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Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 3:31:16 AM

tendergirl

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline

After 5 months of what I thought was a beautiful and happy D/s relationship, my Dom abandoned me and the D/s lifestyle. He said it was a "burden" and that He was too weak to be a Dom. I was never demanding or bratty, I believed I was fulfilling all of His desires.

We were nearly living together (separated by work), engaged vanilla and due to start our new household in August together.

With no warning, He ended everything. The painful words that He has said over the past week have been like daggers to my heart.

I have simply crumbled.

Thanks for listening,

love from tendergirl

Post #: 1

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 3:42:24 AM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Oh no little one. I am so sorry for your disappointment and loss. I wish I could do more.

Sad for you

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 3:43:24 AM

FeminineDomme

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

I know this will sound trivial, but grieve now and know that this is an opportunity for something else. I doubt that your Dom's abandonment had as much to do with his rejection of D/s as with other issues, such as perhaps a fear of commitment which so many out there now have. At one time in our society it was the norm to find one, settle down, have a family. This seems to no longer be a goal, giving men and women freedom to maintain and enjoy a single life. Love him for what he gave you, allow yourself to feel the pain . . . and then, recognize that life will bring you other opportunities. Perhaps one more suited to you is around the corner . . . or maybe some great adventure which you could not have had if you were not single.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 3:50:28 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Unfortunatly this sort of thing is all too common and I know it is hard not to take it personaly. Heck I know it all too well but still have difficulty in not taking it personaly when I'm on the recieving end.

Take some time to put yourself back together, revisit your assesment of what you are looking for and get back out there and find it. Eventualy you will find it, even if there are a few blind allys to navigate first.

Chin up and good luck

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 3:52:07 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

oh tender, I am so sorry you had to go thru that. It is heartbreaking I know. After the pain goes away just take from the experience all of the good and bad and consider it a life lesson. Be glad that he acknowledged his weakness and insecurities before you became part of his household and totally dependant on him. And, who knows, without knowing the person perhaps all is not lost and he just needed time to be sure of himself.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 4:02:48 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

I'm so sorry! Something similar happened to me when I was first starting out in the lifestyle, my first (only) Master abandoned me. I was devastated. I know it sounds trite, but time does heal. And he didn't deserve you anyway. You will find someone who truly does!

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 4:29:19 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FeminineDomme

I know this will sound trivial, but grieve now and know that this is an opportunity for something else. I doubt that your Dom's abandonment had as much to do with his rejection of D/s as with other issues, such as perhaps a fear of commitment which so many out there now have. At one time in our society it was the norm to find one, settle down, have a family. This seems to no longer be a goal, giving men and women freedom to maintain and enjoy a single life. Love him for what he gave you, allow yourself to feel the pain . . . and then, recognize that life will bring you other opportunities. Perhaps one more suited to you is around the corner . . . or maybe some great adventure which you could not have had if you were not single.

Beautifully said

Take time to grieve and to learn from the experience, then move onto something grander.

~Lashra

(in reply to FeminineDomme)

Post #: 7

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 4:39:43 AM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

tendergirl,

Sorry for your loss. What's meant to be will be. Give him time, give yourself time. Who knows what it in the cards. Perhaps your Dom in shining armor will step into your life and you will see why it didn't work the first time. Perhaps he will do some soul searching and realize he made a mistake. Whatever the outcome...you have friends here sweetie.

Hang in there.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 4:41:21 AM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tendergirl
After 5 months of what I thought was a beautiful and happy D/s relationship, my Dom abandoned me and the D/s lifestyle. He said it was a "burden" and that He was too weak to be a Dom.

It is far better for you to learn this about him now rather than later. What a wanker...what a poseur...! In my view, he's not even worth trying to figure out. Just move on without him.

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 4:56:00 AM

tendergirl

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for your support. I know that what you are all saying is true and I am honestly doing my best. I am coping so badly I left my job yesterday. I felt so unsafe that I just went to my doctor's surgery and just sat there because I seem to have lost my rational mind. I hope to come back to reality soon.

I never ever knew how much of a loss this would be. I never saw this coming.

love from tendergirl

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 10

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 6:11:56 AM

OnyxGoddess

Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

tender that is truly sad. better he leave now (even though you love him terribly) then hurt you more further down the road. pisses me off people aren't just true from the start. One of the doms just had this happen with his sub. I feel for both of you and hope you find better persons more deserving of your hearts, minds and bodies.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 6:20:14 AM

unquenchable

Posts: 155
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline

I am so sorry tendergirl.

No that will not help, and everyone here has given you good advice. Only time will make you feel better. Do not consider this a personal failure and please do not concentrate on the 'what ifs' , I did that years back and it made things so much worse.

un--------

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 6:27:45 AM

MasterRobert1

Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline

One of the prices we "pay" for BDSM and D/s having become trendy and chic is that there is now a tremendous population of people who are exploring this lifestyle without really knowing much about it (except what they have learned ovcer the web, of course). They get involved and all of a sudden find that BDSM and D/s are more WORK, at times, than they are FUN. Oh my! The fantasy dissolves like the morning mist to the rising sun. This is why many people in the lifestyle try and confine themselves to experienced people-fewer surprises that way.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 6:31:07 AM

tendergirl

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline

Because I gave Him my life, because I handed over everything to Him, now that He is gone, I feel hollow.

Because He has said that this experience has turned Him away from the lifestyle, how can I not take it personally?

He had waited 30 years to act out His desires and He says that I became so strong in vanilla, that I repelled Him. Now all I have is the very strength He condemns me for.

Watching Him self destruct is horrific for me. But hearing Him tell me again and again that I destroyed our relationship and that He will never ever scene again in His life, that He only did D/s to please me (I met Him here advertising for a submissive), has ripped out my soul.

How will I ever recover both vanilla and D/s? I can act normal in vanilla, but the loss of a Dom has been unbearable.

love from tendergirl

(in reply to unquenchable)

Post #: 14

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 6:34:18 AM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

Ok... I'm sure I may take some flak over this.. but I'm used to it, and those that actually know Me personally know I'm a bit of a hardass about these sort of things... but I can't stand it when everyone starts in with the "sorry about your loss" and "oh no, you shouldn't have to deal with this".... I personally think its a wonderful thing thats happened, and not really a great loss at all on your part... I agree wholeheartedly with Chaingang and think the ass sounds like a poseur and a wanker, and the only thing he's ascertained correctly about himself is that he's too damned weak willed to follow through on the commitment that he originally made to you 5 months ago. Not to mention... 5 months ? and you two were already engaged ? did you know each other beforehand, I hope, and this wasn't just something that was rushed into ? was there ever any offline meetings and such.. or was this strictly an online/phone thing for the two of you ? are you 100% sure he didn't have other commitments wherever it was that he lived, such as a wife or girlfriend or children ?

sounds to Me like this is probably a damn fine opportunity for you to sit back, do a self evaluation of yourself, and then jump back into it a little wiser and a little tougher, girl.

best of luck,
T.R.

(in reply to unquenchable)

Post #: 15

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 6:34:29 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Well, it's a mistake to live entirely for another person. You lose yourself and that is where part of your pain is coming from.
It sounds like he never fully embraced the lifestyle, that's not your fault. I suggest you do some things for you. Now. Be kind to yourself and develop some interests. Give yourself time to heal. Good luck.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 6:38:47 AM

MstrssSatin

Posts: 71
Joined: 4/5/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Do not let him put the blame on you tender. And more importantly do not accept that you are to blame. He broke off the relationship because of his own weaknesses and shortcomings. Instead of being a gentleman and a real man he chooses to blame you instead of taking responsibility for his own actions. Don't allow it and don't listen to him. Find a man who is worthy of you, don't settle for less.

Mistress Satin

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 6:41:36 AM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tendergirl

Because I gave Him my life, because I handed over everything to Him, now that He is gone, I feel hollow.

Because He has said that this experience has turned Him away from the lifestyle, how can I not take it personally?

He had waited 30 years to act out His desires and He says that I became so strong in vanilla, that I repelled Him. Now all I have is the very strength He condemns me for.

Watching Him self destruct is horrific for me. But hearing Him tell me again and again that I destroyed our relationship and that He will never ever scene again in His life, that He only did D/s to please me (I met Him here advertising for a submissive), has ripped out my soul.

How will I ever recover both vanilla and D/s? I can act normal in vanilla, but the loss of a Dom has been unbearable.

love from tendergirl

ok, this is a post script to My previous post.....

and I reiterate.... he's a weak willed bitch and is only laying this guilt trip bullshit on you because he's to damn selfish to take responsibility for it himself... he's not worthy to be called a Man, letalone a dom, or a Master....

write him off as a lesson learned, be glad it was only 5 months instead of 5 years, and move on, girl

T.R.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 6:49:02 AM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

I'm sorry you are hurting but this man is simply not being honest with himself or you. You remarked that "he waited 30 years to act out his desires." You met him on this site because he was advertising for a submissive and yet when he wants to end the relationship he's telling you that he only "did D/s" to please you?

As hard as it is to accept right now, it would seem that you're much better off without him. Sounds like he got in over his head but would rather blame you rather than take responsibility for his own actions (or lack of them).

Please try not let him damage you even more by actually believing the bs he's trying to put off on you.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to tendergirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Abandoned by Dom - 5/3/2006 7:17:36 AM

Dustyn

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

Alright, bleeding hearts on the right, hard-asses on teh left... Let's try to keep this civil, shall we? LOL

Yeah, it blows goats... a few months is a bit of time invested... but better now than a couple years down the road, or even a couple decades... try talking with him... not as submissive to dominant or even as a hurt lover... but as one human being to another... oh, and grow a bit of a spine...you managed to live before you even knew this other person existed... you will afterwards... the sun will come up and the earth will still continue along it's elliptic... pain's how you know you're alive... give it some time, let all the emotions on both sides mellow out a bit and go hah the whole thing out over coffee, or some other beverage that doesn't have alcohol in it... in the long run, you'll be better...

*moving over to the left side now*

- Dustyn

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 20

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