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RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 7:22:38 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darktra151

Would you ever go back to the vanilla lifestyle?


I gave up a lot to have a M/s relationship.
If Shore and I don't make it, I doubt I would ever want to pursue this type of power exchange again with anyone else.
He has ruined me for anyone else.
I doubt I'd want any kind of relationship for a very long time.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 7:49:27 AM   
Buzzzz


Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline 		Back to vanilla.. Maybe .. One never knows what will happen in the future ... But, most likely, if I leave the lifestyle, I will come back ...

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 8:17:28 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I ever left it. I'm still a mom, I'm still chief cook and bottle washer for this household. I'm still a daughter. I still have the same responsibilities I had before. I'm just with a partner who I fit better with. And how I have sex is the least important thing in my life. Who cares if he's on top or I am? Who cares if I prefer to be restrained or not? Just us, and it comes under the heading of compatibility.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 9:35:44 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: Darktra151

Would you ever go back to the vanilla lifestyle?


He has ruined me for anyone else.



This is something I worry about as well. Especially after dating alot and seeing what is out there.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 9:36:55 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i think about it at times now that i'm solitary -- am i going to wind up "settling" for vanilla? i hope not.
honestly, i was never vanilla to begin with, i only pretended to be.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 9:46:29 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		is being vanilla what you do or how you think?

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 9:51:14 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i'd say it's both.
well hopefully what you do is grounded in what you think...

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 10:00:12 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		i was referring to what you may have to do to survive in the world

i think you can be both at the same time

i always think in terms of is something a behavior or an attitude

like the often overused "respect", an attitude v "manners" a behavior

< Message edited by osf -- 1/23/2011 10:02:37 AM >

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 10:00:18 AM   
subangi


Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		My dad was very much a Dom, and my mom very submissive.....like many who were old world European.  They didnt call themselves a D/s dynamic, but it sure was there.  As far as the kink associated with the lifestyle....many vanilla men enjoy the kink.
So,  I would have to say if I met someone that made me happy and fullfilled and preferred the "old world"  type of living as I have been brought up with and feel the most comfortable with,  I would go for it.  The power exchange was there with my parents, and that would have to be the foundation of our relationship.  

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 10:08:07 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If MP and I ever got to the point where we decided it was what was best for our primary relationship (which between the two of us is pretty much vanilla) we absolutely would.  This is the agreement that we made when I first got back into the lifestyle years ago.  We have the same agreement about being poly.  If being actively in relationships with other people threatens our primary relationship, we will stop seeing other people.

Unlike a lot of folks, I really am one of those take it or leave it people.  I can be just as content with or without BDSM.  I'm happier with it, but it's not something that I sit and pine away for if I'm not participating. 


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 10:28:43 AM   
62704


Posts: 27
Joined: 1/16/2011
Status: offline 		I'm not quite sure why we use the 'vanilla' label. I've yet to see a relationship where both/all sides are completely equal in authority and responsibility.

Are you referring to the kink?

I don't think of kink as BDSM, despite how close the two are associated. BDSM relationships allow kinks to be brought out of the world of fantasy/shame/secrets and into the here and now because of the level of communication and trust BDSM relationships allow. Some couples may have only a small number of kinks they're interested in. Others thrive on the thrill of exploring the exotic and taboo, and wind up trying new kinks regularly.

As soon as you and your partner are comfortable with a kink, it's not a kink. It's just something you enjoy doing together.

Mm. I'm a vanilla dom.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 10:46:15 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't separate my life into categories so I can't go back or jump in either one. Life is just that....life.

Exactly. Life is just life; I don't seperate it into categories.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 10:57:40 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

My dad was very much a Dom, and my mom very submissive.....like many who were old world European.  They didnt call themselves a D/s dynamic, but it sure was there.  As far as the kink associated with the lifestyle....many vanilla men enjoy the kink.
So,  I would have to say if I met someone that made me happy and fullfilled and preferred the "old world"  type of living as I have been brought up with and feel the most comfortable with,  I would go for it.  The power exchange was there with my parents, and that would have to be the foundation of our relationship.  

Well that makes me old school European which is why I can't understand 50's household as a kink...just a way of life.
I do understand what you are saying but to re-interpret history is just that: it's counter-factual.
My parents may have been she-dominant and him-submissive and broke a stereotype but it doesn't mean they ever felt pleasure and freedom or indeed consent within the roles they played.
Indeed my mother in talking to her neighbours (and so many of her working class women confidantes) well she spent many a long hour chatting about how they might avoid the bruises after the pub on a Saturday night.


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(in reply to subangi)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 2:22:51 PM   
preytolife


Posts: 138
Joined: 11/29/2010
From: LaLa Land
Status: offline 		I find that Dominance, not kink, is addictive... that said, I could probably give up BDSM for vanilla, but only if I could stay poly and find myself a nice, supportive poly group. Sometimes I think vanilla would be easier, and I have wished in the past that I could be happy like that but no, I don't think so.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 2:39:44 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Why do so many people in this lifestyle think you have to choose bewteen living this lifestyle or living a vanilla lifestyle?Why not live BOTH!?!?!There is a good group that I belong to on Fetlife which is about balancing the 2 lifestyles in a healthy,productive life.I dont see the need to seperate one over the other.Instead,I just choose to learn to intergrate what works from both lifestyles and to leave what dosent work.It is kind of like a "Vanilla Swirl"myself.

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(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 2:40:21 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		why do the girls i get turn into lesbian dommes?

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to preytolife)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 3:02:39 PM   
Controlpower


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline 		I tried that once. For me at least it doesn't work.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 3:19:12 PM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		Define vanilla?

I'm dating someone that isn't involved in D/s or BDSM yet I'm submissive to him. He's very old-fashioned (think 1950's household) without being overbearing or domineering. If that means I've gone vanilla, yay me!!

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 4:45:29 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		<singing> If I could I would, but I can't so I won't. </singing>

Hey, I'm a geek.  That means I'm already drawing on a rather small pool of available women .  Add in desiring a BDSM lifestyle and the dating pool dries up pretty quickly.  After a while in a vanilla relationship I start getting the seven year itch about 6 years 9 months early.

It would be so much easier to fit in, but once your eyes are opened - well, you can't unsee what has been seen.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: going vanilla! - 1/23/2011 8:57:10 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		By necessity, Master and i are living a fairly vanilla life at the moment ... it's a bit hard to get into heavy kinky play scenes in a van with a dog who freaks out at the sound of the first spank! And out in these tiny outback towns, there's not a lot of signs of a handy Dungeon to visit. So the kinky side of bdsm is pretty much off the playlist.

There are times when Master isn't quite as Dommly as i'd like too, i guess He's getting a bit bored with choosing what i should make for dinner when the menu is limited to what can be prepared without creating too much heat in the very hot (40C+) days we're having right now. But vanilla? All the way vanilla? No D/s at all, back to our names instead of Master and violet/pet? No, i don't think so! Heck, i had a rather odd dream last night about needing to sort out cream biscuits that someone had put into a large bin ... i was separating out the vanilla shortbreads, the vanilla melting moments, the vanilla cookies from the custard creams, the orange creams and the chocolate creams. Telling Master this morning, His main concern was how many different vanilla ones there were ... and dog or no dog, i got a little spanking to remind me who i am! YAY! Better dream about icecream tonight

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Profile   Post #: 40
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