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RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/3/2011 8:07:26 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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Yes, I am going to be working with how I relate to food in couples counsoling as well as if there's an OA near by I can get to.

I am also sometimes a boredom grazer, I am bored, nothing really w*orth while going on online, nothing I wanna watch on tv, I am bored and moody, I'll go eat something.

I can also be an emotional eater, Yesterday I was dealing with a very sad personal revelation, and I kind of felt sorry for myself,for what I lost because of the years of abuse, and the well of pain the person in question is to me, even now. so I was, for a little while tempted to go eat a drum stick ice cream cone. I didn't though, It's not the right reason to eat the ice cream and I prefer to eat it because it's tasty and a happy moment than because I decided to eat it because I was looking for comfort.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Tfb

This is why i think OA might be worth a try: because really food is your drug.

You do not have a healthy relationship with food.

If someone doesn't have a healthy relationship with other people they might go to Codependents Anonymous.

If someone doesn't have a healthy relationship with food, they can go to Overeaters Anonymous.

Watching what you eat is great, but until you change the inside part: how you think about food, what you feel ... it is going to be damn hard for the other changes to stick.

But if you pair knowledge about nutrition and labels, and a change in how you relate to food?
That is what will help you become successful.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 2/3/2011 8:10:21 PM >

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Post #: 101

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/3/2011 8:48:10 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
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AngelikaJ
You've hit the nail on the head with your reply.....

I'm an alcoholic....but "not drinking" is only a part of recovery. My drinking was not a cause of my alcoholism--it was a symptom--a manifestation....a behavior associated with it. The real root of my drinking problem was within me--it was deeply rooted in feelings of hurt, inadequacy, low self-esteem--it stemmed from years of self-loathing and other self-destructive thinking.

Until I really worked hard--both with a 12-step program and with a trained therapist--and really examined these behaviors, and the thinking/feelings that compelled me to drink, only then was I able to understand my addiction and learn new behaviors, new thinking and new habits. Taking away my drink just made me a dry drunk....simply removing the drink without understanding what else about me needed to change would have been useless.

You can have all the recipes on the internet. The best personal chef in the world. Trainers from across the globe and a $300 pair of cross-trainers. None of that will do a damn bit of good until you make that emotional breakthrough, realize who you are and what you are worth, understand whatever it is that drives you to compulsively eat--and make a decision to commit to yourself, to make a change, and give yourself unconditional love and permission to start the healing process. It's not easy, it's painful, and it means cutting through the denial and being honest with oneself.

I know. some of you are rolling your eyes. I can hear it through my computer. I've met thousands of other addicts, just like me. Not a single one of them has ever said "I drank because I loved myself." TFB--Learn to love yourself and do this for you... because you're worth it.

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Post #: 102

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/3/2011 8:58:42 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I find myself nodding mentally as I read.

My self esteme is probably shit right now, I have low self esteme anyway, I think if I didn't then I wouldn't be comfortable with some of the ways I do not take care of or look out for myself.

When I had the great therapist I really liked she made it a rule I had to have clean clothing on, had a bath that day, and brushed my hair, because I would before the rule come in looking shlumpy and not care because the self esteem to look put together and not like a bag lady wasn't there. With her rule you never saw me on a Thursday not looking shiney and put together, and it started transfering into other days that I made an effort to look put together instead of frumpy.

When I had encouragement to care for myself and keep up the maintence on myself, I did so much better doing it and when that positive support and encouragement went away because she was no longer my therapist because she had to work on getting her liscence* she was an intern*so did all the progress, I slowly but surely went back to looking frumpy, slumpy and sometimes quite frankly yes dirty.. I have to find it in me somewhere to want the best for myself and my health, regardless of if any one cheers me on or not, or notices or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

AngelikaJ
You've hit the nail on the head with your reply.....

I'm an alcoholic....but "not drinking" is only a part of recovery. My drinking was not a cause of my alcoholism--it was a symptom--a manifestation....a behavior associated with it. The real root of my drinking problem was within me--it was deeply rooted in feelings of hurt, inadequacy, low self-esteem--it stemmed from years of self-loathing and other self-destructive thinking.

Until I really worked hard--both with a 12-step program and with a trained therapist--and really examined these behaviors, and the thinking/feelings that compelled me to drink, only then was I able to understand my addiction and learn new behaviors, new thinking and new habits. Taking away my drink just made me a dry drunk....simply removing the drink without understanding what else about me needed to change would have been useless.

You can have all the recipes on the internet. The best personal chef in the world. Trainers from across the globe and a $300 pair of cross-trainers. None of that will do a damn bit of good until you make that emotional breakthrough, realize who you are and what you are worth, understand whatever it is that drives you to compulsively eat--and make a decision to commit to yourself, to make a change, and give yourself unconditional love and permission to start the healing process. It's not easy, it's painful, and it means cutting through the denial and being honest with oneself.

I know. some of you are rolling your eyes. I can hear it through my computer. I've met thousands of other addicts, just like me. Not a single one of them has ever said "I drank because I loved myself." TFB--Learn to love yourself and do this for you... because you're worth it.

_____________________________

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Post #: 103

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/3/2011 9:20:49 PM

dcnovice

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Joined: 8/2/2006
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quote:

You can have all the recipes on the internet. The best personal chef in the world. Trainers from across the globe and a $300 pair of cross-trainers. None of that will do a damn bit of good until you make that emotional breakthrough, realize who you are and what you are worth, understand whatever it is that drives you to compulsively eat--and make a decision to commit to yourself, to make a change, and give yourself unconditional love and permission to start the healing process. It's not easy, it's painful, and it means cutting through the denial and being honest with oneself.

Word.

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it's never enough to keep up.

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INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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Post #: 104

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/3/2011 10:09:36 PM

soul2share

Posts: 7084
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From: somewhere out there.....
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle
I offered to email you, nutritional, easy to cook, low cost meal plans around 3 years ago.
Which was turned down.

You are welcome to send them to me. I am always looking for new stuff. I love to cook and your adjectives make these things sound irresistible! Easy AND cheap? WOOTELS!

ooooo!!!! Me too! I'm kind of in a rut food wise and would love some new ideas! Especially for fish...I eat mostly chicken, marinate it for a little flavor, but right now, the only thing I really do with fish is either sprinkle on some Old Bay or matinate it in dressing and thenmake it in my GF grill, or bake it. I don't do salmon, can't stand the odor or the taste, but I love most types of whitefish.

< Message edited by soul2share -- 2/3/2011 10:15:11 PM >

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Post #: 105

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/3/2011 10:11:37 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

And I am aware it's gonna be hard, and I am aware, that I am going to have to prepair my own foods if my moms not on board with cooking things I can and should eat, since she does all the cooking.

Coming up with healthy menus and recipes should not be a problem.

Many of us have cookbooks and such galore.

on top of that you can also find a heck of a lot of recipes online as it is e.g. the case here with two common stores in the UK.

http://www.tescorealfood.com/

http://www.sainsburys.co.uk/groceries/index.jsp?bmUID=1296799205824

Some of the places I worked at in the past used those to help the residents to chose the meal they wanted to eat and in some places I recommended them to improve their variety of meals they offered.

Tfb, maybe it would help to see cooking yourself from a different ankle. I was never good in knitting and crocheting...and I still am not good at it....however, I decided to take it up again with seeing it in the ankle of taking up that challenge...the challenge to figure out those damn pattern and when I am stuck then I simply keep searching in my books as well as online for that damn solution (and in worst case scenario ask my mum if I am completely stuck).

I used not to have the patience for "huge" projects such as a pair of socks...however, now I am starting to knit easter toys for my nephew (he is just 2 years old) to use them as the wrapping for his easter gifts...that way my motivation is higher and the single parts I need to do are smaller...so I am not overwhelmed from huge projects,such as a jumper would be...that way my endurance will (hopefully) build up with doing many small items now for his toys and whilst doing the small parts I also learn the different tricks of it (eg as a kid I needed my mum when I lost a stitch whereas by figuring it out myself I also know now how to get back those damn stitches when they fall down).

So maybe it would be helpful for you to change a bit the ankle from how you view the challenge to cook yourself. Don't see it is a chore but instead as a challenge. Nobody expects from you to do it perfectly...but you won't get better at it unless you start practicing it.

Some years ago I tried out an onion quiche recipe just for the sake of trying it out...I had no idea that it truly tastes like the one granny used to do...now that she is gone I am glad that I know how to do that myself and whilst I don't know if the recipe is the same at least it tastes the same...I wish I would have learned from her one particular meal she was really good at...but that simply didn't happen...however I do hope to figure out that recipe one day from whatever source...

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 106

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/3/2011 10:16:05 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle
I offered to email you, nutritional, easy to cook, low cost meal plans around 3 years ago.
Which was turned down.

You are welcome to send them to me. I am always looking for new stuff. I love to cook and your adjectives make these things sound irresistible! Easy AND cheap? WOOTELS!

ooooo!!!! Me too! I'm kind of in a rut food wise and would love some new ideas! Especially for fish...I eat mostly chicken, marinate it for a little flavor, but right now, the only thing I really do with fish is either sprinkle on some Old Bay or matinate it in dressing and thenmake it in my GF grill, or bake it. I don't do salmon, can't stand the odor or the taste, but I love most types of whitefish.

Me three, Frazzle, if you are feeling generous

(in reply to soul2share)

Post #: 107

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/3/2011 10:24:38 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
He's lost 30 pounds and lowered his A1C primarily by cutting out all sugary liquids.

In 2008 I also lost 26lbs in 10 weeks with just cutting down my sweets and coke intake to once a week...was amazed how much difference it makes. And on top of that after a while I didn't even like the taste of coke anymore and went some weeks with buying no coke at all...once my current chaotic life is a lil bit more stable again (and my kitchen sink fixed) I will go back to that routine again

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 108

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/4/2011 8:49:37 AM

frazzle

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Joined: 6/20/2009
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To all those who have asked, I'll get my cooking hat on over the weekend and put some of my favourites in writing.

The fun bit, being converting "a splodge" to an actual measurement, it doesnt seem to appear in most cook books, along with a few others i use.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 109

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/4/2011 9:01:41 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

The fun bit, being converting "a splodge" to an actual measurement, it doesnt seem to appear in most cook books, along with a few others i use.

you do not need an actual measurement. A splodge is twice the amount of a smidgen.

holly deHelpful

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Post #: 110

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/4/2011 10:11:10 AM

frazzle

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Thank you Holly.

I have got a list of 5 or 6 recipes i have just typed out, so let me know if you want them sent to your inbox here, or to an email address.

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Post #: 111

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/4/2011 11:01:13 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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i really did promise myself i was going to keep my mouth shut. But...

quote:

My mom swears there's no signs of diabeties in her, I really doubt that actually,because with all the junk an sugar she eats and the fact she won't walk more than the bare minimum needed to get from the car to inside a shop and back to a car, and she does absolutely no exercise of any other sort, she's got to have high sugar.My moms over weight, probably weighs about 200 pounds, I'm not sure but I know it's more than the 135 she should weight, unhealthy as hell , eats almost nothing but junk, ,refuses to walk or excercise at all, drinks nothing but juice and coffe, or milk when she drinks anything at all, lies to her dr's about how much junk she consumes, and has been that way as far back as when I was 10. I am 28 now. She's suffers from high blood sugar high cholesteral, arthritus, can't hardly walk any more, needs a cane to get around, and has an inflamed bursa in her hip.

Take a good look at your mother, because you are headed there yourself. Hell...i give it 5 years before you are using a cane. The bodies joints can only take so much weight and inactivity before they give up. From reading what you have written in this thread alone, you are describing yourself as much as describing your mother.

Others have mentioned your excuses for the self destructive behavior you admit to. Your response to them:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I don't see them as excuses, I see it as explaining honest truth of the why's and how's of the situation.

Personally...what you see as the honest truth, i see as bullshit.
Allow me to quote a few of your "honest truths"..

-I am an atheist, I don't believe in god, don't believe in higher powers, don't want god mentioned to me, don't want to be around people who're god believers (excuse for not joining OA)

- I do over eat now and then and I binge now and then, so I am not denying that, It's just rare, and it is something I can and do control (Well hell...if you can control it, where is the morbid obesity coming from?)

-I also don't know jack shit about nutrition an food and how to feed myself properly.. (Sorry, but with the internet available to you, there is no excuse. None.)

- I am also lazy and I love my food

- It's not ideal to eat to refusal, but it's not a problem in my mind .(Nope...morbid obesity, pre-diabetes, limited mobility...no problem at all!)

-And I would love to have someone to get together and have healthy meals with, and socialize and then we could go for walks and stuff, instead of prepairing it alone, and struggling alone to find the best path for me. (here your excuse is isolation is preventing you from taking control of your health.)

-I will maybe look into a personal trainer in real life, who can design me work outs, the programs around here cost through the roof though, at 300 to 700 dollars a month. (ahh...can't afford to be healthy.)

I am litterally starving, but I don't care to get up and fix something because I am to lazy to, or I feel apathy towards the hunger and don't care to address it. (You feel apathy for a normal bodily function?)

We eat out way more than we need to based on convenience and taste (we all like to eat out sometimes, but you have to use self control. Eating out does not mean pigging out)

-I do absolutely nothing. No excercise no cardio no movement to burn what I eat, no nothing. I sit in bed all day and watch tv, or sit on the computer. That is my entire life (This is pathetic. Just freakin pathetic. You have all day to scan the internet for healthy meal ideas, and all day to cook them.There is no excuse!)

-I bet, even if I did eat healthy and with proper nutrition in mind I still wouldn't loose weight, I don't think you can loose what you're not burning. (So why try, huh? Here is a novel idea....get off your butt!!)

I am going to have to prepair my own foods if my moms not on board with cooking things I can and should eat, since she does all the cooking.....And that's gonna be so hard because honestly, I LOVE that all I have to do to eat something tasty is be called to the table and sit down. (Children are called to the table. You are not a child. You are an adult. Act like one.)

I need Daddies moral support, and I can do some of it by myself, but if he's not going to help me cook and help me buy the healthy stuff we need and get on board with not buying me junk like an entire carton of ice cream I didn't ask for, but he wanted to be sweet and get it, I am going to have a very hard time of things......With out Daddy supporting this, I have no support,I have nobody in my corner backing me up saying you can do it go go go I am rooting for you, unless you count the lovely people here who've rooted for me in the past and still do. (The excuse here...you are dependent on another person for your personal well-being. This is total hogwash. Again, you are an adult and have no excuse for not assuming responsibility for yourself.)

-I have gotten so comfortable being fat and blobby. (No, you have not. If i thought you actually meant that, i would not be wasting my time writing this response to you. There is a huge difference between comfort and complacency.)

-Last time the dr did my blood tests she said they looked really good despite my level of morbid obesity (Good blood results do not mean morbid obesity is acceptable.)

-Because him eating thigns I find tasty and yummy and appealing trigger my urdges and desires to eat, and yeah I could just not eat, but once you stir up and trigger my desire to eat, it's like taunting a hungry dog with a steak they can't have. (Now he is your excuse?)

-I'm not at the point where I can just say oh well and turn a blind eye and nose to him eating things I want very badly and can't have. (What is it going to take? A heart attack? A stroke?)

-If you love someone and you care about them and you know that X is a trigger to them and will trigger them to wanna do X to and they shouldn't, why would you wanna be so callous as to sit in front of them having X knowing it's an issue for your partner. (This is not about him. This is about you taking responsibility for yourself.)

-When I had encouragement to care for myself and keep up the maintence on myself, I did so much better doing it and when that positive support and encouragement went away because she was no longer my therapist because she had to work on getting her liscence* she was an intern*so did all the progress, I slowly but surely went back to looking frumpy, slumpy and sometimes quite frankly ye s dirty.. I have to find it in me somewhere to want the best for myself and my health, regardless of if any one cheers me on or not, or notices or not. (The fact that your therapist was the reason you bathed and cared for yourself once a week is very sad. Try to think back to the days you saw her and were clean and neatly dressed. Did you not feel a bit better about yourself? Did you not have a brighter outlook and a higher level of self-esteem? My guess would be you did.)

Now, i cant help but wonder what excuse you will come up with to justify the above excuses.
You said many times you are lazy, and i have to tell you i absolutely agree with you. Laziness and complacency are difficult to overcome, but not impossible. You have some serious work to do. I suggest you start with rereading your own words...

quote:

My self esteme is probably shit right now, I have low self esteme anyway, I think if I didn't then I wouldn't be comfortable with some of the ways I do not take care of or look out for myself.

It is a vicious cycle, isn't it? The low self esteem causes you to have a blatant disregard for your health, so you eat what gives you comfort. But those foods are not healthy and cause you to feel terrible, both physically and emotionally, and increase your lack of self esteem, which increases your disregard for your health, which causes you to reach for those comfort foods...

You have got to break this cycle.

My suggestion is to forget about the food for a time. Start the day with getting out of bed and writing a list titled "Today i will do for me...." Start slow, no more than one or two very basic things. Today i will shower and wash/groom my hair. That's it. Tomorrows list can increase to a shower, a pretty hair style, and a neat, pressed outfit. And that's all. Increase as you can but do not back-slide. When you have a bad day do not add anything new, but force yourself to do what you did the day prior.
I honestly believe starting with these simple acts will have a huge effect on your self worth, and that increase in your self worth will help you to work toward a healthier lifestyle.

_____________________________

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TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
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Post #: 112

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/4/2011 11:30:38 AM

calamitysandra

Posts: 1682
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
My suggestion is to forget about the food for a time. Start the day with getting out of bed and writing a list titled "Today i will do for me...." Start slow, no more than one or two very basic things. Today i will shower and wash/groom my hair. That's it. Tomorrows list can increase to a shower, a pretty hair style, and a neat, pressed outfit. And that's all. Increase as you can but do not back-slide. When you have a bad day do not add anything new, but force yourself to do what you did the day prior.
I honestly believe starting with these simple acts will have a huge effect on your self worth, and that increase in your self worth will help you to work toward a healthier lifestyle.

This is some outstanding advice.
Start with it it right now! Write your list for tomorrow. Don't think about it, simply start.

_____________________________

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Post #: 113

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/4/2011 3:04:53 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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The only thing I could possibly add to Holly's amazing suggestion is to post affirmations. Put notes up on your mirror, in your drawer, on the door, things that will improve your self esteem.

And I might start a diary of the good things you do for yourself. Write down that today you showered and did your hair and ironed your outfit. Tomorrow you could walk to the mailbox and back.And so on. So that you can see all the positive things you are doing.

And if you are going to eat out, then go to Subway and get a 6" low cal sub from their choices with a side of apple slices instead of chips. Don't go to McDonalds.

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Post #: 114

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/4/2011 5:51:27 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
And if you are going to eat out, then go to Subway and get a 6" low cal sub from their choices with a side of apple slices instead of chips. Don't go to McDonalds.

As I enjoy subways myself I would recommend to go for half a sub instead, though...but thats biased as I am not a big eater (just have a way too sweet tooth for not so healthy stuff) and could never manage a 6" one...IMO 3" might help to get towards appropriate portion sizes...but thats just my personal suggestion...

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 115

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/4/2011 6:06:07 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

To clarify, I wasn't talking about treatment in addition to the 12 steps, but treatment instead of the 12 steps.

There ought to be a better way than a 12 step program to deal with alcoholism, gambling addiction, drug addiction. You're right, there ought to be. But there isn't. 12 step groups have the highest success rate over any other treatment program. And that's the bottom line, it works far more often that anything else.

Churchill said something much the same about democracy, that it is far from the best possible government, but it is the best form of government we have ever developed.

Actually there is an alternative to the 12 step style. A valid one. Google 'Moderation instead of AA' and you will find all sorts of information. Instead of saying that you've no control and only the Higher Power has control, they teach that of course you've control. And that it is okay to drink/eat moderately. It can be done.

Heya TF, while I don't often post anymore.. I do read. I've been reading for a long time about your struggles with weight and other things. So I can really understand when some say you don't want to change.

I disagree. I've been watching you get closer and closer to finally realizing you MUST change your lifestyle. You just happen to move a lot slower than most! But I do believe you can do it and that soon you will really want to do it. You've already begun by your conversations with people who will help you understand food/nutrition.

But you can do more. Every single day you should go outside and walk for half an hour straight. In three weeks increase that to forty five minutes. Then spend the rest of the day in bed online. Just don't spend alllllllll day in bed.

Up until last year almost every day was spent in bed. That was due to illness and not lack of interest but it went on for years. So I really understand how hard it is to get started. But something neat happened after I walked every day, I can do a lot more just a year later. I feel better and I look better. By getting stronger I beat being sick.

By you getting stronger through walking and eating better you will see differences too.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 116

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/4/2011 8:28:14 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

No, that's all on me, I am, not the isolation keeping me from doing things, but I would be so happy if I had a friend to come over and do fun things with that we could also exercise together. I am lonley a lot, being so isolated is very painful forsomeone who's naturally a social butterfly and loves being around people. That will be another benifit of going to the gym, these 4 walls the tv and my pc, won't be my sole companion until Daddy is home.

Holly I don't know if you were being sarcastic or not with the can't afford to be healthy comment, but the plain fact is, I make about 800 dollars a month, and my rent is 435 dollars * yes I pay rent* and I am about 8 k in debt. Which I have to pay off. and am working on, while paying off my bills and getting my debt payed off I have 100 dollars to spend that's free to spend on me, and not bills. I don't have 300 to 700 a month to spend on PT's. Neither does my Daddy.

If I didn't live with my family, there's times I wouldn't of had a roof over my head or food to eat.

Now, we did join a gym, it's 19 dollars a month, would of been 10 but I wanted to bring guests with me and that was the 19.99 a month plan, and I get 4 free consultations a month, where we design a work out program for me, and then I work it on my own, and if I wanna work with the pt more than those 4, it's 25 a session, that's reasonable, that I can do, and before that, I was working with LadyNTrainer, for nutrition, and meal planning and tweaking recipes for optimal nutrition.

Yes, I feel apathy towards taking care of normal functions.

Ok, yes, I've not become comfortable with being blobby, I've become complacent.. I can't remember what it was like to feel normal and thin and healthy, and being fat, this has been the way I am, for about 12 years. Inside me somewhere I'd love to loose the weight and be thin again and be a size 16 an then DAddy can pick me up and I used to love piggy back rides an being picked up, but more importantly I can be mobile again. I am working on my apathy towards caring for myself it's a process.

Yes, I felt good, and bright and shiney and ready to face a day, on therapy days, even when I felt like shit and would really have rather just played dead, I dragged my ass into the shower, and got myself ready because I had no choice, it needed done, and eventually sometime that day my mood picked up. Knowing that I looked presentable and put together was a huge pick me up. And I was so proud when she said things like you look so nice today, or I can really see you made an effort to take care of yourself today.

OR if someone says you smell nice, that's always a nice compliment.

I can work on that, every day wake up roll out of bed, answer my friends email and make my breakfast* also something I have to work on since I don't normally eat till dinner time*do something special just for me, and do that every day even if it's an oh god this feels like shit day.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

-And I would love to have someone to get together and have healthy meals with, and socialize and then we could go for walks and stuff, instead of prepairing it alone, and struggling alone to find the best path for me. (here your excuse is isolation is preventing you from taking control of your health.)

-I will maybe look into a personal trainer in real life, who can design me work outs, the programs around here cost through the roof though, at 300 to 700 dollars a month. (ahh...can't afford to be healthy.)

I am litterally starving, but I don't care to get up and fix something because I am to lazy to, or I feel apathy towards the hunger and don't care to address it. (You feel apathy for a normal bodily function?)

-I have gotten so comfortable being fat and blobby. (No, you have not. If i thought you actually meant that, i would not be wasting my time writing this response to you. There is a huge difference between comfort and complacency.)

(The fact that your therapist was the reason you bathed and cared for yourself once a week is very sad. Try to think back to the days you saw her and were clean and neatly dressed. Did you not feel a bit better about yourself? Did you not have a brighter outlook and a higher level of self-esteem? My guess would be you did.)

Now, i cant help but wonder what excuse you will come up with to justify the above excuses.
You said many times you are lazy, and i have to tell you i absolutely agree with you. Laziness and complacency are difficult to overcome, but not impossible. You have some serious work to do. I suggest you start with rereading your own words...

quote:

My self esteme is probably shit right now, I have low self esteme anyway, I think if I didn't then I wouldn't be comfortable with some of the ways I do not take care of or look out for myself.

It is a vicious cycle, isn't it? The low self esteem causes you to have a blatant disregard for your health, so you eat what gives you comfort. But those foods are not healthy and cause you to feel terrible, both physically and emotionally, and increase your lack of self esteem, which increases your disregard for your health, which causes you to reach for those comfort foods...

You have got to break this cycle.

My suggestion is to forget about the food for a time. Start the day with getting out of bed and writing a list titled "Today i will do for me...." Start slow, no more than one or two very basic things. Today i will shower and wash/groom my hair. That's it. Tomorrows list can increase to a shower, a pretty hair style, and a neat, pressed outfit. And that's all. Increase as you can but do not back-slide. When you have a bad day do not add anything new, but force yourself to do what you did the day prior.
I honestly believe starting with these simple acts will have a huge effect on your self worth, and that increase in your self worth will help you to work toward a healthier lifestyle.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 117

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/5/2011 6:16:06 AM

SourandSweet

Posts: 66
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline

Wow! Lots of issues here.

Please forgive me if I've misunderstood - but is your Daddy your dom? I ask because if he is in a position where he should be caring for your welfare why is he allowing you to eat foods or partake of activities which will harm you? I'm not implying he doesn't care. It could be that he cares too much.

I'm (fortunately) reasonably fit and healthy. However, I'm not allowed to go near chocs and cakes without permission. He's been known to eat a biscuit but not allow me one (not out of meaness, but because he feels I've had enough such 'treats'). Because I work from home he insists I go for a walk every day, so as I don't like walking aimlessly I take my camera with me, and find I really love doing that. Because I smoke I'm not allowed to smoke inside. Not because it's a problem smoking indoors (we don't have children living with us), but because I smoke significantly less if I have to go outside.

I forget to eat when I'm busy - just don't get hungry. So when he's at work he phones me to check I've eaten and wants to know WHAT I've eaten.

Again, I may be misunderstanding (there's alot of info in this thread to take in - which is by no means a criticism, more a self-reflection on my inability to do so) but if money is an issue why are you eating out so often? For the cost of a meal out for two (£60+ in UK) you can buy enough healthy food to last a week!

I'm a veggie - it's normal for me to check the ingredients for any pre-prepared food we buy, and much of it goes back on the shelf. It may be time -consuming, but it's far better to cook from scratch, cheaper too, and healthier.

However, I don't think the problem here is so much the binge eating (that seems to be more a manifestation). I think it's more self-esteem/ awareness. Maybe a touch of depression?

Regarding the need for support, of course that's important, but if you're in a d/s relationship then the main person supporting you should be your dom. Even if his intentions are good he's preventing you from becoming the best you can be.

Lastly there are zillions of websites with free recipes, quick, healthy, easy to make dishes. I seem to remember some where you can even type the ingredients you have and they'll give you a recipe suggestion.

Again, sincere apologies if I've misunderstood anything you've written here.

:-)

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 118

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/5/2011 7:11:44 AM

purepleasure

Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

No, that's all on me, I am, not the isolation keeping me from doing things, but I would be so happy if I had a friend to come over and do fun things with that we could also exercise together. I am lonley a lot, being so isolated is very painful forsomeone who's naturally a social butterfly and loves being around people. That will be another benifit of going to the gym, these 4 walls the tv and my pc, won't be my sole companion until Daddy is home.

Have you considered learning the public transportation system in your area? That way you won't be dependent on getting a ride to somewhere there are people to talk to.

You feel lonely? So do many shut-ins in nursing homes. I'm sure they'd like to have a polite, well-groomed social butterfly to spend time with a few times a week. If you don't like old people, there are hospitals, animal shelters, soup kitchens, etc. that can use an extra hand. There are probably scores of volunteer opportunities in your community.

A big step is getting out of the house, and out of those 4 walls, for something other than going to eat, or to an appt. Even if it is a simple as sitting on your front porch and watching the birds, or activity in your neighborhood.

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 119

RE: Are the over eater anon groups overly religious? - 2/5/2011 7:41:50 AM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

TFB:

Your isolation is a catch 22. You want a friend or friends, but you don't get out, so how can you have friends. I understand that.

In order to make friends you have to get out and meet people. I think this has been suggested before: take a stab at volunteering a few hours a week. I know you like animals, so one idea is to volunteer at your local shelter. They often need people to walk/play with the dogs and other such stuff. You would be killing a few birds with one stone. You'll get excercise from walking the pooches, you'll meet people with similar interests, you'll need to wash up and look nice and you'll feel better about yourself. That's just an idea for volunteering, there are many options. Elections are coming up, work on some one's campaign. It can be as simple as making phone calls or doing envelopes. I work on campaigns all the time and I meet wonderful people and there are many social events that come along with that territory.

The most glaring way to meet other people is the topic of your OP. OA. You say you don't have alot of support, well then a support group who has members going through the same issues as you is ideal. And an opportunity to make friends.

I know you are on Disability, but you can work a little to suppliment your check. Bag groceries at the local supermarket a few hours a week, ring a register at a Quick Mart, get a little job that you can get a little extra money from and be among people. Here in Mass. you can make an extra $450ish/month when on disalbility. SSI is a federal program, so I suspect it's much the same everywhere.

You need to find a way to get busy and re join the human race a little bit. Then other things will fall into place. It's a process. I think Holly's idea of starting with personal hygiene, something that will make YOU feel better about you is a good starting place. Start your day with a shower and get dressed, then go make your breakfast, sit at the table and eat it and clean up your mess. There's no need to email your friends the minute your eyes open. That's postponing the normal stuff you need to get back to doing. Email after your shower and your breakfast. We all know that sometimes once we fire up the PC, even to do one task, we can get sidetracked and be on it for hours and haven't gotten things done we need to. Set a rule for yourself: no PC or TV until I am washed, dressed and fed for the morning. I'm not being a smart ass* but * since you are so attached to your TV and PC, maybe restricting it until you have accomlished a few simple taks would be motivation to complete the tasks.

I'm not saying go out and voluteer and get a job today. What I am saying is start the process. Do as Holly suggests, and make a time table for yourself. Work on your mobility, so you can do these two little things. Set goals: I will volunteer two days a month, and increase as you feel comfortable. Then get a little job. It may take weeks or months, but start preparing yourself to get back into life.

Again, not being mean, but I don't understand. Why did you opt for the $19.99 guest package for the gym ? That's an extra $120/year for guests you don't have. < I am basing that on your statements that you don't have friends, maybe I misunderstood >

mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to SourandSweet)

Post #: 120

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