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Turn on for you? - 11/13/2010 5:12:28 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		Just curious about how others feel. I really enjoy dominating males. I equally at times enjoy doing this in a sexual or non-sexual manner. BUT it really doesn't sexually turn me on. My husband has trouble understanding this, as have several subs I have played with in the past. I know others do have those feelings, I just don't happen to be one of them. I also don't think I should have to lie about how it makes me feel just to make the boys feel better. I don't feel like it makes me better because I don't feel that way, but it also shouldn't make me feel like i am less because of it either.

Anyone else just freaking enjoy it because it's fun?

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/13/2010 6:17:23 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You are absolutely not alone in this.  It's one of the reasons that I say casual play isn't sexual for Me because I just don't have the sexual turn on happening for Me.  It can be, but it's not automatically the only response.  Especially if there is no intimacy between Myself and the bottom, it's not going to stir Me in an arousal sort of way.  People that I don't have a sexual relationship with Me aren't going to get Me there during play.

As to fun, I'm right there with you.  I often compare sadism to a sport that people just happen to enjoy the heck out of playing.  I'm having a darn good time doing it, just like if I really enjoyed wind surfing or skydiving.  The adrenaline rush is there, but it's not a sexual excitement. 

The funny part about this for Me is that it doesn't mean that sexual arousal can't be a part of it.  There are a lot of different factors. 


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/13/2010 6:48:02 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

You are absolutely not alone in this.  It's one of the reasons that I say casual play isn't sexual for Me because I just don't have the sexual turn on happening for Me.  It can be, but it's not automatically the only response.  Especially if there is no intimacy between Myself and the bottom, it's not going to stir Me in an arousal sort of way.  People that I don't have a sexual relationship with Me aren't going to get Me there during play.
 
Quoting LadyPact because that't how I feel. 
 
I had had subs for a while that I had an emotional connection with because they were mine, and was used to being emotionally and physically aroused during a scene. 
 
It is different for me when I am just topping...FUN. <grins>
 
This past July was a new experience for me, as I felt very connected to someone through letters and over the phone but something just didn't click in person.  I could not establish an emotional power exchange but we both wanted to scene so I went on with it anyway.  I went farther into sadism than usual...and I was buzzing from it without arousal and this felt so strange to me, lol. 
 
  I can enjoy myself three ways, it seems. 
 
I prefer having the first, but want to find out more about the buzz I can get just from sadism.  I haven't figured out why it happened, why it was more than just fun...and why it didn't somehow trigger physical arousal so that I'd feel like I was walking like a duck.
 
 

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/13/2010 7:23:42 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		yes like my Mistress says play can be lots of fun like for me getting to subspace its a great rush. it can be done with sex or not but the play can be enjoyed just in itself. there is no need or reason for You or anyone to hide or misrepresent how You feel or are made to feel by the activity.

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/13/2010 8:47:26 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Well, since the bulk of Our relationships, including the current one, haven't been sexual at all, there must be something else going on!. :-)

Honestly, for Us, it's about fulfillment. We simply cannot be fulfilled in any other way. That relates it to topics such as "destiny" and "spirituality" for Us.

Master Fire


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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/13/2010 8:52:58 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou

Just curious about how others feel. I really enjoy dominating males. I equally at times enjoy doing this in a sexual or non-sexual manner. BUT it really doesn't sexually turn me on. My husband has trouble understanding this, as have several subs I have played with in the past. I know others do have those feelings, I just don't happen to be one of them. I also don't think I should have to lie about how it makes me feel just to make the boys feel better. I don't feel like it makes me better because I don't feel that way, but it also shouldn't make me feel like i am less because of it either.

Anyone else just freaking enjoy it because it's fun?


From a male Dominant's perspective, I enjoy actively dominating my girl on a greater level than mere "fun", but still not be sexual to me no matter what I'm doing to the girl's intimate bits.

Newbie's can be hard work in this regard - that for some reason they think a Dom should have a raging erection as evidence I'm enjoying being in the zone doing what I choose to her. Dominating isn't sexual by normal vanilla standards but damn, it's invigorating and exciting in its own right - and "fun" simply doesn't do it justice.

And those females with their multiple orgasms etc really don't need me to be all sexually turned on everytime I apply a rope or flogger. Plenty of time and opportunity for me to choose my time....

Focus.

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/13/2010 10:10:49 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		My sadism is not sexually generated. Thank goodness! Imagine how little play I would get if I waited for playmates that turned me on?

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/13/2010 10:49:05 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting!
I find it's very sexual, overtly or covertly, with me.
Ordering a man to do something and his enjoying it, or an alpha male behaving submissively towards me: *tingle*

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/13/2010 11:17:44 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		We're not saying it's *never* a turn on, with the right person. ;)

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/14/2010 12:16:42 AM   
Iholdthestrings


Posts: 172
Joined: 9/23/2010
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline 		FR

It depends on the situation and the person, for Me. I was just telling someone yesterday, some of the things that really "get Me off" (especially with regard to My sadism) don't get Me wet at all, but instead, fill Me with what I can only describe as glee. It makes Me giddy. It doesn't necessarily make Me want to fuck.

_____________________________

She tied you to Her kitchen chair... and from your lips She drew the Hallelujah.
---------------------------
If I had an orgasm-trigger phrase, it would be "No Strings Housework". ;)

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/14/2010 12:27:05 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iholdthestrings

It depends on the situation and the person, for Me. I was just telling someone yesterday, some of the things that really "get Me off" (especially with regard to My sadism) don't get Me wet at all, but instead, fill Me with what I can only describe as glee. It makes Me giddy. It doesn't necessarily make Me want to fuck.


Ahhh, the female equivalent to my post...?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/14/2010 12:53:36 AM   
Iholdthestrings


Posts: 172
Joined: 9/23/2010
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline 		Yes, but (possibly) with less inclination to do much with anyone's genitalia if some kind of sex isn't My goal.

I'd also add that just because My words and actions might be intended to cause a sexual feeling or response, that doesn't mean I'm going to feel or respond that way. Unrequited lust and unquenched desire... delicious.

_____________________________

She tied you to Her kitchen chair... and from your lips She drew the Hallelujah.
---------------------------
If I had an orgasm-trigger phrase, it would be "No Strings Housework". ;)

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/15/2010 7:05:58 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Well, since the bulk of Our relationships, including the current one, haven't been sexual at all, there must be something else going on!. :-)

Honestly, for Us, it's about fulfillment. We simply cannot be fulfilled in any other way. That relates it to topics such as "destiny" and "spirituality" for Us.

Master Fire




Thanks to everyone who replied. I really think you hit it for me with the term fulfillment. That really says what i feel much better than i could.

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/15/2010 7:23:36 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iholdthestrings

FR

It depends on the situation and the person, for Me. I was just telling someone yesterday, some of the things that really "get Me off" (especially with regard to My sadism) don't get Me wet at all, but instead, fill Me with what I can only describe as glee. It makes Me giddy. It doesn't necessarily make Me want to fuck.


Yeah... that glee. Mmm. I'm still looking for a better word for it. Something latiny. French, maybe.


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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/15/2010 7:39:17 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Interesting!
I find it's very sexual, overtly or covertly, with me.
Ordering a man to do something and his enjoying it, or an alpha male behaving submissively towards me: *tingle*


That's me - only reversed.  (Well, I don't know about the 'alpha' bit).  It's very sexual, overtly or covertly, to be ordered.  If she's the right lady . . . .

I've seen it said before that dominants will dominate - some of them, some of the time - without it feeling sexual. It's quite difficult for me to relate to.

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 12:30:25 AM   
Iholdthestrings


Posts: 172
Joined: 9/23/2010
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iholdthestrings

FR

It depends on the situation and the person, for Me. I was just telling someone yesterday, some of the things that really "get Me off" (especially with regard to My sadism) don't get Me wet at all, but instead, fill Me with what I can only describe as glee. It makes Me giddy. It doesn't necessarily make Me want to fuck.


Yeah... that glee. Mmm. I'm still looking for a better word for it. Something latiny. French, maybe.



Actually, the more I look into it, the more I think glee is exactly what I mean. From the World English Dictionary:
quote:

glee (ɡliː)

— n
1. great merriment or delight, often caused by someone else's misfortune


From the Free Online Thesaurus (freethesaurus.net):
quote:

Main Entry: glee
Synonyms:
Schadenfreude, amusement, beatification, beatitude, bewitchment, blessedness, bliss, blissfulness, blitheness, cantata, cheer, cheerfulness, choral singing, chorus, cloud nine, delectation, delight, ecstasy, ecstatics, elation, enchantment, enjoyment, exaltation, exhilaration, exuberance, exultation, felicity, frivolity, fun, gaiety, gladness, gleefulness, good spirits, happiness, heaven, high glee, high spirits, hilariousness, hilarity, intoxication, jocularity, jocundity, jolliness, jollity, joviality, joy, joyance, joyfulness, joyousness, jubilation, laughter, levity, madrigal, madrigaletto, merriment, merriness, mirth, mirthfulness, oratorio, overhappiness, overjoyfulness, paradise, pleasure, rapture, ravishment, satisfaction, seventh heaven, sunshine, transport, unalloyed happiness, unison


_____________________________

She tied you to Her kitchen chair... and from your lips She drew the Hallelujah.
---------------------------
If I had an orgasm-trigger phrase, it would be "No Strings Housework". ;)

(in reply to DMFParadox)
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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 8:23:46 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

Newbie's can be hard work in this regard - that for some reason they think a Dom should have a raging erection as evidence I'm enjoying being in the zone doing what I choose to her.

Change the genders and this is right on the money.  I think some people automatically assume that all types of play, under all circumstances, with every bottom is sexually exciting when it just plain isn't.  I don't know if this comes from a lack of experience or because they are thinking of it as it relates to their sexual fantasies.  It may have something to do with the influence of porn and erotica, since that is tailored to the sexual angle.  (It would be rather crappy porn/fiction if the story didn't go that way.) 

I wonder if there is a connection in this to something similar that comes up around here as it pertains to courting.  Over a number of threads, it's been discussed that a number of bottom/submissive males get the idea in their head that, if they are dealing with a Dominant woman, they expect to be more lax in their approach.  Some have this notion that they will just be "conquered" by a woman so they don't have to put in the effort of their vanilla counterparts.  Maybe it's the same thing from a sexual angle.  That flogging must be making her horny, so he doesn't have to put forth an effort to turn her on.

Random thoughts, but I wonder if they are linked in some way.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 8:31:17 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		LP, I think because often the sub or bottom is getting turned out by the activities (flogging, whipping, etc.) they like to assume that the dominant also is, especially when the submissive is a guy and the dominant female, they just love the idea of us being soaking wet and doing our best to hold ourselves back from raping their oh so helpless bodies. It's the particular fantasy that gets them going, how often I had discussions with guys who told me that I just can't be a sadist because it doesn't make me want to automatically fuck the brains out of everybody I enjoy whipping... Good thing that some guys think they know more about us, our minds and out bodies than we do ourselves ;)

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Those who do and those who don't!

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 8:44:17 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		It's funny but this thread is going to cause me to contradict myself in a way.

I answered LadyPact's thread about casual play from a specific mindset of play being intimate physical contact while not even thinking about the joy I get in mental/emotional sadism. The word 'glee' fits perfectly. And no, it is often not sexual at all. Occasionally it isn't even consensual, at least not in the sense I consider consensual.

Obviously I don't run around looking for innocent parties to manipulate or be evil to. That doesn't rule out the fools that jump right into the line of fire, knowing they were going to get some sort of reaction, just possibly unaware of the reaction they would get. So yeah, making people squirm and sweat, or even jump to do what I ask,  is a total rush but usually not sexual at all.


_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 9:22:41 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou
Anyone else just freaking enjoy it because it's fun?


Yes.  A lot of the other responses on this thread are ringing true for me also.  It's not that BDSM *has* to be a sexual turn on for me so much as it *can* be a sexual turn on for me, with the right partner.  I don't have sexual chemistry with my casual play buddies, and in many of the public scenes I do with my LTR partners, there isn't much if any sexual energy either. 

In the right place and the right time with the right person, there is no greater turnon for me.  Casual hanky-spanky at a public dungeon is probably not going to get me hot, wet or off however.  It's just for fun. 


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