Dommes NOT replying to mail (Full Version)

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FLsubmalecd -> Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 8:51:12 AM)

I am wondering...Why is it that I wrote to 3 different Dommes in the past week and have not heard from any of them.
I know many of you get tons or mail ( or at least I read here that you do) 
I can assure you, each letter was detailed and without any sexual likes or wants involved in my honest polite warm friendly e-mails to them. I know many of you deal with te wanna bes, the players, the do me's that flock here for just a sexual enconter. I am not one of them. I am respectful and never suggest anything sexual or suggesting my wants, desires or needs.
Is it really to much to ask for a reponse even if to say Thanks but no thanks? Has politness left us all?
Is it possible that none of them read their mail yet my sent folder shows they were read and when?
How do most of you handle mail form those that you are just not interested in?
I promise you this, if anyone writes to me, I at least send a response if only to say that the chemistry is not right between us, but thank you for your interest.    




yourMissTress -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 8:53:51 AM)

Silence, though maybe not what you want to hear, is indeed a reply.  Perhaps the loudest reply of all.




newdombbw -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 9:03:19 AM)

FLsubmalecd:

I can't, of course, speak for other Dommes - but my profile very clearly states that there are particular folks I don't want to hear from.

We have a "Mail Controls" feature that sends mail from various groups (of our choice) to the "Bulk Mail" bin.  I, for example, have messages from female submissives sent to my Bulk Mail.  If someone cannot be bothered to read my profile and learn I'm not interested in female submissives, I don't feel particularly inclined to answer their mail.

I DO check my Bulk Mail on occasion and respond if necessary.

Otherwise, yes - I sometimes get behind in responding to mail, but I am also less inclined to respond to the messages which are merely:         Hi Mistress.

Don't give up - it'll happen.




mistressrose10 -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 9:15:40 AM)

As TRESS said silence may be your response and the only one you will get, like vanilla women, some Dommes are well-mannered and others are abrupt and dismissive.Perhaps you should make sure you are what they are seeking before making contact, if there is no response, don't take it personally.
There are subs who are far away and want to be friends for example when this is not what the Domme is interested in at all and after receiving several of these may choose not to waste time in responding to yet another message that does not address her needs.





LadyMorgynn -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 9:20:19 AM)

If one gets a nice email, that 1) shows that he's read my profile and 2) that tells something about himself and what he's looking for, I feel that it warrants a response, even if it's a "No, but thank you."  To not reply is just RUDE.  Now, sometimes I might not respond for a bit... I may need to think out a response, or be in the middle of something else when I read it, but I *will* respond, and try to do so the same day at least.

Now... the "Hi" the "Good morning" and other one-liners get just the kind of response they deserve.  None.  If someone has clearly NOT read my profile, I may respond with a "please read my profile" (if I'm in the mood) or I may just delete it, end of story. 

But if someone makes a minimal effort, to not respond is just plain RUDE.  Especially as we're not, you know, talking about a LOT of emails that need to be responded to.  I don't know about the rest of the Domme's here, but rarely do I get more than 1 or 2 per day (if that many) that even rate a "No thank you" much less any kind of show of interest on my part!




EbonyFtshGoddess -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 9:20:51 AM)

yourMissTress


quote:

Silence, though maybe not what you want to hear, is indeed a reply. Perhaps the loudest reply of all


i agree

silence can be construed as rude.. but dont let it discourage you




thetammyjo -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 9:21:23 AM)

If you wrote to me, I would have written back -- unless it is an insulting note, I always write back.

You unfortunately picked three people who either don't have the time to write back, the desire to write back, or it is not part of their own way of dealing with emails.

I always read "Miss Manners" in our daily newspaper and I believe the last time Miss Manners deal with phone calls and letters and emails from people she said quite clearly that replying is not necessary, in fact replying can be seen as stating an interest.

I don't personally see anything wrong with replying to an email on this site because lots of people are here are here to make friends, find partners, or share ideas and I can just as easily say "I'm not interested".

Someone else may feel that any reply is saying what Miss Manner says and if they aren't interested, they don't want to send that message.




FLsubmalecd -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 9:22:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: newdombbw

FLsubmalecd:

I can't, of course, speak for other Dommes - but my profile very clearly states that there are particular folks I don't want to hear from.

We have a "Mail Controls" feature that sends mail from various groups (of our choice) to the "Bulk Mail" bin.  I, for example, have messages from female submissives sent to my Bulk Mail.  If someone cannot be bothered to read my profile and learn I'm not interested in female submissives, I don't feel particularly inclined to answer their mail.

I DO check my Bulk Mail on occasion and respond if necessary.

Otherwise, yes - I sometimes get behind in responding to mail, but I am also less inclined to respond to the messages which are merely:         Hi Mistress.

Don't give up - it'll happen.


Thank you for your point of view newdommebbw.
But I will use your profile as an example of why I might want to write to you. I might want to just compliment you on a well written profile and express a liking for you even if we are not a match (and we are not). In my letter to you, I'd clearly make it a point to tell you that we are not a match but just wanted to write and tell you what I saw in your profile that I thought deserved a compliment. Please don't tell me Dommes or any woman dies not want nice sincere compliments from time to time. I know one of my e-mails to at least one of the three was exactly that. If someone compliments me regardless of how far off target they are in being what I am looking for, I do send a friendly thank you. Is that really that much trouble?  
But I di read your profile and you clearly spelled out that you would not respond to anyone that did not fit your requirements. That alone would be enough to stop me from sending you a compliment. So even if I did write you, I would not then expect your reply. But when it seems that the Domme may have somethign in common with what I'm looking for, I just think it is polite to send a response. Maybe she did not say she does not like cross dressers but never mentioned that in her profile. ( and I am one) OK, fair enough. I do not expect all Dommes to understand or accept that from some of us subs. Fine, I can deal with ehr writing and saying, " Sorry I am not into cross dressers. But thank you for your interest"
That takes less then a minute to do.   




FLsubmalecd -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 9:28:12 AM)

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

If you wrote to me, I would have written back -- unless it is an insulting note, I always write back.

You unfortunately picked three people who either don't have the time to write back, the desire to write back, or it is not part of their own way of dealing with emails.

I always read "Miss Manners" in our daily newspaper and I believe the last time Miss Manners deal with phone calls and letters and emails from people she said quite clearly that replying is not necessary, in fact replying can be seen as stating an interest.

I don't personally see anything wrong with replying to an email on this site because lots of people are here are here to make friends, find partners, or share ideas and I can just as easily say "I'm not interested".

Someone else may feel that any reply is saying what Miss Manner says and if they aren't interested, they don't want to send that message.


I definately don't agree with Miss Manners lol  But if I may say so TammyJo, I have read many of your posts in a number of threads here. I have grown to resprct and like you. Yet some of your beliefs clash with mine on differet issues. We definately would not be right for each other. Now with that said, I do respect your opinions and your lifestyle choices. It may not be for me, but you come across as a very warm, friendly person, Bluntly, I like you Ma'am.
So yes, I could have figured that if I wrote to you, I'd get a warm friendly response.
Thank you for responding to my question.   




MasterFireMaam -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 9:39:24 AM)

Ok, an honest answer: I stopped reading your profile when you told me how you wanted me to look. I'd probably reply to your email if you wrote something nice, saying that we're not a match, but some others might be so offended that they wouldn't bother. I'm not saying this to flame you or to hurt your feelings, but this is what might be happening.

Also, keep in mind: If they don't answer, then you know they're not a match, right?

Fire




SevereSpankings -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 9:49:20 AM)

Hello FLsubmalecd,

One reason is that their email boxes may be over loaded with mail, Tons and Tons of the stuff, Another reason, and I confess I have made this mistake as well; Is that you attempted to introduce yourself by saying things that interests you. Most Domme's seem to resent this. I don't think they really understand that all were doing is discribing who we are. They think we are demanding something from them. I feel if a Domme's is not interested in what makes me who I am, she is not a true Domme. think about this. A Slave must only be seen not heard, A Domme does not take the time to get to know him, To me, This spells disaster. There is surrender and there is unconditional surrender. I don't believe in the latter. I will not hurt another or commit any crime becase a Domme orders me to do so, It is extremely important for Domme's to know who and what you are. It is extremely important for a slave or submissive to know who and what their Dominants are. many disasters can be avoided if we take the time to get to know one another. I have been misunderstood and ignored by many Domme's simply for attempting to tell them I have limits, If this makes them hate me, So be it. I will not become ill for their pleasure nor will I place my life in danger for them. this is supose to be fun not a concentration camp. The best Domme's are the ones who can become your friend first. Be aware, unconditional surrender can be the most dangerous for you the slave. is your health and life worth it ???

S.S.




Reasonable -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 10:00:25 AM)

They have the supply cornered. You guys are the market surplus.No answer is still an answer-they have better things to do with thier time.




FLsubmalecd -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 10:03:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Ok, an honest answer: I stopped reading your profile when you told me how you wanted me to look. I'd probably reply to your email if you wrote something nice, saying that we're not a match, but some others might be so offended that they wouldn't bother. I'm not saying this to flame you or to hurt your feelings, but this is what might be happening.

Also, keep in mind: If they don't answer, then you know they're not a match, right?

Fire



MasterFireMaam,
I do not take your post personal in any way. Thank you for your opinion. I delt with a sensitive issue such as weight or size in the most gentle way I could, if that is what you are talking about Ma'am. Like all the Domme's I have a prefference as to how a Domme shoud look. I hate to say it, but yes, size and looks matter. So by handling the size issue with the sensitivity I did, I just felt it was better then to have to addreess a Domme that might respond but is clearly not what I could ever be interested in. And my prefference on size is a very wide margin. Is there a better way to say what would interest me about looks? Let me know please. I'll change it!
I thought I did a good job in trying to tell all who and what I am without the usual sexual interests. But again, I am entitled to a prefference in looks I'd think.
I'm glad to see that you mentioned it. And I'm glad you  are not one that does not fit that wide margin in the size department. If you were out if my description, I'd just take it as sour grapes that you did not fit.
I thought I was careful to not offend anyone. If it sounds offensive to you, maybe there is a better way. Wish I knew.  
    




FLsubmalecd -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 10:11:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SevereSpankings

Hello FLsubmalecd,

One reason is that their email boxes may be over loaded with mail, Tons and Tons of the stuff, Another reason, and I confess I have made this mistake as well; Is that you attempted to introduce yourself by saying things that interests you. Most Domme's seem to resent this. I don't think they really understand that all were doing is discribing who we are. They think we are demanding something from them. I feel if a Domme's is not interested in what makes me who I am, she is not a true Domme. think about this. A Slave must only be seen not heard, A Domme does not take the time to get to know him, To me, This spells disaster. There is surrender and there is unconditional surrender. I don't believe in the latter. I will not hurt another or commit any crime becase a Domme orders me to do so, It is extremely important for Domme's to know who and what you are. It is extremely important for a slave or submissive to know who and what their Dominants are. many disasters can be avoided if we take the time to get to know one another. I have been misunderstood and ignored by many Domme's simply for attempting to tell them I have limits, If this makes them hate me, So be it. I will not become ill for their pleasure nor will I place my life in danger for them. this is supose to be fun not a concentration camp. The best Domme's are the ones who can become your friend first. Be aware, unconditional surrender can be the most dangerous for you the slave. is your health and life worth it ???

S.S.


Thank you SevereSpankings. Very good point. But I did not do that with any of them. Here si one of the letters I wrote jus so you can see thet type I might write to anyone that has caught my eye for one reason or another: Granted, it's not my best composed letter. but it was sincere, and respectful.
This particular Domme made no mention of the type of sub she is looking for or even filled out the interests portion of a good profile. So I wrote and asked.
You be the judge if this type of letter might deserve at least a friendly "not interested" ................

Good morning MissXXXX 
Ma'am, I wish I knew more about You. I mean what You are looking for in a submissive/slave. Your profile and intro does not explain. So I am writing in hopes of a couple of things. One, is to find out where in Florida You are only if You would find me suitable for You. And two: To find out if You are looking for a sub at all.   

If You are, I'd apreciate Your taking time to read my profile and see if there is anything that may match what You might be looking for Ma'am. 

I'm sure You hear this all the time, but hopefully You appreciate a sincere compliment. 
I find You to be very attractive and feminine looking.

Thank You for taking the time to read this and looking at my rather long complete profile. If we are not a match, I understand Ma'am. 

I wish You a good day.

Sincerely,

jim    




FLsubmalecd -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 10:14:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reasonable

They have the supply cornered. You guys are the market surplus.No answer is still an answer-they have better things to do with thier time.


Still no excuse for rudness. If she does not have th etime to be polite, then she is definately wrong for me.
Believe me, it does not bother me to not get replies. I am not whinning about it at all. I just thought the topic was worthy of a discussion.
I stand by my opinion that it is just rude in some if not most cases.




Proprietrix -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 10:18:20 AM)

I don't see not replying as a sign of rudeness at all, or even a slight lack of manners.

If a telemarketer leaves a message on my answering machine, I'm not going to call back and say "Well thank you for considering me. I do understand that your particular cause is valid and helps many people, but at this time, I'm simply not in the financial capacity to donate to your cause."

If I receive an unsolicited letter in the mail inviting me to the local church this coming Sunday, I'm not going to sit down and write a letter back that says "Thank you for inviting me to your revival, but I practice a different denomination and I'll be busy Sunday."

I've more important and demanding issues in my life than replying to every single unsolicited communication, be it telephone, email, messages on a lifestyle site, or otherwise.
Does this make me a rude and ill-mannered person? Well I don't personally think so.

Beyond that, there are a dozen reasons why someone would not reply.

As Tammyjo stated, many believe that response is a sign of interest. I've responded with cordial "No thank you"s, only to be bombarded with "Oh please, just this once....." or "Your SO close minded!!!"

Or as newdommebbw stated, there are mail controls that filter out certain messages. It may be that the Dominas you wrote to never even saw the mail because it landed in the dumpster before it ever reached their house. I could set my mail controls so specifically that I only receive mail from women, with profiles, in Alaska, that are 89 years old. Everything else I wouldn't even see.

Or there is always that possibility, since this is an online forum, that the person you are writing to isn't even what they say. You might see a nice profile, with a beautiful woman, and a compatible interest list, and in reality, it could be a bunch of college fraternity guys that somehow (though lord, it's beyond me how) get their kicks by laughing at all the people who email them.

I always try to encourage people to not take non-response to heart. Just keep plugging away at it and writing to the ladies you are interested in, in a cordial, mannerly way. Over time, you'll notice a few of them writing back to you. That doesn't mean the ones who don't write back are rude or ill-mannered. It just means it wasn't meant to be with those ones.




FLsubmalecd -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 10:23:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn

If one gets a nice email, that 1) shows that he's read my profile and 2) that tells something about himself and what he's looking for, I feel that it warrants a response, even if it's a "No, but thank you."  To not reply is just RUDE.  Now, sometimes I might not respond for a bit... I may need to think out a response, or be in the middle of something else when I read it, but I *will* respond, and try to do so the same day at least.

Now... the "Hi" the "Good morning" and other one-liners get just the kind of response they deserve.  None.  If someone has clearly NOT read my profile, I may respond with a "please read my profile" (if I'm in the mood) or I may just delete it, end of story. 

But if someone makes a minimal effort, to not respond is just plain RUDE.  Especially as we're not, you know, talking about a LOT of emails that need to be responded to.  I don't know about the rest of the Domme's here, but rarely do I get more than 1 or 2 per day (if that many) that even rate a "No thank you" much less any kind of show of interest on my part!


Lady Morgynn,
I wrote a long response to your post and the system timed out before I got it posted.
So I'll try to be brief this time! lol
Like my comments about thetammyjo, I have rewad many of your posts and respect your opinion and like you Ma'am.
(do I use to many "Ma'ams" trying to be respectful?)
I read your entire profile more then once. There are amny things I see as matches. Some I see that are not. You clearly state in a very friendly way I might add, that you are not inot CD/TVs. So that alone might stop me from writing. But what if I wanted to write to tell you about the other ways we think alike or have in common like say karaoke. Yes vanilla things too! lol
So lets; say I was wanting you to check me out and see if there was other things that "might" make you bend your choice of no CD's. Would it be wrong to even write? i'm only asking since I know my ideal of a Domme "might" be swayed IF there was many other things that interested me in her. I know we all have hard limits and all. That's fine. So if I wrote and noted that I know what you said about CDs', and did so in a friendly respectful manner, woudl you then at least write back to say tahks but no thanks in a friendly way? Just curious.       




ServiceNTucson -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 10:27:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

I am wondering...Why is it that I wrote to 3 different Dommes in the past week and have not heard from any of them.
I know many of you get tons or mail ( or at least I read here that you do) 
I can assure you, each letter was detailed and without any sexual likes or wants involved in my honest polite warm friendly e-mails to them. I know many of you deal with te wanna bes, the players, the do me's that flock here for just a sexual enconter. I am not one of them. I am respectful and never suggest anything sexual or suggesting my wants, desires or needs.
Is it really to much to ask for a reponse even if to say Thanks but no thanks? Has politness left us all?
Is it possible that none of them read their mail yet my sent folder shows they were read and when?
How do most of you handle mail form those that you are just not interested in?
I promise you this, if anyone writes to me, I at least send a response if only to say that the chemistry is not right between us, but thank you for your interest.    


You could have the same problem I have, which is, simply, that nobody even GETS your emails on this site.  The sent folder says that the mail's been read, but it hasn't.  I have had it confirmed now by three different people, offsite, that they NEVER received an email from me on collarme.




FLsubmalecd -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 10:29:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I don't see not replying as a sign of rudeness at all, or even a slight lack of manners.

If a telemarketer leaves a message on my answering machine, I'm not going to call back and say "Well thank you for considering me. I do understand that your particular cause is valid and helps many people, but at this time, I'm simply not in the financial capacity to donate to your cause."

If I receive an unsolicited letter in the mail inviting me to the local church this coming Sunday, I'm not going to sit down and write a letter back that says "Thank you for inviting me to your revival, but I practice a different denomination and I'll be busy Sunday."

I've more important and demanding issues in my life than replying to every single unsolicited communication, be it telephone, email, messages on a lifestyle site, or otherwise.
Does this make me a rude and ill-mannered person? Well I don't personally think so.

Beyond that, there are a dozen reasons why someone would not reply.

As Tammyjo stated, many believe that response is a sign of interest. I've responded with cordial "No thank you"s, only to be bombarded with "Oh please, just this once....." or "Your SO close minded!!!"

Or as newdommebbw stated, there are mail controls that filter out certain messages. It may be that the Dominas you wrote to never even saw the mail because it landed in the dumpster before it ever reached their house. I could set my mail controls so specifically that I only receive mail from women, with profiles, in Alaska, that are 89 years old. Everything else I wouldn't even see.

Or there is always that possibility, since this is an online forum, that the person you are writing to isn't even what they say. You might see a nice profile, with a beautiful woman, and a compatible interest list, and in reality, it could be a bunch of college fraternity guys that somehow (though lord, it's beyond me how) get their kicks by laughing at all the people who email them.

I always try to encourage people to not take non-response to heart. Just keep plugging away at it and writing to the ladies you are interested in, in a cordial, mannerly way. Over time, you'll notice a few of them writing back to you. That doesn't mean the ones who don't write back are rude or ill-mannered. It just means it wasn't meant to be with those ones.


Funny how all the good ones come out with good honest opinions. Thank you Proprietrix. You are yet another one I respect and enjoy reading your posts. I don't agree with some of your opinions and we are far from a match, but I'd respond to you in a heartbeat out of respect.  I happen to like you regardless of our lifestyle differences.

But Ma'am, I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. But I still like you! lol




FLsubmalecd -> RE: Dommes NOT replying to mail (4/26/2006 10:35:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ServiceNTucson


You could have the same problem I have, which is, simply, that nobody even GETS your emails on this site.  The sent folder says that the mail's been read, but it hasn't.  I have had it confirmed now by three different people, offsite, that they NEVER received an email from me on collarme.


ServiceNTuson, I wanted to test that. So I clicked on your profile to write to you and see if your mail worked.
And got a message that your profile could not be found. Maybe that has something to do with it.
I have received some e-mails and responded to them and got replies to my responses to some Dommes. So I think it is working for me.




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