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Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 6:04:30 AM   
nightfury


Posts: 25
Joined: 11/18/2010
Status: offline 		I was wondering how slaves/subs deal with the times that you disappoint your Master. Not to say that you do it intentionally or desire to, but the times when it happens. How does your Master/Mistress respond to it and how do you keep from beating yourself up over it so much?

This especially for those that are not able to be with their Master/Mistress 24/7.
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 6:13:48 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i think you have to hand it over to them.  its down to them how they deal with what happened and when its done and dusted and youve dealt with it you do as they ask and move on.

the beauty in a way of Ds or Ms is that there should be no lingering moody sulks or shadowy 'blame' of past transgressions.  here things are met with, dealt with and put away.

in the end though we are all human and if you can honestly say that what you got wrong was within the remit of being human then cut youreself some slack.  no one gets it right the whole time, no one is perfect, as you know.

so hand it over, accept what comes and then let it go.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to nightfury)
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 7:10:00 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		the same way I deal with disappointing anyone I care about... I own it, and try to make amends... which in my eyes is not enough.  It usually works for those I am trying to make amends to , though

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 7:46:36 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		I'm good at laying on the guilt trip

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 7:47:59 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If it wasn't deliberate, if it was an accident or due to other priorities, we simply talk out how it happened and try to figure out a way for it not to happen again. Years ago, back when we were ldr, he sent me an email one day of clothes he wanted me to wear. Unfortunately that happened to be the day I was helping chaperone a fifth grade hiking trip. You can bet I wasn't wandering around up the mountain with a short skirt and stilettos. Was he disappointed to not be able to picture me in that outfit? Sure, was there anything I could have done about it? No. What we did was institute a requirement for me to tell him in a late night email about my schedule for the next day.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 9:13:43 AM   
Genobee


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline 		Depends on the relationship really.
In some you would talk it out as you would in any relationship.
Others, maybe some form of punishment would be in order...
I would like to elaborate that punishment could mean many many many things though. xD
Such as...punishment to make a disappointing situation into an enjoyable one...
Or punishment to actually punish you to teach you not to do it again...
Or it could be a combination of the two.
The list goes on for the punishment answer though~

If you mean how do you deal with it yourself emotionally...
Hm, well if it's upsetting you, you can always learn from it and apologize to your master/mistress.
You could ask him/her if there is something you could do to make it up too of course.
Hope that helps some. >w<

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 7:20:34 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		It's bound to happen sometimes, that's life.  As others have said - I own it, I apologize for it, I learn from it, and we move on. I'm not allowed to beat myself up. That's his job. 

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to nightfury)
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 8:01:59 PM   
pittbunny


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/17/2011
Status: offline 		Hello Sir Nightfury,

When i fail to perform my duties / responsibilities, Master disciplines me with His leather strap. i kneel before Him to present the strap to Him and kiss the strap before handing it to Him.  He determines how many strikes to inflict on my ass, i kneel on the bed and i count each strike as it's inflicted, then i thank Him after each blow.  When He finishes, i kiss the strap and put it away. 

Once the discipline is administered, the misdeed is entirely forgiven and forgotten and never mentioned again.  i find this method works beautifully for both of us, because i receive the discipline and education i want and need, i don't beat myself up for my mistakes, and i don't feel rejected or cut off from His affection as a result of my discipline.

i hope you find this helpful.  Have a great evening!

Sincerely,

pittbunny

(in reply to nightfury)
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 8:28:04 PM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pittbunny
When i fail to perform my duties / responsibilities, Master disciplines me with His leather strap. i kneel before Him to present the strap to Him and kiss the strap before handing it to Him.  He determines how many strikes to inflict on my ass, i kneel on the bed and i count each strike as it's inflicted, then i thank Him after each blow.  When He finishes, i kiss the strap and put it away. 

Once the discipline is administered, the misdeed is entirely forgiven and forgotten and never mentioned again.  i find this method works beautifully for both of us, because i receive the discipline and education i want and need, i don't beat myself up for my mistakes, and i don't feel rejected or cut off from His affection as a result of my discipline.

How is that discipline, other than in the BDSM sense? You no doubt enjoy being whipped. So you're getting something which pleases you (even if the pleasure you are getting is from knowing that you are pleasing him). That's why it's simply not possible for a dominant to punish or discipline (in the non-BDSM meaning) a submissive

Edit for typo.


< Message edited by Chulain -- 1/28/2011 8:39:14 PM >

(in reply to pittbunny)
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/28/2011 9:06:16 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

Once the discipline is administered, the misdeed is entirely forgiven and forgotten and never mentioned again.  i find this method works beautifully for both of us, because i receive the discipline and education i want and need, i don't beat myself up for my mistakes, and i don't feel rejected or cut off from His affection as a result of my discipline.

How is that discipline, other than in the BDSM sense? You no doubt enjoy being whipped. So you're getting something which pleases you (even if the pleasure you are getting is from knowing that you are pleasing him). That's why it's simply not possible for a dominant to punish or discipline (in the non-BDSM meaning) a submissive

Edit for typo.



This isn't true if he doesn't enjoy punishing her, which is very possible.

He may be punishing her because he feels he has to, the same way a parent feels they have to punish a child, and gain no enjoyment from it.

Therefore, if she doesn't enjoy the pain for the pain's sake, and she knows that she's put him in a position where he doing something he doesn't want to do, but feels he has to do, she CAN be punished by it.

Because not only is she enduring pain she doesn't want to endure, she is also enduring knowing that she has disappointed him.



_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 1:38:54 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain


How is that discipline, other than in the BDSM sense? You no doubt enjoy being whipped. So you're getting something which pleases you (even if the pleasure you are getting is from knowing that you are pleasing him). That's why it's simply not possible for a dominant to punish or discipline (in the non-BDSM meaning) a submissive

Edit for typo.



I absolutely have to disagree with this statement. It doesn't appear that you understand how the punishment dynamic works.

I am a masochist, and enjoy pain play. Master is a sadist, and we have great fun together.

But when I have done something to disappoint my Master, I can promise you that I do not enjoy the punishment. There is pain involved, but it's cold, hard and merciless. There are no safewords, there is no let-up in the pain until he decides that I have been punished enough. There is no sex at the end of it, but there is forgiveness.

It sounds to me like you do not want to be involved in a punishment dynamic. If that is so, all well and good. But I can promise you that just because there is pain involved in some couple's punishment, it's not a pleasurable activity.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 2:49:44 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain
How is that discipline, other than in the BDSM sense? You no doubt enjoy being whipped. So you're getting something which pleases you (even if the pleasure you are getting is from knowing that you are pleasing him). That's why it's simply not possible for a dominant to punish or discipline (in the non-BDSM meaning) a submissive

Edit for typo.



if a sub isnt wired to please and accept what comes, then there is no dynamic.  think about it.  Dom punishing sub with belt, gets too painful, sub stands up, rubs her arse, says no more thanks and walks out.  where is the dynamic there.  there is none and the Dom ultimately has no control and they all might just as well go their separate ways.

in a punishment situation that control is at its peak in many ways if the dynamic is to survive.

allowing for the fact that every good Dom/me should know their sub very well and can take them to that desired place of correction mentally and physically means that for some CP is effective.

also wanting to please after displeasing is not a negative by the way and the act reinstates the authority of PE.

of course it is entirely possible that both get off on punishment and it is used as an excuse to beat.  but even there, wheres the harm in that.  you feel they are lying to each other and to everyone else - thats youre issue.  believe me i understand where youre coming from and i have spent a while getting around this too.  i have been known to really piss on threads supporting this apparent lie.  but in the end, if it works for them, on whatever level, who am i to question how they conduct their relationship.

nothing is black and white here



_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 5:35:21 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		you can totally punish a masochist with pain. it can be confusing as all hell, but the activity ceases to matter so much as the fact that the punishment is happening as a punishment. =p i HATE disappointing people. but punishment dynamics can cause their own weird problems anyway, so i dunno that they're the most sound way to deal with things. 

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 6:09:21 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: pittbunny
When i fail to perform my duties / responsibilities, Master disciplines me with His leather strap. i kneel before Him to present the strap to Him and kiss the strap before handing it to Him.  He determines how many strikes to inflict on my ass, i kneel on the bed and i count each strike as it's inflicted, then i thank Him after each blow.  When He finishes, i kiss the strap and put it away. 

Once the discipline is administered, the misdeed is entirely forgiven and forgotten and never mentioned again.  i find this method works beautifully for both of us, because i receive the discipline and education i want and need, i don't beat myself up for my mistakes, and i don't feel rejected or cut off from His affection as a result of my discipline.

How is that discipline, other than in the BDSM sense? You no doubt enjoy being whipped. So you're getting something which pleases you (even if the pleasure you are getting is from knowing that you are pleasing him). That's why it's simply not possible for a dominant to punish or discipline (in the non-BDSM meaning) a submissive

Edit for typo.



You are not taking into account the fact that some of us who might enjoy being spanked and for whom being spanked is a yummy reward, really are not masochists.
You aren't (as mentioned) taking into account that headspace can alter how people process things or that the way sensations are delivered can determine whether this is pleasure or pain.

In my case, correction and punishment happen seldom.
He gets no pleasure from it - and for clarity's sake I never do.

He uses a hairbrush, not just on my bottom but on my thighs and calves as well. It does not take much force to generate a lot of unpleasant sensation i.e. pain there.

He has disciplined me when he has known that the guilt from my behavior is just not something I will be able to let go of because as someone above stated (*waves at NuevaVida*) "That's My job.".

The rest of disappointment is managed by his reminder to Be Worthy.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Chulain)
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RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 6:32:48 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		He knows I am often harder on myself when I've disappointed Him than He could ever be. But we have a 5 year dynamic and this has developed. Now, I rarely, if ever, disappoint Him enough to require punishment- 5 years of training and learning Him do pay off.

In instances where He does feel the misdeed or oversight requires physical correction, He uses the cane- which is strictly for discipline, never play. This could never be mistaken for play- the dynamic is totally different. Although the control is there, there are no sexual undertones, I know I am not pleasing Him by being the receiver of His sadistic impulses and my tears do not have the usual effect on Him.

He also has instituted the rule that once the deed has been discussed, and discipline given, the event is behind us and is not to be brought up again. This is very wise of him, as I often have a hard time letting go of things.

I so hate to disappoint Him in any way, He knows that I will be in tears if He even verbally corrects me if I misspeak. So, going to the next level is very rare for us at this point.

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 6:38:15 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*tacklehugs the gorgeous Hejira*

much love to you both!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 8:17:30 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
(*waves at NuevaVida*)


*Waves back* 

I always wonder when people say you can't punish a masochist (or in this case, a submissive).

When I've let him/us down (because letting him down means letting us down), he could tap me with a feather and it would hurt.   Further, discipline and punishment (for us, anyway), are about head space, not the ooh la la of a fun spanking.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 8:30:39 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Plus punishment doesn't have to be painful. You could have had plans to go out to a movie but because you didn't do what you had promised to do, you then have to give up the movie and get your task done. You don't get to go see the movie you really wanted to, and now have to wait till it comes out on video. Six months delay could be viewed as one hell of a punishment.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 8:37:04 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		When I screw up I generally go with...

Explanation of exactly how I think I erred.
Apology for above
Inquiry to find if there's anything else I missed
Action to fix any remnants of the problem that may still be fixable.

That's the same thing I expect from Carol. She used to go into long bouts of guilt until I finally put an end to it.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to nightfury)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/29/2011 10:13:28 AM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
This isn't true if he doesn't enjoy punishing her, which is very possible.

Oooo, here we go again. If a submissive didn't enjoy it, even if his or her enjoyment is generated solely by the knowledge that the dominant enjoys dishing it out, the submissive would not allow the dominant to do it. Are we going to devolve this discussion into another "consensual non-consent" shindig?

quote:

He may be punishing her because he feels he has to, the same way a parent feels they have to punish a child, and gain no enjoyment from it.

If you re-read the part where your write "He may be punishing her because he feels he has to [my emphasis]," you'll laugh as hard as I am. A dominant administers "whatever you want to call it" to a submissive because the dominant wants to. If a dominant has been maneuvered into a position where they feel they have to do something, that's not very dominant.

This may surprise you, but a D/s relationship is nothing like a parent-child relationship, other than there are human emotions involved in both. Your analogy is inapt.

(in reply to Ishtarr)
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