PeonForHer
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
I have most often found that the "need" to be forced, even if the male does not find the prospect humiliating, is still very often a part of a psychological "dodge" of the truth of his being - I speak from experience as that used to be me...
If you are "forced" in to this, even when you admit that you want it, then you are spared having to face the reality of what you are - in opposition to much of societal norms...in opposition to how many of us males were raised...you are a male expressing female traits, feminine desires...you are breaking the rules...
If you don't have to face it, you don't have to embrace it...you don't move forward, but can get and/or stay stuck in a pattern of non-recognition of the "truth of your soul"...you are very likely not authentic, you are very likely stuck...in denial, in repression, of the truth of you.
Further, I believe that the longer that a person remains in this state, the more likely that what they are feeling will develop into an unhealthy fetish pattern.
At least, that is my experience of it...
To my mind, this is very different from someone who has acknowledged that they are kinky and are actively participating in their life, their choices, their authentic self...
Otters,
Heh . . . I think we have different philosophies underpinning all this (if I don't sound too much of a pseud for putting it that way). You see, my premise is that we carry around contradictory feelings. That's the starting point. The usual way of resolving these contradictions is firstly, by suppressing one side or another of the contradiction, and convincing yourself that you've somehow 'wiped' it. Now, you only have the one feeling. I get the sense that most here are charging the OP with this: they're saying that he's suppressed the idea of his having CD desires, and instead presented himself as mainly being interested in being forced. It's as though the CD element is just incidental. The second route to resolving the contradictions is by 'blending' them. That is, you aim at - and very often achieve - reaching a point where you can see what both sides have in common. Perhaps this happened in your case. Finally, after much struggle (some of which you've shared here, and in private, for which I think we're all very grateful and appreciative), you came to the conclusion that, to put it (perhaps over-simply) the real truth was that you're basically a submissive who likes/needs to cross-dress. Or a crossdresser who likes/needs to submit. Or both.
But I think there's a third way to resolution of those contradictory feelings; moreover, I think a lot of people in D/s take it, though perhaps just semi-consciously. This is that you can't always 'resolve' contradictory feelings in the sense of b) - that these feelings always will be contradictory, and that's that. You just accept the contradiction, and get on with it. But then, instead of choosing a) - BSing yourself that there is no contradiction and suppressing one side or the other . . . you do something that I think is actually quite radical. This is that you explore the contradiction, embrace it, even revel in it . . . and, you find that living with the contradiction actually works. The man that I saw, many years ago, enthusiastically tying himself up in order to be flogged by his dominant was, I think, acting exactly on that basis. He wanted to feel constrained - forced. It wasn't 'real', vanilla force - it was BDSM force. Maybe this BDSM force is a compromise in many ways - but it works fine in lots of D/s partnerships. Femdoms - as we've seen again in a recent thread - do have fantasies about 'real, vanilla force' - but they have to compromise, too. Terms like 'willingly abusing' or 'willingly being abused' work for us BDSMers - we just laugh and get on with the fun of it. They don't work for vanillas, of course - but nobody cares about them except when they impose their vanilla-centric restrictions on us.
I think, as I think you've said elsewhere, the real problem is that CD orientations mixed with submissive tendencies in a person all too often, in practice, leads that person to become a 'one-kink' sub. Me, I've always been optimistic about the possibility of 'freeing up' that one-kink-sub tendency. This happens, I've thought, by first recognising that you're made up of both CD tendencies and sub tendencies and exploring both. That is, differentiate them first, then see if and how you can reintegrate them. Then, perhaps, you've a lot more to offer a femdom. Not to mention a lot more to offer yourself. But . . . I have come to the realisation that I've been over-optimistic on that point in the past.
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RE: query to fd's about forced fem involving sheer hosiery - 
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RE: query to fd's about forced fem involving sheer hosiery - 
Someone once threatened to bury me in a pink frilly dress (my nightmare), and I threatened to come back and haunt them for the rest of their days. I can probably do a pink blouse, or even a rare skirt (though that's never happened; but a frilly dress..
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