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RE: going vanilla! - 1/24/2011 4:24:50 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i have done the vanilla and now realise that manhy of the problems were is that we were both subs. i was very unhappy in the end i met adom online and got the strength to do somthing aobut the marrage and aftr 26 years divorced him. then the relaionship with the dom finished it was jsut one of those things not a bad ending jsut his rl had a sudden and nasty change of circumstances. then i met my master online and now living with him and i know i couldnt go back to a so called vanilla relationship

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: going vanilla! - 1/26/2011 11:03:49 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darktra151
Would you ever go back to the vanilla lifestyle?
Not that I exactly think I have a "lifestyle" but sure I would. Why not? My ability to form a happy relationship with someone isn't dependent on me being in charge.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Darktra151)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: going vanilla! - 1/27/2011 11:49:03 AM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darktra151
do you ever find yourself wanting it both ways? Vanilla someday and kinky others?

What does that question even mean? Just because someone is "kinky" does not mean they're kinky all the time.

(in reply to Darktra151)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: going vanilla! - 1/30/2011 12:07:49 AM   
MissBHavin


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/27/2004
Status: offline 		Well I guess I'm sorta vanilla when you look at me on the surface. But even when I try to forget all about kinks and life is just work and kids and plain, I still get the urge to be submissive. I still get shivers from putting a girls hair clamp on my finger when doing her hair. I still log onto CM or other sites with a kink base.
I don't think I can change whats inside of me. It's not like I woke up one morning and decided to be into various kinks. I've always had these feelings and longings.
So 'go back' is not an option, since I've never been vanilla to the bone. But in every day life it's not my sex drive that defines me.

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: going vanilla! - 1/30/2011 5:49:49 AM   
Crossandra


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline 		It was never a choice for me. My struggle has always been finding partners who could accept me for it and also become involved. I was born this way and couldn't go "vanilla" if I tried. If I did THAT would probably be the end of my marriage.

(in reply to MissBHavin)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: going vanilla! - 1/30/2011 6:35:55 AM   
SourandSweet


Posts: 66
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline 		It was a hard enough journey learning to accept and understand myself as I am in a pre-internet, small town, post-feminist world.

Why on earth would I want to go back and try and be something I'm not?

(in reply to Crossandra)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: going vanilla! - 1/30/2011 12:34:30 PM   
soloswan


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/11/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darktra151

Would you ever go back to the vanilla lifestyle?


Would you or could you rather, change you dna?

(in reply to Darktra151)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: going vanilla! - 1/30/2011 4:31:26 PM   
DegradedCreature


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/31/2010
Status: offline 		While I may be single and unowned for the last few years, I've realized that I wouldn't be content in a relationship where I wasn't submitting in some fashion, in the past I've turned down some guys who weren't interested in at least the d/s component of BDSM. I've come to terms that my submission is a part of me, while I am not actively involved at the moment,means I will wait til I find the right person to accept and appreciate what I need. With that said, each person knows what makes them happy, I don't believe a vanilla relationship could do that for me.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: going vanilla! - 1/30/2011 4:51:29 PM   
TotallyDude


Posts: 184
Joined: 1/30/2011
Status: offline 		Straight up, I gotta be honest, I don't see a big difference. People are people. It isn't like some secret world type stuff where BDSM is an enchanted kingdom hidden inside somebody's great uncle's wardrobe with various Pagan gods and a poorly disguised Christ figure lion. Some of the women I date self-identify as "kinky" and some don't. It's the personality type that's always the same though. She's gotta be aggressive, smart, funny, assertive, and she's gotta like seeing me in pain. Not all sadists identify as scene queens. Getting tied up and fucked by a sexy woman isn't always a "lifestyle" sometimes it's just a Saturday night, you feel me?

_____________________________

The Dude abides.

Fortune and glory, kid, fortune and glory.

(in reply to Darktra151)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 7:58:38 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Nope! I'm pretty sure I could do just bedroom D/s and vanilla outside of that, as long as the D/s was genuine and fulfilling while we did it, but vanilla sex or even a little kinky "spice" just doesn't do anything for me.

(in reply to Darktra151)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 5:20:16 PM   
PrincessofSadden


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline 		I've never really been in a "vanilla" relationship even before I found out about BDSM and what it all entailed. I've always been in control of my boyfriends and I've always been sadistic in my relationships. So there's nothing really to go back to, haha. Well I guess I'd have to adjust to not being called Princess, but that's pretty much the only real difference.

- Princess

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 6:36:22 PM   
smoky


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/14/2008
Status: offline 		I would consider going back to vanilla, I think.  My body responds to BDSM, but my heart and head are all conflicted about it and I wouldn't mind not having to deal with that.  But, if I did I'd have to give up my current relationship eventually and I really don't want to do that.

Loving sex is pretty awesome too.

(in reply to PrincessofSadden)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 7:58:01 PM   
KinkyBasterd


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/18/2011
Status: offline 		I don't think I'll be able to look back. I've just experienced my first time playing with my desires this past weekend. I got to play with a girl that I've known on the net for almost ten years, and we met finally. We're very similar, and I've always had this stuff inside me, I just somehow managed to suppress it and convince myself that my desires to control, to inflict pain, were bad.

Now that I've accepted it as part of myself, I'll never look at sex or relationships in the same way.

(in reply to smoky)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 8:00:25 PM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smoky
I would consider going back to vanilla, I think.  My body responds to BDSM, but my heart and head are all conflicted about it and I wouldn't mind not having to deal with that.  But, if I did I'd have to give up my current relationship eventually and I really don't want to do that.

Loving sex is pretty awesome too.

Some people (not necessarily you) seem to forget that we are all various mixtures of "vanilla" and "D/s." If you (hypothetically) enjoy missionary position sex once in a while, does that make you vanilla? You're only vanilla if you consider yourself vanilla.

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

(in reply to smoky)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 8:03:05 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		I could never go back to 100% vanilla. To never experience sub space again would be like saying I never want to have sex again. I am going to have to say no to both those ideas. They are both wonderful and fun. The real key to making them fun is the relationship around those things :)

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to KinkyBasterd)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 8:19:52 PM   
KinkyBasterd


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/18/2011
Status: offline 		I don't consider any sexual position to be vanilla, or otherwise. For example, at one point I had her on top of me. But I was still directing her, talking to her, and telling her how to move her hips, what to do, etc. The sex act in itself was an entirely "vanilla" activity, yet it had elements of kink to it because of how I influenced the experience with my words.

Personally, there is no distinct line between vanilla and the desires that I have. I will always do "vanilla" things, interact with "vanilla" people, etc. It's simply that my experiences will be involved in these kinds of thoughts to varying degrees. It will always be in the back of my mind, but most everyone (except for strict M/S relationships) still needs to interact with daily "vanilla" life.

Besides, I'm going into health care, and what I need is not exactly something vanilla people should be knowing about, working in a field where I'm taking care of people's lives and well-being. I believe there is quite a lot of stigma attached to this, even if what we do has been slowly growing more socially acceptable.

To be extreme in the distinction between vanilla and the scene would be to suggest that you're either kinky, and you don't interact with a single person who isn't, or you're strict vanilla. I suspect that there are very very few people in that situation, who relate to an absolute of only people involved in the lifestyle, or the "regular" people who have no kinky twinges at all in their sexual relationships.

I don't see myself being overbearing in my need to do these things, in a D/s relationship I believe I would like relative equality in the non-sexual/play aspects.

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 9:31:30 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Hot.
Intelligent.
Kinky.

Choose two of these.

Oh come on, you know I love you all. =)

(in reply to KinkyBasterd)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 9:37:38 PM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

Hot.
Intelligent.
Kinky.

Choose two of these.

The initials spell "HIK."

That's gotta mean something.

Remember, all your Highlander references are belong to me.

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: going vanilla! - 1/31/2011 10:33:21 PM   
femasoslave


Posts: 472
Joined: 5/24/2009
Status: offline 		No, I was vanilla for most of my life trying to fit in (although always into kink), I have finally found my place where I am comfortable and fit in, where I dont feel as though I am having to pretend anymore.

(in reply to Darktra151)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: going vanilla! - 2/1/2011 12:39:43 AM   
CherryNeko


Posts: 330
Joined: 12/29/2010
From: Mexico City
Status: offline 		I'm actually vanilla. 21% actually.

I just sometimes play, because though I'm primarily vanilla, I very much enjoy playing the submissive every once in a while. I couldn't go vanilla in this moment because my sub part (if we could separate them) is the most important phase of my personal autoexploration.

Well, that's more like it. *Nods thoughtfully*

_____________________________

How many mornings do we have
Before this night ends?
I'm dying surrounded by white flowers
Which scatter in the sky...

(in reply to Darktra151)
Profile   Post #: 60
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