Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Disppointing Master


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Disppointing Master Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 4:54:06 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		No, but within our relationship, if I need to go to the doctor, he takes me.

If something needs to be done in my best interest -or in the best interest of the relationship- he does it whether he *wants* to or not.
That is how it often is in relationships when people care about one another... or so the rumor goes.

In a D/s relationship you are simply adding other elements.


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 5:07:51 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i get terrible guilts if i do and he is tryting to get me to stop with them . but that is hard for me and a swift punishment helps get rid of them as i know theres aconclusion. but he willl discuss it with me first and then to him its over. i am getting better at this but last time he gave me a belt as ;unishment, i get off on being belted big time and it throws me into space very easily but a punishment one is so different and not one i enjoy at all due to the difference in how he does it. (only had 2 in 2 years ) the lecture and the look are becoming enough now for me to put the incedent behind

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 6:03:49 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain


You (whoever you are) submit because you want to. You can always say no, and the fact that you choose not to say no means you agree, because for one reason or another, you enjoy it. Maybe it's out of pride ("I can take this") or out of a desire to please your dominant. But if you did not enjoy it on some level for one reason or another, you would not allow it to happen.



There's a difference between *enjoying* something and *doing something because it works* or doing something because it's *for the best*. There's a difference between getting a positive result and *enjoying* the process.

Most people in ANY type of relationship do things for many reasons other than *enjoyment*. Enjoying a relationship overall, certainly doesn't mean that you enjoy every single aspect of everything that occurs.

I asked to be owned, despite not being submissive, because the benefits outweigh the costs. HE chose to take me on for the same reason. Neither of *enjoy* EVERY single part of it.

If you mean that there's some benefit to it, then I'd certainly agree. Insisting that being beaten MUST be enjoyable, simply because you accept it as one of the costs, just isn't the case.

agirl







(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 7:04:01 AM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
There's a difference between *enjoying* something and *doing something because it works* or doing something because it's *for the best*. There's a difference between getting a positive result and *enjoying* the process.

Most people in ANY type of relationship do things for many reasons other than *enjoyment*.

We're (or at least I am) talking about D/s-type activities (like "punishing" a submissive) within a D/s relationship, not going to the grocery store because you need food.

quote:

I asked to be owned, despite not being submissive, because the benefits outweigh the costs.

Ooo, spot on. Well put.

quote:

HE chose to take me on for the same reason. Neither of *enjoy* EVERY single part of it.

You enjoy the erotic/romantic/sexual/physical aspects because they are all totally voluntary and unnecessary. If you do not enjoy, for one reason or another,  a voluntary activity, you will not do it.

quote:

Insisting that being beaten MUST be enjoyable, simply because you accept it as one of the costs, just isn't the case.

I'm afraid it is the case, because no submissive or slave has to be beaten. And if they are not saying no, they are, on balance, enjoying it.







(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 7:09:48 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		hm.  you know sometimes it isnt about the BDSM, sometimes its all about being with someone you really want to be with - and heres the bitch - will take punishment (in whatever format) if that means its all cleared up and you can get back to normal again.

just attaching this to KINK and coming up with 2+2= sexy hot (and if it isnt all of the time im gone) is oversimplifying and skating over the depths.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 7:13:43 AM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

I'm afraid it is the case, because no submissive or slave has to be beaten. And if they are not saying no, they are, on balance, enjoying it.



Yeah, when it's for punishment, they enjoy it about as much as a vanilla husband does taking care of the chore list to make his wife stop nagging him...

You must have had some incredible awesome relationships if you really think that people never do things in relationships they don't enjoy...

On the other side of things... if DOES explain current divorce rates if people really stop being in relationships as soon as there is one aspect in that relationship that comes up sometimes that they hate...

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 7:25:07 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nightfury

I was wondering how slaves/subs deal with the times that you disappoint your Master. Not to say that you do it intentionally or desire to, but the times when it happens. How does your Master/Mistress respond to it and how do you keep from beating yourself up over it so much?

This especially for those that are not able to be with their Master/Mistress 24/7.



Back on topic, and I am sorry for my part in getting the topic off track:

Part 2 of the The last time I disappointed Him I was given specific instructions to journal that it had been dealt with and also in the event, I should mentally go back there in my mind, to find some positive action instead that would please him and engage in that instead.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to nightfury)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 7:40:12 AM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
Yeah, when it's for punishment, they enjoy it about as much as a vanilla husband does taking care of the chore list to make his wife stop nagging him.

Oh, please tell me how you punish, I mean truly, actually, really punish, a submissive.

quote:

You must have had some incredible awesome relationships if you really think that people never do things in relationships they don't enjoy.

I hope you're not talking about things like waiting in line for hours at the DMV, or something like that, because I'm not. I'm talking about voluntary erotic/romantic/sexual/physical/emotional activities within the context of the voluntary inter-personal relationship.

No one has to be beaten. No one has to do the beating. Any beating is done because both sides enjoy it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
Part 2 of the The last time I disappointed Him I was given specific instructions to journal that it had been dealt with and also in the event, I should mentally go back there in my mind, to find some positive action instead that would please him and engage in that instead.

And if you had refused to do so, what would his recourse have been? What would his recourse have been if you had refused to go along with that?


< Message edited by Chulain -- 1/31/2011 7:42:11 AM >

(in reply to Ishtarr)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 7:59:21 AM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
Yeah, when it's for punishment, they enjoy it about as much as a vanilla husband does taking care of the chore list to make his wife stop nagging him.

Oh, please tell me how you punish, I mean truly, actually, really punish, a submissive.



Me, personally, I've never done so, because I've never owned a submissive and punishment is a non-issue in casual play.

How I've been punished...

The worst that's been done to me on a level of emotional punishment is being absolutely ignored for about a week.
The worst that's been done to me on a physical level is being beaten to the point of loosing consciousness.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
You must have had some incredible awesome relationships if you really think that people never do things in relationships they don't enjoy.

I hope you're not talking about things like waiting in line for hours at the DMV, or something like that, because I'm not. I'm talking about voluntary erotic/romantic/sexual/physical/emotional activities within the context of the voluntary inter-personal relationship.

No one has to be beaten. No one has to do the beating. Any beating is done because both sides enjoy it.



How about a husband missing an important football game because his wife wants him to go with her to her mother instead?
Or a wife reluctantly having sex with her husband, to get him to finally stop harassing her, even though she's not in the mood?
Or a guy taking off his shoes before coming into the house, even though he hates doing it, just because he knows his girlfriend will nag him to death otherwise?
Or a girlfriend cleaning the hair from the sink in the morning before getting ready herself, yet again, because her boyfriend just doesn't seem to be able to be bothered?

People do stuff in relationships they don't like.
Sometimes because it makes their partner happy... sometimes because it causes their partner to not get mad... whatever the reason, they do it because the relationship is more important to them than the inconvenience of doing something they hate doing...

If you don't know that by now... the only conclusion I can draw is that you've never been in a serious relationship before... BDSM or otherwise...

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 8:59:51 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

1) No one has to be beaten. No one has to do the beating. Any beating is done because both sides enjoy it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
2) Part 2 of the The last time I disappointed Him I was given specific instructions to journal that it had been dealt with and also in the event, I should mentally go back there in my mind, to find some positive action instead that would please him and engage in that instead.

And if you had refused to do so, what would his recourse have been? What would his recourse have been if you had refused to go along with that?



1) As mentioned previously, he did not enjoy driving an hour each way to take me to the doctor's office... and the waiting involved there.
He did it because it was in my (and so also His and our) best interest.

2) As for your query: I don't know. It is not in my plan to find out.
This was a thread on disappointment.
As a matter of course I do not disappoint him often.

Pleasing him and doing things that I know will generate joy are important to me.
"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
Robert A. Heinlein

My apology to the OP for continuing to try to explain to you a concept that to me is so simple.
It is clearly evident that it is not something you can grasp and I will not distract from the topic by continuing to attempt future illuminations.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 9:10:29 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I do not disappoint Master often. Mostly i get the talking to. In the 5 yesrs (next month) we have been together he has punished me a total of 3 times and each time i had earned the punishment. Once we wertr trying to do something and i just could not do it he was disappointed not in me cause i really tried. I was more upset than him and he just held me stroked my hair and said it is ok sweetheart you tried. We can alway try again. I still felt upset, but that helped a lot.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 9:16:21 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
There's a difference between *enjoying* something and *doing something because it works* or doing something because it's *for the best*. There's a difference between getting a positive result and *enjoying* the process.

Most people in ANY type of relationship do things for many reasons other than *enjoyment*.

We're (or at least I am) talking about D/s-type activities (like "punishing" a submissive) within a D/s relationship, not going to the grocery store because you need food.

quote:

I asked to be owned, despite not being submissive, because the benefits outweigh the costs.

Ooo, spot on. Well put.

quote:

HE chose to take me on for the same reason. Neither of *enjoy* EVERY single part of it.

You enjoy the erotic/romantic/sexual/physical aspects because they are all totally voluntary and unnecessary. If you do not enjoy, for one reason or another,  a voluntary activity, you will not do it.

quote:

Insisting that being beaten MUST be enjoyable, simply because you accept it as one of the costs, just isn't the case.

C







Well, yes...... ANYTHING that tales place within our M/s dynamic is taking that into account. We don't have any contingencies for * out of M/s* situations. Just as people that are married, don't have *casual aquantance* bit's either. The relationship IS agreed to and wished for by both people.

Quote of yours....

"You enjoy the erotic/romantic/sexual/physical aspects because they are all totally voluntary and unnecessary. If you do not enjoy, for one reason or another,  a voluntary activity, you will not do it"

...Unquote

No, I enjoy being in the relationship, with M, which happens to be an M/s one. I *enjoy* various parts of it but frankly, NO, I don't *enjoy* each and every part of it. He doesn't either. Every relationship I've been in has been voluntary. ...that's a silly assertion.

If you can't comprehend that being the case, too bad, it simply IS the case for many people.

Of course I'm *spot on* with the *cost/benefit* notion. That's pretty much how people operate, it's not exactly a whoopy-do concept and I have grandchildren of 8yrs old who have grasped that. Speaking entirely for myself, when I was a a

Another quote of yours...

"You enjoy the erotic/romantic/sexual/physical aspects because they are all totally voluntary and unnecessary. If you do not enjoy, for one reason or another,  a voluntary activity, you will not do it."

No Chulain, YOU wouldn't be able to. Other people do, they've spoken and said they do/can for a variety of reasons. It's alright that YOU couldn't/wouldn't because of your outlook.....but even if you don't accept that OTHER people can/do.....it doesn't alter the facts that OTHER people do and can.

If YOU decide that how it all works then more power to your elbow, but as a LOT of people have given their personal situation as an example for the way they think and feel, alternatively...... How about you do the same? You've really only said * This isn't/can't be the case*.....but you haven't come up with anything else.

The moon is made of cheeeeeeeese.....LOL

agirl









(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 9:23:20 AM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
As for your query: I don't know. It is not in my plan to find out.
This was a thread on disappointment.
As a matter of course I do not disappoint him often.

That brings to mind the whole issue of disappointment. Are we talking genuine disappointment, like you went out and bought  50" TV (and I don't mean a transvestite) without discussing it? That would be genuinely disappointing. And that should not be handled within the D/s context, any more than it should be handled in the vanilla bedroom (we know it often it, e.g., wife withholds sex because hubby did something stupid). Bringing truly important life matters into the bedroom, D/s or vanilla, is childish. They should be discussed on a person-to-person level.

Or are we talking the faux disappointment because you grabbed the red crop instead of the black flogger? That is something to be handled within the D/s context, because you both know the treatment you're going to get is something you will both enjoy.

This is why it is not possible to actually, truly, for reals punish a submissive or slave. Anything the person would regard as true and actual punishment probably breaks a hard limit, or is so emotionally cruel that the relationship will end because of it. All activities which you both like to characterize as punishment are activities you both enjoy participating in. You can pretend it's real all you want. And in the privacy of your own home, no one else cares. But come here and start claiming that being caned (or whatever) is truly punishment, and someone will call you out on it.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 10:10:55 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I will address this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
As for your query: I don't know. It is not in my plan to find out.
This was a thread on disappointment.
As a matter of course I do not disappoint him often.

That brings to mind the whole issue of disappointment. Are we talking genuine disappointment, like you went out and bought 50" TV (and I don't mean a transvestite) without discussing it? That would be genuinely disappointing. And that should not be handled within the D/s context, any more than it should be handled in the vanilla bedroom (we know it often it, e.g., wife withholds sex because hubby did something stupid). Bringing truly important life matters into the bedroom, D/s or vanilla, is childish. They should be discussed on a person-to-person level.

Or are we talking the faux disappointment because you grabbed the red crop instead of the black flogger? That is something to be handled within the D/s context, because you both know the treatment you're going to get is something you will both enjoy.

This is why it is not possible to actually, truly, for reals punish a submissive or slave. Anything the person would regard as true and actual punishment probably breaks a hard limit, or is so emotionally cruel that the relationship will end because of it. All activities which you both like to characterize as punishment are activities you both enjoy participating in. You can pretend it's real all you want. And in the privacy of your own home, no one else cares. But come here and start claiming that being caned (or whatever) is truly punishment, and someone will call you out on it.




It is not referring to faux anything.

In our life there is a clear and distinct delineation between what is play and what is not. In my case the only impact play we engage in for fun to date is barehanded spanking. At some point we may play with other things due to other personal preferences, but this is the impact play we engage in now.

There are no "naughty" pretexts for it; spanking is a reward.


So I think where you might be getting caught on is that you are confusing wink, wink, nudge, nudge "funishment" and that type of play dynamic with something outside of that.

Setting that aside, since we are actually only discussing disappointment now, in this case it was an important task that my behavior and attitude towards was disappointing.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 10:17:51 AM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
Setting that aside, since we are actually only discussing disappointment now, in this case it was an important task that my behavior and attitude towards was disappointing.

And again, are we talking genuine disappointment for actions best not dealt with in the D/s bedroom, or faux disappointments for which you can be, as you put it, "funished?"

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 10:23:04 AM   
TotallyDude


Posts: 184
Joined: 1/30/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I was wondering how slaves/subs deal with the times that you disappoint your Master. Not to say that you do it intentionally or desire to, but the times when it happens. How does your Master/Mistress respond to it and how do you keep from beating yourself up over it so much?


If he's any kind of Master he'll deal with it himself and it won't be too ambiguous how you're supposed to feel or what you're supposed to do. Unless you have some kind of passive aggressive emo master who just lays guilt trips on you and whines and broods a lot. If that's what you've got I'd say you need to reevaluate your relationship and ask yourself if that is really what you want. Often posts like yours are really cries for help and the death knell of a "relationship." You need to consider whether you're not really looking for a way out!

_____________________________

The Dude abides.

Fortune and glory, kid, fortune and glory.

(in reply to nightfury)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 11:12:49 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		a slave is someone that needs/wants the relationship/other person so much they will do almost anything to preserve it

under this definition the type of relationship isn't specified, so a vanilla woman in a vanilla relationship can be just as much a slave

< Message edited by osf -- 1/31/2011 11:14:35 AM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to TotallyDude)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 11:42:42 AM   
Chulain


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
a slave is someone that needs/wants the relationship/other person so much they will do almost anything to preserve it under this definition the type of relationship isn't specified, so a vanilla woman in a vanilla relationship can be just as much a slave

No, that sounds more like codependency.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 11:55:24 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chulain

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
a slave is someone that needs/wants the relationship/other person so much they will do almost anything to preserve it under this definition the type of relationship isn't specified, so a vanilla woman in a vanilla relationship can be just as much a slave

No, that sounds more like codependency.




and if so, they can't be a slave?

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Disppointing Master - 1/31/2011 12:00:07 PM   
pittbunny


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/17/2011
Status: offline 		Dear Sir Chulain,

You ask "please tell me how you punish, I mean truly, actually, really punish, a submissive"?

a submissive or slave in a "real" relationship with a Dom or Master is almost always in love.  Like any woman in love, she wants to please her lover.  As a submissive or slave in a BDSM relationship, she has likely accepted the additional "duty" of sublimating her needs, desires, conveniences in order to make her D/M happy.  For example, she may not enjoy the pain of being spanked or caned or clamped, but she endures the pain because it brings pleasure to her D/M, and it is both her duty to bring Him pleasure as well as her privilege to make her lover happy.

Submissive woman often have the mindset of being willing to sublimate their pleasure and / or endure unpleasant pain and unpleasant emotions for the sole purpose of making the D/M happy.  As a Dom Yourself, You may not have those types of feeling or desires to make "sacrifices" for Your lover, but please believe me when i say this is an important part of the sub/slave's personality and character.

Because we subs feel both a loving desire and a duty to serve, we suffer if we fail to please.  our need to please is as deeply imbedded in out psyches as the need to eat, sleep and breathe.  our failures or lapses cause us emotional pain just as real as a cut or burn. 

i suppose there are Masters and subs/slaves out there who get off on "punishment" and use it as a pretext for playtime.  But in my M/s relationship, punishment is intended as aversion therapy to keep me from repeating stupid mistakes, and as a form of penance to help me feel that i am earning forgiveness from both Master and from my internal critic.

Corporal punishment is the means my Master has chosen for me to recognize and learn to prevent future misconduct and misdeeds, and find self forgiveness. i can no more refuse to submit than a child can refuse a spanking from a parent. His rules are my law and i obey them without resistance because that is what His dominant nature and my submissive nature demand.

i hope this answer gives you a fresh perspective into the hearts and needs of submissives and slaves.

Demanding Owner's pittbunny

(in reply to Chulain)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Disppointing Master Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109