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CreativeDominant -> RE: Never Lied? (2/9/2011 2:16:27 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: leadership527
OK, I'm reading yet another "honesty" thread over on FL and once again I am awestruck at the number of dominants who assert that they have never lied and/or never "broken their word" (whatever that means). So I want to broaden the question a bit. The following questions should be construed as "in your adult life... from the age of majority onwards wherever you happen to live..."
- Have there been times in your past where you've failed to measure up to your own ethical standards for yourself?
- In your mind, can you lie by telling the truth (in other words, is all deception lying)?
- In your mind, is there some special ritual that is required before it becomes "your word"? 1. Yes
2. Yes
3. No
quote:
For me, I count all knowing deception as "lying"... no matter the words I use... truthful or not. Anything else would just allow ethical holes I could drive trucks through. I also count "my word" as "any words that come out of my lips". There is no particular ritual that I need to perform or words I need to say in order to make something I've said be "my word". Then, aside from all the times that I'm perfectly fine having deceived someone (in fact, good leadership standards demand a certain amount of deception), there are also all the times I just plain failed to measure up ethically in one way or another.
This, I suspect, is partly why Carol and I are compatible, but I asked her how she feels about someone who looks her in the face and says something like "I never lie." Her answer was, "I back away slowly then flee at the earliest opportunity." That pretty much mirrors my thinking. Obviously though, the way we're seeing it isn't the norm in BDSM-land. So going with the assumption that the "I never lie" folks aren't lying, delusional, or perfect human beings, I have to assume I'm just not seeing the statements from the correct viewpoint. Can someone enlighten me?
I really don't think you need much enlightenment. People who say they never lie...just did.
We've all told lies. I have...and I am sure I will in the future. I do My best to be truthful, especially in relationships. But...the first time she comes out in an outfit that you have to do your damndest not to break out laughing about and says "How do I look, Sir?" and you say something...because you do not want to hurt her feelings... like "well...it isn't My favorite outfit but if you like it, then it is fine" instead of saying "OMG...you look like a clown", you have been deceptive even in telling a partial truth. (you don't like the outfit).
There have been various threads on this through the years...there was even one about a concept called Absolute (or was it Brutal?) Honesty and I have seen tons of people tie themselves in knots over how to always be honest and how they go about it.
Don't get Me wrong...I try to be honest. But there is a world of difference between being brutally honest always and knowing the times when it is not called for. When, in fact, a softer truth might be better. Or when saying nothing is the best answer. But of course...if you say nothing, then you are committing the lie of omission.
Like so many things that prove our character, this is another area where you have to look at a person's words and how well they match up to their actions. Does someone lie when they do not need to...or to get over...or to manipulate...? Back away. Does someone always tell the Absolute, Brutally Honest truth...no matter how much damage it causes? Back away.
I am satisfied with what I am. I keep improving Me...but if someone considers honesty at alllllllllllll times to be necessary, then...like you...they are not going to find it within Me. I am human and recognize it.
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