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What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 5:56:07 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

Not generically. This question is aimed primarily at partnerless submissive men and women.

What fears do you have about meeting a dominant?

I know these forums contain a lot of partnered submissive posters so here is your version: what frightened you (past tense--er, I hope) about meeting your current partner. What did you fear or dread might happen or, even if you were perfectly fearless and had a prospective master who perfectly put you at ease, what did you have a niggling worry about?

This could be anything from "his not liking my haircut" to "her cooking me over a bonfire."

---------------

With my former master: I feared he would turn out to be a psychopath once I was safely ensconced in his house for the first time. Why? He was formidibly intelligent, not just moreso than myself but moreso than anybody I'd ever met before, even the most brilliant college professors, and he had an acting background. I was naturally paranoid (still am as a matter of fact) and it occurred to me that if anybody could be a psychopath and trick someone into thinking they were an ordinary perverted master looking for a slave, it was him.

With future partners: I fear something different these days. I like dominants who like extreme levels of control and I fear that I might become irresistibly attracted to someone like that due to the control compatibility but find their personality to be bleakly, shiveringly cold, but not be able to resist them due to needing that level of control. I fear chronic despair.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

Post #: 1

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 5:58:23 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We talked round the clock for about a month before meeting. I guess by then I knew he wasn't going to dismember me. I was terrified he wouldn't find me attractive, would take one look and flee.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 2

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 6:10:00 PM

subinlife

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline

That he won't like me when we meet, even though we have talked for months.

That I will say something stupid.

That I'm getting in over my head.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 3

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 6:13:41 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

not being able to please my Mistress or displease Her in some way Her punishment is to ignore me and not talk to me and that is simply the worst thing for me

< Message edited by LPslittleclip -- 1/2/2011 6:27:23 PM >

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proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to subinlife)

Post #: 4

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 6:31:01 PM

theDarkocean

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline

the ignoring of one's submissive is the knife that cuts the deepest.

_____________________________

oceanwynds turned into the darkness and is moving forward.
love never changes...
love is not something to give at a drop of a pin, or a promise of glory and upliftment for one's submissive package.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 5

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 6:44:47 PM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
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What frightens me the most is meeting someone who ends up taking advantage of my servitude and eagerness to please. I was in a 24/7 M/s relationship that resulted in me losing my home, alot more financially, and him getting dressed every morning only to not leave for work after I do , and pretend he was working full time as I was. I totally trusted him, and even when I had doubts, I convinced myself that it couldnt be true...until I got notice my home was being auctioned off. I will never trust anyone with my income, and fear I may never totally trust anyone ever.

(in reply to theDarkocean)

Post #: 6

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 8:02:33 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I never ever had any fears when meeting a "Dom". I only had fears AFTER I was in a relationship with someone. Before that though I figured if he didn't like what he saw or hear then no big deal...he could move on and we'd both move on with our lives. No skin off of my back.

Now once in a relationship my fears have been many too numerous to name here and too private.

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 7

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 8:03:48 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

... what frightened you (past tense--er, I hope) about meeting your current partner. What did you fear or dread might happen or, even if you were perfectly fearless and had a prospective master who perfectly put you at ease, what did you have a niggling worry about?

That his commitment level would not match my own. Took quite a long time to get over that fear.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 8

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 8:13:33 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Master and I were very good platonic friends for years before we dated. I knew all the dirt from his previous relationships. My only slight fear was that our relationship would follow the same path. So, in the beginning, we took it slow at my request and he respected that request.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 9

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/2/2011 8:45:51 PM

ThePeripatetic

Posts: 139
Joined: 12/21/2010
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That I won't be given that first opportunity to prove myself. I tend to be a nervous, over-eager, bumbling mess in the initial stages of a relationship with someone I really like. I feel like I get in my own way and that the 'real me' isn't evident. If only we can get to a point where I can relax for a moment and just be 'me' then I feel like everything will be alright. If we get to that point and it's not working for her then I can accept it. It might sting a bit, but I would accept it.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 1:19:07 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

every once in a while, i still worry there's something wrong with me. =p even though i've met absolutely amazing people who are into the same stuff i am. makes no sense, but eh... whaddya gonna do

i'm afraid, sometimes, that i won't find anyone. what i had with M was so extremely ideal that i sometimes believe i won't ever find anyone else to be happy with. i still wonder why everything went wrong that day and he was taken away from me. i don't get it and i don't think i ever will. so now i'm afraid that there's just no one else out there, and i'll be doomed to spend the next 60 years alone.

(in reply to ThePeripatetic)

Post #: 11

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 2:42:12 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
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when i first met master i had about a 7 hour journey and was thinking what if he didnt turn up then what if he didnt like me in the flesh so to speak would i be too boring. one thing that didnt scare me was what if he is a secret mass murderer i just knew he would be safe. and he was going to be the first person i had a rl bdsm experince with and what if i couldnt do it. as it happend it was all wonderful

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 12

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 2:52:07 AM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

We talked round the clock for about a month before meeting. I guess by then I knew he wasn't going to dismember me. I was terrified he wouldn't find me attractive, would take one look and flee.

Quite frankly that's a very strong fear of my own, as well. Thanks for your response. :)

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 2:55:42 AM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

What frightens me the most is meeting someone who ends up taking advantage of my servitude and eagerness to please. I was in a 24/7 M/s relationship that resulted in me losing my home, alot more financially, and him getting dressed every morning only to not leave for work after I do , and pretend he was working full time as I was. I totally trusted him, and even when I had doubts, I convinced myself that it couldnt be true...until I got notice my home was being auctioned off. I will never trust anyone with my income, and fear I may never totally trust anyone ever.

How horrific for you. :( You have my strongest sympathies. While I do not fear the psychopath any more, the fear (and actuality) that seomeone isn't at all what they seem is very real for me. :(

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 14

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 3:01:10 AM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePeripatetic

That I won't be given that first opportunity to prove myself. I tend to be a nervous, over-eager, bumbling mess in the initial stages of a relationship with someone I really like. I feel like I get in my own way and that the 'real me' isn't evident. If only we can get to a point where I can relax for a moment and just be 'me' then I feel like everything will be alright. If we get to that point and it's not working for her then I can accept it. It might sting a bit, but I would accept it.

I resemble the bolded sentence. Too much. :/ You've hit on another fear of mine. It's a variation of one I see many submissive people expressing in this thread: that he or she won't like who I really am. Thank you for describing this variation.

PS to no one in particular: I realize I am making numerous individual replies again. I may go to "quote bundling" if this thread gets very long, but for right now, I like giving individual replies. I'm very impressed with this list of fears so far. It's made me realize I have more than I thought and also made me think about ones that had never occurred to me. Great responses, everyone!

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to ThePeripatetic)

Post #: 15

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 3:09:03 AM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

every once in a while, i still worry there's something wrong with me. =p even though i've met absolutely amazing people who are into the same stuff i am. makes no sense, but eh... whaddya gonna do

i'm afraid, sometimes, that i won't find anyone. what i had with M was so extremely ideal that i sometimes believe i won't ever find anyone else to be happy with. i still wonder why everything went wrong that day and he was taken away from me. i don't get it and i don't think i ever will. so now i'm afraid that there's just no one else out there, and i'll be doomed to spend the next 60 years alone.

Bolded part: been there, alas. :(

I'm very glad you brought up the "I'll never meet someone compatible" fear. I had that one for years after my former owner died. I knew that any dominant I met thereafter was bound to be different but I thought it would be extremely difficult to find somebody who could even be in his ballpark. That fear turned out to be right, most people I meet are not interested in what I am to the same level that I am, but once in a blue moon (every 2-3 years, actually) I run into a potentially good fit. And I have a small hope that one day one of these potential good fits is going to be an actual good fit.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 16

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 3:11:12 AM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I never ever had any fears when meeting a "Dom". I only had fears AFTER I was in a relationship with someone. Before that though I figured if he didn't like what he saw or hear then no big deal...he could move on and we'd both move on with our lives. No skin off of my back.

Now once in a relationship my fears have been many too numerous to name here and too private.

That is an interesting experience! I genuinely wish, for your sake, that you eroticize fear on some level. :)

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 17

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 3:44:11 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

Though it was horrific, sympathy is not needed. I learned alot and grew immensely from it. And, this is not something that happened quickly...it was 5 yrs. I have recovered financially for the most part, totally emotionally, with that little scar of hurt that will never go away. Or maybe it's more like a reminder. It still amazes me though, how a person can live in this world without a soul. I feel much more sad for him and all the people who may never recover from his damage. There is a part of me that thanks him for giving me strength, courage, and energy to recoup.....so there is always some good that comes out of bad.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 18

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 3:58:09 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hey there,
I took your question to mean what do we fear when we meet kind of anybody for a date. I mean... meeting a dominant is no different than meeting a man or a woman. For me my worries are no different than my worries about meeting new people.

My biggest fear with meeting new people is that I will have overestimated them. I will have given them too much the benefit of the doubt - things I have often done in the past which have come back to haunt me in ways I could not have imagined.

I'm afraid that people who meet me will think I'm a snob or that I am trying to be "better than" they are. These are both accusations that have been hurled at me by someone I once loved and for whom I had greyed my vibrance quite a lot specifically so that that expereience wouldn't happen.

I'm afraid people will think I'm very different than they are because of the different types of experiences I have had and that they will put up an "us" versus "you" wall against me. Another thing that has happened when people think my life is sooooo exotic. It's really not. I have to do laundry tonight and go to the grocery store - I'm out of tampons, toilet paper, and apples. How fricking exotic is that?

I'm afraid that someone I care for will dislike my quirkiness and silly side - both integral parts of the whole "me" package. I'm afraid that the other person will be too silly and not be able to meet me in my serious side as well.

I guess it all boils down to two things, which are really only one thing - I'm afraid of not being seen authentically and not seeing the other person authentically.

And I'm sure that my stalker will now file this information away in her little tool box and try to bang me upside the head with them some time in the future as she's done in the past.

best,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 1/3/2011 4:08:44 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 19

RE: What Frightens You? - 1/3/2011 4:03:11 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I promise I won't....

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 20

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