quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

I have younger children and sometimes especially when friends come over it can be quite overwhelming.  I start out simple like say you have to pick up 5 items and put them in its place, or must hang up 5 items of clothing or put all DVDs on the shelf before they can play with friends or whatever might be happening soon.  If I do that little by little it gets cleaned up faster, rather than making a blanket statement to clean it up...period. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox
The 'clean it by XX:XX or else' bit? I'll tell you how I reacted to that as a kid: very, very badly, and in numerous ways. That only teaches your kid to wait until D-Day to clean shit. If you've gotten to the point where you feel the need to do that to your kid, you've already severely fucked up.

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ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

I am glad I never had kids-- I get to be this really cool uncle...  it works.   I would never have the patience for a 24-7 parental role. 

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox
The 'clean it by XX:XX or else' bit? I'll tell you how I reacted to that as a kid: very, very badly, and in numerous ways. That only teaches your kid to wait until D-Day to clean shit. If you've gotten to the point where you feel the need to do that to your kid, you've already severely fucked up.

The problem that a lot of people have with parenting is that children recognize when there is a pattern of empty threats.  My kids never had this confusion.  If I told them something would happen for a certain habit or behavior, they weren't dealing with a threat.  Whatever I had told them would happen was a promise.  Consistency is the key here.

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ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Tell her to keep her door closed stop going in there or doing anything like putting her clothing away if you do, and let her keep her room trashed. If the mess doesn't affect the rest of the house why cause yourself stress.

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ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Tell her to keep her door closed stop going in there or doing anything like putting her clothing away if you do, and let her keep her room trashed. If the mess doesn't affect the rest of the house why cause yourself stress.

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Tell her to keep her door closed stop going in there or doing anything like putting her clothing away if you do, and let her keep her room trashed. If the mess doesn't affect the rest of the house why cause yourself stress.

I think you missed the part about there being rats in the apartment (not the kind people keep as pets) and the daughter's habit of having dirty dishes in her room.
Plus stuff everywhere just gives the unwanteds more places to hang out and hide.

Ordinarily I would be in complete agreement but this is a health and safety issue.

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ORIGINAL: calamitysandra

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Tell her to keep her door closed stop going in there or doing anything like putting her clothing away if you do, and let her keep her room trashed. If the mess doesn't affect the rest of the house why cause yourself stress.

It is this darned thing called parenting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Tell her to keep her door closed stop going in there or doing anything like putting her clothing away if you do, and let her keep her room trashed. If the mess doesn't affect the rest of the house why cause yourself stress.

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ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

I have younger children and sometimes especially when friends come over it can be quite overwhelming.  I start out simple like say you have to pick up 5 items and put them in its place, or must hang up 5 items of clothing or put all DVDs on the shelf before they can play with friends or whatever might be happening soon.  If I do that little by little it gets cleaned up faster, rather than making a blanket statement to clean it up...period. 

This. Hell, I may award this forum post of the month.

Take a big problem and break it down into smaller ones. Do this over and over and over again, until the process of tackling a big job - any job - is firmly ingrained in your kid's mind.

The 'clean it by XX:XX or else' bit? I'll tell you how I reacted to that as a kid: very, very badly, and in numerous ways. That only teaches your kid to wait until D-Day to clean shit. If you've gotten to the point where you feel the need to do that to your kid, you've already severely fucked up.

Washing the dishes was a big one - I simply wouldn't do it. Too many childhood experiences of trying to scrape food off and being too small to do it. Followed by too many demands to 'contribute' to household chores, where as soon as I started she either got upset at my lack of skill (under the labels 'laziness' and 'lack of focus') or wandered off to do something else.

What finally got me doing dishes had nothing to do with my mom's continual threats of fire and damnation. It was going over to a friend's house, where everyone in the family washed the dishes at the same time. And by damn, it was fun; they'd switch up roles, play with the spray hose, check each other on how they were doing, and I felt like the short kid at a basketball game. But everyone was patient and didn't make me feel like I was cleanliness-retarded; they just showed me until I got it right. It really opened my eyes as to how effective parenting is done.

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ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

I usually got away with Oreos Double Stuffed...