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Jealousy - 10/18/2010 5:02:13 PM   
Pleasememore


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/23/2010
Status: offline 		My master is looking for another Sub. I know he loves me but it's killing me. I hate it. I know he needs to do it, but I just wish it were over with. Am I wrong as a Submissive to feel this way. Please tell me.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 5:05:10 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		Why do you know he needs to do it? Were you aware it could be poly when you entered the relationship?

(in reply to Pleasememore)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 5:06:19 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Why would it be either wrong or right? It all depends on the people.

You say both "I hate it" and  "I know he needs to do it".

In your case, ain't no easy answer.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Pleasememore)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 5:08:02 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Im just a little confused......your profile states male dominant.
And, I might add, one that makes no mention of an interest in poly.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 5:09:11 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		Nope, you're not wrong, and you need to tell your master that you can't handle him bringing in another sub. If he insists, you need to consider whether or not your master is the right one for you, since you are not interested in a poly relationship. Being submissive does NOT mean you have to do whatever your master tells you, even if it's tearing you up inside. You get to say whether or not you want another sub involved, and you have stated very clearly here that you don't. Tell him.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 5:21:51 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
It doesn't mean you're a bad sub just because you don't want to share your Master w/ another sub. Some people are wired for poly and some are not. Did you know that poly was a possibility when you entered the relationship? I'd say you have some decisions to make.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 5:26:10 PM   
Pleasememore


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/23/2010
Status: offline 		He's always been open about wanting a poly, but we've been together for a year and it's been absolutely perfect.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 5:26:30 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Im just a little confused......your profile states male dominant.
And, I might add, one that makes no mention of an interest in poly.


Yep - equally confused here.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 5:40:56 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pleasememore

He's always been open about wanting a poly, but we've been together for a year and it's been absolutely perfect.

Perhaps it was perfect, but only for you. You have dedicated a year of yourself to this man knowing full well
he was interested in poly. And you probably lived each day being the best darned submissive he could ever
hope for, so he would have no need of another. Im sure this feels like he is pulling that plush comfortable rug
out from under you, but in truth you weren't really standing on it with both feet to begin with.
You are going to be jealous, whether it's right or wrong. You have to decide if it's something you are
willing to overcome in order to stay in a relationship with him.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Pleasememore)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 6:00:12 PM   
Shadow-tiger


Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pleasememore

My master is looking for another Sub. I know he loves me but it's killing me. I hate it. I know he needs to do it, but I just wish it were over with. Am I wrong as a Submissive to feel this way. Please tell me.

See this is the type of thing that can destroy a relationship. You don't just jump into having another person in your relationship and live happily ever after. Even when everyone involved wants it to work, shit happens. People are different and it falls apart due to a variety of reasons. Now make one of those people someone who not only isn't interested, but is actively stressed out or worse and you have a recipe for disaster.

You are not wrong in any way to feel the way you're feeling. I'll also point to what jujubee wrote, as she puts things much better than I do.

This comes from a guy who thought he could deal with an open relationship, and found out otherwise. Unfortunately the other two were perfectly happy so.. single again, moving on. It wasn't easy. And if you're truly, madly, deeply in love you may be in for a rough time whatever happens. I wish you the best.


_____________________________

Just some guy (profile)
Just a tiny bit evil
My kind of love song

(in reply to Pleasememore)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 6:01:51 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pleasememore

He's always been open about wanting a poly, but we've been together for a year and it's been absolutely perfect.

Well, if He was open about wanting poly, you knew what you were getting into, that He might want to add another girl a ways down the road. It's not like He changed the rules mid-stream. So now you have to decide....do you want to stay? Or do you want to go?

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Pleasememore)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 6:18:03 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957
Well, if He was open about wanting poly, you knew what you were getting into, that He might want to add another girl a ways down the road. It's not like He changed the rules mid-stream. So now you have to decide....do you want to stay? Or do you want to go?


OP, this is very true, but don't let it force you to feel like it's your fault, therefore you have to stay in the relationship. Yes, you went in knowing your master was poly, and you shouldn't have, but that doesn't mean "you've made your bed so lie in it." You can end it now, and if you're in agony over this and he won't budge, I recommend you do so.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 6:19:25 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		not wrong at all. Been there done that and it tears me apart.

You simply have to find a man who wants the same things you do.


(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 8:18:43 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline
quote:

He's always been open about wanting a poly, but we've been together for a year and it's been absolutely perfect.


Perfect?  Or maybe you have just been content and feel that he should be too?

Obviously, if he is now looking to move onto a concept he has been open about wanting -- poly.  It may not have been the "perfect" year for him as it was for you. But once he gets a poly relationship going it will be "perfect" for him but not so much for you.

Just a thought.

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 8:28:17 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pleasememore

He's always been open about wanting a poly, but we've been together for a year and it's been absolutely perfect.


I wouldn't say you are wrong to feel the way you do. I would say you were wrong to get into a relationship with a man who was open about wanting a poly family when you aren't comfortable with it but perhaps you didn't realize you wouldn't be ok with it. That happens.

Poly isn't about the relationship not being great. It's adding more to it. It's taking an already perfect relationship and adding more love to it.

It's not for everyone. You have to decide if it's for you.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/18/2010 8:29:59 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Pleasememore)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 8:29:57 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pleasememore

He's always been open about wanting a poly, but we've been together for a year and it's been absolutely perfect.


I wouldn't say you are wrong to feel the way you do. I would say you were wrong to get into a relationship with a man who was open about wanting a poly family when you aren't comfortable with it. Poly isn't about the relationship not being great. It's adding more to it. It's taking an already perfect relationship and adding more love to it.

It's not for everyone. You have to decide if it's for you.


It's possible she was comfortable with the idea, but now that it is something that is really going to happen she's not so comfortable.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 8:30:32 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nineveh

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pleasememore

He's always been open about wanting a poly, but we've been together for a year and it's been absolutely perfect.


I wouldn't say you are wrong to feel the way you do. I would say you were wrong to get into a relationship with a man who was open about wanting a poly family when you aren't comfortable with it. Poly isn't about the relationship not being great. It's adding more to it. It's taking an already perfect relationship and adding more love to it.

It's not for everyone. You have to decide if it's for you.


It's possible she was comfortable with the idea, but now that it is something that is really going to happen she's not so comfortable.



Already edited to reflect that. As soon as I clicked ok I realized I had forgotten that.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Nineveh)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 9:08:34 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957
Well, if He was open about wanting poly, you knew what you were getting into, that He might want to add another girl a ways down the road. It's not like He changed the rules mid-stream. So now you have to decide....do you want to stay? Or do you want to go?


OP, this is very true, but don't let it force you to feel like it's your fault, therefore you have to stay in the relationship. Yes, you went in knowing your master was poly, and you shouldn't have, but that doesn't mean "you've made your bed so lie in it." You can end it now, and if you're in agony over this and he won't budge, I recommend you do so.

I did not say she had to put up with it. I feel like you think I did. I did say she had a choice. Read the last two sentences.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 9:25:11 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		OP: He said poly from the beginning.  Hopefully you did not go into the relationship with the expectation that if he had it good enough with you, he would change his mind.  I have seen that happen all too often.  It is not something I would have accepted in someone I wanted to become involved with, and certainly not a relationship I would have contined once I started to develop deeper feelings.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Jealousy - 10/18/2010 11:06:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think that poly is one of those things that you really don't know until you have experienced it.  Some people do try it and don't realize before it happens that it just doesn't work for them.  We don't know everything before we try it.

OP, it sounds like you have a decision to make.  He told you that he was poly when you started the dynamic with him.  If that is something that you can't handle, something is going to have to change.  If I were in his position, it certainly wouldn't be My decision to be poly.  You may have an area of incompatibility that can not be solved.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 20
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