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RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 4:24:27 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Ok then, so far I have been called a judgemental cunt, a whore, stupid, a fat bitch, and all the other crap I'm not going to bother looking back for. Here's judgemental for you.



No You were not CALLED a Judgmental cunt, I said I DISLIKED judgmental cunts, I never said I disliked you your thought of you as a judgmental cunt...

Someone said you COULD be called a whore or slut for simply being on this site. as a sub....... not that you WERE or ARE...

See personal attacks like the rest of your post are against TOS here....  making a statement or posting an opinion is NOT against tos.

Please learn to read whats posted... Not what you assume from that post.

In fact stop assuming it making your colors show (take that how you want)


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 261
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 4:43:24 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

lol....bite me little boy

In yo dreams chunky momma!


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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Profile   Post #: 262
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 4:48:12 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Annie,

A curiosity: why would you dismiss men who simply didn't list their weight? They may not be overweight at all. They may just not list their weight.

You don't want someone overweight.

How many lbs over their weight is "overweight". If you go by their weights alone you might be missing the fact that they could have very muscular builds.

Also, if you don't want them to be overweight, do you think that in shape and fit dominant men should exclude you because you have 40lbs left to lose? How would that work for you? It sounds very difficult.
And that 40lbs, whose standard of perfection is that...? (Note: I am NOT at all suggesting that that would be overweight. I am asking you to consider that there is some subjectivity. For example, my sis-in-law weighs about the same as I do. She is taller but looks much heavier because she has a very round tummy, whereas my weight is pretty evenly distributed and I have thin arms.)

How long have you been overweight, is it recent or is it a longtime struggle, because the scariest thing about losing weight is that most people are unable to sustain it and gain what they lose plus more.
Since you have mentioned no excuses and being fit, how fit are you?

This is not meant to be antagonistic.
If you are reading that into it, I realise some of the questions are invasive but they aren't intended as threatening.



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Profile   Post #: 263
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 4:49:10 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		You know ironically, EVERYONE JUDGES.  Rejections is not necessarily a negative thing..  EVERYONE who has posted on this thread has in one way or another JUDGED every person they have ever hooked up with on their looks and through their judgment they have accepted or rejected people.  And just because they accepted a person to move on the next step, doesn't mean their acceptance was a positive thing.   It could very well be a concept that causes both of you to waste your time because you weren't honest.  If they say they haven't then they are either lying to themselves or are either lying to "sound" good to other people who are lying to themselves.   

Appearances matter and they should.  IF someone is fat and it effects their appearance to someone observing them, then that isn't shallow or whatnot.  I don't think most people realize what shallow means.

For most people who have stated they do judge someone on their appearance have indicated what that appearance relays TO them about a person  -- that isn't shallow that is what perception is all about.  It amuses me when i read threads like this because it shows people who aren't honest with themselves about what they DO perceive when they look at people.  MAYBE a person's appearance many times becomes an indifferent concept as they get to know someone, but i have yet to see anyone say that a person's obesity is the reason they reject them but its DEEPER than that, its has a whole bunch of other concepts at play -- for many women who are looking for a dom or Master,  it's based upon what that obesity represents to them.  THAT is not shallow, that is an indepth identification of what their perception has given them.  WE ALL DO THIS.  If you don't think you do, you aren't being honest with yourself.

The problem i have with an obese man is 1) i am not sexually attracted to same and that would in fact hinder his ability to master me, 2) its about expectations and standards -- NOT MINE -- HIS.   To me, if his expectations and standards allow him to be obese and more so continue to be so, then to me he doesn't hold himself to high expectations and standards, i want a Man who will hold me to high expectations and standards. To me, if he is incapable of setting up an atmosphere and environment wherein HE can reach his own expectations and standards, how the hell will be be able to do the same for me, and 3)  it is a concept of control and self-mastery.  If he is incapable of achieving same over his own person, how will he be able to with me?  

Now, many people may not think the above is important in their relationship, and for me and boyfriends i would agree, however, if someone is portraying themselves to me as a Dom or Master who would like to explore his owning me and mastering me, then for ME, this stuff matters.   You don't have to agree because i hold a Man calling himself Dom or Master to a higher expectation i do the average joe, but in the end, there is a hell of a lot at stake to me in a M/s relationship than a average joe relationship.  This man will have control over me, my life, and how i exist in his life.  DAMN STRAIGHT i will hold him to damn high expectations. To be a Dom or Master is a choice a Man makes, to go farther and determine they want full control over a woman, then he damn well better portray in the general day that HE has control over himself, his life, and how he exists within same.  If he is obese, to me, he doesn't show that.

So for people who call it shallow, you really may want to take a step or two back from your sanctimonious ideas because its a hell of a lot more indepth as to the rejection of same than your shallow ACCEPTANCE of an obese person simply because you don't think it matters.  You don't have to agree with what begins my due diligence on a potential man who wants to own me, but then its a good thing because its not your life in his hands.

Be careful your own decision to accept someone who is obese isn't shallow.  Not looking at the obesity and accepting despite of it can in fact be very shallow.

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 4:50:12 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
My first filter in chosing a partner is visual. If he passes my requirements of what I find attractive and necessary in a partner then I'll move to the get to know you stage. From there, there's a bunch of other things (personality) that are needed for any kind of attraction to continue.

Mine too.  I won't hit on a woman unless I think she's ridiculously hot.  You're in that category for me, but I'm not tall enough to meet your criteria, so there it is.  (Oddly enough, the woman I'm dating is taller than I am, and prefers to look at a man eye-to-eye instead of to look up.  Lucky me.)

The deal, though, Mistress Blahblahblah, is that no one's going to jump down my throat or yours for being that way, because we're sensible, and respectful of others, no matter what they look like.  It's one thing to say "I don't want to fuck you" and quite another thing to say "You are less important as a human being than other people."  I think that's where most of the reaction comes from.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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Profile   Post #: 265
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 4:50:32 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

Yeah well...I'm picky as to who goes in my ass. You can bet your ass (no pun intended) that he's in shape and good looking to earn that honor.
Shorey fits the bill quite nicely. He's perfect for me. But had he been overweight in the initial pic he sent me, our relationship never would have progressed beyond that. And I can guarantee that had I been overweight in my profile pic, he never would have contacted me.

I don't think there's anything wrong at all in making decisions based on visuals. People do it all of the time. But for some reason, some things are politically correct and some are not. If some dom had really crappy teeth and bad breath because he had poor hygiene and a sub judged him because of that, it would be acceptable. For some reason, weight is not.
My first filter in chosing a partner is visual. If he passes my requirements of what I find attractive and necessary in a partner then I'll move to the get to know you stage. From there, there's a bunch of other things (personality) that are needed for any kind of attraction to continue.

It was a little ironical humor.

I guess I find that way a little superficial..I mean I may want to be attracted to a person but I can surely love them if I can get to me what's far more important. Of course it doesn't hurt.

As far as some things being okay and others not..well that's just life..It also applies to the weight issue and those who are down on it probably should pay attention to that as well.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 12/1/2010 5:20:21 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 5:14:45 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Annie,

A curiosity: why would you dismiss men who simply didn't list their weight? They may not be overweight at all. They may just not list their weight.

You don't want someone overweight.

How many lbs over their weight is "overweight". If you go by their weights alone you might be missing the fact that they could have very muscular builds.

Also, if you don't want them to be overweight, do you think that in shape and fit dominant men should exclude you because you have 40lbs left to lose? How would that work for you? It sounds very difficult.
And that 40lbs, whose standard of perfection is that...? (Note: I am NOT at all suggesting that that would be overweight. I am asking you to consider that there is some subjectivity. For example, my sis-in-law weighs about the same as I do. She is taller but looks much heavier because she has a very round tummy, whereas my weight is pretty evenly distributed and I have thin arms.)

How long have you been overweight, is it recent or is it a longtime struggle, because the scariest thing about losing weight is that most people are unable to sustain it and gain what they lose plus more.
Since you have mentioned no excuses and being fit, how fit are you?

This is not meant to be antagonistic.
If you are reading that into it, I realise some of the questions are invasive but they aren't intended as threatening.




Hi angelikaJ, I guess them not listing their weight would make me wonder why. Nothing inflammatory, just my thoughts. I cringe when I list my weight but I do it.

And they do exclude me...lol. Trust me on that one. Again, it is what it is. It's just their preference.

That's why I said grossly overweight in my OP, like 100 lbs. 30-40 lbs I can handle. It actually may be fun to lose the weight together. I truly want to be with someone who wants to be fit and healthy so I can stay on my path to that lifestyle. I've always battled 10 to 20 lbs all my life, but when I hit my 40's, was when I gained all the weight and carried it for about 4 years.

Well, I'm 5'2 so 40lbs can show pretty easily. I still wondering when the girls will go down, sheesh, lol. They are the only place I haven't lost. But I did find my waistline.

It's a lifestyle change, bottom line. And I threw away all clothes over the size I am right now. I refuse to buy more. When they get tight, I get serious and they loosen back up. I exercise and eat right still but admit to needing to get more serious about getting the last 40 off. Getting it off gets progressively harder as you have less to lose.

Not antagonistic at all, thanks :)


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Profile   Post #: 267
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 5:23:30 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

So, just a few things....

I'm still waiting (or is that weighting) for a definition of "grossly obese" from the OP...are we talking about 100lbs + based on a doctor's chart or something more?

Is this thread about weight/dominance/self-control and whether or not a fat dom can actually be considered a dominant because he's fat or is it about personal preferences concerning weight?

And finally, could someone please direct me to where I made an offensive post enough to justify this comment from the OP..

quote:



Bones, your weight isn't posted. I got your number. If you spent the time you did giving your opinion on this thread and instead got on a treadmill, you might not be so bitter. You protest too much to be valid.



*ETA... ahhh, I see my first question has been answered. One down, two more to go.



< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 12/1/2010 5:25:06 PM >

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RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 5:24:06 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		I agree with you, angel. I think it makes perfect sense to hold a Master/Dom to a higher standard. Like you said, we are putting our lives in their hands....literally.

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Profile   Post #: 269
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 7:00:52 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
I had no patience for people arguing that cigarette smoking was not a health problem (back when I smoked) and I have the same lack of patience for this argument.

I'm sorry you feel the discussion is trying your patience.
quote:


to YOU. To ME, it is a core part of the responsibility I signed up for... .responsibility, I might add, that I'd truly prefer not to have. I am here to tell you that it is WAY more fun to command Carol to blow me than it is to command her to reshape her relationship with food, exercise, and alcohol. So it's not like I'm doing this because I don't have better things to do. I'm pretty OK with deciding for myself what is and is not gravy to me. Does it help you to know that your attitude is just as mystifying to me as mine is to yours? I am baffled how anyone could call the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual health of someone... "gravy". What the hell is the meat then?

If you found the term offensive, I apologize. The context I have always heard that used is "different strokes, different folks"/"It's all good","Makes sense to me", etc.

It's slang, not actual gravy and one that meant no offense.
quote:


No. I wouldn't give you links to studies showing that 1+1 <> 3. Why on earth would I link this? Both the mathematics and the studies are trivial to find.

Because someone who genuinely wants information politely asked for your sources to further their information and education? This is first time a request for more information has been met with what seems like disdain.
quote:


If you really care, search for real studies, not magazine polls. And search post 2005-ish. Be CAREFUL what you read. There are radical differences between the following statements:

I'm not in the habit of asking for sources when I don't care nor did I say I got my information from magazines. If I recall correctly, it was some class or another - as I said, it was years ago.
quote:


~15% of women admit to cheating when asked face to face.
~40% of women admit to cheating when asked anonymously.
~50% of women admit to cheating when they believe they are hooked to a polygraph (no real polygraph needed)
~?? of women actually cheated.

I would very much like to know where you got these from. Please understand - I am not doubting you. I simply want to know.
quote:


Just for the record, I'm not saying women are bad. I happen to really, really like women.. more than men as a matter of fact. Most of my friends are female. What is emerging though is the real clear understanding that women are not any more pure or faithful or virtuous than men. In fact, they're about the same but they lie more (due to a higher social cost for telling the truth).

I wouldn't think that anything about this post implies that you dislike women. I happen to have a high opinion of both you and Carol, despite not always seeing eye to eye.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/1/2010 7:01:25 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 7:03:39 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

And finally, could someone please direct me to where I made an offensive post enough to justify this comment from the OP..

quote:



Bones, your weight isn't posted. I got your number. If you spent the time you did giving your opinion on this thread and instead got on a treadmill, you might not be so bitter. You protest too much to be valid.



*ETA... ahhh, I see my first question has been answered. One down, two more to go.




Best of luck to ya.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 271
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 9:42:37 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		Sometimes i realise that i need to take a step back because i feel myself turning into someone i don't like. i want to apolygise to anyone i might have offended. i'm think going to give it a rest for now. i talk too much about what i know nothing about. That's MY addictive behavior. i wish everyone well.

Sincerely,
pam

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Profile   Post #: 272
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 10:10:23 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		~FR

Its wonderful that so many women dont want heavier men. Means more for the rest of us.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Profile   Post #: 273
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 10:42:26 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19
A) Those preferences should be tempered at least *somewhat* by a more complete appraisal of the person's character, rather than being used as an excuse to automatically reject (or, for that matter, make sweeping assumptions about) that person out of hand; and
  No.  They shouldn't.  The game of attraction is based on a combination of deep psychological and psychosocial wiring.  Whining about the choices women make is counterproductive and - much worse than that - it's weak.  What you will find is that women value strength, not virtue.  Under no circumstances are you ever justified in complaining about the choices women make.  Women will generally choose the best man they can find where 'best' is mostly a judgment call made by deep, unconscious responses.

Your task is to achieve excellence.  To aim to become the avatar of everything that is masculine.  In striving for this goal, you'll find worth within yourself.  And so will others.  Your aim should not be to mould yourself to please women.  It's to mould yourself into being the best you can be.  In doing so, you'll become far more attractive to women than you could possibly imagine.

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Profile   Post #: 274
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/1/2010 10:56:11 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338
If you drag me to an opera, I will bring a barf bag.
  WHAT!??!?!  You culturalist anti-elitist swine!!!

Wait... this is cause opera singers are fat, isn't it!


Note:  For the humour-impaired - this is a joke.  I usually don't have to point this out but cruising this forum has shown me that -  at times - Americans can be depressingly literal.

quote:

Ok, I'm ready for my attacks because I said dwarf. :)
Okay, this brings up a point.  Which is more culturally acceptable?  Dwarf?  Or midget?  Is there a difference between dwarves and midgets?  Are midgets merely short, whereas dwarves are differently-proportioned?  Is it true that the definition of midget is 4'8" and under?  Inquiring minds want to know.

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 275
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/2/2010 12:48:44 AM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Under no circumstances are you ever justified in complaining about the choices women make.


Funny, this is what my ex always used to say (she was just talking about the choices *she* made, of course).  I always thought she was being unreasonable, but I guess she was right after all!

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 276
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/2/2010 8:23:00 AM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338
If you drag me to an opera, I will bring a barf bag.
  WHAT!??!?!  You culturalist anti-elitist swine!!!

Wait... this is cause opera singers are fat, isn't it!


Note:  For the humour-impaired - this is a joke.  I usually don't have to point this out but cruising this forum has shown me that -  at times - Americans can be depressingly literal.

quote:

Ok, I'm ready for my attacks because I said dwarf. :)
Okay, this brings up a point.  Which is more culturally acceptable?  Dwarf?  Or midget?  Is there a difference between dwarves and midgets?  Are midgets merely short, whereas dwarves are differently-proportioned?  Is it true that the definition of midget is 4'8" and under?  Inquiring minds want to know.



Yes, because they are fat and won't quit singing. Does a note really need to be carried that long? I would rather slum it and watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I heard somewhere the politically correct term (until that is changed again) is "little people". Can't remember where I heard that but I did...lol. Not sure of the real height to fall into that catagory. Google it maybe?

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 277
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/2/2010 11:25:08 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

~FR

Its wonderful that so many women dont want heavier men. Means more for the rest of us.

A LOT MORE!


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

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Profile   Post #: 278
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/2/2010 12:46:36 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Im trying to find the bad in that... and i just cant!

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 279
RE: Weight and Master/Dom control - 12/2/2010 1:35:49 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut

I actually know quite a few people who are of a healthy weight yet lack plenty of self-discipline. So I don't get where that assumption makes much sense. Believe it or not plenty of people can eat junk 24/7 and not do a darn thing but sit on their behind all day and look good weight wise.




Oh I totally agree with this. We all have different metabolisms and it seems unfair that whilst some people can't even look at a cookie without it jumping straight onto their hips, others can pig out to their hearts content and still be skinny.
My niece continually gets laughed and stared at whilst out because she is so big. She has a brain tumor and the medication she is on has made her the size she is. Her doctors have said that its the weight that will eventually kill her but if she stopped the medication the brain tumor would kill her quicker.

What I have all too often seen though, is bbw's tucking into a greasy spoon dinners with a couple of muffins and a litre of pepsi whilst saying, ' I don't know why Im so big. I hardly eat anything'.
It doesn't help that so many people are now in the sort of jobs that require you to sit on your ass all day.
There's so much on tv, that its enticing to put your feet up every evening or there's the computer and internet to play on and take up ones time. We live in a world where its now very easy to get into the habit of laziness.

I would not judge someones weight as laziness or over indulgence with food unless I knew them and saw them over eating and being lazy. Unfortunately I have seen quiet a lot of that.

_____________________________

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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