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my sub is married - 11/8/2010 9:24:39 PM   
geodragon


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline 		I have a very odd relationship here and was wondering for advice from anyone who has any. I am new to the D/s for almost a year now and my sub is married to someone else. We love each other and want to be together but there are things that are preventing that right now. while she is married I am wondering how do I deal with jealousy and really am I even a Master at this point?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 9:32:38 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Well... 1) Does the husband know about it? Cause if he doesn't and the wife is just cheating on him... well all I can say is suck it up cause she probably won't be leaving him. Try playing a lot of Halo or something and seriously consider how much longer you want to be with a married woman if you have trouble with jealousy.

If the guy does know and you have an open situation talk to them both. See what you can do to make you feel more secure - maybe daily phone calls, texts, or something.

2) As to if you are a Master, all I can say is - do you think you are are one? That's one of those terms where, no matter who you are and what you are doing, some people are doing to think you are awesome and some people are going to think you are fake. I'd worry more if your current behavior is in line with what YOU think you want to be as a Master.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to geodragon)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 9:35:30 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		When you signed up for this, you knew what you were getting into...

I would only get involved with a married woman if she were separated and almost-divorced.  If she has a viable marriage, you're never going to do better than second place.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 9:38:34 PM   
geodragon


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline 		No the hubby does not know she and I have been together for 2 years now and have both discovered during our time together that we love the M/S lifestyle. We get together as often as we can, but I live almost 4 hours from her.  She says she is faithful to me while she is married and does not have sex with him only me.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 9:40:07 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: geodragon

No the hubby does not know she and I have been together for 2 years now and have both discovered during our time together that we love the M/S lifestyle. We get together as often as we can, but I live almost 4 hours from her.  She says she is faithful to me while she is married and does not have sex with him only me.


Really? I have a bridge I can sell you.....

Honestly, when people say they are in love for years and things are preventing them from being together, I don't buy it.

If you are talking about kids, kids are better off when their parents are happy and they are not stupid; they know.

If you want to be with someone, you make it happen, end of story.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 11/8/2010 9:41:49 PM >

(in reply to geodragon)
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RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 9:46:52 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: geodragon

No the hubby does not know she and I have been together for 2 years now and have both discovered during our time together that we love the M/S lifestyle. We get together as often as we can, but I live almost 4 hours from her.  She says she is faithful to me while she is married and does not have sex with him only me.


You really think she hasn't had sex with her husband in two years? I mean, it's possible but it's also possible to win millions out of the lotto. What reason does she give you for her husband not caring that she, supposedly, isn't fucking him?

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but my guess is that she is probably using you. Maybe she has a fantastic reason for not leaving her husband and keeping you on the side, maybe she is one of the few people whose situation would make me go "Yeah... I get it".

But either way, this is what you've signed up for. Jealousy is going to be one of the downsides of your relationship. Since she can't do a lot to reassure you, you just have to decide if you want to deal with it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to geodragon)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 10:00:53 PM   
subkatslut


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline 		Well I have no vested interest here and I can tell you that I am married and haven't had sex with my husband for more then 2 years so it's very possible even if some care to not believe it. Why is it so hard to believe a woman would choose not to have sex with someone she has no attraction to or desire to be with? Married or not I will never be that desperate.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 10:01:25 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: geodragon

No the hubby does not know she and I have been together for 2 years now and have both discovered during our time together that we love the M/S lifestyle. We get together as often as we can, but I live almost 4 hours from her.  She says she is faithful to me while she is married and does not have sex with him only me.

Oh please. Do You seriously think that she is not having sex w/ her husband? I don't mean to be disrespectful, but You must be naive. After I had been seeing a Dom for awhile, I found out He was married and He told me the same thing about His wife. Did I believe it? Oh hell no! As a matter of fact, I left Him for His cheating ways and knowing that I would always play second fiddle to her, mostly for His lying/cheating ways. Which is exactly what You are doing w/ her. She is lying to her husband and cheating on Him, so what on earth makes You think she isn't lying to You when she says she's not getting bonked by him? No matter what, honesty is always the best policy. And, if You knew going in that she was married, it would seem that You got Yourself in quite a pickle and now You're paying the piper having to live with the results of Your own actions.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to geodragon)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 10:57:30 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut

Well I have no vested interest here and I can tell you that I am married and haven't had sex with my husband for more then 2 years so it's very possible even if some care to not believe it. Why is it so hard to believe a woman would choose not to have sex with someone she has no attraction to or desire to be with? Married or not I will never be that desperate.


Yeah... the thing is that most people who would have to regard themselves as desperate to sleep their their spouses are in the process of seperating.

If you think of your spouse as so low that you would have to be desperate to sleep with them... why the hell are you with them? Kids pick up on that sort of loathing so it's not for their sake.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to subkatslut)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 11:23:24 PM   
subkatslut


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

If you think of your spouse as so low that you would have to be desperate to sleep with them... why the hell are you with them? Kids pick up on that sort of loathing so it's not for their sake.


No it certainly is not for their sake. I don't care to go into my personal life story on the matter but not everything in life is so cut and dried as some like to think.

EVERYONE makes stupid mistakes at some point and sometimes fixing them comes fast and easy and at other times it's more complicated and takes time or shall I say there may be a time when it's wiser for everyone involved.

Regardless I was merely responding to what appeared to be incredulous disbelief. I don't know the person whom the OP is speaking of and no doubt I would say the odds fall more on the other side of my own personal truth BUT to insinuate it's not even possible would be wrong and that was what I was addressing.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 11:27:32 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut


Regardless I was merely responding to what appeared to be incredulous disbelief. I don't know the person whom the OP is speaking of and no doubt I would say the odds fall more on the other side of my own personal truth BUT to insinuate it's not even possible would be wrong and that was what I was addressing.


Perhaps you need to reread my posts. You seem to have missed what I actually said.

quote:


I mean, it's possible but it's also possible to win millions out of the lotto.


To say that I denied it was possible is a blatently false.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to subkatslut)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 11:50:43 PM   
subkatslut


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline 		I know you didn't say that personally and I'm sorry if in my answer I didn't clarify that. It was more the bridge comment before yours which seemed more geared at ridiculing the OP for even believing it. But I also suspect the odds are higher then winning the lottery as well. I think it's far more common then most people think...it's just not discussed.

To the OP I'm with the above poster who stated you knew what you were getting into from the start. Jealousy may just be something you have to find a way to deal with until either the situation changes or you decide to move on because you're not wanting or willing to deal with it any longer. But that is only something you can decide.

As for the other part of your question I don't even know what to say to that.

< Message edited by subkatslut -- 11/8/2010 11:55:22 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: my sub is married - 11/8/2010 11:52:55 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut

I know you didn't say that personally and I'm sorry if in my answer I didn't clarify that. It was more the bridge comment before yours which seemed more geared at ridiculing the OP for even believing it.



Ahhh. No worries. Your post said in response to me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to subkatslut)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: my sub is married - 11/9/2010 2:58:45 AM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline 		I am really sorry about this post, but it is impossible for me to lie. I have to tell the truth. I just can't lie. I have to be completely and utterly honest with you. I really really am honest here and I am not going to lie about your relationship here. I have to say it so I am going to and I will be completely honest about it. This post is going to be completely honest. I don't know jack shit about anything so this is literally the best advice I can give you. I won't be your mummy. I won't put flowers all over this post. I have to be honest:

YOUR 'RELATIONSHIP' IS MADE OF FAIL!!

You say your sub is married to someone else.
Some people are OK with that, apparently some people allow their partners to be with another person that is their dominant/submissive. Whatever.
Then you say the husband doesn't know.
...
(Facepalm)
And then you say 'is ok! She dosn have 6 wiv him! Just me who he doesn't no exist! So is ok! Perfect legal relationship that not harm husband at all!'
...

FAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL!!!
So the fact that he gets no sex at all, even though he is MARRIED. TO HER. Magically makes it perfectly ok for YOU. WHO HE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT. To have sex with her? With no problems?

And then you say you are 'jealous'? WHY THE FLYING FUCK ARE YOU 'JEALOUS'? What is he getting out of this? NOTHING. What are YOU getting? FREE SEX. WITH HIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS WIIIIIIIIFFFFFFEEEEEE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU JEALOUS OF?

So are you a Master?
Do we really have to answer that question for you?

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: my sub is married - 11/9/2010 5:16:45 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I was celibate for the last several years of my marriage. My daughter was in an extremely fragile state and her psychiatrist advised against a divorce at that point. I waited until she could handle it.

So yes, some people live in loveless, sexless marriages for reasons they find sufficient.




_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to BlackTigerDragon)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: my sub is married - 11/9/2010 5:18:33 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut

Well I have no vested interest here and I can tell you that I am married and haven't had sex with my husband for more then 2 years so it's very possible even if some care to not believe it. Why is it so hard to believe a woman would choose not to have sex with someone she has no attraction to or desire to be with? Married or not I will never be that desperate.


Of course. This situtation is very common in marriages, sadly. I know people in similar circumstances.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to subkatslut)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: my sub is married - 11/9/2010 5:22:59 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: geodragon

No the hubby does not know she and I have been together for 2 years now and have both discovered during our time together that we love the M/S lifestyle. We get together as often as we can, but I live almost 4 hours from her.  She says she is faithful to me while she is married and does not have sex with him only me.


Well, if she says she is being faithful to you, then what is the problem. You don't think she might be lying to you, do you? You know, like she has been lying to her husband for the past 2 years.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to geodragon)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: my sub is married - 11/9/2010 5:25:23 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut

Well I have no vested interest here and I can tell you that I am married and haven't had sex with my husband for more then 2 years so it's very possible even if some care to not believe it. Why is it so hard to believe a woman would choose not to have sex with someone she has no attraction to or desire to be with? Married or not I will never be that desperate.


How many times during that 2 year period, did you lie to your husband and sleep with other men?


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to subkatslut)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: my sub is married - 11/9/2010 5:37:08 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		It is possible to live in a sexless marriage...I did it for a very long time. Is it probable? I would say not. "I'm not having sex with my husband/wife" is something that people quite often will say in situations such as the one you are in to make the person they are having an affair with feel better.

If you love each other and want to be together then what is preventing you? If she wants to be with you and not her husband at some point she'll have to do it or you'll be gone. The jealousy will probably be there for the duration of her marriage, learn to live with it or go and find someone who is single. There really isn't anything else to do. You can stay and wait and be jealous and accept things as they are....or you can go.

(in reply to geodragon)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: my sub is married - 11/9/2010 6:19:47 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm not going to answer your question about whether you are a Master or not.  You know your own answer to that one and My two cents on the matter isn't going to help you.

Here's what I can help you with.  The slave in My collar is married to somebody else.  My situation is a bit different because everybody knows about everyone else.  That changes things to a degree for us.  We get to avoid some of the problems that you probably have.

What I'm here to tell you is that when you are involved in a secondary relationship, which is what you are on several levels (legally, time, etc) you have voluntarily signed up for everything that goes with it.  You knew what this was going in and you are an active participant in your own misery.  If you are jealous, you need to examine the reasons why and take a hard, honest look at whether or not the situation as a whole is acceptable or not.  There are only two answers to that.  Yes or no. 

I'm not going to sit here and say that your situation would be acceptable in My life.  What you need to do is come to a conclusion of whether or not it's acceptable in yours.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 20
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