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RE: consideration? - 1/18/2011 7:54:04 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		As I said before. Give em a break. They just just be tired of mail volume.

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RE: consideration? - 1/18/2011 8:18:31 PM   
osf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

As I said before. Give em a break. They just just be tired of mail volume.



is that it?

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RE: consideration? - 1/18/2011 8:38:16 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, typo. They MAY be tired of the mail volume. As I said earlier. It doesnt work but noobs will still try.

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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 2:49:40 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Overall, your poly perspective seems reasonable to me if the one under consideration is appraised and seems reasonably able to make their own informed decisions. The poor rep "consideration" has comes from deceit; of some dom/me taking advantage of a newbie's lack of knowledge or experience.

Focus.

Oddly enough, weren't we just on a thread earlier this week where your position was that guilty until proven innocent didn't work for you?  Though you didn't phrase it quite that way in the other thread, it's pretty much the way you are coming across here.  You're basing your opinion on reputation, rather than on people who actually do use the term effectively.  There's a hint of stereotyping in that.


Lol, you're gonna have to dumb this down for me. 'Cause right now you're calling me on something you concede I didn't say. Which kinda makes it hard to recall whatever that other thread was (have been an unusually busy lil poster this week)....

Not sure about now, but to my knowledge "guilty until proven innocent" was the basis of the French justice system. Something that didn't work for most other western nations; and yes, not me either.


quote:

quote:

You naturally assume everyone gets poly....

Are you saying that you don't get the concept?



I'm saying I don't believe in it. It's the stuff of wank fantasies and all too often a pig's breakfust of mistrust and negative emotions - iMo. From the little I can glean from everyday Forum life, poly seems to work for LNT, and KoM comes to mind, as well. I'd regard them as minority exceptions to my overall opinion. And let me save you the trouble - I've apparently just given you 2 examples of "guilty (poly opinion) until proven innocent".

Are you saying this (not believing in poly) marks me as a minority? I'm fine with "live and let live", but don't tell me poly is a well-oiled relationship dynamic that most get except me.

Hell, six years at CM and I've never once ventured into the Poly Lifestyles Forum. Nuthin' to see there - at the risk of "judging a book by its cover"....

Focus.

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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 3:09:16 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Dude.  Can you even hear yourself talk?  You just got done telling people that "this is how adults go about such things". 

If you trash the way other people do things, it's not unreasonable or unexpected that those others are going to speak up and say, "This stuff actually works for me; are you telling me I'm not an adult?"


Yep, I'm doing the trashing; got it. To be honest, I never for one second doubted you'd concede a fault.

And I love how you subjectively quote without context to imply my words from this means that. You got all the tricks....

Dude.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 3:17:06 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Yet, Focus, There are a number of long term stable hard working poly homes here in most states and certainly a number in NSW.  That you or  anyone else don't believe in them is neither here nor there and completely immaterial, for there will always be non believers in all walks of life which after all makes it so much better ans far more interesting.


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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 3:34:11 AM   
BeautyDebased


Posts: 96
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From: My Masters Feet
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

I think it makes all involved parties sound like idiots. 


I think,

You have no clue what your talking about *smiles*

Sure, some may do it for stupid reasons, others however do it for very valid reasons, I had it up on my profile for a few months.

I'm now happily collared to and living with an amazing Master who adores me and have been his for some time, so my advice is, if you don't understand don't make remarks until you do.



Beauty.

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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 3:51:35 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

I think it makes all involved parties sound like idiots. 


I think,

You have no clue what your talking about *smiles*

Sure, some may do it for stupid reasons, others however do it for very valid reasons, I had it up on my profile for a few months.

I'm now happily collared to and living with an amazing Master who adores me and have been his for some time, so my advice is, if you don't understand don't make remarks until you do.



Beauty.



I think Beauty says it all really. The thing is though Beauty, your Master didn't abuse the consideration thing. It wasn't about a velcro collar, it wasn't about getting his jollies whilst he could. For you it was a term used in all seriousness and your living proof that 'under consideration' can and does work. If every story was like yours then how could people mock it! they probably still would though!

I also understand the others that have mocked this term of endearment because opportunists will so often use it to their gain and that is very evident on sites such as this.

Certainly when we were initially looking for poly, we 'considered' people. We never used the words 'under consideration' but we let those involved know that there was some distance to go before we were prepared to make a full commitment. I think poly is particularly relevant when it comes to 'consideration' because there is more than one person to consider.

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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 3:54:48 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Yet, Focus, There are a number of long term stable hard working poly homes here in most states and certainly a number in NSW.  That you or  anyone else don't believe in them is neither here nor there and completely immaterial, for there will always be non believers in all walks of life which after all makes it so much better ans far more interesting.


Ahhhh, IronBear, you ol sea dog - where ya been? :)

You're right, I don't doubt there are many more happy polys than the two I cited. Yet that doesn't change my overall opinion. The mistake I seem to repeat ad nauseum is the belief that it's ok for individuals to express such opinions publically, like here.

Turns out you only have the right to express palatable opinions, lest ye be the odd one out of the collective group hug. <shrugs?

Good to see ya.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 6:39:37 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

I think it makes all involved parties sound like idiots. 


I think,

You have no clue what your talking about *smiles*

Sure, some may do it for stupid reasons, others however do it for very valid reasons, I had it up on my profile for a few months.

I'm now happily collared to and living with an amazing Master who adores me and have been his for some time, so my advice is, if you don't understand don't make remarks until you do.



Beauty.


She may know some people do it for "valid reasons" and still think it makes all involved look like idiots. Not everyone is going to just smile and nod, you know. They're allowed to think you look like an idiot.

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 10:46:33 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		  Generally speaking, it's both a linguistic implementation of a control dynamic and a form of advertising.  The wank factor is exceptionally high.

The control dynamic aspect sets the frame of the interaction with the sub as supplicant.  When it comes to sub men, this is largely unnecessary as they're generally falling over themselves to submit to anything that looks even remotely like a woman.  Funnily enough I think this is part of their problem as even a cursory examination of femdom dynamics reveals their almost universal thrill from having a powerful man as a sub, as opposed to a weak one.  But I digress....

The advertising is basically for the Dom.  It's unnecessary but allows him to indulge his ego.  Same for the profiles in which the Dom shoves their access to the sub's profile in the face of anyone reading.  The public theater aspect comes to mind once again.  How much of this is a necessary part of enforcing a mindset upon the sub and how much is simply a demonstration of the Dom's submission to their own ego is a balance well worth exploring.

To be frank, much of what goes on in this space veers between simple theatre and outright severe dysfunction.  When I see a slave happily proclaiming her undying devotion to a Dom she's just met in a stream-of-consciousness paragraph filled with superlatives, I can only wonder at the type of man who enjoys women with their higher brain functions disabled.  There's no doubt in my mind that some use linguistic constructs to manipulate belief structures in a way which borders on the unethical.

Regardless, it's not the fact that such dynamics go through a period of consideration - it's the labeling and advertising of that fact in a public space.  Men and women don't walk around throughout their day with a label on their heads which denotes their status.  To my mind seeing the words "under consideration" on a sub's profile merely telegraphs the fact that her mind isn't active enough for me to enjoy her and she's unlikely to be feisty enough for my taste.


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Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 10:48:57 AM   
Awareness


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Joined: 9/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Turns out you only have the right to express palatable opinions, lest ye be the odd one out of the collective group hug.


Welcome to CollarMe.  Your waiter will arrive momentarily.


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Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 11:32:20 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Without the quoting, I think there may be a communication issue.  To Me, when someone says they don't "get" something, it means that they don't understand, not that they don't practice it.  That they can't wrap their minds around how other people might think or live differently. 

Unfortunately, this seems to be another area where opinion seems to be trumping experience and knowing people who have chosen a different way.  The new trend seems to be that as long as a person wants to shout about how they are only going on uninformed opinion, it's all good.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 11:43:36 AM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

  That they can't wrap their minds around how other people might think or live differently. 



LP I think the roughest part of this is the Nilla look down in the valley of sheep an when they peek in here they see the mountain of shepherds. We are a minority, not the burger an fries uniformed flying monkeys that most people are accustomed to. We are the assholes in detention for habitually questioning authority cuz the bell jus didn't hand around our necks right. People are so accustomed to going with the flow and accepting what is being told to them is what is right, holy and good that when they run into the weirdo that actually roller skates uphill and fukin loves it, they cannot wrap their heads around that.

Most people wander around in a daze, not knowing who they are, what they want or need. They accept what the world tells them is what is good, holy and right an think on it no more. The bell nayer hung around my neck no matter how much violence accompanied the attempted hanging. I have always been a different creature and here it is accepted, maybe not understood, but still accepted. I've always known who I am, what I need, what I want and who I was going to get that from. Nevertheless it comes back down to the minority. I would rather live my life alone than wear the bell of feigned content or happiness.

YMMV
SLURP!


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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 12:11:58 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I have often seen on profiles "under consideration by <insert name here>" Im just curious but what are your thoughts on consideration online?


In the hands of a genuine and experienced practioner of this "lifestyle" I believe this is a great idea as a means of people getting to know each other. Sadly in the hands of unscrupulous wankers, it tends to be a tool to fool new folk and oft take advantage of them. On a more personal basis, I prefer the method we at Bruin Cottage use which is a "Probationary Collar" which is for a minimum period of 30 days but could last several months depending on the person and how quickly we all get to know each other under varying daily circumstances. It takes time to get used to new folk especially when many of us don't look our best first thing in the morning and oft we appear to be different people. I'm a grumpy old bugger untill I have my third short black and food in my belly. I'm fit for human cohabitation after this and am enjoying my morning pipe. Some folks cough, spit and fart their way through the morning shower which at times can be a general source of amusement for the rest of the house.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 4:39:13 PM   
BeautyDebased


Posts: 96
Joined: 3/20/2009
From: My Masters Feet
Status: offline
quote:

I think Beauty says it all really. The thing is though Beauty, your Master didn't abuse the consideration thing. It wasn't about a velcro collar, it wasn't about getting his jollies whilst he could. For you it was a term used in all seriousness and your living proof that 'under consideration' can and does work. If every story was like yours then how could people mock it! they probably still would though!

allthatjaz



quote:

In the hands of a genuine and experienced practioner of this "lifestyle" I believe this is a great idea as a means of people getting to know each other. Sadly in the hands of unscrupulous wankers, it tends to be a tool to fool new folk and oft take advantage of them.

IronBear



Thankyou,

it's nice to see some decent replies, I do understand some people have been tricked by this term and maybe used even, by the wrong kind of dom and that is sad but it's not always this way, maybe I was just lucky.


Beauty.

< Message edited by BeautyDebased -- 1/19/2011 4:42:05 PM >

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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 5:24:13 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CeriseNin


quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

I think it makes all involved parties sound like idiots. 


I think,

You have no clue what your talking about *smiles*

Sure, some may do it for stupid reasons, others however do it for very valid reasons, I had it up on my profile for a few months.

I'm now happily collared to and living with an amazing Master who adores me and have been his for some time, so my advice is, if you don't understand don't make remarks until you do.



Beauty.


She may know some people do it for "valid reasons" and still think it makes all involved look like idiots. Not everyone is going to just smile and nod, you know. They're allowed to think you look like an idiot.


I think CeriseNin is right. I "get" a lot of things that I find idiotic. I also reserve the right to have whatever opinion I want on them, and I always think it's a little bit one sided when I see submissives "under consideration" by Dominants.  I'd like to see just once a Dominant being awarded that same status.


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to CeriseNin)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 5:45:10 PM   
BeautyDebased


Posts: 96
Joined: 3/20/2009
From: My Masters Feet
Status: offline 		*smiles*

I generally choose to ignore those who find fault or feel the need to throw insult at others, as someone happy with their life I don't have that need but I guess, each to his/her own.

I am also pretty sure a Dom knows he is being monitored by the sub during a time of consideration, for my Master and I we saw it as an engagement, just not a vanilla one as it were, before I was collared to him and in my eyes became the luckiest slave girl on earth.


Beauty.

< Message edited by BeautyDebased -- 1/19/2011 5:55:35 PM >

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RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 6:45:57 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased

You have no clue what your talking about *smiles*




quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased

*smiles* I generally choose to ignore those who find fault or feel the need to throw insult at others, as someone happy with their life I don't have that need but I guess, each to his/her own.



Just so you know, putting "smiles" or *smiles* or gawd help us ~smiles~ in your posts, particularly where you are disagreeing with someone, is condescending.  Although, it does sort of put the finishing touch on the passive-aggressive putdown, but not in the clever way that you think it does. 

Further, it is reminiscent of another poster on here who has been permanently banned.  You might want to reconsider the habit.



Regarding the topic, one of the reasons that people look down on "under consideration" is that, generally, it is one of those things that don't need to be announced.  After all, do you announce...

status:  successful first date, first base
status:  three dates, third base, and if we don't fuck on the next one I'm moving on
status:  fourth date, we've had sex
status:  dating, but haven't met his parents yet
status:  dating, but only every other weekend, as he has his kids the other weekends and we're not ready to introduce me to his kids
status:  not sure if I want a future with this guy, kinda iffy on how he treats waitstaff
status:  friends with benefits until one of us finds someone we want to be monogamous for
status:  can't decide if we should divorce or not
status:  fucking my boss, biding my time until we break up and I sue for sexual harrassment and hostile work environment



And I say generally, because there are some people, LadyPact, MasterFire, and others, who have a more formal household structure and mean something very specific with the phrase.  I would say over 99% of the other people who use the phrase are full of shit.

Cali



_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to BeautyDebased)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: consideration? - 1/19/2011 6:52:46 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
love this. Best response to this thread yet. Oh and of course I forgot to mention that Cali is right about LadyPact and the others she mentioned regarding the very very limited people on here that do the "under consideration" situation with a sense of protocol and formal dynamic, whereas the rest are well..idiotic.

Oh and Beauty, again, Cali is right. That creepy "smiles" thing is not clever, it's just creepy.






_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 80
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