RE: "Place"...what and why?

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RE: "Place"...what and why? - 12/16/2010 3:53:35 PM

HisEvelyn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

Occasionally, I get a little stressed and slip out of place a smidge, and he reminds me of where we both prefer me to be with a look or a single word. I cannot even imagine having to be 'put in my place',

Well, you've just described a situation where you do *slip out of place* and get reminded of it. Not sure what difference you're drawing here.

agirl

I think the difference for me is that in that situation, he just gives a gentle reminder that I'm not in 'my place' and I go back there willingly. I never feel like I'm being 'put' there. I personally think of being 'put' somewhere as a more forceful act, or something beyond a simple reminder of what you really want. I hope that makes sense. As opposed to being 'put in my place', he just reminds me of the place I want to be in the first place.

I didn't read every other post in this thread in their entirety. Did my opinion clash with something already said?

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RE: "Place"...what and why? - 12/16/2010 10:25:26 PM

mbes

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Yeah, I'm not seeing it as different from "put in place", what you described. You slipped, he reminded, you got back in line. Or does it not count as that for you, that there was no force?
I was reminded this evening of a circumstance which causes me to "forget my place". Set me in front of a broken computer, and all else in the world falls away. I am, for that time, in a wholy different place. So, he stops me and reminds me of what my place is. No harm, no foul, so long as I get back in my place!

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RE: "Place"...what and why? - 12/17/2010 9:31:58 PM

Twoshoes

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I have devised an analogy to help you guys understand each other.

Some people are innately more suited to decision-making more than others. It's like dancing and choreography. Some people are just great dancers, some are just great choreographers, the vast majority can be a little bit of both and some are actually very good at both.

Now a dancer's "place", when they've accepted a job is to learn the choreography and perform it. From HisEvelyn's standpoint, she's just a dancer. When something isn't the required choreography, it's mostly simply a misinterpretation and requires clarification. She doesn't spend too much time thinking about the choreography, she just tries to do it accurately.

For some other people, their decision-making thought processes will cause them to deliberately or subconsciously modify elements of the choreography.

Now, some choreographers will get upset and remind the dancers who is in charge when their vision isn't being respected 99% perfectly, some will incorporate elements into the choreography if they improve it (from the choreographer's point of view) and some may be really easy-going about it letting the dancers incorporate random elements they like.

And even the easy-going ones will get upset if you start changing the choreography mid-performance without asking them, because they're ultimately responsible. They'll remind everyone what their place in the entire arrangement is.

Personally, I fall quite neatly into the last category, in ANYTHING I've ever been put in charge in, because I always want to make sure everyone is well-inspired, personally invested and not having their creativity limited. And I don't mind not being in charge in things, but if I do take responsibility for something and you fuck with my vision (especially considering how considerate I am to begin with), I get very, very, very annoyed.

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RE: "Place"...what and why? - 12/18/2010 12:16:33 PM

HisEvelyn

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That's a wonderful analogy, Two shoes. Thank you. Pretty much exactly what I was trying to get across. An especially poignant analogy for me as well, since I DO dance (bellydancing is amazingly fun).

Though, to follow the analogy a bit further, I do occasionally offer suggestions on how to improve the choreography. I just don't take it upon myself to do it without asking. :)

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RE: "Place"...what and why? - 12/18/2010 11:40:51 PM

Twoshoes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

That's a wonderful analogy, Two shoes. Thank you. Pretty much exactly what I was trying to get across. An especially poignant analogy for me as well, since I DO dance (bellydancing is amazingly fun).

Though, to follow the analogy a bit further, I do occasionally offer suggestions on how to improve the choreography. I just don't take it upon myself to do it without asking. :)

Hey, you're welcome. If anything, I hope this helps out those who have trouble believing some people don't care to involve themselves in decision making as much as others to begin with. And that you can be a terrific dancer either way.

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RE: "Place"...what and why? - 12/19/2010 1:07:42 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

Occasionally, I get a little stressed and slip out of place a smidge, and he reminds me of where we both prefer me to be with a look or a single word. I cannot even imagine having to be 'put in my place',

Well, you've just described a situation where you do *slip out of place* and get reminded of it. Not sure what difference you're drawing here.

agirl

I think the difference for me is that in that situation, he just gives a gentle reminder that I'm not in 'my place' and I go back there willingly. I never feel like I'm being 'put' there. I personally think of being 'put' somewhere as a more forceful act, or something beyond a simple reminder of what you really want. I hope that makes sense. As opposed to being 'put in my place', he just reminds me of the place I want to be in the first place.

I didn't read every other post in this thread in their entirety. Did my opinion clash with something already said?

No, it didn't clash; quite the opposite. I asked because no-one had described being put in their place as anything other than having a reminder or a nudge, in the same way you were.
Even if people aren't naturally submissive, and in an M/s relationship, it's still a place they wanted to be; just for reasons other than being *a naturally submissive person*. It's not necessarily a constant, forceful fight to keep them there.

agirl

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