quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
Lady Pact,
I had read your reply to bonestoash. Those are really good suggestions but it was not the point I was trying to get across. Attend a munch, go to a demo, read a book on BDSM, are all fantastic ideas. Now if you are a newbie, you have no idea what to go read, where to go to a munch etc, or even to correct way to approach in the forums. How do they know to do this? They just joined to board and they have started to ask questions. What I am saying is we should not always attack and ridicule those people. I do not expect you or anyone else on the boards to answer every single question a newbie asks them. No one has the kind of time. But we can certainly do a better job of guiding those people in the right direction. Thats just my personal opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
Now if you are a newbie, you have no idea what to go read, where to go to a munch etc, or even to correct way to approach in the forums. How do they know to do this?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

Lady Pact,
I had read your reply to bonestoash. Those are really good suggestions but it was not the point I was trying to get across. Attend a munch, go to a demo, read a book on BDSM, are all fantastic ideas. Now if you are a newbie, you have no idea what to go read, where to go to a munch etc, or even to correct way to approach in the forums. How do they know to do this? They just joined to board and they have started to ask questions. What I am saying is we should not always attack and ridicule those people. I do not expect you or anyone else on the boards to answer every single question a newbie asks them. No one has the kind of time. But we can certainly do a better job of guiding those people in the right direction. Thats just my personal opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
As I stated in my previous post, I was sent to CM by a friend who thought I might benefit from the interaction. When I first started posting here...quite the typical "Why is there a vanilla cone by my name?" as part of my introduction....It was suggested I read the Administrative Announcements via a private email. I followed that advice and then proceeded to lurk for quite a while.

quote:

My point with this is that many people come to CollarChat wanting to be spoonfed information when they could just as easily do the research themselves.

I did.

That being said, on the FAQs thread are 4 links to online netiquette. I wonder how many people have taken the time to read those links or any of the other useful information posted Administrative Announcements prior to posting. How many people bother to use the search feature prior to posting a question that has been addressed ad nauseum.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I got the same note to the 'what's up with the vanilla cone' question.  That was Ron.  These days, he has that link as part of his sig.

quote:



I got introduced to the search feature by Lucky Albatross.  People used to say they didn't like that she would throw up links when people asked common questions.  I loved it!  I got introduced to the search feature.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
Oh, and LadyPact, I have to admit...it took me longer to figure out how to keep your posts purple when I was breaking up the quotes.

Funny thing, though...I did learn. All by myself!

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

Well, i hate to split hairs, but no. You did accuse her: you accused her of saying that "she hates, despises, and is totally intolerant of men with an ounce over what she considered to be their ideal weight..."

quote:

original: DesFIP
...I do find it ironic that a person who wrote a post about how much she hates, despises and is totally intolerant of men with an an ounce over what she considered to be their ideal weight is now complaining about intolerance.

Pam. Sweetie. Look at my username, and then look at the username on that quote.

I didn't say that. I literally just reposted a quote of Annie's from the thread in question. You're putting Celeste's words in my mouth. I would appreciate it if you didn't do that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

Shit. Sorry!

pam

quote:

Collarchat is different from the other groups I frequent, this is the single most snarky forum that I belong to and I've caught my own writting style becoming more aggressive as a result. I don't put that out there to attack collarme but to point out that we don't have to accept the statis quo, it is possible for us to be a friendlier community.

I think that those of us who feel this way occasionally sticking up for the new poster who has stumbled into it or asking those who are getting a bit heated (even if we agree with their point) to take it down a notch might go a long way towards making this a more enjoyable place for everyone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

No one came out and said "You, OP, are a judgmental cunt." People know they will get mod slapped for that. However, "judgmental cunt" was used several times in a post on the first page and if not referring to the OP, then who, the Easter Bunny?

"Whore," "stupid," and "fat bitch" were also used as well, again in a way to not to get mod removed, but the intent was clear. I thought the OP was extremely patient [for most of the thread] and while perhaps her individual references below misdirected, her frustration completely understandable.

So it's ok to insult people because frustration is understandable?

Sweet. The next time I get frustrated at being insulted, I know I can sling right back without worry because it's understandable! Thanks!

BTW - do you have a chart on this? I mean, I know we are going for a "kinder, gentler" CM with this thread but since it's understandable to threaten to bounce people down the street when frustrated...

I just don't want to step over the lines! If I'm called a whore, can I state that I'd like to shave their head while they are sleeping? Is that understandable?

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I agree with your assessment. I recently bought a book on writing by an author from Minnesota. The book was originally published in 1938. Her thesis was that everyone is unique, and everyone has a worthwhile perspective to share. But, society, one's family, colleagues and friends often beat this creative spirit out of person through various forms of negativity and discouragement. For a writer to succeed -- he has to swim against a tide of negativity and pessimism. (As well as self doubt.)

I think the same could be said of the CM message board and new comers trying to find their way in the kink world. If they come here looking for support, inspiration, hope, and understanding, they can (and often) find the opposite. This is not necessarily bad, because we all need to swim to our own targets using our own energies, training, faith, and determination.

As Katylied points out, its not all unicorns and rainbows.

As an individual poster, I just want to be sure I keep an eye on what I am doing. When I am being sarcastic, satirical, or cross examining -- I try to be fair-minded and to remain ready to apologize or give ground when needed. It also means that I don't ever want to make my individual view a universal one, or couch my own personal tastes as objective criticisms.

In the years I've been here, the greatest repeated sin I see is projection -- taking what one hates or one's frustrations out on another poster. Sometimes you can witness this as a group phenomenon. That's the utter worst. Some of the forum sections here are worse than others, but even in ugly exchanges and threads there are always bright lights to be found in certain posts and posters.

All in all the kink world mirrors the real one, as counter intuitive as that might seem.

quote:

Oddly enough, because you are posting on this forum, and your picture is quite visable, you could be considered a whore who will fuck anyone who spanks your ass. And that would be a kind assessment by the vanilla world.

Judgements can work both ways. You dont like overweight men. I dont like blue eyed men. I dont like skinny men either.

quote:


Point blank, when wannabe's and wankers are brought up, I think of some overweight men I have chatted to online. They can't get a date anywhere else so they present themselves as Masters/Doms. I may have little experience, it's true, but it comes out in their behavior when you start talking to them. I've been looking into this stuff for about a year now. I can start ticking off the names of who I would consider true Masters/Doms in CM....and I bet I would get alot of agreements. I can tell at least a general difference. And there is alot of them (no not all overweight).....lol.

Bets are made, and lost, every day. What i may find as a domly trait in a man, you may not. Domination, just as submission, is a very subjective thing. Take care is using such limited definitions. Its ok to say... "i dont want"... that is your right. But when you say..."They are such and such because I see such and such"... then you are judging.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I started to reply to this with quotes from the original thread and earlier quotes from this thread, but in the interest of civility and not beating a dead horse, wanted to simply agree with you that when the OP lashed out 10 or so pages into the thread at least some of it was directed against the wrong people (which I did say below).

I agree that different people interpreted the thread differently.

I stand by my statement that being continually misinterpreted is frustrating.

I agree that physical violence in response to verbal insults is not ok.

I'm not going to continue derailing this thread with that one but am happen to continue the discussion elsewhere if desired.

KK