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RE: my sub is married - 11/10/2010 11:18:00 AM

subkatslut

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheOldMan

I've had opportunity, plenty of them but invariably people get hurt when it happens without the consent of everyone, and even then at times.

First I want to say that your situation is your situation and I'm not judging it per se. But I do have to question your principal here. If your marriage is as you say it is then people are already hurt. You are continually both hurting in being in the situation you're in and both too lax to leave for whatever reasons be they out of fear, comfort, convenience...whatever. It sounds like you're both using each other.

I could go my entire life and never have sex with someone and be fine. I did it for years.

So you've never cheated based on principal and not wanting to be seen as an AH. What about the principal that you owe both yourself and your wife something better? Something meaningful as opposed to 2 strangers passing each other by everyday. Has it occurred to you that if you left she may find something more fulfilling? That you may be doing her a favor and giving her a push she needs? Or would that be too scary for you because her presence provides some sort of security, one you selfishly want to keep? But hey at least you kept your dick in your pants so that makes it better.

Somehow cheating seems to be the ultimate faux pas when it comes to marriage. No matter what other failures constitute it they are irrelevant. I agree that in most instances a bad marriage should be ended and that prior to getting involved with anyone else it is a better option. I also think there are quite a few who simply want their cake and to eat it to. But I also think for some it's part of a journey to get to where they need to go and it's the only way THEY will get there as they learn about themselves.

I'd rather see someone making an effort to change their situation versus someone having given up and accepted what life has dealt them out of fear or complacency. You've chosen the easy road, principal has very little to do with that.

(in reply to TheOldMan)

Post #: 41

RE: my sub is married - 11/10/2010 12:15:19 PM

xBullx

Posts: 4206
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geodragon

No the hubby does not know she and I have been together for 2 years now and have both discovered during our time together that we love the M/S lifestyle. We get together as often as we can, but I live almost 4 hours from her. She says she is faithful to me while she is married and does not have sex with him only me.

Ohhhhh this is good! Priceless, simply priceless....

_____________________________

Live well,

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I'm not an asshole; I'm simply resolute...

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(in reply to geodragon)

Post #: 42

RE: my sub is married - 11/10/2010 12:44:48 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

You've had some good answers. I could almost go a bit further than Steven and say don't get involved with a woman unless she IS divorced...not just separated...OR married but husband knows.

I've been unfortunate...dumb???...enough to get involved with a separated woman at two different times. While both relationships were good in many ways, I ultimately wound up getting hurt and a bit more cynical because neither one of them could build up the stones to take that final step. One of them went back and forth with her husband for another 5 years after I was gone from her life. In a bit of karmic justice, he finally got tired of it and left. The other one I sent home and she remains married to him...but separated...7 years later.

Get used to holidays alone. Get used to watching other couples doing things that you cannot do right now...and maybe never will.

(in reply to geodragon)

Post #: 43

RE: my sub is married - 11/10/2010 12:58:57 PM

fellowtraveler

Posts: 26
Joined: 3/11/2009
Status: offline

To the OLDMAN.... My hat is off to you. I don't know why you stay in the marriage and its none of my business. Whatever anyone says, I agree with you, cheating on the woman you once dedicated your life to without giving her a divorce or at least telling her beforehand is just plain wrong. I hope that the rest of your life rewards you for your decency, I have every confidence that it will. You are to be respected.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 44

RE: my sub is married - 11/10/2010 7:19:58 PM

TheOldMan

Posts: 19
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

Well subkat, you have a right to your opinion and I do respect that.

I will tell you however that all of this has been discussed and agreed upon.
Further I will tell you that I have told her she is free to change her mind at any time and end the marriage as well as seek any relationship she wishes. She has not reciprocated and I will respect that.
I have also told her if she decides the time has come or the reasons we're still married no longer exist I will walk away clean.
She can have the house, any money we have, contents, investments even my business if she wishes.
I expect the marriage will end in about 5 years. But nothing is absolute and things do change so who knows really. Simply the nature of life is all.

(in reply to fellowtraveler)

Post #: 45

RE: my sub is married - 11/10/2010 7:45:49 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geodragon

I have a very odd relationship here and was wondering for advice from anyone who has any. I am new to the D/s for almost a year now and my sub is married to someone else. We love each other and want to be together but there are things that are preventing that right now. while she is married I am wondering how do I deal with jealousy and really am I even a Master at this point?

quote:

geodragon
No the hubby does not know she and I have been together for 2 years now and have both discovered during our time together that we love the M/S lifestyle. We get together as often as we can, but I live almost 4 hours from her. She says she is faithful to me while she is married and does not have sex with him only me.

From what you present, this relationship, basically an extra marital affair, began on the premises of deception. Sincerely speaking, how could you expect anything between you and this married woman to be based in honesty with undercurrents of truth telling, when you and this married woman have jointly deceived her husband, you know the man who is married to the woman, his wife, that you claim as “yours’, to ever being anything other than complicated and unscrupulous? You are having sex with another man's wife and you are jealous? What did I miss?

How can you expect what you don’t offer? Now you are questioning if you are indeed a master? Perhaps, I do not have your answer. What I do know is that you have allowed yourself to form this deceptive web you have become entangled in, that is totally based in deception. You are concerned if you are a master when you have contributed to deceiving this man who is married to his wife that claims you are her master? Why don't you tell her husband that you are having sex with his wife? That just might clear a few things up, aye!

Whew! Simplify ok, simplify.

1] Married = NO

2] Single = Maybe

Take care!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 11/10/2010 7:48:05 PM >

(in reply to geodragon)

Post #: 46

RE: my sub is married - 11/10/2010 8:11:10 PM

HisManegirl

Posts: 113
Joined: 11/5/2010
From: East Coast
Status: offline

I was in a live-in relationship for 4 yrs and for the last year refused to have sex with him because I wasn't in love with him. Before it happened to me I wouldn't of believed it was possible. If a man gave me the line that they were married but not having sex with their wife I'd be like "Yea, right" . And not have anything to do with him. I now know it's possible. The most important thing is to pay attention to how you feel, does the situation feel good to you?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 47

RE: my sub is married - 11/10/2010 8:56:25 PM

geodragon

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline

well I can honestly say that I was made to look like a fool and was finally told of a time pretty recently...Am I angry? No. Do I feel like a fool? Yes...I do believe her when she tells me things as we have a connection that most would not understand unless you practice the things not taught at your local churches. Let me clear something up for those of you that have passed judgment on me for deceiving her husband or put me down for cheating with her...I am not a man with very high morals and nor do I care about him at all...I am a cold black hearted Master that doesn't give a shit really...LOL just being honest.

(in reply to HisManegirl)

Post #: 48

RE: my sub is married - 11/10/2010 9:05:09 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Then why would you care if any stranger thought you were a master or not? Why ask anyone anything? You live to your own moral code or belief system, don't have to worry about honor or commitments and who knows... maybe some children... so why ask us? Sounds like you have it all goin on and in all your masterly ways... don't need us. Jealousy? Pffft! Get over it big guy.

You don't care that you are party to hurting another man and you expect us to care if you suffer jealousy? lol... dude...

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(in reply to geodragon)

Post #: 49

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 2:38:32 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geodragon

I do believe her when she tells me things as we have a connection that most would not understand unless you practice the things not taught at your local churches.

You do realise that probably 99% of people who embark on affairs tell the other person that they have never felt this connected to anyone before (and trust me on this, mine was a very recent experience - he lied to me about being still married)

As for you not caring about the husband.... all I can say is good luck and may you reap what you sow

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(in reply to geodragon)

Post #: 50

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 4:14:46 AM

fellowtraveler

Posts: 26
Joined: 3/11/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geodragon

well I can honestly say that I was made to look like a fool and was finally told of a time pretty recently...Am I angry? No. Do I feel like a fool? Yes...I do believe her when she tells me things as we have a connection that most would not understand unless you practice the things not taught at your local churches. Let me clear something up for those of you that have passed judgment on me for deceiving her husband or put me down for cheating with her...I am not a man with very high morals and nor do I care about him at all...I am a cold black hearted Master that doesn't give a shit really...LOL just being honest.

Apparently, and I am going on pure hearsay and guesswork here, this guys "girlfriend" is the OP of the thread on security, you know, the one about the guy living with mom and unemployed. When you put the pieces together, it all adds up. The problem is that we (meaning people in the D/s lifestyle) are all painted with this guy's brush. Just for the record dude, you weren't made to LOOK like a fool....

No more of my time wasted on this thread.

(in reply to geodragon)

Post #: 51

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 4:47:18 AM

curiouscuriouser

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/1/2010
Status: offline

Affairs don't just happen. You don't trip and fall dick first into cootch. I'd be more sympathetic if the OP weren't such a pussy about it.

I do have sympathy for the poor folks stuck in loveless, sexless relationships, however.

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"Painting and fucking a lot are not compatible; it weakens the brain." - van Gogh

(in reply to fellowtraveler)

Post #: 52

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 7:34:55 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geodragon
Let me clear something up for those of you that have passed judgment on me for deceiving her husband or put me down for cheating with her...I am not a man with very high morals and nor do I care about him at all...I am a cold black hearted Master that doesn't give a shit really...LOL just being honest.

Seems to Me that you just answered your own question about whether you're really a Master or not.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to geodragon)

Post #: 53

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 7:37:36 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

sooooo you're angry at her for having sex with her HUSBAND.

Oh that's just rich.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 54

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 8:17:53 AM

Solslave

Posts: 9
Status: offline

no not angry because of it...I believe I said that I wasn't....I am only angry because she lied about it. The one thing that I can not have my slave do is lie to me...If your willing to do the actions be willing to take the consequence that's a lesson I live with in life...I am willing to take the consequence of my actions or I don't do them

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 55

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 8:44:28 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Solslave

no not angry because of it...I believe I said that I wasn't....I am only angry because she lied about it. The one thing that I can not have my slave do is lie to me...If your willing to do the actions be willing to take the consequence that's a lesson I live with in life...I am willing to take the consequence of my actions or I don't do them

Careful, you're screen name is showing.

(in reply to Solslave)

Post #: 56

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 9:03:03 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Let me chime in that being in a sexless marriage is possible. I had sex with my ex wife once in the last five years of marriage. Needless to say, it was not a good marriage at that point.

Yep. Have to add my little opinion here too. I didn't have sex with my ex-husband for months, even periods of years at a time. We loved each other very much, but he was always rather asexual and we got together so young, we became more like brother/sister best friends type of thing. I still love him dearly as I probably always will, he is just not meant for me romantically, nor I him, so it is entirely possible to stay with someone you aren't having sex with or have it be "for the kids" (we had none) or even have it be horrible. However, I am much much happier now.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 57

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 9:04:42 AM

Solslave

Posts: 9
Status: offline

LOL that's funny thank you for pointing that out...lets try this way...
no not angry because of it...I believe I said that I wasn't....I am only angry because she lied about it. The one thing that I can not have my slave do is lie to me...If your willing to do the actions be willing to take the consequence that's a lesson I live with in life...I am willing to take the consequence of my actions or I don't do them

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 58

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 9:08:25 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

Maybe if you cleared the cache and signed back in again, it would show your other id.

thealwayshelpfulpoise

_____________________________

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(in reply to Solslave)

Post #: 59

RE: my sub is married - 11/11/2010 9:21:49 AM

geodragon

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline

LOL now I am really laughing....thanks Poise

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 60

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