must raise a considerable amount of doubt in your mind to ask this online.

I do not fault you nor do I mean to define with certainty. I just feel that you are struggling with it. I would suspect that at tijmes you tire of having to be in control all the time and wish to release this responsibility. I give you permission to release yourself and to allow your submissive nature to express itself.

I would suspect that a submissive who at times wished to be Alpha, (a switch?) would not mind being controlled by someone like you. My concern would be what if you are feeling submissive and she requires a strong Alpha male?

Do you then allow her to go find someone or do you step up without feeling resentment?

Just something to think about..... nuff said

OneMaster4you

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/22/2010 6:26:15 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I think that was my point Des. YOU didn't read it as me suddenly becoming submissive. Neither did Carol. Both of you read it as a sickness. In Carol's case, she was the best medicine for that particular kind of sickness and became my treatment program (interestingly, at my command). But just as clearly, other people DO read it that way. For such a person, I'd be a bad fit.

Unlike someone who is sneezing, most people will misread depression. I have enough personal experience with it, alas, to be able to recognize it immediately. I suggested strongly he go back to his therapist, since I'm not capable of being that. More importantly if I were acting as his therapist, then I would be dominant to him. Part of how the transference process works. So that would have ruined the relationship.

However, he saw his therapist, saw his doctor, got a scrip for medication and it became a moot point. By addressing the problem immediately, he showed he was dominant because he insisted on dealing with it.

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/22/2010 6:44:04 AM

tazzygirl

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quote:

From there, it's quite possible that I'll delegate authority to Carol for some period of time... usually "the evening". She then figures out what needs to happen to fix me and makes it happen.

This said it so much for me. Years ago, i would have been one of those saying that having a Dom with submissive tendencies would have been a deal breaker. A past relationship made me rethink that opinion.

There are times when i need to "be fixed". Until that relationship, i never saw it from the Doms point of view. he needed to be fixed in some ways as well. I started to see my role as slave as being one that was also a fixer. Regardless of what he needed at that moment, if it was within my power to give, i gave it, including taking over a task, project or a part of his life.

He was dom, with little boy tendencies, as i call them. Its those tendencies that made me cry and ache to "fix" what was wrong in whatever way i could.

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/22/2010 3:36:20 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
There are times when i need to "be fixed". Until that relationship, i never saw it from the Doms point of view. he needed to be fixed in some ways as well. I started to see my role as slave as being one that was also a fixer. Regardless of what he needed at that moment, if it was within my power to give, i gave it, including taking over a task, project or a part of his life.

In other words, TPE? (half-joke there)

Honestly, I'd have very little patience with Carol if she told me that she was my TPE slave, but only this way or that way. Carol serves me how I need to be served... period. That's not because she is so ultra-submissive... I'd expect that of ANY life partner of mine. I mean seriously, when the chips are down and your partner is not present and accounted for... uh... that's kind of a deal breaker for me.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/24/2010 12:19:38 AM

DMFParadox

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Tewy, you're what's known as 'adaptable'. Congrats.

If I were you, I'd focus less on what women will or won't want, and more on what you want. Not just out of 'her', but out of life. There's a lot of life out there to want.

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/24/2010 9:30:39 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox
If I were you, I'd focus less on what women will or won't want, and more on what you want. Not just out of 'her', but out of life. There's a lot of life out there to want.

Me? You said that to ME? If that wasn't a mis-reply, then I can only say it's pretty hard to see how that reply applies to the life of someone who's retired at 45, a soon-to-be ex-pat and a global traveler. I'd say I'm taking pretty big bites out of life relative to most people.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/25/2010 3:36:44 AM

DMFParadox

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Er, no. I was responding to the op. No offense intended, I haven't been paying that much attention to you to have formed an opinion.

Edited to add: I address Tewy directly in that post, right at the top... :-/

< Message edited by DMFParadox -- 10/25/2010 3:38:38 AM >

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"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 10/27/2010 6:27:03 PM

Andalusite

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I wouldn't have a problem with being submissive to a switch or a dominant masochist, if I reacted submissively toward him. From what I've seen, people tend to be more flexible about women with some switchy tendencies than men who are the same way. The whole "alpha male" thing makes me giggle and think of the title song from "Robin Hood: Men in Tights."

If someone wanted to switch with me on a D/s basis though, we probably wouldn't be compatible. It's not that I'd think less of them as a person or as a dominant, just that so far I haven't reacted with dominance and submission toward the same person.

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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 11/1/2010 6:08:18 AM

DMFParadox

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I see it completely different. He comes home from work and is extremely stressed...
While it's certainly true that your relationship and mine are vastly different, it's worth pointing out that the situations I'm referring to are not the "come home from work stressed" situations. At least in my life, I've been handed (or more normally -- bitten off) much larger challenges than that and some of those have been more than I was capable of handling. Surely I cannot be the only living dominant personality that's run into a situation somewhere in his life that rendered him more or less completely dysfunctional.... death of a spouse for instance... breakup of a long-term relationship... that sort of thing.

Job loss. Eh. I tried to soldier on, but... at that point in my life... it was my identity. My reason for thinking things were looking up. I was in a D/s relationship at the time, and needed the girl to be functional and patient, because my mind was just occupied by pointless circles. She did, though we ended up breaking it off for different reasons. But it taught me one more thing to look for - a 'Carol' kind of mindset, if you will.

It also taught me to be very cautious of the employee mindset at a young age. Such structure is not permanent; your job is not your career. A valuable lesson.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

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