Aynne88
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Joined: 8/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
quote:
ORIGINAL: leadership527
quote:
ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I see it completely different. He comes home from work and is extremely stressed... While it's certainly true that your relationship and mine are vastly different, it's worth pointing out that the situations I'm referring to are not the "come home from work stressed" situations. At least in my life, I've been handed (or more normally -- bitten off) much larger challenges than that and some of those have been more than I was capable of handling. Surely I cannot be the only living dominant personality that's run into a situation somewhere in his life that rendered him more or less completely dysfunctional.... death of a spouse for instance... breakup of a long-term relationship... that sort of thing.
Shore and I have both buried babies. Both buried both of our parents. Both dealt with divorce.
That kind of life stress hasn't made him suddenly want to hand over control of his life, even temporarily.
I'm not judging you. I'm just pointing out that while you may deal with certain things one way, others deal with it a completely different way.
I would not be compatible with someone that dealt with it your way.
The original OP asked if I would be in a relationship with someone who had sub tendencies. My answer remains no.
Even in all kinds of stress levels of life, if he chose to deal with those stresses in what I define as a sub manner, then no. I wouldn't be in a relationship with him. And this is coming from someone who is head over heels in love with this man.
It isn't in his dna to give up control. That also doesn't mean that he makes perfect decisions at all times. He makes the best decisions that he can at all times.
I couldn't ask for anything more.
edited to add...I have discovered that I am not compatible with someone that has any desire to be dominated or to switch, even if it's for just small periods of time. That's why I work so well with Shore. He made it clear to me from day one that he needed absolute complete control of our relationship.
The fact that he does it all with love, lust, charm, humor, personality, intelligence and common sense (plus he's damn good looking too) makes it all the better for me.
I didn't read this far before I made my post, but wow Aileen, yep on that, and you rock for sharing it. He and I have both had some painful issues, he has lost two wives to cancer, his only child to suicide, lost both of his parents, and I have been divorced and lost a child a long time ago to a miscarriage. I need a man that is my rock, my strength, and the one in control. He sometimes depends on me to be his rock too, but in the day to day of our life, I need a very clear cut dynamic, and that is one where he is the one in charge, and if he wanted me to ever switch those roles even for "play" I know I would instantly feel differently towards him.
He is strong, dominant, alpha, yet also loving and protective. I am his soft place to fall, the woman that brings him his food, makes his coffee, rubs his back, waits on him and builds him up when he needs it. Our roles are so clearly defined that it works beautifully. I live to make him happy, corny as that sounds, and after spending 22 years with a man that made me feel like his mother it's so frigging amazing to feel like the one that is protected and yes controlled. He couldn't give up this dynamic because he never had it with his other wives and now that he knows what it is like to be able to the man he wants to be, he is so fulfilled and happy and he also strives to make me feel like a treasured and loved woman, not his mother.
If he exhibited submissive tendencies I would feel like something was wrong with what we have now and it just wouldn't be something that I could deal with. I want what I have and I am sure that he does as well. I think a Dominant with submissive tendencies is not a Dom, but a switch, which is fine, but not what a woman wants that needs a Dominant partner.
< Message edited by Aynne88 -- 10/17/2010 6:04:27 PM >
_____________________________
As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)
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RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? - 
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