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Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/24/2011 5:12:12 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I have heard about the ratio on Collarme.There are so many male submissives,for every few Dommes out there,blah,blah,blah!!Most of the "Do me" male submissives are just that.All they seek is a 30 second fantasy "quick fix".Now,the REAL,GENIUNE Male Submissive who actually understands and appericates his submission,is a totally different person.I have to disagree that there are so many male submissive out there.What you have is alot of men with nothing more than a submissive fantasy.That does not make them a submissive or slave.So please,dont mix the real Male Submissive,in with a bunch of people who are only into a fantasy and nothing else.If anything,the true,geniune,compassionate male submissive is alot harder to find than one might think.

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/24/2011 5:43:35 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Charles,

They are looking for something different than perhaps you are looking for. That doesn't make them any less real or genuine. It just makes them looking for something different.

Perhaps they are really bottoms. That is not a choice here on CM. But we must choose something. (As in it's required by the site). It's the closest they can get to what's realistic for them.

best,
sunshine


by the way - it would be easier to read your posts if you added spaces after your periods.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 1/24/2011 5:44:46 PM >

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/24/2011 6:16:32 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I must be sprinkled with fairy dust then.  I actually don't have that much trouble meeting submissive, rather than do-me submissive men.  

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/24/2011 6:50:46 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682
All they seek is a 30 second fantasy "quick fix".


Hey now. No 30 seconds here. I want a good 12 hours of torture!

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/24/2011 7:53:07 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I have heard about the ratio on Collarme.There are so many male submissives,for every few Dommes out there,blah,blah,blah!!Most of the "Do me" male submissives are just that.All they seek is a 30 second fantasy "quick fix".Now,the REAL,GENIUNE Male Submissive who actually understands and appericates his submission,is a totally different person.I have to disagree that there are so many male submissive out there.What you have is alot of men with nothing more than a submissive fantasy.That does not make them a submissive or slave.So please,dont mix the real Male Submissive,in with a bunch of people who are only into a fantasy and nothing else.If anything,the true,geniune,compassionate male submissive is alot harder to find than one might think.

Oh my...more 'real', and 'true' statements of fact.

Sounds to me like someone might be a bit frustrated.

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/24/2011 10:14:09 PM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline 		They are true enough for the people they are in a dynamic with, even if it doesn't meet your approval.

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/24/2011 10:26:54 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		It's actually a very interesting topic to discuss the sociological mechanisms of: the idea that a more concerted, emotional devotion to a concept (in this case, male submission) is always "better" or more "genuine" than casual delving. To a certain extent, it seems to have merit as we habitually pursue people for roles in our lives who have placed a lot of time and effort into the specific niche (such as people might prefer "professional" plumbers to take care of their house needs, rather than the casual handyman).

I'm kind of mixed. While I get a suspicious and skeptical reaction to people who seem to suggest they deserve more accolades based sheerly on how "srs" they consider what they're doing, I'm also prone to think that there can be an actual "quality" element beyond the subjectivity (the sort of thing that separates an Adam Duritz from a Britney Spears musically, for instance).

And, then back to the other side of the coin, the kind of talk where "fantasy" gets thrown around in a derogatory fashion is typically just pomp and BDSM-fortune-cookie wisdom getting tossed out for supposed substance, when it's really just a weak critique of how "twue" or not someone is based on whether they'd enjoy certain parts of their kink in certain quantities which would otherwise be deemed as "too much". "Fantasies", as such, only exist in the hypothetical ideas of those wanting to use the idea to put someone else down. Once someone is able to make such a "fantasy" reality in their lives, those gripes lose their air.

We all tend to want to overvalue the positives we feel we have to offer when wondering why there appears to be a lacking audience for them, compared to other people who seem to garner more responses for less. All of that, though, ends up becoming just the way that interpretation and compatibility works out in life.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/24/2011 10:30:54 PM >

_____________________________

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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/24/2011 11:58:55 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I have heard about the ratio on Collarme.There are so many male submissives,for every few Dommes out there,blah,blah,blah!!Most of the "Do me" male submissives are just that.All they seek is a 30 second fantasy "quick fix".Now,the REAL,GENIUNE Male Submissive who actually understands and appericates his submission,is a totally different person.I have to disagree that there are so many male submissive out there.What you have is alot of men with nothing more than a submissive fantasy.That does not make them a submissive or slave.So please,dont mix the real Male Submissive,in with a bunch of people who are only into a fantasy and nothing else.If anything,the true,geniune,compassionate male submissive is alot harder to find than one might think.


The questions I would ask you -

  • Why is it bothering you so much what other people do?
  • Do you think you are better, because you aren't a (as you put it) do-me?
  • Why do you assume that a do-me submissive automatically has no appreciation for submission?
  • What makes you any more real, true or genuine? Key points please.

I have to be a cynic and not expect a response, but if you do answer them bravo in advance.


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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 2:59:27 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		this is an interesting convo because i think many Mistresses have said similar things, but it's only (probably) because it's a male poster that this is becoming somewhat negative.
how many Mistresses have chimed in on the "many men, even submissive ones, only see women as tools for their pleasure" discussion?
so it's a discussion worth having on "Ask a Mistress," or in the midst of another thread, but not here?

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 3:51:22 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

this is an interesting convo because i think many Mistresses have said similar things, but it's only (probably) because it's a male poster that this is becoming somewhat negative.
how many Mistresses have chimed in on the "many men, even submissive ones, only see women as tools for their pleasure" discussion?
so it's a discussion worth having on "Ask a Mistress," or in the midst of another thread, but not here?




Oh I agree. There does seem to be a lot of 'discussion' on how many so called do-me subs their are by female dominants - which I don't participate in on the Mistress forum simply because I don't really much to say over there. If it's posted here, however, I usually take it to mean that everyone get's to have their say.

Not for a moment saying that the Mistress forum is closed to any but those that are, it's just I don't personally want to post in there on the whole. Of course there are always exceptions.

I always find this subject really interesting. From a het, male dominated relationship POV, it's a lot rarer to hear male dominants complain about female do-mes*. And they exist, but it's always treated completely differently. They are strong, independant women... who submit to their man and only their man and there is almost a sense of admirable quality given to it.

If a female specifies what she wants, she is either classed as being bratty(which is 'fun') or more often, that she is just stating her core upfront (which is admirable). It's almost like it is universally accepted that females have the right to state their business, whereas if a man does, then they are selfish and self serving. If a male dominant does this, they can be accused of being over controlling... manipulative.... or 'he's just not that into you'.**

On the whole, males have a klingon that from my POV, comes from an overuse of PC which doesn't aid them at all, be they dominant or submissive.

Don't misunderstand me, just because the OP is male, or submissive, doesn't mean I wouldn't be asking similar questions to a female dominant who might come here and make this statement in this particular forum section or anyone regardless of gender or orientation... because I would.


Disc * using a word just for the sake of clarity. ** speaking in general terms.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 4:15:28 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		You are totally right, seriously. Female do-mes are treated much differently; and they certainly do exist. There are plenty of female subs who use a variety of dynamics to basically be passive aggressive, manipulative and top from the bottom. but for them, it's somehow not "bad" for them to behave this way. they're showing their "strength in submission" because they only submit on very particular terms and only "allow" particular activities blah blah blah...


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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 4:23:50 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

You are totally right, seriously. Female do-mes are treated much differently; and they certainly do exist. There are plenty of female subs who use a variety of dynamics to basically be passive aggressive, manipulative and top from the bottom. but for them, it's somehow not "bad" for them to behave this way. they're showing their "strength in submission" because they only submit on very particular terms and only "allow" particular activities blah blah blah...




Yep... couldn't agree more.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 4:44:02 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I have heard about the ratio on Collarme.There are so many male submissives,for every few Dommes out there,blah,blah,blah!!Most of the "Do me" male submissives are just that.All they seek is a 30 second fantasy "quick fix".Now,the REAL,GENIUNE Male Submissive who actually understands and appericates his submission,is a totally different person.I have to disagree that there are so many male submissive out there.What you have is alot of men with nothing more than a submissive fantasy.That does not make them a submissive or slave.So please,dont mix the real Male Submissive,in with a bunch of people who are only into a fantasy and nothing else.If anything,the true,geniune,compassionate male submissive is alot harder to find than one might think.


Charles, it depends on the dynamic somebody is looking for, now my thoughts aren't all the time on BDSM, so in case I get on with somebody and he has certain fantasies that mesh with mine, that can be a perfect mix, I wouldn't really mesh with somebody who's submissive 24/7, because a lot of them expect that you make all their decisions for them, for me that would be like having a child. There has to be the right mix or it doesn't work for me. Somebody who'd expect me to fulfill all his fantasies without bothering what works for me also wouldn't work, but a guy who has certain fantasies that work with mine but who isn't genuinely submissive all the time, that would work very well for me.


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Those who do and those who don't!

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 6:23:35 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


Charles, it depends on the dynamic somebody is looking for, now my thoughts aren't all the time on BDSM, so in case I get on with somebody and he has certain fantasies that mesh with mine, that can be a perfect mix, I wouldn't really mesh with somebody who's submissive 24/7, because a lot of them expect that you make all their decisions for them, for me that would be like having a child. There has to be the right mix or it doesn't work for me. Somebody who'd expect me to fulfill all his fantasies without bothering what works for me also wouldn't work, but a guy who has certain fantasies that work with mine but who isn't genuinely submissive all the time, that would work very well for me.



Thanks for being a breath of much-needed fresh air on this site.

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 6:41:55 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Well,lets just face it.There is cleary a discrimination against white male submissives,in particular.In and out of this lifestyle.When I read a Dommes website saying,"Thats it,I'm sick of men,all messages from males will be deleted!You real submissives can thank your male submissive friends for this".I have read more than enough Fem Domme profiles by now to notice this.There is clearly a double standard in this lifestyle when it comes to male submissive.

Yet,anytime a male submissive tries to bring up valid points like this,the "know it all" experts start looking down on this person and it dosent take long before the brown nosers to follow along.I am calling exactly as I see it.

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 6:53:25 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline






Attachment (1)

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 6:54:50 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

Well,lets just face it.There is cleary a discrimination against white male submissives,in particular.

Huh?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

In and out of this lifestyle.When I read a Dommes website saying,"Thats it,I'm sick of men,all messages from males will be deleted!You real submissives can thank your male submissive friends for this".I have read more than enough Fem Domme profiles by now to notice this.There is clearly a double standard in this lifestyle when it comes to male submissive.

If you are measuring your dissatisfaction by the illogical, emotional reactions that certain dominant women express because they get pissed off, you're going to see things get a lot worse before they get better.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

Yet,anytime a male submissive tries to bring up valid points like this,the "know it all" experts start looking down on this person and it dosent take long before the brown nosers to follow along.I am calling exactly as I see it.

What are your valid points? That being serious about wanting one flavor of interaction/dynamic means that you should get catapulted to the front of the line for every dominant female that's entertaining the possibility of a white sub male (since it seems hispanic, native american, indian, asian, and black sub males are immune to this double standard)?

You think any of this involves (at the core) anything other than the likelihood of compatibility? Granted, it would be nice if we could all cure singlehood just by believing hard enough that what we have to offer is so damn special that everyone that we want to pay attention to us should and would immediately do so.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 7:02:03 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

Well,lets just face it.There is cleary a discrimination against white male submissives,in particular.In and out of this lifestyle.When I read a Dommes website saying,"Thats it,I'm sick of men,all messages from males will be deleted!You real submissives can thank your male submissive friends for this".I have read more than enough Fem Domme profiles by now to notice this.There is clearly a double standard in this lifestyle when it comes to male submissive.

A dommes website? That could be a clue... are you only searching/lookingfor/interestedin Pros? (Not that non pros do not have websites, but from the tone of this post I am going to hazzard a guess here).

quote:

Yet,anytime a male submissive tries to bring up valid points like this,the "know it all" experts start looking down on this person and it dosent take long before the brown nosers to follow along.I am calling exactly as I see it.


But what is the valid point, because I haven't really seen one. I can see a rant/soap box kinda thing and that's cool... everyone needs to get stuff off their chests now and then. The only point that you seemed to make was that real, true submissives don't have needs, expectations or ideas.


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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 7:03:31 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Granted, it would be nice if we could all cure singlehood just by believing hard enough that what we have to offer is so damn special that everyone that we want to pay attention to us should and would immediately do so.

Pffft... I only pay attention for points.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Real Male Submissives vs "Do Me Submissives" - 1/25/2011 7:08:36 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Charles.. in reply to at LEAST one of your whine-fest posts, someone posted info for Tampa area munches or such.  In other words.. quit fucking cry-babying, and attend an event, or suck it up and STFU.  Google is your friend. find events.
but given your propensity for WAAAH WAAAH WAAH, I think you'll FAIL as much in person as you do here.

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