Sharing

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anniezz338 -> Sharing (11/22/2010 10:11:05 PM)
I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term? Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?

leadership527 -> RE: Sharing (11/22/2010 10:16:46 PM)
Yes. It's all a part of that word "total" to us. Carol is not poly and she's not a swinger, but she is mine. If I wanted her to "swing", then she would. If I wanted her to like it, so she would. Honestly, there's very little that isn't in that category (nothing actually that I know about that isn't in the horrific categories) assuming I'm willing to put the effort into making the change happen. Insofar as the "risk factors"... those are mine to manage and worry about.

crystalclarinet -> RE: Sharing (11/22/2010 10:21:35 PM)
For me personally I think it can go either way. I have done the swinging thing without the BDSM aspect really young for that I know, but anyways... I think that ultimately swinging was what brought that relationship to an end... although in retrospect we got into it for all of the wrong reasons... We thought we were in love and just couldn't deal with one partner for the rest of forever, but adding additional people into the mix didn't work. Swingers are nice people and I'm guessing in your area they have clubs or meet and greats and that is generally a great place to get a feel for how it is and how it works... although just like here if you're looking for the single female it will be hard to find. My Dom always talks about bringing in another some day, but the possibility of finding someone perfect to match us is prolly slim to none. As with anything communication is key. I certainly would not jump right in and certain boundaries would need to be established first. I go back and forth on this issue because as the sub I get very wishy washy and upset over the thought of another woman, but it excites me all at the same time. I think time and communication is the best way to deal with this one, but I wouldn't just do it for him, I'd make sure you had a valid reason for doing it as well.

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 12:24:02 AM)
i am not poly or a swinger however if master wanted to then i would i am lucky in that he doesn't wish this he is poly but defiantly not a swinger. however he does have online subs i do find it difficult at times but its something he does that helps fulfil his poly side of himself. He knows i have difficulty with poly this is an ideal way to work it for him.

ranja -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 2:05:43 AM)
If my Husband of 20 years would suggest we go swinging i would be flabberghasted as i am under the impression that He is a man who won't share... I however would love to be shared and have put all our neighbours and aquaintances and even our dentist in my fantasies Truth is though... if He would suggest we'd do this thing for real i would quite poo my pants i presume... i am a bit of a whimp really I would be most worried that i would not beable to relax and enjoy it because i would be too worried about if He would really like it or just do this thing for me...

WestBaySlave -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 2:53:10 AM)
I make it very, very clear before I involve myself with someone that I'm not into that and that's not going to change. quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? Begin the process of saying our farewells, sadly but with the knowledge that it was the best for both. quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship? It would put a risk factor in our relationships the way U-20 put a risk factor in the Lusitania. For me, monogamy is the single most important thing in a relationship; without it, the relationship can't stay afloat.

Elisabella -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 3:19:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term? Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship? I'd tell him sure but I get to pick the guy :D Nah to be honest I'd tell him it's extremely risky, because if I didn't enjoy it I'd feel really grossed out and resent him, and if I did enjoy it he'd probably get insecure that I was so into sleeping with a guy other than him. Especially if the other guy was better.

GreedyTop -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 4:06:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave I make it very, very clear before I involve myself with someone that I'm not into that and that's not going to change. quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? Begin the process of saying our farewells, sadly but with the knowledge that it was the best for both. This. The rest wouldnt even be a factor at that point.

DesFIP -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 4:12:58 AM)
It would end the relationship. For both of us as both of us do not share/swing/whatever you call it. We're monogamous.

lizi -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 5:32:52 AM)
I don't share and make it clear from the beginning that I am not interested in anything other than monogamy. If we can't meet enough of each other's needs then it's time to say goodbye because I just can't do anything other than monogamy. I would be absolutely miserable. I had started seeing someone at one point who was told straight away that I was monogamous but he didn't listen to me and he kept pushing at me to 'bring a friend' at some point in the future. I got sick and tired of standing my ground and dumped his ass fairly quickly. I guess he thought with enough pressure that he could make me change my mind. Also the fact that he just assumed that I had female friends that would do this type of thing at the drop of a hat was too hilarious. Like every woman has a friend or two hanging around that'll just screw her and her guy whenever she asks....[8\|]

CaringandReal -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 5:41:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term? Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship? What do you mean by risk factor? If you mean threatening the emotional solidity of my feelings for the master/dom, there would be none. If you mean STDs, it wouldn't change my behavior (which would be to obey all commands). I'd assume my owner knew what he or she was doing, and I'd trust them...becuase to not do that would be worse (for me) than contracting an STD. I'm not in a monogamous relationship at this time, and I do not know if I ever will be in the future as monogamy isn't one of my "must haves" for a relationship. So these responses may not be relevant to what you are looking for. How I would feel would depend a lot on who or what the third party was. Another dominant (or even power-neutral) male? Emotionally this would, initially, be very hard for me because I have some hot buttons in that area (past rape experiences). But I also like challenges, and I imagine that if the expereince repeated enough I'd get used to it. I'd also feel safe as long as my master/dom was present. But left alone with someone strange? I'd be very frightened. I don't think I would enjoy it. Some aspects of the experience (the humiliation, the awareness of having no control or choice, even over who I fucked) would be very good. Another submissive as the third party? No issues with that except this: I do not know if I could feel erotic feelings for another submissive, I'm just not wired that way. I would try though, if that were expected of me. But if they had just some little bit of switch in them, it would make the whole process immensely easier from my end! A female power-neutral person? Again no problems, as I have no past rape history with women. I would also find such a person easier to feel erotic toward, if that were required of me, than another submissive. There are other third-party sharing options than the above, of course, but there are also some terribly good reasons not to speak of them here. :-p

sunshinemiss -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 5:49:02 AM)
You know, it's a hot concept. Fantasy can be wonderful - and fun! (Funtasy?) But in reality?... not so much (for me). If a man I was involved with (read - loved) wanted to do that, I'd realize that there was something haywire in our relationship and do my damnedest to fix it. If it was unfixable, I'd say good-bye. Not something I could handle. Frankly, I'm glad I've at last realized and accepted it. best, sunshine

BurntKitty -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 5:50:56 AM)
I'm in the "no sharing" group. I make it clear in my profile and when talking to anyone that I'm a one man woman. I like the idea of a man who "doesn't share his toys". I was dating someone who revealed to me after a few months that he was a swinger. I am not a party favor to be passed around.

DarkSteven -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 6:05:38 AM)
Um... when you say "bring in a third party", that could mean several things. I will not share my woman sexually with another man. Period, not gonna happen, end of story. That said, I might let another man do nonsexual stuff - bondage, whip her, spank her under certain conditions. I might allow her to play sexually with another woman. That has SO many possible triggers and what-ifs that I'm not going to speculate. And of course, I'd let a woman play with her nonsexually if I were there.

AquaticSub -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 6:06:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term? Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship? Depends on how he went about it. Once upon a time we were monogamous. If, at that time, he had told me that he wanted to share me with his friend out of the blue I probably wouldn't have gone along with it happily. Our thinking is very simple - our relationship is built on certain foundations or conditions. That he is dominant, that I am submissive, that he likes sex with women, I like sex with men. And, at that time, that we were monogamous. If he suddenly swapped foundations on me, what other aspects are up for change without warning? Now, that said, we obviously don't feel that you are required to stick with those foundations forever. Simply that if you enter the relationship with an agreement when one or more people want the agreement to change, a lot of discussion needs to take place. If he took the time to talk with me, get my feelings about it, etc.... I'd probably be excited about it. Nervous as hell but excited!

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 7:30:40 AM)
I nominate leadership527 to answer for me in these areas from now on. quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 Yes. It's all a part of that word "total" to us. Carol is not poly and she's not a swinger, but she is mine. If I wanted her to "swing", then she would. If I wanted her to like it, so she would. Honestly, there's very little that isn't in that category (nothing actually that I know about that isn't in the horrific categories) assuming I'm willing to put the effort into making the change happen. Insofar as the "risk factors"... those are mine to manage and worry about.

dory007 -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 7:58:08 AM)
i am mono. it is part of my basic makeup. Master is poly, it is part of his basic makeup. He respects my need for my own monogamy and i respect his need to be poly. he wouldn't try to share me because of the harm it would cause me. i don't try and force monogamy on him because of the harm it would do him. If either of us tried to change the other it would show a lack of respect and would cause the downfall of our relationship.

starshineowned -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 9:26:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 Yes. It's all a part of that word "total" to us. Carol is not poly and she's not a swinger, but she is mine. If I wanted her to "swing", then she would. If I wanted her to like it, so she would. Honestly, there's very little that isn't in that category (nothing actually that I know about that isn't in the horrific categories) assuming I'm willing to put the effort into making the change happen. Insofar as the "risk factors"... those are mine to manage and worry about. This is pretty much spot on in Masters house as well with the exception of "wanted her to like it, so she would". Master can't force me to like anything, however I am blessed with a Master that takes the time to know and learn me and bring about the mindset changes he desires and then sometimes finds himself fighting me off for wanting to do it more. Funny how that works..lol. starshine

littleone35 -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 9:34:44 AM)
No not in a million years. I told Master right from the start if i am to be yours i have to be the only one and you sharing me is out of the question. If worked out well for us because Master only wants me , and he does not share what belongs to him. If he bought this up out of the blue we would have to sit down and talk about what bought this on. If he was dead set on doing this it would break my heart but i would have to say goodby. I am not worried it will ever come to this though cause like i said Master does not share and he is not going to be with anyone else either. Matt's littleone

Missokyst -> RE: Sharing (11/23/2010 9:51:41 AM)
If I had a partner who after a few years of monogamy wanted to share me with a man, I would tell my mate that I was never wired for swinging, fuck that new guy silly and walk out the door without so much as a backward glance. The moment the man who was in my life told me he wanted to share me, would be the moment I had to rethink who he was and why the hell I would want to be with him. Detachment would be immediate. Fucking the new guy would be the punctuation. If my mate had told me he wanted to share me with a female, I would not even say a word. I would pack his stuff, tell him to find someone who wouldnt mind playing with women because he would damned well know I would never change my mind on that one. Either way, I would end things if sharing became part of the deal.

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