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Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 6:55:01 PM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		So has anyone met anybody from online (whether or not from CM specifically), and if so, what are the some of the good and bad experiences you've had?  Any pointers, lessons you've learned, etc.?

I've met a few people from MySpace, Facebook, and such places, but only one Domme (if you could call that a meeting... I paid for her manicure and we were supposed to hang out afterward, but she ended up sending me on my way after ignoring me the whole time, LoL).  So in this, as in all things, I am pretty much a novice.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 7:02:53 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		So next time meet for a coffee or cup of tea. Meet as people not labels.

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 7:06:51 PM   
dory007


Posts: 40
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		i've met many people from on line. most of them i knew on line for a long time. had a woman from England visiting the state who stayed at my home for a few days. it was lovely. i met my previous Master on "that other site" and we were together almost 8 years. Met my current Master after knowing him on line for 5 years. Have met several other friends, Doms, subs along the way. i like having visitors and since we live in a tourist area, many people take us up on the offer of a room when they come through.  i've been fortunate that i have always enjoyed meeting the people i've met. i've made big mistakes that could have had dire consequences that didn't. - like not having a safe call when i first started meeting people from on line, not pre negotiating play etc. but i learned and i grew and i know there are real people out there. you just have to keep your eyes open for the real ones. when i was seriously looking, i was stood up plenty of times. it just goes along with some of the other play acting. i also look at finding people on line as being friends first. there is no way of knowing from "on line" if a person is really going to be like you think they are. so it is best not to have preconceived notions about someone being "the one" until after you have actually met them and spent time with them.

best wishes on your search.

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 7:11:32 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Many of us have met here. 

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to dory007)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 7:21:47 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've met lots of people online in my lifetime. I met Master from here and before him I met many others both male and female from here, from other bdsm websites and many other types of sites not bdsm related.

Some I dated for a little while, others became friends of mine, some we just realized we weren't compatible on any levels, shook hands and headed our separate ways and others I wished I'd never met at all.

Good experiences: Met Master...duh.

Bad experiences: basically they were not as they represented themselves as online.

I"ve never seen any of this in a negative light though. I live in reality and realize that no matter where I meet people some are not going to be as they seem. I just move on with my life and forget about them.

I would suggest taking your time and not rushing into meeting people <but not too long. There's a balance>. Get to know the people you are going to meet and don't have any expectations. Agree to meet them just as person to person..not as dom to sub, etc...and just have coffee, go for a walk or something simple. This will make things easie for the both of you.

Good luck


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 7:42:22 PM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the replies, and keep 'em coming!  LoL.  :)

Keeping it casual at first sounds like a good idea.  Kinda takes the pressure off, LoL.  So I will definitely try that in the future.

littlewonder: when you say they were not as they represented themselves... did they misrepresent their appearance, age, whether they were dominant/submissive, or what?  I know that, personally, I am always very careful to communicate that I am

A) New to BDSM, and have very little knowledge about it at the end of the day, and

B) I try never to mislead anyone about my appearance, 'cause I figure it would suck to really hit it off with someone, only to have things fall apart after the first meeting due to a lack of "physical chemistry."  If someone's going to dismiss me based on appearance alone, I prefer to get it out of the way in the beginning, before I get to know them and risk becoming emotionally attached.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 7:52:45 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

littlewonder: when you say they were not as they represented themselves... did they misrepresent their appearance, age, whether they were dominant/submissive, or what? I know that, personally, I am always very careful to communicate that I am


All of the above. I've had people lie to me about their age, their weight, height, personality, their gender, whether dom or sub, life experiences, etc...you name it. I've met lots and lots of people over the years and it wasn't just from bdsm sites and it wasn't just from online meetings. I've had people misrepresent themselves from all walks of life online and offline. People are people and people will say or do anything when they're desperate for a connection be it for just sex or something more or even just friendship.



(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 7:59:59 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

So has anyone met anybody from online (whether or not from CM specifically), and if so, what are the some of the good and bad experiences you've had?  Any pointers, lessons you've learned, etc.?


Greetings Atropos,

I've met several people in the past from other venues and my experiences were positive for the most part. I lived to tell at least. However, my risk taking days are behind me and I'm much more selective now. Aside from those that I've conversed with for years that I have a real connection with the chances of me meeting someone from the Internet are relatively slim. My comfort level has shifted and I no longer entertain male company in that fashion.

In terms of advice, expect the unexpected and recognize that you're only viewing one aspect of the individual through other mediums. There's always elements you never fathomed that will eventually creep out as familiarity grows. No matter how wonderful the individual appears to be keep in mind there will be aspects of their person that you won't be enthralled with. Avoid hoisting them up too high. The plummet that follows will only incite disappointment. They're great on paper/screen, etc. but that must be substantiated with real experiences and not dependent on the virtual for validation.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 8:13:15 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I've met well over a hundred people from this site.  If you search using My name in the Positive Experiences forum, you'll find a lot of recounts.  Also, Wyld started a thread some time ago for folks to list who they have met from the site.  That was some time ago and I've met other folks since then.  Most recently two people who have accounts here that I got to meet at a dinner last Saturday.

BTW, how is it that your account seems to have been created in 2006, but you keep telling people how new you are to BDSM, OP?  I'm curious how that worked out.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 8:20:35 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		I saw someone for 4 years I met online. We chatted online and on the phone for 8 months before meeting (ok, I'm a slow meet, I'm working on that)

But in the next breath I am going to suggest not to rush into meets. And don't be overeager. Nothing makes me hit the block button quicker than wanting to meet me after 1 or 2 chats.

I suggest meet someone you actually like. I meet one I wasn't sure I liked, he was just so damned interesting. We still chat occasionally online.

And I'd table the sex chatting for the most part. It's fine to play and flirt, but if someone just always talks about sex, I get bored quickly.

< Message edited by anniezz338 -- 12/3/2010 8:21:45 PM >

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 8:26:55 PM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		What does OP mean?

Also... I created my account 4 years ago (if that's what it says), but at that time there weren't a lot of people from my local area on the site.  There still aren't, LoL, but over the years I've checked in once every six months or so (just whenever it would pop into my head), looked a few folks up and messaged a few people.  It so happens that on my most recent visit, I messaged a couple people who wrote me back and got some conversations going, which has been conducive to me sticking around a bit longer.  I also discovered the forums, which I had no idea existed until recently.  I'm not sure how I originally discovered the site, but I can only guess that someone I met on Yahoo or MySpace must have directed me to it.

My only real involvement w/ BDSM outside the occasional visit to this site has been the aforementioned situation with the Domme I met, and come to think of it I'd hardly call that "real" involvement, LoL.  My profile explains my reasoning for being interested in the scene and why I think it might be something that would "work" for me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 8:32:29 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19
So has anyone met anybody from online (whether or not from CM specifically), and if so, what are the some of the good and bad experiences you've had?  Any pointers, lessons you've learned, etc.?

I put my first profiles up online in 2007.  Since then, I've met over fifty people from CollarMe, and maybe 20 more from Alt and nilla sites.  Maybe 30 of the people I met from CM were as friends only, and the rest were dates.  I've met femdoms, switches and subs.

I think 99% of the "common sense advice" offered about how to meet S&M-style is bogus, because it is geared to people who are primarily looking for a play relationship.  For example, you will often read "Meet at a coffee shop first."  I have never done this.  I am interested in building a friendship or a relationship with the person.  So it's dinner, or let's make a day of it.  I've met at the zoo, I've met at a restaurant, and I've even taken a woman off CM to a wedding as my date -- we had never met before that day.  I've had two no-shows during that entire time, and everybody looked like their pic.  I've had three relationships during that time, all from online, including the relationship I am in now.

You requested profile advice on another thread, and I gave you some.  You haven't taken it.  I really do know what I am talking about.  If you change the way you are presenting yourself, you will have a better chance to meet a woman who doesn't use you like a commodity.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 8:32:49 PM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		annie: I don't think the sex chatting will be a problem... I'm terrible at cybering.  Watch the "talking dirty" episode of Seinfeld and you'll have some idea what I mean.

Red: I responded to your advice over in the other thread.  I actually completely re-wrote my intro/about me section a day or two ago.  As far as the pic... as I said in the other thread, I photograph terribly.  Always have.  If I smile, it looks like I'm squinting, and if I don't, I look like a zombie, LoL.  :(


< Message edited by Atropos19 -- 12/3/2010 8:37:13 PM >

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 8:45:42 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		From that thread:

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
In particular, get help with photos.  You look as though you are squinting into the sun, and the background doesn't say "romantic" or "sensual." 
...
Another word about photos: it is irrelevant if your face is showing.  What matters is that you appear interesting.  Be someone that makes women curious and intrigued, and glad they heard from you.

Your response to me there (and here) doesn't have a motherfucking thing to do with what I actually said.  If you continue like this, I will stop talking with you.  You, of course, might be just fine with that.  I only talk to people who actually have conversations with me.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 8:47:26 PM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Wow, dude... chill out.  Seriously.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 8:48:00 PM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		I have met hundreds of people from online , from get togethers, munches, play events, to one on one meetings. There has been some bad, the norm, and the good........ I have met a lot of great friends, and even a few play mates.

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 10:00:08 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I dont know how many people I've met over the years from online..  More than I feel like trying to count.  Some of them, I've known so long now that I often forget that we initially met via the internet.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to UmbraDomina)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 10:00:43 PM   
vancraft


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/4/2010
Status: offline 		yep, when i was 15-16 i joined a gay community site in order to meet other queer people so i could have someone to relate to, met one friend who was a vital support system for me and i him for years and we still keep in touch.

i met old roommate from online, then i met his friend who he met online and nearly married the guy(thank god gay marriage wasn't legal in states yet lol)

i meet a girl off collarme, she was pretty cool but we didn't have any real chemistry.

oh and i met current roommate off a craigslist add for a room

people can be flighty and try to portray an image online... but same with real life.
online is way easier to scout out a potential friend or relationship as people mention interests in posts/profiles, but face to face is where you often met people you instantly click with personality wise through random small talk or whatnot.

(in reply to UmbraDomina)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 10:10:26 PM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I think the "stigma" attached to meeting people online is quickly fading, LoL.  In a few years, I think it will be considered "just another way to meet people," and something no one will think twice about. 

It's funny, but when you read recommendations about meeting folks from online, often the advice you get is on the order of, "Meet in a public place, during the day, and be sure to come armed, wired, and covered by sharpshooters."  But personally, I'd wager that you know more about the average person after reading their Facebook profile, than you would after chatting them up in a club or at a party for twenty minutes and then asking for their number.  And yet people go off alone, at night, with such people all the time.  It's a funny world we live in.

(in reply to vancraft)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/3/2010 10:26:51 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I dont know how many people I've met over the years from online.. 


Only one ... ME!

The rest - gravy.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 20
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