RE: Sharing (Full Version)

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Rovespiere -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 12:06:23 AM)

hi a tous sub



Kana -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 9:48:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Yes. It's all a part of that word "total" to us. Carol is not poly and she's not a swinger, but she is mine. If I wanted her to "swing", then she would. If I wanted her to like it, so she would. Honestly, there's very little that isn't in that category (nothing actually that I know about that isn't in the horrific categories) assuming I'm willing to put the effort into making the change happen.

Insofar as the "risk factors"... those are mine to manage and worry about.



Yep, this pretty much applies in my household as well.
A few notes:
1-I seriously doubt anything could ever happen with another man involved. I've done some swinging back in the day and I just don't care much for sloppy seconds.
2-That said, and I know this is a horrible double-standard (but hey, there it is. At least I'm honest about my hypocrisies) I would/have/will again involve other females. The general rules of thumb are simple. If the relationship is open, then it doesn't matter who or how often. If the relationship is closed, then it's never the same gal more than once. That way, the act can stay physical and not emotive based. I've had/seen to many bad experiences in the past with twos becoming threes-it seems that the vast majority end up being two again, though not the two that originally started, thus I think the one and done methods the best. (The personal fave was this cat who wanted a sweet young hard-body, introduced her intro a dynamic with a bi-gal who was already a terrific slave, came home one day to find an empty note saying the gals had fallen in love and were ditching him. Bet that ending didn't happen in ANY of his fantasies. Funny as balls.) I'm not knocking anyone else's deal, or taking a stand one way or another on poly relationships, just
3-Again, this is all kinds of fucked up, but the very fact that she doesn't like this idea is kinda what makes it so hot. I mean shit, I own her ass. If all we do is what she likes, who owns who?
She does what I like, she knew going in that it would involve some things she didn't, she knew I was all kinda freaky and into edge play, she knew that with me slavery means letting go and flying free and that I lovelovelove pushing the envelope, any envelope. So I take her and use her, as I wish. She can deal, or she can suffer the consequences and on something this large (and make no mistake, it's a huge step/risk because no matter what, once that bridge is crossed the relationship is altered-maybe better, maybe not, but its definitely gonna be different) I'm going to have thought long and hard on the decision before I make a call to involve another.
But yeah, the fact that she is doing something she doesn't like, that she is only doing it to please and satisfy me, that in a million years she would never do this otherwise, isn't that the root of slavery?
And so it's sexy as hell just the grabbing of the leash and taking control, using her like the object she is, a set of holes to be taken and used to fulfill my barbed wire desire.
And ya know what? As much as she wouldn't care for the act (And she wouldn't. She would only comply to obedient), my grasping at the root controls, reaching as far as I can within and yanking, yeah, that'll make her hot too.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 10:09:43 AM)

It would be a deal breaker and I don't care how much he wanted it. I would of course have been smart enough to make that known before there was a relationship, and let him know it'd be a deal breaker, and he could then decide what he wanted more, me or sex with others.
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?



catize -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 10:46:51 AM)

quote:

(and make no mistake, it's a huge step/risk because no matter what, once that bridge is crossed the relationship is altered-maybe better, maybe not, but its definitely gonna be different) I'm going to have thought long and hard on the decision before I make a call to involve another


Thank -you, Kana and Leadership for pointing out, and accepting the risks of making decisions for another. Too many dominant folk don't get that and are likely to blame the slave for lack of trust when it is the dominant who has been lax in building that trust!
Total is a mighty big word. (and is given little consideration for its power from both sides of the kneel) It doesn't even have to be about sex or sharing, there are a lot of different areas involved in the word.
One can't promise something and then out of the blue change it without a lot of conversation as well as considering the ramifications and accepting responsibility for any fall-out.



CaringandReal -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 1:10:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

But yeah, the fact that she is doing something she doesn't like, that she is only doing it to please and satisfy me, that in a million years she would never do this otherwise, isn't that the root of slavery?



Yes.

"Root" is a good metaphor. It means the core of something and also the source of its energy.




peacefulplace -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 3:02:12 PM)

~FR~

Sir will not share. In my current relationship, I have no desire to be shared. In my previous experience, being shared with another man or another woman can lay bare the emotions of jealousy and insecurity, as well as cause manipulative behavior all the way around, even if no one expected it prior to the experience. These negative emotions are not my thing. Swinging is also just so shag carpet and leather furniture. Aesthetically, not my thing.

Now, what if Sir got a wild hair one day and decided he would like to have such an experience? He always solicits my input on such a decision, and I would tell him my honest opinion about my experiences. Hopefully, that would dissuade him, but since I know he does things for me that he does not particularly like (regardless of the fact that he never says so), I would do it if he insisted. It's only sex.

The only condition I would attach is that it must be safe sex, only, but I am sure Sir would take care of that, himself.



femdomlover72 -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 5:39:56 PM)

In my relationship I know that Mistress has other slaves, and she dates men on a regular basis. This was understood from the beginning. She demands total submission to her, and I am okay with the fact that I am not the only one. She trains other Mistresses, and has discussed the idea of having me session with them as part of their training. When I first met her, in fact, she had someone else with her, and asked me if she could join in. I said sure, and maybe that could have caused problems. However, she commands such a strong presence that it was hard to focus on the Mistress in training. It is strange, I don't know anyone else like me personally, but I find the idea of my Mistress being with others very exciting. I have told her that she is the only one I serve, and if I do session with others it will be because she wishes it. So I am okay with serving only her, or anyone she tells me to.



takemeforyourown -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 5:43:23 PM)

My husband shared me once with another man. It was great fun. I wouldn't mind doing it again.



Kana -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 6:54:05 PM)

Jaysus, I type like I was drunk.



porcelaine -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 7:21:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?


Greetings anniezz338,

In my opinion it's important for you to make a determination to follow his lead and be willing to commit yourself to doing that. I would view the question as a condition of slavery that is completely nonsensical in my mind. Since my servitude is based upon the parameters that he designs it would seem odd to oppose the very authority I consciously elected to yield to. If I do it might suggest that my willingness to cede is largely based on his performance [as defined by me] rather than the founding precepts of our union. If I desired the ability to negotiate or provide an opinion that he had to accept without question I'm probably in the wrong dynamic.

For me it isn't a question of whether I'd comply but truthfully why I'm questioning the directive in the first place. He's the captain and bears responsibility for ascertaining and mitigating risks. I know my place and trust in the person that sits at the helm. When you can say the same unflinchingly without fear or insecurities rearing their head the excuses dissipate and the answer is crystal clear.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



LPslittleclip -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 7:33:47 PM)

i am poly and if my Mistress ordered me to do something i would, my wife is also involved and has her rules for the time i am with my Mistress. many are not able to share this is ok some are and thats ok also. just discuss things with A/all parties and if it wont work don't push it.



Renee7852 -> RE: Sharing (11/24/2010 7:47:54 PM)

I was in a 7 yr relationship w/ a Dom who initially wanted a monogamous relationship.  After about 5 years he started hinting that I would like I subbie sister.  I had made it perfectly clear from day 1 that was a hard limit.  Instead of manning up and saying our relationship was not fullfilling his needs he cheated and what that did to the trust factor really ruined our relationship.  I have moved to the other side of the kneel and I make it clear I am monogamous and expect any sub or slave I start a relationship with to be the same.  I don't think people who want to share and have a partner who is against it really have an idea of how damaging it can be to the relationship if the issue is forced.[:'(]



sunshinemiss -> RE: Sharing (11/25/2010 3:15:48 AM)

Hi porcelain -
quote:

In my opinion it's important for you to make a determination to follow his lead and be willing to commit yourself to doing that. I would view the question as a condition of slavery that is completely nonsensical in my mind.


I didn't see her say anything anywhere about her wanting to be "in slavery".  I get that it's where *you* are coming from, but I don't see any indication of it being where *she* is coming from.  Nor did I see her saying anything about always following his lead.  I'm curious why that would be what you would tell her to do. 

best,
sunshine



DesFIP -> RE: Sharing (11/25/2010 8:47:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
She can deal, or she can suffer the consequences and on something this large (and make no mistake, it's a huge step/risk because no matter what, once that bridge is crossed the relationship is altered-maybe better, maybe not, but its definitely gonna be different)


I am sufficiently self aware to know that once that bridge is crossed I would resent and distrust him. And that level of resentment and distrust would end the relationship. So if he wants the relationship to end that badly,  I will choose to end it before undergoing a painful experience that would always affect me negatively. And I would hope he would have enough residual caring towards me to also decide to end it before harming me permanently. If he needs two women together, or to share his, he can do so. But I won't be one of the women. He needs to find someone capable of doing this and surviving relatively unscathed, which I am not.

But I'm not capable of finding my hard limits broken to be hot.



TreasureKY -> RE: Sharing (11/25/2010 11:20:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?


While Firm has always told me that he is capable of having a poly relationship, he's also said that he has no desire to deal with kind of problems and trauma that could bring.  He began this relationship with me knowing that I am monogamous, and has said a few times that he does not want to share me.

If he were to suddenly decide that he wanted to share, my initial response would be to question what had changed in our relationship that he no longer felt possessive of me.  I'm sure it would go downhill from there.

Interestingly enough, Firm has always said that I should have a male submissive.  I'm not entirely certain that wasn't just in jest... or he may just be supremely confident that I would never want to be involved in any way with another man.  Perhaps he believes I'd only be interested in a service sub...

lol... Begs a new question that I think I'll raise in "Ask A Master".  [;)]



leadership527 -> RE: Sharing (11/25/2010 2:58:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
Total is a mighty big word. (and is given little consideration for its power from both sides of the kneel) It doesn't even have to be about sex or sharing, there are a lot of different areas involved in the word.

Sure, but as long as one isn't delusional, then it's also an extremely easy word... it means EVERYTHING. That really cuts down on a lot of conversation.

quote:

One can't promise something and then out of the blue change it without a lot of conversation as well as considering the ramifications and accepting responsibility for any fall-out.
Sure I can and I do sometimes..... well... the conversation part. The "Ramification" and "responsibility" parts.. yeah... no getting out of those. I can and do do whatever I want (which is synonymous with what I believe to be good for us). But I cannot get out of the karmic results of those decisions.



leadership527 -> RE: Sharing (11/25/2010 3:03:15 PM)

quote:

Kana said:
But yeah, the fact that she is doing something she doesn't like, that she is only doing it to please and satisfy me, that in a million years she would never do this otherwise, isn't that the root of slavery?
Sure as hell it is not for me. That is exactly the sort of zero-sum, adversarial thinking that I would very much like to root out of my marriage. If THAT is the root of slavery then watch me run fleeing from that label. That very thought pattern is poison to me.... so what? My gain can only come at her expense? I think NOT.

For me, the root of "slavery" is the owning of a human being... you know... like it says in the dictionary. The root of dominance is that she does what I want her to. The root of TPE is that it happens all the time. But nowhere in there do I have any thought that she oughta dislike it in order for it to count. Heck, I'd rather just change her so that she likes it then we can both like whatever it is.

Gosh, normally I love and resonate with your posts Kana... but that meme is just... well... not something I'm every going to buy into. I am NOT turning my marriage into a zero-sum game. I'd rather just divorce her now and be done with it.



catize -> RE: Sharing (11/25/2010 5:25:09 PM)

quote:

Sure, but as long as one isn't delusional, then it's also an extremely easy word... it means EVERYTHING. That really cuts down on a lot of conversation.


My point was that few enough people pause long enough to think about what EVERYTHING means. And whether or not there is a lot of conversation between the couple, the submissive half needs to think long and hard about that 'simple' word and whether or not they are capable of it. Easy enough on one hand; on the other, not so much!
We see the delusional here on the boards every day---the dominant/masters who don't understand the importance of trust and responsibility as well as the submissive/slaves who do not understand what TOTAL means .....until they are faced with something they never thought of!



TreasureKY -> RE: Sharing (11/25/2010 6:05:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
Total is a mighty big word. (and is given little consideration for its power from both sides of the kneel) It doesn't even have to be about sex or sharing, there are a lot of different areas involved in the word.


Sure, but as long as one isn't delusional, then it's also an extremely easy word... it means EVERYTHING. That really cuts down on a lot of conversation.

quote:

One can't promise something and then out of the blue change it without a lot of conversation as well as considering the ramifications and accepting responsibility for any fall-out.


Sure I can and I do sometimes..... well... the conversation part. The "Ramification" and "responsibility" parts.. yeah... no getting out of those. I can and do do whatever I want (which is synonymous with what I believe to be good for us). But I cannot get out of the karmic results of those decisions.


Jeff... I hate to ask this, but do you have something against talking with Carol much?



porcelaine -> RE: Sharing (11/25/2010 7:44:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I didn't see her say anything anywhere about her wanting to be "in slavery".  I get that it's where *you* are coming from, but I don't see any indication of it being where *she* is coming from.  Nor did I see her saying anything about always following his lead.  I'm curious why that would be what you would tell her to do. 


Greetings sunshine,

I'm a little confused about your questions since the OP solicited personal opinions in her original comment which I quoted. My remarks were based upon my perspective and the utilization of 'you' in the opening sentence was general and not directed to the party in question. As the comment continued one will note that I'm speaking in relation to myself and how I would approach the situation if I found myself in a similar position.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



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