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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 9:45:20 PM   
OTKkindaGirl


Posts: 447
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: NW Arkansas
Status: offline 		umm.... you forgot
18 old enough to vote.....

*wink*


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 9:49:54 PM   
MsMacComb


Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl
umm.... you forgot
18 old enough to vote.....
*wink*
 

Very true. Sadly there is only about 25% turnout these days so it did slip my mind. Of course the irony is that if we had better turnout we wouldnt have so many of these stupid ass laws.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 10:08:13 PM   
slaveofdarkhold


Posts: 124
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		I've never been in a poly relationship, so I don't know what factors that affects in the example.
However, I was18 when I became collared to my Master a year ago. I was still living with parents at the time, who knew about the relationship but not the D/s side. I was mature and knew what I was getting into. I had been learning about BDSM for years and had also known the man who would be my Master for years. Nothing was rushed into and my Master (he is ten years older) would never have taken me if he thought I wasn't emotionally mature enough to deal with it. We're getting married at the end of this year, so I guess we worked.
BUT I will admit that a lot of the people I know that are my age could not have done this. They are either incapable or have no desire for heavy commitment, and while they may understand the sexual side of BDSM i think there is also another side which requires a deeper connection and more time and effort that most people my age wouldn't understand or be interested in. Different people move through the phases of their lives at different speeds, and so its hard to judge whether the girl in the example is suited to this.
She is old enough to consent, so if the Dom and the other sub can connect with her, I don't see a problem. With regard to her education, I'm sure this is something the Dom has taken into account- she is still living with her parents and so able to continue high school. Not everyone could cope with this situation, but there's nothing wrong with it either

(in reply to MsMacComb)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 11:12:32 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHouseOfHussey

Just Curious on what the BDSM Community Thinks.....

A 18 yr old girl, still in high school, living with Mom and Dad being collared as a beta slave to a older married man? To clarify the man in question is 25 plus years her senior.

1. The girl has not finished her education in high school nor started college, education should be her first concern.
2. She lives at home with Mom and Dad and they do not know about her lifestyle. If she can not be upfront with Mom and Dad, how can she be true to herself?
3. She is barely 18, has she had time to grow and mature? Has she had time to become a woman mentally? Has she had any true relationships or just puppy love or lust? Is slavery a fantasy for her, or does she truly know what a collar means?

Now I know the arguement that some girls are more mature than others, but you have to ask yourself what does a 18 yr old girl want with a older married man?

my humble opinion it is just so wrong on so many levels!

hmmmmmm............what is you opinion?



My opinion is...Why do you care?  Is this young lady a close, personal friend of yours?  I like to see people come into this lifestyle with their heads on straight and eyes wide open, but we can't live peoples' lives for them. 

1.  Maybe that's YOUR first concern, not hers.  If she's just turned 18, barely 18, as you stated, she'll probably be graduating high school in the next few weeks or the next month or so, whenever school lets out for the year.  She can't start college until she's graduated.  How do you know she won't go?  Besides, college isn't the best course for some people anyways.
2.  When my husband lived at home, his parents didn't know about his lifestyle choices.  Nor will they ever.  Just because he doesn't feel comfortable revealing his sexual proclivities to his parents doesn't mean he's not true to himself or this lifestyle.
3.  I was immersed in this lifestyle at the age of 18.  Eighteen is eighteen.  She can sign a contract, she can drive, she can vote, she can join the armed forces, she can make the same choices as an adult with the exception of purchasing and consuming alcohol.  She should have the same rights as everyone else in this lifestyle.  Does that mean she's mature enough to "handle it"?  Who knows?  Slavery starts out as a fantasy for most of the female slaves I've ever talked to.  Once they found out about this lifestyle, they couldn't wait to make it a reality.  She has to find her own road, or seek out someone she can trust to learn the realities of it with.

What does an 18 year old young woman want with a much older married man?  Who knows but her?  Maybe she's into a Daddy/daughter type thing?  As long as it's SSC/RACK, and everyone's agreeable, I don't see the problem.

My main point is...Why does it matter?  And, of course, as always, YMMV.


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(in reply to TheHouseOfHussey)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 11:29:13 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHouseOfHussey

Just Curious on what the BDSM Community Thinks.....

You have to be 21 to buy a glass of beer
You have to be 21 to go into a night club
You have to be 21 to go to a bdsm private club and most fettish events

So with that in mind what do you think about this?

A 18 yr old girl, still in high school, living with Mom and Dad being collared as a beta slave to a older married man? To clarify the man in question is 25 plus years her senior.


1. The girl has not finished her education in high school nor started college, education should be her first concern.
2. She lives at home with Mom and Dad and they do not know about her lifestyle. If she can not be upfront with Mom and Dad, how can she be true to herself?
3. She is barely 18, has she had time to grow and mature? Has she had time to become a woman mentally? Has she had any true relationships or just puppy love or lust? Is slavery a fantasy for her, or does she truly know what a collar means?

Now I know the arguement that some girls are more mature than others, but you have to ask yourself what does a 18 yr old girl want with a older married man?

my humble opinion it is just so wrong on so many levels!

hmmmmmm............what is you opinion?

Please keep in mind no mentioning of names, flame wars or hate speeches....this thread is meant as a educational poll on the question at hand and nothing more.


I personally think it depends on the individuals involved.

No 2 people are prepared for the same things in live at the same age. Age also does not determine maturity. That being said IF this person was a friend of mine I would speak about the following things with anopen mind.
 
  • Why this collar with this man?
  • With the age difference do they have comman ground?
  • Are they prepared to answer questions from her parents about this man and their relationship?
  • Is he encouraging her to finish high school and perhaps further her education?

 
Then ask yourself can I support her in this decision. If yes then leave the discussion at that. Be there for her as her friend and don't judge the relationship. Let her make her own mistakes or win her own battles. If the answer is no, then you have to decides if you walk away from the friendship because you can not deal with her relationship with this man.
 
In the end it is yourself you must life with and it her choices that she must live with.
 
Blessed Be,
 
Phoenix's Nika

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to TheHouseOfHussey)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 12:18:27 AM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline 		Lots of 18 year old high school girls are involved in sexual relationships with older men. It's probably not healthy or a good idea, but it's nothing new and if you raise the age at which it is acceptable you'll just postpone their real-world education. Most of us only learn how to deal with relationships by having them, and having them fail and break our hearts, and that isn't going to be any different whether the person's first relationship is at 14, 18, 25 or 45. It's going to be just as emotionally devastating if you haven't gone through it before. At least being so young if something goes wrong she'll have the option of throwing everything in her car and driving home to mom and dad, which a lot of 40-year old first-time subs don't have. You just have to browse through the forums to see how many equally bad decisions are made at every age by people being overly optimistic about their first BDSM relationship.

I don't know what difference it makes that her parents are ignorant of the situation -- I didn't know many girls in my high school who shared all the details of their relationships (sexual or otherwise) with their parents. Just because they live under the same roof doesn't mean the girl has no right to privacy.

I think it's generally a bad idea for anyone 18-20 or so to be in a major committed relationship, as they're just starting out with independence and should be exploring more rather than settling down. But that applies to ANY form of intimiate relationships, and they never heed my advice anyways

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 12:24:26 AM   
Kedikat


Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Historically, it is pretty recent for women to stay unmarried as late as 18. Children worked in horrible factories and such 6 days a week 12 hour days. Women we consider a child today, would seek an older established man that hadn't been crippled by his childhood labour, and may have achieved some meager wealth.

The life of a person in the western style affluent societies is a fairly recent paradise.

An 18 year old is not incapable of entering the whole of the adult world. But it can depend how sheltered a life they have led. By sheltered I mean the average north american repressed from reality life. We are only a few generations removed from a time when childhood barely existed for any but the very rich.

When it comes to sex and sexuality. There is the twist of how we are brought up, and the actual hormonal age of our bodies. The denial of the parents.

(in reply to MsMacComb)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 2:22:36 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		In most western countries you can vote, drink, have sex and die for your country at 18. Making adult choices when starting out in adulthood is the only way to learn. 18 is too old to be still stuck to your mother's breasts.

(in reply to MsMacComb)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 3:09:07 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		It's 18 in the UK, to vote, marry without parents' consent (16 with consent), go into a bar and buy alcohol. Only the US which seems to make people wait to 21.

That said it certainly seems too young particularly with that age gap. I married at 21 but I'd been away for 4 years studying so I'd had 4 years of separation from parents, growing up maturing which I think made quite a difference.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 3:10:20 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHouseOfHussey


A 18 yr old girl, still in high school, living with Mom and Dad being collared as a beta slave to a older married man? To clarify the man in question is 25 plus years her senior.


1. The girl has not finished her education in high school nor started college, education should be her first concern.

Education is a wonderful thing, but it means more to some than others, and education is not soley limited to books and classrooms.

2. She lives at home with Mom and Dad and they do not know about her lifestyle. If she can not be upfront with Mom and Dad, how can she be true to herself?

Many, if not most, people in the lifestyle keep it hidden from friends and family. So this really is a baseless question to me.

3. She is barely 18, has she had time to grow and mature? Has she had time to become a woman mentally? Has she had any true relationships or just puppy love or lust? Is slavery a fantasy for her, or does she truly know what a collar means?

Only one way to find these questions out, by doing, which seems to be what she is attempting.


Now I know the arguement that some girls are more mature than others, but you have to ask yourself what does a 18 yr old girl want with a older married man?

my humble opinion it is just so wrong on so many levels!

hmmmmmm............what is you opinion?

Please keep in mind no mentioning of names, flame wars or hate speeches....this thread is meant as a educational poll on the question at hand and nothing more.

(in reply to TheHouseOfHussey)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 3:12:03 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

She is barely 18, has she had time to grow and mature? Has she had time to become a woman mentally? Has she had any true relationships or just puppy love or lust? Is slavery a fantasy for her, or does she truly know what a collar means?

Now I know the arguement that some girls are more mature than others, but you have to ask yourself what does a 18 yr old girl want with a older married man?


HUGE glaring differences here. "barely 18" makes her master a criminal and a pedophile in most states.

Frankly 25 years older and married with her as a beta doesn't make my opinion much more positive.


If she is 18, barely or not, she's an adult, so no, he's not a pedophile nor criminal.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 3:23:30 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It would depend on the girl's maturity level. Either way she is of legal age. It could be a great learning experience for her. Or it could sour her early. This is true of everything we do in life. I for one always preferred mature men.

On a personal note i was raised in a household where early marriage was the norm, my granny was married at 12, my mom at 13. I raised my children differently, they did not even go on a date until they were 18, i wanted them to go to go to college after a sufficiency of childhood.

The age difference depends on those involved. I was in my first collar at 13, he died, i was collared again at 16 by a Master 31 years older than myself. He helped me finish school, college, eventually i became a hospice nurse. We were together for 18 years when he passed away. For us the age difference did not matter a bit. I loved him madly. It did used to upset my mother a great deal that he was older than she was, but she was not the one sleeping with him, that was my choice.



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The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to TheHouseOfHussey)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 3:30:46 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHouseOfHussey

Just Curious on what the BDSM Community Thinks.....

You have to be 21 to buy a glass of beer
You have to be 21 to go into a night club
You have to be 21 to go to a bdsm private club and most fettish events

So with that in mind what do you think about this?

A 18 yr old girl, still in high school, living with Mom and Dad being collared as a beta slave to a older married man? To clarify the man in question is 25 plus years her senior.


1. The girl has not finished her education in high school nor started college, education should be her first concern.
2. She lives at home with Mom and Dad and they do not know about her lifestyle. If she can not be upfront with Mom and Dad, how can she be true to herself?
3. She is barely 18, has she had time to grow and mature? Has she had time to become a woman mentally? Has she had any true relationships or just puppy love or lust? Is slavery a fantasy for her, or does she truly know what a collar means?

Now I know the arguement that some girls are more mature than others, but you have to ask yourself what does a 18 yr old girl want with a older married man?

my humble opinion it is just so wrong on so many levels!

hmmmmmm............what is you opinion?



Education comes in many forms as does degree's of Maturity. 
Parents are parents, I would assume that there are many here
long over the age of 18 who do not share every tid bit of their
lives with them. Barely 18 is no excuse to coddle, life experiance
matters more in how someone learns and handles things then simply
a number.  Although I understand the wish to keep others safe,
possibly even a bit of Mother instinct creeping out as a protection,
as many others have said, Legal is legal.  Personally I think she'll be ok.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to TheHouseOfHussey)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 3:34:30 AM   
PAVANE


Posts: 118
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		hi. a comment about yr legal ages. in the UK 18 would be the legal age for all those acitvities and other european countries probably have different ages as well. for instance i believe the age of consent in spain is 14. so each country will be different and who is to say which one is right?
surely its for the individual to decide consensually what he or she wants and for the rest of us to respect that choice whatever it is.

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'Go tell the Spartans to damn the torpedoes.'

(in reply to TheHouseOfHussey)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 3:46:48 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		The girl is 18 and in the eyes of the law, she's of the age of consent.  She may well be very mature for her age.  But I have to take a longgggggggggg look at the motives of the man, collaring one so young to a beta slave position.  Most people don't "find themselves" until they're about 26 or so.  So is the collaring really in her best interests or his?  She can certainly learn about the lifestyle without being locked into anything.  She needs to have the time to grow and learn who she is on her own, she doesn't need an old married man telling her who she is.  That may not be happening, but I do have to wonder.  And to all the 18 year olds that read this post, I was 18 once too.  I know the difference between who I was then and the person I later became. 

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 4:03:09 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I must say this is a tough one for me to swallow as I am a mother of a young woman and would have shredded any man that was that much older than her and more importantly married. However, to be fair, even at my advanced age of 44 I do kinda sorta remember 18. It was the age I was when my daughter was born. Granted, though I was ever so mature for 18 I was still totally clueless. But I survived. Would I want that for the daughter, hell no. The whole thing is that, without knowing all three of the people in the relationship, and yes if he is married there are three, its very hard to make a judgement call. Maybe, just MAYBE, he is a decent sort and has this girls best interests at heart though my cynical point of view on most men tends to doubt that......

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 4:27:27 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		As long as she goes onto college and realises that her education and ability to find a job to be self supporting is the most important thing in life, then there shouldnt be a problem. If he intends to not allow her to finish her education then I see red flags all over the place.  Now his being married? That sends up more red flags and 25 years is a big difference in age. But they say love knows no bounds.

~Lashra

(in reply to MsMacComb)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 4:55:57 AM   
HellsWrath


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/28/2006
Status: offline 		personaly if childern at the age of 13 are becomeing mothers, and a lot do just fine manageing school and being a young mother. i see no reason why a 18 year old can not be a collared sub. how ever i do not belive anyone should start off being a slave. to me that is somthing that take a lottt of time, bolth for her to grow and learn in the lifestyle and for the relashionship to become stronger. My Master and i have talked about haveing a second, but W/we bolth agree that owneing a slave right off the bat isnt somthing we want, their has to be a strong bond and a lot of trust befor hand and it needs to grow even farther as thr relashionship grows. but that is just my opinion

(in reply to MsMacComb)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 5:04:56 AM   
darklilwolf


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline 		oops sorry didnt relize i was under Masters acount

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darklilwolf

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/3/2006 5:35:45 AM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		For all we know the 18 year old girl set out to seduce him. Maybe he is very wealthy and she sees him as a meal ticket and figures she can eventually push the wife out of the way.

We really can not judge and to assume she is a 'victim' or 'prey' because of her age alone is wrong.

(in reply to TheHouseOfHussey)
Profile   Post #: 40
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