Lockit
Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
|
Have you ever been in a relationship where the struggle for power goes back and forth and arguments are common? Each is trying to win... each is trying to be respected and trying to balance things the way they want them to balance out. Each is somehow keeping score in some way and the fight goes on and on and on. There may be reasons that the couple stay in the relationship and some very important and serious and yet the battle continues with no solution because it is a battle of wills and no one wants to give in. (I will address giving in, in a moment.)
I believe when we are younger we will allow things to continue because we often have family commitments and we fight to end the fight and yet cannot end it because it means someone giving in to someone else. Or we are just young and inexperienced. I also believe that as we age and mature, we find this type of relationship problematic and refuse to go there. Yet not every one matures in the same manner and feels as I do about it. Many get wounded in the battle to have their rights or what seems fair to them. They often pick someone based on one thing or another and try to force something that really won't work well in the end. Some wounds or defenses come from a battle of wills and often times these feelings would continue throughout life as some see every relationship as something they will have to fight for rights in. Some are still mad because someone long ago, did them wrong and wasn't fair in their view of things and they continue a battle that is long over with, with every new person that enters their life.
I believe that living true to yourself means that you have balanced the old wounds, found what makes you happy because you know who and what you are and what you want in a relationship or in life in general. Only then can you have a healthy and happy relationship with life and others unless you are very lucky and just fall into something. Yet, even in those situations I have to wonder if there was an actual finding of one's self and a balancing act done, or if something has just been found acceptable and not too much that they would want to fight for it to be better or different and if they are in some part swallowing some part of themselves.
I don't believe in power struggles. Somewhere, someone is doing something that is harming another or someone is feeling harmed, ignored or neglected. I don't wish to force anything upon anyone and see no need for a struggle unless something is wrong and then it needs a solution. If the power struggle is so large that discontent turns to a battle, there could simply be a mismatch or something is very wrong. Either way, things aren't right and something needs to change.
Some like a struggle and that is their choice in life but for me it signifies something I do not want in my relationships. The power dynamics are agreed to and expected to remain what we agreed to unless we agree to change them. There is no question about it, both know what to expect. Before there is a power dynamic, we should know one another well enough to commit to the power dynamic and this is often what goes wrong when things don't work out. Someone agrees to something too soon or they don't know healing as much as they think they do or even at times they are not being honest about what they want because they don't know themselves. Then we simply have people who enjoy the roller coaster, the battle, the win and lose and for them, go for it if you enjoy it and are happy with it, but I don't know any long term relationships that thrive in this manner. Sooner or later in that struggle for power, someone crosses a line, unless it is truly just a playful thing. Then it wouldn't be a true struggle would it?
I believe you can work these things out in a way that the dominant isn't too forceful and someone has to give in. I think we can agree and be fair in all things and yet still have domination and submission. There doesn't have to be a giving in and giving in doesn't have any place in d/s dynamics in my opinion. Giving in implies that something was done unfairly, that someone wasn't respected and to save the situation they had to give in. Wrong. Giving in causes resentment eventually.
I believe that to work out a dominance and submission people really need to know who they are and what they want. You cannot go back and forth in a struggle within and not struggle with others. If you don't know who you are and what you want you may flip flop and that inner struggle, no matter who you are with, will manifest. Once you know who and what you are, you must first respect someone you are with so that the d/s dynamic's can be an honesty between you and work out with a relationship that flows easily and harmoniously. It all starts with self respect and then respect for the person you are with as well as the relationship.
After that dominance and submission are a choice and you make that choice being fully aware of what it all means to you and as a couple and honor that choice.
(This isn't all inclusive, but is an example of what I believe.)
< Message edited by Lockit -- 10/22/2010 11:45:48 AM >
_____________________________
No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!
|
RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread