LadyHugs
Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear TNstepsout, Ladies and Gentlemen;
I am of the personal opinion, based on observation and personal knowledge, that safe words and or silent signals/codes shoud not be relied on as the "sole" means of communication. Safe words or uttering a warning in plain terms, are all communication; just as much as body language, the silent dance of pain and or pleasure.
I do believe in this line of topics, dominants--especially novice, hate to be seen as human and make mistakes and or miss target sites and the like. For those who never experienced the old fashioned "Old School" of enslavement for a required year, how to serve as a slave without insulting a dominant, even one that was so green, that they match the grass and or pollen of late. But, it is a learning curve for all into the lifestyle.
Not much different from the thoughts on riding horses, a rider wears spurs and carries the whip. Not because the rider needs to use them but, to be there SHOULD it be needed. Most trained horses moved from weight shifts but, even green horses needed aids until they got their understandings. Why should humans be any different. In my equestrian days, bareback without bridle, bit, saddle--I was one with the horse per se. I was able to do an Obstacle course with weight shifts to include stop and back up. The lesson of this demonstration to students of mine, some judges in the horse world, was to demonstrate the bit is not the sole means to control the horse but, a silent language that both the horse and rider can communicate with. I think this can be transposed as an analogy for M/s and D/s interactions.
Safe words, safe silent codes, uttering words of any communication are tools. Pity that they are not seen as enhancement of communication as to create the 'dance' between two energies of the Dominant and submissive.
I have seen dominants go into TOP space to which lost all touch or sense of "self" and flew into a subspace like sense; to which their control was normal but to outsiders and the slave, were making mince meat out of the back of slaves. So, I do think for those who scene one-on-one and in private it is most important for a slave to escape the dominant who moves into Top space and looses touch with the scene. Is TOP space bad? No--it is merely a trait that needs to be monitored, such as a friend who can watch and jar them out if necessary. Like a "drug trip" or "day dream" the host body will not distinguish reality from the sailing. It would be good to see Dominants use a safe word as to let their slave/submissive/bottom be aware of their mental, emotional state. If they are feeling that high, perhaps a break is in order.
No matter what is deployed, be it safe words, humming the anthem as a "red" and or uttering words that are plain--it is to keep that margin of control and safety is the main intent and purpose of them. It is not to challenge the skills or the dominant/submissive individual's validity or right to exist.
Dealing with slaves/submissves that have been hurt, I do not do bondage but, like new dominants with new submissives, I have the submissive/slave back into the whip that the dominant keeps constant. This way the slave/submissive can shift their body and adjust as to make the whip comfortable for them. The student dominant using the whip can consentrate on the stroke and not the body but, the benefit of the submissive/slave moving into the whip gives a visual "mark" as to what works for that slave and where the strokes fall are serving the purpose. Even experienced dominants can use this.
My seasoned slaves bottoming to a novice dominant puts their hands on where the whip landed--not a word is uttered; thus not to seem 'topping from the bottom' but seeing a hand on out of the strike zones the new TOP sees where he aimed and where it landed was off. Free, the season slave shifted their body as to always be seeking the stroke and not having the stroke seek the slave. But, as soon as the "TOP" gets it--this free shifting slave's has done their job and now the TOP is accurate. Even so, the mentored student of mine had to get 8 out of 10 strokes to touch the match stick in my hand and not touch my hand, before touching skin. Again, I am of the old out of date form of schooling and it might not be easy to do in sparce areas.
In summary, safe words and other forms of communication is a valued tool. Just because they exist, that does not mean they do or do not have purpose. One day, it might be needed and then it has served it's purpose. To control/regulate the TOP and or dominant without "Topping from the bottom" and or challenge the Dominant's authority.
My first slave, having a Top Secret job in the military, could not often discuss what was going on. Although not safe words; we had code words to which we created, as to allow me to adjust to my slave's mental and emotional state. I knew from his use of black, it was a painful day and it was personal pain. I used these codes as to support and comfort my slave, when real life dealt him a cruel blow. As news would break, I could associate his mood/emotions with tragic events related to his job. I found code words to benefit our relationship as we both used them, without having a lengthy conversation.
How we all use communication depends on our (in general terms) personal situations and relationships. Nothing fits everybody but--the idea is to have the best happen in our lifestyle and few regrets and or misunderstandings.
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs
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RE: Safewords are NOT for novices! - 
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