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CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" (1/26/2011 6:44:03 AM)
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It really stems from the beginning of this thread really, and it came across (to someone like me at least) that dominant females were narrowing their field and possibly losing out just because of the deluge of mail they got.
I agree, but sometimes narrowing the field is necessary. I used to spend a good 8 hours per day answering my mail, and by the time I was finished, I had no energy left for the message boards. (Thank goodness I am much deeper into 40 and it's slowed down.) [;)] There are many reasons why someone might choose to tighten filters drastically...or give people a quick but polite brush off. Whenever I am feeling burnt out, or whenever I focus on one person, narrowing the field to one interesting possibility, I definitely lose sight of some good people. At other times, I am talking with six or more men and the quality of our conversations would become an issue, if I spread myself too thin by talking regularly with the dozens who want me to get to know them better.
Another way I've narrowed the deluge is by...not going into the chatrooms. I avoid getting an extra 20 - 50 letters per day. Someday when I'm on a computer that can access them, I will likely go back...but while I am, I will probably hide my profile to keep my mail manageable.
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But as a single female on here, I got deluges of all orientations... and holding up the umbrella was just part of the process and maybe I am just weird that I didn't get tired of it... I just saw it as part of the process.
I had fem sub friends who gloried in being in the middle of the feeding frenzy, who could grab that umbrella and be dancing joyfully under it...I know I am mixing metaphors, lol. When the storm died down, the fem subs went poof and reappeared under a new username. For those who enjoy this, there is no need to set harsh filters.
I agree about it being a process, a means to an end, but at the same time...most mail from strangers seems to be sent with the same thoughtlessness that one would use when writing obscenity on a bathroom wall. When I was young, it was a fun read. (Nowadays, it can make me feel old and tired.)
I enjoy getting to know people...however, when I have the one I am searching for I will likely hide my profile or set rigid filters on it just as many others have done.
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I don't know if it's maybe more a female dominant Vs. female s-type difference? I have been thinking about it and maybe my mindset is just wired differently because of my orientation? Maybe, as an s-type and as a woman I just accept that people will and do think of me as a second class being (not that this is correct for anyone to think, nor do I on the whole believe this is a tenant of BDSM in general but more a reflection of/on society) and I accept that I am going to come up against such bigotry and it's up to me to not get subjugated by it. (Please do not think for a moment that I believe female dominants do allow themselves to be.)
For the first part, I don't know the answer. We react differently and I'm okay with that...and so are you. As long as we don't see each other's differences as weaknesses, this is all good.
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Maybe people like Charles - in other words committed (I'm so not using the word 'true or real') submissive males without lists upon lists of requirements - are struggling and a little pissed because this is the first time that - as he put's it - a white male - actually suffers/comes face to face with, a form of bigotry..?... where as females (in this instance - although we certainly aren't a group alone) have had to deal with bigotry for a hell of a long time?
Very good point. I had never considered this from that angle before and part of me finds it amusing. [;)]
I don't mind men having a list of requirements, because at least they have thought some things over and are smart enough to be wary, instead of still in frenzy/lemming mode. It is just a starting point, part of negotiations.
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I do see it as a minority, yes. But then I am taking it as a whole - in the sense that I am including all BDSMers as the majority... not just focusing on male submissives as a group so in that, male submissive would be a minority within submissives as a whole within the BDSM group... and then do-mes would be a minority within male submissives. (hope that made sense).
Ah, like a pie then, and anything less than the whole pie would be merely a fraction. My vision is different when I count groups...I see us as different piles of beans. [:D] We have a bag of Domly kidney beans, a smaller bag of fem sub lentil beans, a handful of Domme garbanzo beans, and what seems like a massive bag of male sub navy beans. If this were bean soup, I couldn't count the navy beans as a minority of what was in my bowl. A fraction, yes, but not a minority.
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And you certainly didn't come off as a rant at all and I enjoyed your perspective, thank you.
Thank you. I also enjoyed yours...and had a small epiphany. I may not enjoy all the anger and resentment I see from some male subs in the message boards, especially the new ones, but at least now I have a better understanding of where it's coming from.
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