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RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 12:06:25 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I think the profile text is good.
You express who you are, what you are looking for and what you have to offer.

Some women might have issues with the name.

Something to keep in mind is that women do recieve a lot of mail here...often an entire page (20 and frequently more) a day.
New female members sometimes receive 100 messages in a span of 2 days.
Patience will do you well.

I think one thing you can do is spend time on the forums getting to know folks here.

Best wishes on your search.

Edit: spelling

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 10/18/2010 12:38:30 PM >

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(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 21

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 12:13:00 PM

wittynamehere

Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline

It may not be you, it may just be how the site goes. The submissive females have the run of the website (as unfortunate as that is, because it allows for some pretty disappointing behaviour). Just be patient (I'm talking years... but maybe only months considering your biceps). Good luck.

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(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 22

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 12:19:23 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I went and dug up an old thread for you on getting responses....it's very good. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/tm.htm - it might give you some good ideas. After taking another peek at your profile I thought it might be good to add what you are looking for in a relationship. You describe what you would like your partner to be like but what about the structure of your relationship with her....casual, long term, committed, etc. Someone to see sometimes or someone to share your life? You focus quite a bit on the D/s aspect of your partner...are you looking to have a regular or vanilla relationship with her as well? Will the two of you go out and have dinner together or ride your motorcycle, or are your dealings with her going to be strictly in the bedroom? It wasn't clear.

One more thing that I found worth mentioning. You do talk about your varied interests in your profile text, this is good. Over in the interest list however every single thing there is related to sex and/or kink. You might want to add some other things so it doesn't look like you've got a one track mind. Women usually want someone they can talk to and who they find interesting...if they think you've got one thing on the brain they tend to pass on the offer. If I didn't take the time to read your text I'd definitely think you wanted to get your kink on and I myself am looking for something more than that and I'd pass.

Good on you for making the changes so far and good luck with things.

(in reply to misterbigg)

Post #: 23

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 12:32:24 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

What I get from your profile is that you are entirely unrealistic. You expect to find a person with no qualities or talents of her own, no aspirations of her own, no life of her own. God forbid she has a career or anything else to do except twiddle her thumbs waiting on you to give her an order.

And yes, no response is a response. A response that says no.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 24

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 1:12:37 PM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

And you are VC, which is fab in itself!

And you are sexyred1, Glam & Fab.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 25

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 2:08:27 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

I'll let you in on a DEEP, DARK secret. Read the profile and the likes and dislikes carefully and then, early in your message, put something like "By the way, I noticed that you like (fill in the blank here with a common interest) too"

That does 2 things. It shows that you read profiles and puts you ahead of 80-90% of the other mail she got and it shows you have common interests.

Good luck

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 26

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 2:22:24 PM

SorceressJ

Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline

The OP gets a big *WIN* for His forthright manner and apparent willingness to be polite and listen to suggestions. We don't get that a lot around here..

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(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 27

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 2:39:56 PM

rulemylife

Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WolfyMontgomery

So after a woman takes a look at you, if she doesn't find you wholly compatible with her for some reason or another (maybe you have a kink she doesn't like....

You mean like getting way too friendly with dolphins?

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)

Post #: 28

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 2:55:20 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

And you are VC, which is fab in itself!

And you are sexyred1, Glam & Fab.

What he said-thankyou, glamorous, fabulous lady!

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 29

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 3:17:29 PM

LadyRian

Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

Hey now, I really like that pic, dolphins are cool!
Op, it's not easy, but keep trying. Being on the message boards is great, people get to know you. It does take time, but all good things do.

_____________________________

"Dodging bullets since 2010"

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 30

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 3:26:18 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Well you are super hot, and well spoken, but......you love swinging and polyamory. Not probably one of the biggest attractions here for most women, especially swinging. Just my thoughts.

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—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to misterbigg)

Post #: 31

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 3:33:57 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

I had some answers, but they were blunt. I decided not to post them.

(in reply to misterbigg)

Post #: 32

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 3:39:20 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

And you are VC, which is fab in itself!

And you are sexyred1, Glam & Fab.

Awwww...shucks. You sweet talker you...muahhh.

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 33

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 5:55:53 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

OP, you did a very nice job constructing your profile (didn't get here fast enough to see the pictures of women - very smart taking them off), but DesFIP is right about you being a bit unrealistic. You don't sound like someone who would allow a submissive to have a career or friends or preferences of any kind, and that can scare off a lot of people. I do absolutely get your intent - wanting a sub who loves obeying is a positive quality because it means you care about her pleasure as well, to an extent - but how you've described the sub you want is really the sort of intensity that you want to share after getting to know someone a bit better. At first, you may want to express the things you like in potential partners instead, like "funny, friendly, kind, open, loving, submissive, sweet" or whatever you happen to be looking for. And if you want someone who will have a career and a life outside of your house, definitely express that, because it'll lessen the intensity of your sexual fantasies to a slightly less intimidating level.

Good luck.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 34

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 7:40:52 PM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

I'll let you in on a DEEP, DARK secret. Read the profile and the likes and dislikes carefully and then, early in your message, put something like "By the way, I noticed that you like (fill in the blank here with a common interest) too"

That does 2 things. It shows that you read profiles and puts you ahead of 80-90% of the other mail she got and it shows you have common interests.

Good luck

Good advice, Hillwilliam!
80% of the messages I get have not read my profile.

Kudos to you, OP, for your welcoming responses and for listening to the varied advice.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 35

RE: No responses! - 10/18/2010 10:18:54 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

You also list the local community and munches as a hard limit (as well as poly and swinging now?)

I would never get involved with someone who wouldnt go to events with me, its a HUGE red flag, usually those that dont go or wont even consider going to an event theres a reason, that reason is they have something to hide.

However being the animal lover I am id respond just because of your pic ^_^

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 36

RE: No responses! - 10/19/2010 1:52:19 AM

inkSecret

Posts: 83
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: misterbigg

I spent countless hours refining my profile, and I took some recent photos. But even when I send messages (which are always polite and not copied and pasted) I rarely if ever get a response. I never send messages to fakes, they are really easy to spot.

What's wrong??

Your profile doesn't talk about you.
Your pictures don't show who you are.

And I'm guessing your messages are written in the same format.

In your profile this is what a girl will see.
"I have these things" (doesn't matter if they're assets or skills)
"I want these things"

It's not formatted to be easily read either. Space your paragraphs. Large paragraphs are not fun.

Your pictures look exactly the way society wants a successful person to be seen.

It's very typical, even though it might be the way a successful person seems.
Pictures showing other women are NOT a problem. However, it is the CONTEXT of how you are being shown.
While women DO want a man that women want. They do NOT want to deal with competition.

What of this separates you from the next successful, physically attractive Italian guy?

There are plenty on this site. But that doesn't equate to happiness, nor does it equate to depth.

Your intelligence is not carried over by your success. There are plenty of stupid successful people.
Your passion is carried across by the truth of yourself.

And your ability to explain it.

Go look up the male profiles, I've seen your profile a DOZEN times. Some of them with cock shots that are the size of your forearm.

And none of them know how to "talk" and "connect"

Since your a programmer think of it like this...

The woman doesn't actually care about how many times you've climbed some mountain. Or if you're successful. Or if you're physically or intellectually attractive. First is your character. Your core being, and how you decide to act. Even a complete loser can still make brave and courageous decisions.

From being in Love with you, only THEN do your accomplishments mean anything really. Then she has something to talk about with you, or talk about you to others.

It works both ways.

"I Love him so much, and did you know he's a Programmer? I Love programming!"
"You're a programmer? My ex boyfriend was a programmer, and he was such a scum bag to me"

None of those things you state in your profile mean anything in terms of interest or connection.

Think of it like Kindergarten. Kids don't make choices at first based on Skills, or Assets. The first thing they see is the character. They have to learn what Skills or Assets can be used. But as a kid at the core, we recognize things like bravery, confidence, humor and fairness.

Or like television. The characters don't talk or even show much of their hobbies or their career. What's interesting, is to see how they interact with each other.

< Message edited by inkSecret -- 10/19/2010 2:06:09 AM >

_____________________________

Stop asking questions only you can answer
There's no standard to adhere to
We dominate and submit as we choose

You can't ask us
What's right for me?
We're not you

Decide your level of involvement
Find yourself
It's your decision

(in reply to misterbigg)

Post #: 37

RE: No responses! - 10/19/2010 4:02:17 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

First of all I would loose the pictures of other people, first of all unless you have their consent it is against the tos to post their picture here. And besides it is you someone browsing your profile want to see, not your friends. Keep the picture of the dolphin though, it is great. Trust me ladies like men who are kind to and like animals.

As for your profile text, I like all the text about you, you are describing who you are and what you like to do. However if I had been searching for someone and had gotten a mail from you I would be thinking wow he sounds like a great guy, but what do he really want from me? With that I mean you are describing the D/s elements you are looking for in a relationship, but you are not saying a word about what kind of woman you are looking for, unless you mean it literary when you say that being submissive should be the sole purpose of living for the woman you want.

I think that your profile would be better if you said a little about what sort of woman you are looking for, do you want someone who share your interest, someone who is educated or perhaps a good homemaker, what sort of apperance are you looking for? You do not have to write a laundry list of the perfect woman, but describe a little of what sort of person you are attracted to, for none have being submissive as their sole purpose in life.

Also most women on this forum get so many mails that some do not answer all of them, do not give up even if you do not get answers right away, there is plenty of fish in the sea.

I wish you well.

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to misterbigg)

Post #: 38

RE: No responses! - 10/19/2010 5:34:17 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkSecret

The woman doesn't actually care about how many times you've climbed some mountain. Or if you're successful. Or if you're physically or intellectually attractive. First is your character. Your core being, and how you decide to act. Even a complete loser can still make brave and courageous decisions.

Good point.

(in reply to inkSecret)

Post #: 39

RE: No responses! - 10/19/2010 5:47:31 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Heck I'd write to you. I love the dolphin pic... and well.... ummmm... yeah... You have a nice ... tan.

Yup. The tan.

Shallow Shiney Girl...

nod nod nod.

*shup

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 40

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