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CreativeDominant -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 11:58:41 AM)
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quote:
ntas quote:
ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
You are totally right, seriously. Female do-mes are treated much differently; and they certainly do exist. There are plenty of female subs who use a variety of dynamics to basically be passive aggressive, manipulative and top from the bottom. but for them, it's somehow not "bad" for them to behave this way. they're showing their "strength in submission" because they only submit on very particular terms and only "allow" particular activities blah blah blah...
Like RCdc, I could not agree more...
I think if the dominant males on here were totally honest about it, we have all dealt with one (or more) submissives who expected us to put out our dominant vibes in a way that showed we were suitably dominant during the "get to know you" phase while the dominant was expected to just "know" that the submissive was as claimed...submissive.
I think that if the dominant males on here were totally honest about it, we have all dealt with the submissive who, once she has agreed to submit, did so admirably until a point came about...and it always does...where they disagreed with what the dominant wanted, or disliked something he said, or decided that the level of control they had given to the dominant did not suit them that day and "BOOM", out went all the ways they had agreed to deal with problem situations and, in many cases, out went the submissive posture (attitude, behavior, etc.) and in came the woman who acted as if you'd just met and she wasn't submitting to you yet or who acts as if at that point, tis o.k. to set the dynamic aside and deal with things as they choose...whether it be in an angry manner, derisive, swearing at you, whatever.
I think that if the dominant males on here were totally honest about it, we have all dealt with the submissive who doesn't just hope that her fantasies will be considered...she EXPECTS it. And we know what happens when those expectations aren't met.
Now...with all that said, let's face it. While much of that is frustrating as hell sometimes, it is what it is. And I am certainly not saying that ALL submissives, male or female are like that noted above or display ALL the above characteristics. I have met submissives, both male and female, who display none of those traits or who, if they carry some, are not as extreme as the examples given above.
But, there is a plethora of male dominants and a dearth of female submissives, thus putting the submissives at a better negotiating stance than the dominant...at least, to an extent. The best you can do about it is do a lot of communication beforehand. You talk and talk and talk some more and make clear where you are coming from and she makes clear where she is coming from and you wade in and hope like hell you can handle whatever comes and that at least some of what you have agreed to is recognized and adhered to.
On the other hand, there is a dearth of female dominants and a plethora of male submissives. This makes negotiating a bigger positive for the female dominant as she can afford to be more emphatic about her point of view. While I don't think that she can ignore all the male submissive's wants nor do I think she can be imperial with everyone and sooner or later not get her head handed to her, she is in a better position. It is what it is.
This is why male submissives who act in a manner similar to their female counterparts do not do as well as their female counterparts. Again...not to say that all male submissives or all female submissives act that way BUT as noted by Lilly and RCdc, there is a double standard in the perspective in which that behavior is viewed...or allowed.
There are also dominants...male and female...who are assholes in their own right. I would not put Lady Constanze or Lady Pact or Knight of Mists or myself in that category but there are those that I would. That is MY perspective as a dominant, human male. My asshole, fake, do-me submissive is another dominant's wet dream. Some submissive's fake, bitch GODDESS type femdominant is another submissive's perfect Guide/Owner. And that is where human compatibility and right to choose come in. One way to get a gander into how suitable you are for anyone is to take a look at how you are perceived by others. If everyone says you are a whiner...then you might want to take a look at that. If a couple of people say I am wrong and many more say I am right...I consider the statements of those who say I am wrong but tend to go along with those who think I am right.
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