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RE: Weight - 1/4/2011 10:36:19 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		We can not stop strangers from insulting us. Yes, it happens to me too though most would not classify me as a "big Girl". What we can change, is getting upset by it. They mean nothing to me, why should I care about an internet trolls opinion? Rage on trolls, rage on...

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Weight - 1/4/2011 10:42:00 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

that maybe so, but a smart Dom knows that he has no control or say in the weight of someone he's not in a relationship with , and there for has no buisness addressing her about her weight, let alone insulting her about it. And it's easier said than done not being hurt by rude attacks about things, if your sensitive about the subject. I'm not sensitive bought my weight, but I was still hurt when some random woman on here emailed me, I didn't know her had never spoken to her to tell me "forget a. 4 runner, you and your daddy need a forklift, your the fugliest people I have ever seen" that's a direct word for word quote she even created 3 new profiles after I had blocked each new one she made. She was that determined to harras me.


first, when i read the OP i didn't imagine that she was referring to random emails from total strangers, but to men she had actually met and interacted with in some way. that was my silly assumption because i could not imagine being upset or hurt over the words of an anonymous stranger via a random private message.

and i'll repeat myself once more, if you do have such a sensitivity, change that. it is my choice and my choice alone to be hurt by some stranger sending me a private message calling me "worthless doormat." personally, i make the choice to be flattered...and respond (if at all) with a polite "why thank you! ", after which point obviously that person will be blocked/ignored.

to the person who harassed you, my response likely would have been something like, "clearly you have some sort of obsessive crush on me, but i'm afraid you are just not my type. don't worry though, if you are fortunate one day you will find that perfect chubby subbie of your very own. good day! " and again, block/ignore, as many times as it takes. clearly, they are someone who is putting an awful lot of thought and time into you, is flattering at the very least, albeit creepy as well, lol. but certainly, no reason to feel hurt.







(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Weight - 1/4/2011 4:29:41 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

In general I'd say a big curvy woman who is totally happy about her weight is a great deal more sexy than a big curvy woman who isn't.

  THIS!!!  I may get my fat chick card revoked, but I swear theres some angry ass fat broads in this world. 

You can not expect someone to not hate you because you are fat if you go around hating those who you consider to be "more beautiful, better hair, eats all she wants and dont gain a pound", anything that makes you dislike someone because of their appearance only.

Smile because you are really happy, and fuck (I mean don't fuck) some "dom" who has the need to be a jerk.

Gawd I hope that made sense and is kinda related to the OP.  If not, blame the porch...

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Weight - 1/4/2011 7:56:01 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
quote:

In general I'd say a big curvy woman who is totally happy about her weight is a great deal more sexy than a big curvy woman who isn't.
  THIS!!!  I may get my fat chick card revoked, but I swear theres some angry ass fat broads in this world. 

You can not expect someone to not hate you because you are fat if you go around hating those who you consider to be "more beautiful, better hair, eats all she wants and dont gain a pound", anything that makes you dislike someone because of their appearance only.

Smile because you are really happy, and fuck (I mean don't fuck) some "dom" who has the need to be a jerk.
This makes complete sense to me.   I cannot stand people who complain about being mistreated for being big, while thinking it's okay to be unkind to smaller people.  
I agree with the person who said, be yourself, and make no apologies for it; that way, jerky dom won't use that against you.    M


_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 1:30:32 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Hey OP:
My ex-wife was a self-proclaimed (and proud) "fat chick"...and I loved her/thought she was sexy as hell...because she was.  Until she left me. Then she became an unattractive bitch, but admittedly, that had nothing to do with her weight, and everything to do with....oh never mind.  But I saw first-hand the crap she took from random strangers. 

The point here: it's great that you are doing something that feels good for YOU.  The choice to lose weight should be something you do to make yourself feel good--not to please some idiot who calls himself a Dom and then steps all over your boundaries and feelings.  So good for you!

I'm not fat--but I have experienced something similar--I'm short.  Very short.  And I'm completely upfront about it--and never really thought it was a big deal until I became single.  I can't tell you how many rejections I've received from women who told me they won't date a short man.  I even was rejected by a Domme on CollarMe, who had a height requirement for her male subs.  I find it completely ridiculous and shallow, but well, we all have our preferences. 

My last six vanilla dates were all very plus-sized women--all of whom shared with me horrendous stories of men acting like assholes about their weight.  When I perused the singles on Craigslist....I got at least 10 dates.  We got to know each other via email, met for coffee....blah blah blah.  I'm on Match.com now, where I list my height.  I've only gotten one date--and she's an inch shorter than me.  I'm astounded how many women write me: you sound amazing....but sorry, I don't date guys shorter than me.  I've heard every reason in the book why height matters--and none of them worth shit.

So OP, keep on keepin' on.... tell those ignorant clods to piss off...  and the right one will appreciate you for the person you are, inside and out.




< Message edited by hausboy -- 1/5/2011 1:32:14 PM >

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 1:46:58 PM   
rosanegra


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
some Dominants are very controlling, and may find a submissive's weight to be within the realm of their control as much as anything else.




If I can't control my weight, my Dominant sure as hell can't. I've encountered this same issue on CM, even since I stopped looking. I've had unsolicited messages from creeps calling me a cow, a pig, bad-mouthing my Daddy for letting me get so bad or allowing me to stay this way, etc... It's ridiculous. If I could lose the weight that easily, I would have by now. Do they think that I like the extra strain on my body or not being able to go and shop for clothes at the "average girl" store?

My lunch yesterday consisted of cauliflower, tomatoes, broccoli, celery, and carrots all cut up with a *tiny* portion of ranch dip. That is not unusual for me. I jog, bike, and walk with my extremely energetic puppy (she's a belgian malinois, if anyone who knows a thing or two about this breed is reading this, they know how much exercise it takes to keep these dogs from tearing your house apart). I don't work out in the conventional sense anymore because it just doesn't work for me... I've gotten to the point that I can maintain my weight.

All of this stems from a medical condition, the onset of which began at puberty. It is almost completely out of my control, and out of my Daddy's control too. My doctor is the only one who can do anything at all to help, and even he can't do much.

These guys need to take their opinions and shove them where the sun don't shine.






_____________________________

"If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless."

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 2:00:27 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Using fast reply....

As a dominant and potential mistress I can, and will, control every single health aspect possible, of the s-type that might some day be in my control. If she were to say.........I cannot be within a healthy weight range because of a health issue, she had damned well better make a doctor's appointment so that I can hear it from the horse's mouth........so to speak.

MOST, not all, but MOST people that are over weight are over weight because they have chosen a lifestyle and made life choices that caused it. Unfortunately MOST of those people would rather hide behind a pile of excuses as to why they cannot make better choices.

If an s type has given themself over to my control, they have done so knowing that I will be the one in control and making the decisions. Making the best decisions for her health, regardless of what it is, is never EVER going to be off limits to my control.

So yes, if she is over weight and that can be changed, improving her over all health and well being.........then it's going to change whether she likes it or not. I am the boss, it is what she will have signed up for.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to rosanegra)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 2:04:39 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


So yes, if she is over weight and that can be changed, improving her over all health and well being.........then it's going to change whether she likes it or not. I am the boss, it is what she will have signed up for.



well said!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 2:31:01 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rosanegra

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
some Dominants are very controlling, and may find a submissive's weight to be within the realm of their control as much as anything else.




If I can't control my weight, my Dominant sure as hell can't. I've encountered this same issue on CM, even since I stopped looking. I've had unsolicited messages from creeps calling me a cow, a pig, bad-mouthing my Daddy for letting me get so bad or allowing me to stay this way, etc... It's ridiculous. If I could lose the weight that easily, I would have by now. Do they think that I like the extra strain on my body or not being able to go and shop for clothes at the "average girl" store?

My lunch yesterday consisted of cauliflower, tomatoes, broccoli, celery, and carrots all cut up with a *tiny* portion of ranch dip. That is not unusual for me. I jog, bike, and walk with my extremely energetic puppy (she's a belgian malinois, if anyone who knows a thing or two about this breed is reading this, they know how much exercise it takes to keep these dogs from tearing your house apart). I don't work out in the conventional sense anymore because it just doesn't work for me... I've gotten to the point that I can maintain my weight.

All of this stems from a medical condition, the onset of which began at puberty. It is almost completely out of my control, and out of my Daddy's control too. My doctor is the only one who can do anything at all to help, and even he can't do much.

These guys need to take their opinions and shove them where the sun don't shine.




Hi rosanegra

You do not have to justify yourself here to anyone...and you shouldn't have to list what you eat or what how you workout.  If someone chooses not have a large submissive, that's their choice.  But they need to mind their own business otherwise.  Sending hatemail and making rude remarks are never okay. 

(in reply to rosanegra)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 2:56:47 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I assume your comment is towards the OP.

If so, why on EARTH should she change her behavior?? She is talking about how others write to her and then criticize her.




Yes it was at the OP - a fast reply. I should have said.

It is quite logical that she changes her behaviour, mainly because we cannot change the behaviour of others, but we can change how we react to others.

Let's be honest, sometimes you need a thick skin when online, some folks can be cruel behind the keyboard.  So you either thicken up your skin and learn to deal with negative comments that upset you, or you stop talking to/listening to those kinds of people.  What's so wrong with that?

As it turns out, the OP was 'trying to please' at the time she was insulted.  So it seems to me there is some culpability on her part... one basic error was in her choice, she chose to give to someone who is into humiliation at that level, when clearly she isn't at that level.  Another error was that she chose a dishonest man... which is sad, but nonetheless quite true.  She made her conditions quite clear, he agreed to them, then did the opposite.  So one way of ensuring this doesn't happen again is to get to know someone better before engaging in that type of conversation.





(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 3:10:55 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		To OP - I've been with Doms who like to "humiliate" but they always ask first, to which I respond, I love to be called a dirty little whore, but please don't use "worthless". Discussing verbal triggers is just good communication. Someone who can't respect your boundaries is not someone you want to be involved with.

Open to anyone - I've lost weight recently and am looking for a home for some size 20 clothes. They are clean, of course, but I used to have a dog and have a cat, so anyone highly allergic should pass. PM me if you're interested. I have some office clothes and some casual.

I'll take donations of size 16 :)

(in reply to majiksub)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 4:05:01 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama


Open to anyone - I've lost weight recently and am looking for a home for some size 20 clothes. They are clean, of course, but I used to have a dog and have a cat, so anyone highly allergic should pass. PM me if you're interested. I have some office clothes and some casual.

I'll take donations of size 16 :)


Isn't that the best thing!
I am in exactly the same boat!

_____________________________

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(as deemed by He who owns me)

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(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 4:14:48 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Last night I saw an old Queens of Comedy show with Mo'nique when she was at her heaviest.

She was hysterically funny and in one bit she advised all women to be as freaky, kinky, and nasty in bed as possible so you don't lose your man to some bitch (her word and she made a point of using the word bitch about 9,000 times during the act) who would do what you would not.

She then related a story about her husband and how she kept telling him, talk dirty to me daddy, call me a bitch, call me a bitch, I am going to cum soon....so he did call her a bitch and then he said, at the point of no turning back for either of them in this hot, hot moment...you FAT bitch....

And she freaked out badly.

It reminded me of all these fat threads where some words have power if you give them power.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/5/2011 4:15:44 PM >

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Weight - 1/5/2011 10:05:48 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		Ideally, I should be getting 3250 calories/day and it is really hard to get that much with eating healthy.

It's not only about ideal weight, though. You can be terribly malnourished regardless of what your weight is with the kind of low nutrient "stuff" sold in supermarkets these days.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Weight - 1/8/2011 4:55:17 PM   
AlwaysMasterful


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		It is interesting that this was posted under the “Ask a master” forum, few have responded and my opinion will probably be treated with the same disdain as the comments from the man you describe.

As you are fat (and I use that word because it does adequately describe your body) I am tall. In fact I am actually lanky, geeky looking, and rather unsymmetrical. What’s more I carry myself awkwardly. All my life people have taken the piss out of me, calling me names and such like. Does it bother me? Not one bit. Why? Because I am quite comfortable with myself.

You, on the other hand aren’t comfortable with yourself. Is it cruel for someone to point out another’s  Achilles heel at the most tender of moments? Possibly, but hey if you play with fire you are very likely to get burnt. What you don’t seem to realise is that your own negative view of yourself physically is likely to project to your personality, which could make you appear a touch needy, vulnerable, unattractive and possibly even pathetic. Did you want him to lie to you, would that have been preferable? I’m not saying he is admirable or honourable, but it is your responsibility to pick the right man and when you are displaying as I suspect you are you are unlucky to attract Mr Perfect!

Given that you are meddling with dominants it would seem reasonable that you choose carefully. They aren’t always the most subtle of people you know, in fact sometimes they are quite strong with their views, strange that them being dominant.  I know that may seem to be quite a patronising statement but I’m not sure you have a good handle on the expectancies of D/S roles.

You mention that you have “slave tendencies”. Think about a slave’s role for a minute. So little care is given to them, they probably don’t even have a name, indeed they may only be kept in a way which allows them to fulfil their role. Being fat would be the very least of their problems! I think their human rights (“I am still human right”) would have been violated a tad more than being called fat.

You chose badly, you probably project a rather unattractive persona to a lot of males, and you don’t really seem to be dealing with your demons. Take this as an opportunity to correct these problems or expect to be one of life’s victims. If you don’t learn to identify suitable partners, and you don’t change yourself, then being a  “subbie victim” and blaming all the nasty doms is simply flawed and certainly not displaying attributes  conducive to being a good submissive.

Just an opinion.

< Message edited by AlwaysMasterful -- 1/8/2011 4:57:44 PM >

(in reply to majiksub)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Weight - 1/8/2011 4:59:15 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NaughtybyNight

I have also found that a number of the so called Dominants that I've met are in fact men who hate women.  For whatever reason their rejection by women in the vanilla world has sent them into ours thinking that they can get any women they want and treat her any way they want because they call themselves Doms and we suffer for their bruised egos.

When they get rejected by what they thought was a "sure thing" (us big girl subs) they tend to flip out and show their true colours.

If a man can't look past your faults he can never appreciate your amazing qualities.



I agree to this, had the same view when I stated that I don't date within the UK (tried it and don't want the hassle for different reasons), following which some Dom's from the UK proved that they aren't a Dom but an arse instead

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to NaughtybyNight)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Weight - 1/8/2011 5:02:58 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

If she were to say.........I cannot be within a healthy weight range because of a health issue, she had damned well better make a doctor's appointment so that I can hear it from the horse's mouth........so to speak.

So yes, if she is over weight and that can be changed, improving her over all health and well being.........then it's going to change whether she likes it or not. I am the boss, it is what she will have signed up for.





_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Weight - 1/11/2011 10:27:32 PM   
MasterShake


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		First may I offer my sympathy for you and disappointment in them.

Anyone who would do that is not a true dominant. A dominant has confidence. A man or woman with confidence has no need to violate a limit. If you have set a limit then it is to be respected. Period. If anyone who has been entrusted with control over another person violates that trust then the power exchange has become non-consensual. When one submits to another limits are put on that submission. Sometimes they are very narrow and are only consist of basic safety, sanity and consent while others are very specific and detailed. They are equally valid and binding. Willful violations of prearranged limits are lies at best and can be criminal at worst. This applies no matter how innocuous the violation is in the mind of the dominant. The limits are your, not his. I would recommend never playing with that person again (which you probably already have done) and exposing him as one who does not honor limits. That is one of the worst tags one can hang upon another, in my opinion.

A dominant man or woman is ethical above all else. Ethics are what separate play from abuse, fantasy from rape. You (and all of those who submit to another) deserve to have your limits honored.

Wishing you better luck in future with your exploits and explorations.



(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Weight - 1/12/2011 3:41:20 AM   
Michael75


Posts: 31
Joined: 4/4/2010
Status: offline 		I wonder if it is related that collarme allows you to refine a search by maximum weight but not minimum weight?

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Weight - 1/12/2011 12:29:13 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

They mean nothing to me, why should I care about an internet trolls opinion? Rage on trolls, rage on...


Well said

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 60
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