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LadyPact -> RE: What it's not about. (12/17/2010 11:44:21 AM)
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Geez, I hardly know where to start. [8D]
quote:
BDSM is not something that can be experienced online.
Per your explanation of the acronym later in your post, I will tell you that I am in the one definition camp. Bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. While I don't tend to go for the online thing Myself between folks who have never met, I will tell you that My (oh, we'll get to the capitals thing here in just a bit) sub didn't stop being My sub during his deployment. The word "discipline" actually has multiple meanings. Here are a couple under Webster's:
training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character
control gained by enforcing obedience or order b : orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior
Those are not things that stop just because people are temporarily separated by distance (ergo, using online as a primary means of communication) during the length of a dynamic. Just the same as when folks who are married must be in different locations for a time. They don't stop being married or expect less of one another. Very same case.
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(Notice how I didn't change capitalization. That's because doing so signifies nothing & is a device used by those who don't understand what BDSM is &/or have never really experienced it.)
On this, the only thing that I can tell you is that I've been doing this in My life since 1999. By that, I do mean "doing" which is a verb. Not five days ago, I was a demo top in a neighboring city. My writing style hasn't one thing to do with the other.
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BDSM is not a lifestyle. While it can, & often does carry over into the mundane, everyday life of those few who practice it, BDSM is 1st, & foremost, a sexual proclivity.
Except in those cases where you have a dynamic where there is no physical sex between the participants. It's not that uncommon and just because it's not your way doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.
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You don't develop a BDSM relationship by talking about it forever & then maybe eventually fumbling around like a couple of sophomores on their 1st date.
The last word I'd use to describe My topping skills is "fumbling". Sure, they can always improve, but I think I've got some idea of what I'm doing by now.
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Rather, a BDSM relationship is established by an act of submission.
Again, I'm in the one definition group. Topping and bottoming (sadism and masochism) do apply here.
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This act most certainly includes physical domination & abuse as well as any sexual depravity the dom chooses to inflict upon his sub.
I'm starting to think you would do well with a copy of Webster's. I'm not going to post the definitions of abuse here, but none of them cover My activities with others that I would describe as BDSM.
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Words mean things.
I'd agree. However, most of your definitions are lacking.
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There is a reason for these words to exist in our language. If you've never physically bound & abused another human being (and enjoyed it), you're neither a dom nor a sadist. If you've never given yourself into the control of another for the express purpose of being bound & abused (and enjoyed it) you're neither a sub nor a masochist.
The words Dom and sadist, as well as submissive and masochist, are not interchangeable. There are plenty of sadists who are not Dominant and plenty of Dominants who are not sadists. The same thing goes for the other side of the kneel. While you're entitled to your myopic view on how BDSM works, you are just like everyone else. One person with one opinion which counts no more or less than someone of a different opinion.
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(Speaking for myself & on behalf of the few genuine doms in existence. Nobody really gives a fuck what a sub thinks, so just assume she agrees with me.)
Speak for yourself all you like. You don't speak for everyone and you damn sure don't speak for Me.
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