RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives"

RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (Full Version)

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NihilusZero -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 1:02:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Pulled from the FAQ thread at the top of the Ask A Mistress forum: Q: Why won’t dommes answer my CMail? A: There are many reasons a dominant woman doesn’t respond to email. Perhaps you are too young, too old, too far away, married, or you don’t share the same interests. Sometimes, it just boils down to lack of chemistry. If she reads your message, inspects your profile, looks at your picture, and doesn’t feel a spark of interest, she probably won’t reply. Most women will not respond to a message of only one or two lines or one that demonstrates you haven’t read her profile. Another possibility is that your profile is too short or comes across as too focused on yourself and your kinks. Below are links to on-going threads dedicated to getting help with your profile and improving your introductory email. Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman CMail Help: How to Contact a Dominant Woman Fair enough. [8D][:D]

RCdc -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 1:06:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Jeez louise, get over yourself already. Look, both LadyP and LadyNTrainer and LadyC said the exact same thing that I did. But, and this is fascinating, you did not get upset with anything they said, you got upset with me. Perhaps that is because my opinion as a sub is not as important to YOU as the opinions of the gracious Dominant ladies I mentioned who I was AGREEING with. So that makes your entire exercise of getting upset with me, false. Oh and I did read that you used to get deluged by mail, I did not miss anything, as you did. Funny how personal dislike of a particular poster clouds your stellar judgement when interpreting POVs, especially when the one you are critiquing is the same as the ones you now claim to agree with. Too funny. But I am sure this diatribe has entertained the denizens of the boards, so some good has come of this. If you did not desperately need to possess the last word on this, you might go back and read how I was agreeing with things that you accept more readily from the other ladies. Oh red come on now. Why on earth do you get the impression that I don't 'like' you? That's like a classic persecution complex and you are projecting... yanno?... goodness... I honestly don't know you well enough to 'not like you' ... that would just be amazingly petty and pointless. Just because we are both mouth almighties, doesn't mean we automatically have to dislike each other![;)] Strawman red, strawman... and anyone who is reading this thread will see that. But hey... apparently I like to get the last line... in that case...did I win? Damn girl... this isn't a competition.[;)]

NihilusZero -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 1:08:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc apparently I like to get the last line... in that case...did I win? Nope. [:D] [image]local://upfiles/672415/54239D17F2244173B0631818BBDB6B24.jpg[/image]

sexyred1 -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 1:08:43 PM)
Actually you are right. I always did like other mouthy redheads and I recall we were fans of each other at one time. Ok, we both win. Do we get something sparkly now? [;)]

sexyred1 -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 1:10:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc apparently I like to get the last line... in that case...did I win? Nope. [:D] [image]local://upfiles/672415/54239D17F2244173B0631818BBDB6B24.jpg[/image] Ok...now THAT is funny. [;)]

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 1:11:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero I thought LNT was genuinely offering a position worth listening to and was wondering if she cared to provide useful insight (because, at worst, there are always lurkers about who might care about the topic). WTF else is there really to say beyond, "treat us like human beings and try getting to know us as human beings before showing us your pee-pee or asking in graphic detail for intimate sex acts." You know, act like a normal and decent human being, like you would want someone to treat your mother or your sister if they were asking her out on a date. You would think that this would be obvious, but clearly it's not. There seems to be a prevalent belief that if a woman has a profile on an adult site, it means that she wants to be intimate with every random horny stranger who emails her. If you buy into this, you're fucked, and not in the fun way. It isn't true and it doesn't work. There's already been a shit-ton already written on this subject you can search for, as LP mentioned. But that about summarizes it. Don't be a dick or lead with your dick. Lead with your intelligence, good manners and personality instead, and you've got a winning approach.

RCdc -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 1:13:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc Either way - I am in control and not letting someone elses actions spoil it for me. So am I. I don't enjoy being randomly shouted at and abused, so I keep my social profile on sites with no A/S/L search enabled. I can get up and move if I am not enjoying myself in a particular location. I don't waste my time banging my head against a wall trying to improve conditions in that location; I just accept that they suck and go somewhere else that actually is fun for me. quote: But if it's an hour of your time, I would find a different avenue, not lose out just because. That's like, usually taking the bus and it takes two hours to get to your destination and getting fucked off with doing that and deciding to not go... when you can easily take a train which might only take half an hour only you wont because it's still a form of transport. As I've been saying, any adult site with A/S/L enabled is going to have an extremely high noise to signal ratio. If you don't feel like taking the time and energy to deal with it, your options are to hit Munches and BDSM events in real life or find sites that do not have A/S/L enabled to socially network on. Pretty simple really. And that's why a lot of women leave. They certainly aren't leaving the RL scene; most of the local femdom events I attend have more women than men, because it's a totally comfortable social environment that doesn't tolerate ugliness, discourtesy or abuse. I think that possible, we are talking in the same language to a certain extent. Meh... I don't know... but I do appreciate you taking the time and being patient enough with me to talk it through. The (small) minority I think who might be suffering though are those who don't dig munches or events. I know that the big thing is to encourage people to do them... I've co-hosted one myself and would never count them out, but I do totally understand that they aren't for everyone. It really does seem recently that there is a much bigger push towards groups than there has ever been, but I'm digressing that's probably for another thread...

RCdc -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 1:15:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc apparently I like to get the last line... in that case...did I win? Nope. [:D] [image]local://upfiles/672415/54239D17F2244173B0631818BBDB6B24.jpg[/image] well big fat raspberry to you then! [:-] [;)]

RCdc -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 1:17:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Actually you are right. I always did like other mouthy redheads and I recall we were fans of each other at one time. Ok, we both win. Do we get something sparkly now? [;)] Oooo.. sparklies rock!.... hmmm... not sure if the CM icon thingies does sparklies tho... goes off to look.... meh... that's all I got.... poop....[sm=cute.gif]

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 3:06:23 PM)
quote: Now,the REAL,GENIUNE Male Submissive who actually understands and appericates his submission,is a totally different person.I have to disagree that there are so many male submissive out there.What you have is alot of men with nothing more than a submissive fantasy.That does not make them a submissive or slave.So please,dont mix the real Male Submissive,in with a bunch of people who are only into a fantasy and nothing else.If anything,the true,geniune,compassionate male submissive is alot harder to find than one might think. Charles, the way you refuse to put two spaces after periods and one space after commas makes my eyes tie themselves into knots. Others have told you about this, for a long time now, and still you persist. Is this how you are trying to impress women like me that you want to be in a female led relationship, that you are willing to make reasonable, small changes in your behavior to stand apart (and maybe above) the average male sub we hear from at CollarMe? Spelling errors I can handle, as some people are not good at it and my own computer will not do that spell checker thing, but things like spaces and using paragraphs is...a reasonable request. I try not to hide users whose writing drives me up the wall, but Charles, please be kinder to these old eyes of mine and start using some spaces after periods and commas, okay? I agree with you that there are a lot fewer males wanting a female led D/s relationship than guys who are into bedroom only kink, or are here just for online fantasy. You won that point. Now show some of that compassion you talked about and stop hurting my eyes, okay? <starts wondering if you are a closet sadist> [:D]

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 5:07:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer I don't agree that it's silly. I think it's quite understandable, and so does everyone I know who has actually had the experience of reading the mail on a nice, friendly femdom profile. Including the men who have run the experiment of putting one up. If you put yourself out there to try to make a human connection, and what you consistently get is sexual aggression that totally ignores you as a human being, it feels like shit. It also feels incredibly isolating and invalidating, like you're not even being viewed as human. If you aren't at least strongly tempted respond to a long barrage of that with a hearty "screw you, I'm not taking any more of this shit," then maybe you're not human. :/ While I can understand what you are saying on this... the whole feeling like shit thing is surely something you allow yourself to feel? Whilst I wouldn't attempt the whole fake profile malarkey, I am female and I have had a single profile on here before I met Master and even though I am not dominant, I have had the occasion to receive such types of mail not only from male dominants, but submissive males and even females and honestly, I just do not get what all the fuss is about. It's simply, bin and carry on. Why allow some external nobody make you feel like shit? Taking Ds out of the equation even... as a woman (and I don't want to sound all PC and feminist here) the chances you come across someone who ignores the fact that your a human being is incredibly high and happens a lot! I could never in a million years react by doing something that could and would mean I lose out... nor sink to the level of such a person... to me that would signal a lack of control... and isn't being in control what it is about for many people? What is so inhuman about not wanting someone to be in control of making you feel shit? Getting angry is one thing, but taking it out on an entire minority at the risk of being alone and bitter when you don't actually want to be? Really? Commenting on parts I highlighted in black. dc, I am not a being of granite that is unaffected by everything around me. When it rains, I get wet, when the sun is hot, I sweat. If someone around me is grieving or enraged at the world...something called empathy makes me react to their feelings. To be a twue dominant, one has to check their emotions at the door? [:D] How others treat me can affect my mood, and this does not make me feel...less or weak, just...human. I still answer all of my mail, even after somewhere around half a dozen years here, and yes, even with most of the letters that come with a spam warning. If I were not a patient person most of the time, I would never use up so much of my valuable time doing this. It also has a drawback, as I allow myself to be exposed to so much shiite that it can leave me with a burnt out feeling after a while. I get tired of holding up that umbrella while all the shit rains down, while hoping for those rare gold nuggets to drop down into view. I take responsibility for being here. I take responsibility for deciding not to use filters. It is my own choice to answer all of my mail, unless I have told someone not to write to me again...then I use the block option. When I need downtime to recharge my batteries, I take it. Notice that this is all about ME? Yes, I "allow myself to feel". It's a decision I make and I live with the consequences, and no, I do not give up my right to occasionally vent about the crp storm in hopes that some lurkers will read and maybe learn something, improving the quality of some of my mail. I don't vent to make myself feel better; it has another purpose. quote:* Getting angry is one thing, but taking it out on an entire minority at the risk of being alone and bitter when you don't actually want to be? Irritation doesn't feel like anger to me, neither does disappointment. Restricting mail while my attitude improved, in the past, was not an act of losing control but of using it. A minority? You are kidding, right? Since when does the deluge of caucasian male subs at CM become considered a minority? Being "alone" must be equated with being bitter? Being alone can be peaceful, just ask anyone who has been recently divorced. [;)] Also, I know people who have a significant other or a spouse and are...bitter. IMHO, this last sentence of yours is comparing apples to oranges. CollarMe is not the only source of finding potential partners. If someone chooses to use only sites without an A/S/L search...or to only meet potential partners at munches, this is not a sign of bitterness or lack of selfcontrol; it's a personal choice. Sorry all if this comes off as a rant...I enjoyed responding. [;)] In my vanilla life, vanillasubmissives gravitate toward me as friends; I may be "alone" right now, but never lonely.

DesFIP -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 5:16:29 PM)
Actually it's like being a police officer. In any urban area, police see only the dregs of society. The ones who enjoy raping, murdering, etc. Because they spend their days surrounded by the worst in humanity, they begin to believe that ordinary people are also horrible people who have just not yet been caught. As a result, the only people they feel safe socializing with are other cops. It isn't that anyone makes a deliberate choice to become bitter, their perceptions are skewed by seeing only the worst characteristics. Cynthia. Since when is it two spaces after a period? I always do one after both periods and commas, but two before a paragraph. And what it says to me is that Charles doesn't have a grammar check installed, because they catch those errors.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 5:52:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 I have heard about the ratio on Collarme.There are so many male submissives,for every few Dommes out there,blah,blah,blah!!Most of the "Do me" male submissives are just that.All they seek is a 30 second fantasy "quick fix".Now,the REAL,GENIUNE Male Submissive who actually understands and appericates his submission,is a totally different person.I have to disagree that there are so many male submissive out there.What you have is alot of men with nothing more than a submissive fantasy.That does not make them a submissive or slave.So please,dont mix the real Male Submissive,in with a bunch of people who are only into a fantasy and nothing else.If anything,the true,geniune,compassionate male submissive is alot harder to find than one might think. Haters gonna hate.

Charles6682 -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 5:57:03 PM)
Good point Nocturnal

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 7:23:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc While I can understand what you are saying on this... the whole feeling like shit thing is surely something you allow yourself to feel? [...] Why allow some external nobody make you feel like shit? I don't allow that, which is why I removed my social profile from all adult sites that feature an A/S/L search. I don't allow people to treat me like human garbage, and if I see that this is the norm, I walk away and I go somewhere that is warm and welcoming and respectful. That's a pretty functional strategy for actually getting what I want. I can't change how other people behave, but I can set my personal boundaries, so that's what I do. It's not one asshole email that wears me down and makes me feel like I am being dehumanized. It's a hundred that are just not worth wading through, and each of them takes a little piece of my time, energy and patience. But there are so many that by the time I'm done, that's actually a big enough piece to make a difference. I've been bombarded repeatedly with the message that I am not a human being worth listening to or talking to, I am a thing for men to masturbate on. I don't like that much, and when my patience has been exceeded I'm not willing to stick around for any more of it. What is the possible gain for me in doing so? quote: What is so inhuman about not wanting someone to be in control of making you feel shit? If you can take a constant barrage of abuse and dehumanization and not feel anything negative from it, I would have to wonder. I don't think it will affect a healthy person's self-image or how they really feel about themselves, at least not very quickly, but I don't think it feels good to anyone either. And why stick around for stuff that doesn't make you feel good? Again, what's the point? quote: Getting angry is one thing, but taking it out on an entire minority at the risk of being alone and bitter when you don't actually want to be? Really? I'm not alone. I have two wonderful partners, and I met them in the local BDSM community. Even if I did not have any partners, I would not be losing anything worth having by not using A/S/L search sites. Social networking sites for kinksters that don't have an A/S/L function work a lot better to actually meet people in real life, and of course attending real life events. The cost to benefit ratio just ain't worth it. You may find your diamond in the rough here, but you'll probably be better off looking where the signal to noise ratio is better.

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/25/2011 7:23:45 PM)
Charles, I'm beginning to think "do-me subs" description is a lot like sexual harassment, it's only do me, if he wants to do things not about me or my list. Sure, it would be wonderful, if a big chunk of the population, was servile and benevolent, because that's what turns them on, but let's get real. [:D] Don't get me wrong, I'm not inviting any attention from "take my body, do as much to me as you will, and I have no limits as to what you can do to me." I'm saying, some dominas like that, and to them, he isn't a "do me." M

RCdc -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/26/2011 1:25:13 AM)
quote: I still answer all of my mail, even after somewhere around half a dozen years here, and yes, even with most of the letters that come with a spam warning. If I were not a patient person most of the time, I would never use up so much of my valuable time doing this. It also has a drawback, as I allow myself to be exposed to so much shiite that it can leave me with a burnt out feeling after a while. I get tired of holding up that umbrella while all the shit rains down, while hoping for those rare gold nuggets to drop down into view. Thank you for responding. Y'all so patient with me! I do totally understand what you are saying. It really stems from the beginning of this thread really, and it came across (to someone like me at least) that dominant females were narrowing their field and possibly losing out just because of the deluge of mail they got. Further discussion has kinda brought the whole thing round (I think). I was just lost (hence me asking if I were being dense[:)]) on why this should be the case. I know I am not a dominant female... I know that I am now part of a couples profile and we just don't get the same amount of influx that females on the whole get - but we DO get them... usually from male of female s-types that want to submit to me because they think that a couples profile automatically makes us a dominant one or dominant females asking Master to loan me out (something I have never come across before even when single). But as a single female on here, I got deluges of all orientations... and holding up the umbrella was just part of the process and maybe I am just weird that I didn't get tired of it... I just saw it as part of the process. I don't know if it's maybe more a female dominant Vs. female s-type difference? I have been thinking about it and maybe my mindset is just wired differently because of my orientation? Maybe, as an s-type and as a woman I just accept that people will and do think of me as a second class being (not that this is correct for anyone to think, nor do I on the whole believe this is a tenant of BDSM in general but more a reflection of/on society) and I accept that I am going to come up against such bigotry and it's up to me to not get subjugated by it. (Please do not think for a moment that I believe female dominants do allow themselves to be.) Maybe people like Charles - in other words committed(I'm so not using the word 'true or real') submissive males without lists upon lists of requirements - are struggling and a little pissed because this is the first time that - as he put's it - a white male - actually suffers/comes face to face with, a form of bigotry..?... where as females (in this instance - although we certainly aren't a group alone) have had to deal with bigotry for a hell of a long time? quote: A minority? You are kidding, right? Since when does the deluge of caucasian male subs at CM become considered a minority? I do see it as a minority, yes. But then I am taking it as a whole - in the sense that I am including all BDSMers as the majority... not just focusing on male submissives as a group so in that, male submissive would be a minority within submissives as a whole within the BDSM group... and then do-mes would be a minority within male submissives. (hope that made sense). And you certainly didn't come off as a rant at all and I enjoyed your perspective, thank you.

RCdc -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/26/2011 2:03:03 AM)
quote: It's not one asshole email that wears me down and makes me feel like I am being dehumanized. It's a hundred that are just not worth wading through, and each of them takes a little piece of my time, energy and patience. But there are so many that by the time I'm done, that's actually a big enough piece to make a difference. I've been bombarded repeatedly with the message that I am not a human being worth listening to or talking to, I am a thing for men to masturbate on. I don't like that much, and when my patience has been exceeded I'm not willing to stick around for any more of it. What is the possible gain for me in doing so? I, again, thank you for your patience with me. Like you, if something comes across as a waste of time, I'll go elsewhere - I am blessed to have a Master who allows me such. I have done that on CM - sometimes the persistent complaining does my head in... I tend to be someone who always looks at things positively and loves everything and everyone (not so closet hippy me[:D]) The thing I am (struggling with is not the best word to use).... ummm... seem to be dense about is the reaction by some/many to males that know what they want - particularly on sites like this. Either they aren't true enough, or they aren't commited enough or they automatically assigned as do-mes. I look at that and think... wow. I mean look at it like this... as women, we are (in society) automatically looked at as lesser beings. It's getting better with time (on the whole) but it's still there. So female dominants who seize control of their own lives get to a point where they decide they want to take on a boy/man (in this case as an example) only to come to a site like this and automatically deride and dehumanize any male s-type who dares show a little of their own desires - and they aren't alone because it's females in general. There is an automatic reaction on here to assume that these males are submissives... that these males themselves believe that is the term they should be using because bottoms or switches or worse still - bedroom boys - are at the bottom of the pile. At least there is a chance (if you identify) as a male submissive who doesn't dig on humiliation, that you might garner a little respect if you dare mention you are 'real male submissive'... and now even that's wrong! Maybe that's a little of CM's fault(from a profile and email POV). Maybe it is about time they broadened their spectrum of profile options to allow for more descriptions and labels? I'm not naive enough to not be aware that there are blokes who come here just to get their rocks off... women too. And there will always be people who don't give a moment to look at a profile. But just Maybe if that happened it might send the message that this isn't just about domination and submission and that such filters would help channel people into the appropriate places - as well as having a positive effect on the perception of what it means to submit?

Charles6682 -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/26/2011 2:17:49 AM)
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RCdc -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/26/2011 2:27:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Charles6682 You know Greedy,I rarely say this,but you can take those words and stick them right where even the Flordia Sunshine wont find them.Who made you Queen of the Tampa Bay area all of a sudden? Posts: 36251 Status: offline Charles.. in reply to at LEAST one of your whine-fest posts, someone posted info for Tampa area munches or such. In other words.. quit fucking cry-babying, and attend an event, or suck it up and STFU. Google is your friend. find events. but given your Le sigh. Seriously Charles - the OP was fine and allowed for a brilliant discussion, and then you turn it and yourself into the one thing you seem to be complaining about? What is it with some people? Can't discussion occur without it becoming about hate, who you may or may not dislike or petty insults? Can't you even address any of the questions you have been posed and instead resort to banal attacks?[sm=hewah.gif]

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