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BDSM arouses me mentally and physically. Vanilla sex does not. It's that simple.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
At times being screwed is ok if the correct result is reached. now me lad, I do know that you have the capacity to have we readers understand the deeper meanings that run through the veins of you and carol! Enlighten us friend.

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personally if i was a male Dom id be more likely to look at emily first purely because of that assumption, but thats just me and im not a male Dom -

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I thought of a couple more:

* I like to be thought of or viewed as a possession.

* I love with all my heart being useful, being "in use," used. Even if many of my own desires are not fulfilled, knowing that I'm making someone I care for and admire happy and content by being of service to them provides immense gratification, usually enough not to mind the missing elements.

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Greetings CP,

Thank you for the compliment. My road has taken a sharp turn and my path has a spiritual undercurrent that wasn't present in the past, but one I find both gratifying and necessary for the union I seek. In my opinion that is the ultimate connection.

Namaste,

~porcelaine [/quote

porcelaine,

Now that is a unique consideration given that there are so few that have thrit D/s elelments take on a spiritual twist. I am curious as to what cause that......if of course you care to share it.

CP]

(in reply to porcelaine)

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Hmm... well I'm not sure I ever "turned to D/s".

I came to my current level of turnage via kinky sex. I had a girlfriend who (it turned out) was sub, she started dropping hints and one evening I spanked her.

And her reaction was amazing.. she was wet, horny, shaking. And the post spanky sex was rocking. We did lots of "kinky" stuff - all of it basically play (We were like two baby lions learning how to hunt). Then something changed - the fulfilment went from my cock to my brain.

Once it got there, there was no way I could give it up.

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We think everyone came here by doing the same thing... following their fetishes. How that plays out is as different as the fetishes, the people and all the combinations therein.

Master Fire

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For years and years, something was missing in my relationships with men, including in a 24 year marriage. I had no words for what it was. None. It was a "feeling". I responded to a profile on a vanilla site to a "Sir C.."; I had no idea. I thought he was simply a gentleman. : ) Then he sent me some erotic, D/s BDSM literature. First I was outraged. (This all seems pretty amusing now). Then I calmed down and realized it was erotic literature, and not pornography. Then I realized something went "ping". I started exploring. I found Takeninhand.com, which is often maligned here, but it sure helped me to understand the dynamics of dominance and submission, and that was truly helpful. I realized that what was missing in my life was that dynamic; a man in control, who could shoulder the responsibilities in a relationship, direct, lead. I am a strong leader myself and needed someone stronger. A local dominant made himself available to me to answer my questions and dispell some of my fears. I am very grateful to both Sirs. The rest echoes Lally's post.

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Ahem... FR stands for "Fast Reply" - which means that you shouldn't presume that the post is a reply to the person who posted last. Surprised that a four batter doesn't know that.

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what brought me to D/s? good fortune. the good fortune to come across someone, very casually, who after hearing me complain about my life for the umpteenth time said these words: "there's something i've been wanting to tell you for a while now. don't take this the wrong way, but i think you're a submissive." that was the first time i had ever heard the term that way "a" submissive. but it instantly rung a bell. one little word explained so many things about my personality, my behavior, and many of the circumstances (unfortunately a great deal of them negative) which had occurred in my life.

from very early childhood, i'd always had a very difficult time saying no to others. it was almost physically painful for me to disappoint anyone. i was always doing the homework of other children, giving away money, etc. i was always extremely quiet and painfully shy. when i became older these qualities only intensified. i found it impossible to take any kind of leadership role, even when i technically had the skills to do so. it was always much more comfortable for me to be far in the background, doing the heavy "grunt work" without recognition. when it came to sex i just didn't say no, no matter what my own personal wishes may have been. so i developed a reputation of being "easy," a slut, etc. once i was singled out as a target, there were even more men approaching me, doing whatever they wished to me, because they knew i would not stop them. i was raped many times. and many more times i just went on autopilot, my mind and spirit leaving the building while whatever went on with my physical self. it led to a lifetime of severe depression and dismally low self-esteem, zero sense of worth.

so this is the sort of thing i would complain about to this casual acquaintance. and i am forever grateful to him just for using that one powerful word: submissive. i was subservient, very compliant, driven to please. it fit. then i did some research online and came across some websites which focused on submissive women and Dominant men. sex/sexual expression was not a focus...if it had been i would have clicked off instantly. no, there were people discussing innate personalities and things like the natural order. it was totally fascinating, and totally awesome. all my life i had assumed the way i was signified some sort of horrible defect. and i was certain that not only would i never find love, but that i would never even find a man who would see me as anything more than a series of holes to fuck. i had only had one boyfriend, and it was a long distance relationship so we saw each other rarely. and even with that, he was with me more out of some sense of duty to "fix" me than anything else.

but now i saw that maybe, just maybe, there was a place for me in this world. i wasn't the only woman out there like this. not only that, there were actually men in the world who wanted women like me. who found something valuable and beautiful in us. it gave me hope, hope not just for a relationship but for LIFE. because frankly before then i didn't care a bit whether i lived or died.

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D/s is a part of Me. I didn't "turn to" it. It IS me.

Not all of me, but it is a central part- around which everything else fits.

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(And I don't know why people can't seem to get that. There's a "why are you on this path?" thread every second day around here!)

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I was actually thinking about it today, about my past vanilla relationships. It would start great and go for a while but they always catered to me. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? What do you want to buy? Any disagreements they would always give in to what I wanted and just followed along.

And the more they did that, the more bored, frustrated, and uncontent I became. Maybe that's why my first "love of my life" became that. He didn't let me get away with that chit...lol. I'd get the "look". uh oh. We were together the longest, 10 years.... It's was very telling when I thought about it, oh me of little to no experience...lol.

But I think I might have hit on something.

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Sheer luck brought me to this lifestyle. A friend pointed me to Alt as a place to check out what we had talked about.

I always thought I was born in the wrong era. All I have ever wanted to do was please others.
Do for them and see that they had all they wanted.
I have always bowed to the choices the men in my life have made.
But I was also always looking for more from my life.
I knew what I was but didn't have a name for it.

This life fits me and what I need and want in my life.
It is like I have finally come home.

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In my case it was curiosity