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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 8:45:14 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

You need to work on 'The Look'.


lol - by the sounds of it though, its 'The Look' and the consequences when they get home that this bird is partial to.

id just tell her 'no play' which also means no punishment too, since that's what she's playing up for.


Agreed. I guess I was always just very good at making the consequences unpleasant, rather than fun.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 8:47:41 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		For heaven's sake,  the LOOK is the popular means of control these days is it? Must have missed the email or fax. Or some fucker didn't send it to me.. Now that is well worth the LOOK. Come on folks, fellas, females, bald headed babies and those undecided, you mean to tell me thet either the LOOK has one meaning which (shock horror) y'all have agreed to? Where I come from and we being independent buggers resistant to authority as only those stemming from a penal colony can develop into (BTW is a Penal colony a colony of Penises? When I asked that at school I used to wear a flying piece of chalk or a black board eraser (Rubber)..) Anyhow back to the program (yes there is logic here after all), Such techniques for controlong your environment such as kids, wives/husbands and sub/slaves as The LOOK, is taught and depending on the facial expression or the negative wagging of a large digit with the LOOK dufferent meanings are established from the get go and enforced with a cane, crop or leather strap (I prefer the old fashion Razor Strop myself) and perhaps loss of privilages like eating desert. This continues until those required to learn the language of the LOOK have it down by heart. This negates the worry of a sub meaning being no punishment or anything else. It should mean that you as the Dominant are mighty pissed off and disappointed in the behavior of the sub/slave. If out and food is about to be served, I would remove the serve placed in front of the sub/slave and eat it myself or share it with others but the sub/slave would go without as immediate punishment. In one case where a slave (kajira) was so rude and disobedient we went out to dinner which was to be her last dinner before returning home to NZ, without her. We refused to speak tpo her that evening on her return and in the morning. She was totally ignored except to direct her to get into the car to be driven to the airport. She was taken to the luggage point and left there. We returned home not having spoken to her. She was spoken to that night on the phone by me and advised a formal removal of her collar (which was deliberately dumped in the workshop area) was being emailed to her and that no further contact would be undertaken or accepted. Some things are unforgivable and she went past that point in her abuse of my Lady.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 8:48:45 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Humour IB.......

And I am going to go out on a shaky little limb here and guess that..........at some point.....after enough dramatic punishments, at least one of the slaves you've had over the years got the idea that you were serious. So serious that it didn't require the dramatic punishments to get the desired results but instead.....a look, a gesture perhaps?


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/14/2011 8:50:58 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 10:20:53 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx
I know some people on here may not completely understand it... but I enjoy causing the odd bit of pain now and then.


And you've taught her to give you that pleasure by giving you a reason to give her an odd bit of pain.

You aren't in control. Punishment won't work because she doesn't feel inspired to submit.

Sit down and explain when she can do this and when she can't. But if it's only when you feel like it happening, then you deserve this by being inconsistent. Set up consequences that are natural to the situation. "I wanted to go to the movies/out to dinner this weekend. However I/we can't because you don't behave appropriately."

You are taking her places so she can arouse you without you being able to satisfy your lust immediately. Don't want her to do that, don't give her the opportunity. Do want that and want to play in public? Well that's a different question than you asked. The response to that could  be a quiet remote insertable with you having the remote in your pocket. Or a shock collar around her thigh (not neck) with you having the remote. Make sure all such toys are quiet and won't be overheard, and that she won't be subject to an amount of pain she can't handle and will start crying in public.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to golemx)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 11:30:42 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Humour IB.......

And I am going to go out on a shaky little limb here and guess that..........at some point.....after enough dramatic punishments, at least one of the slaves you've had over the years got the idea that you were serious. So serious that it didn't require the dramatic punishments to get the desired results but instead.....a look, a gesture perhaps?



Aye my friend, you are right of course.  Lots of gently teasing and my normal silliness oft along side of me dealing with some situation or people in the street who have me really pissed off. I find the comparison is quite good and all of our many friends and visitors come to the same conclusion that it isn't good to poke bears with short sticks. Too, I also find that my habit of poking fun at myself works wonders too. I want the girl to understand that I am approachable, and am open for "dignified" teasing in public. hence I want the look or even a throat clearing to become effective if things get a tad out of hand. In private she needs to know she can and should pull me up if I look like placing myself in danger, or in danger of becoming unreasonable. This too develop trust and team spirit.Like with my own crews, the trust and respect needs be there to the nth degree because each one of us carried the lives of the others in our hands, a girl who develops sufficiently to become my personal needs this level of respect and trust which is a two way street. She must listen and know by the tone of my voice as well as the words used that I am serious or that I am playing. If serious it may one day save her from harm. Very much the old saw.. I say jump and she asks how high and in which direction. She also needs to, learn that when and if I tell her that I love her and that I care for her and that she is respected and valued or that she pleases me she needs to take that literally.

Lots of gently teasing and my normal silliness oft along side of me dealing with some situation or people in the street who have me really pissed off. I find the comparison is quite good and all of our many friends and visitors come to the same conclusion that it isn't good to poke bears with short sticks. Too, I also find that my habit of poking fun at myself works wonders too. I want the girl to understand that I am approachable, and am open for "dignified" teasing in public. hence I want the look or even a throat clearing to become effective if things get a tad out of hand. In private she needs to know she can and should pull me up if I look like placing myself in danger, or in danger of becoming unreasonable. This too develop trust and team spirit.Like with my own crews, the trust and respect needs be there to the nth degree because each one of us carried the lives of the others in our hands, a girl who develops sufficiently to become my personal needs this level of respect and trust which is a two way street. She must listen and know by the tone of my voice as well as the words used that I am serious or that I am playing. If serious it may one day save her from harm. Very much the old saw.. I say jump and she asks how high and in which direction. She also needs to, learn that when and if I tell her that I love her and that I care for her and that she is respected and valued or that she pleases me she needs to take that literally.


< Message edited by IronBear -- 2/14/2011 11:31:59 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 12:33:10 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

For heaven's sake,  the LOOK is the popular means of control these days is it? Must have missed the email or fax. Or some fucker didn't send it to me.. Now that is well worth the LOOK. Come on folks, fellas, females, bald headed babies and those undecided, you mean to tell me thet either the LOOK has one meaning which (shock horror) y'all have agreed to? Where I come from and we being independent buggers resistant to authority as only those stemming from a penal colony can develop into (BTW is a Penal colony a colony of Penises? When I asked that at school I used to wear a flying piece of chalk or a black board eraser (Rubber)..) Anyhow back to the program (yes there is logic here after all), Such techniques for controlong your environment such as kids, wives/husbands and sub/slaves as The LOOK, is taught and depending on the facial expression or the negative wagging of a large digit with the LOOK dufferent meanings are established from the get go and enforced with a cane, crop or leather strap (I prefer the old fashion Razor Strop myself) and perhaps loss of privilages like eating desert. This continues until those required to learn the language of the LOOK have it down by heart. This negates the worry of a sub meaning being no punishment or anything else. It should mean that you as the Dominant are mighty pissed off and disappointed in the behavior of the sub/slave. If out and food is about to be served, I would remove the serve placed in front of the sub/slave and eat it myself or share it with others but the sub/slave would go without as immediate punishment. In one case where a slave (kajira) was so rude and disobedient we went out to dinner which was to be her last dinner before returning home to NZ, without her. We refused to speak tpo her that evening on her return and in the morning. She was totally ignored except to direct her to get into the car to be driven to the airport. She was taken to the luggage point and left there. We returned home not having spoken to her. She was spoken to that night on the phone by me and advised a formal removal of her collar (which was deliberately dumped in the workshop area) was being emailed to her and that no further contact would be undertaken or accepted. Some things are unforgivable and she went past that point in her abuse of my Lady.



Crikey, this was a tough read. Paragraphs, IB - p a r a g r a p h s.

The "look" (I call it the "stare") is a cue and clue to the submissive of impending consequences if her behaviour doesn't improve. It doesn't work if the sub has no previous experience of those consequences. Then it's the child being threatened with a slap by a parent whose never once slapped them.

The public behaviour of the OP's sub is symptomatic of work he hasn't done in private. She hasn't been taught meaningful consequences and I suspect that's exactly why she's acting out. And I don't blame a sub for "testing" a dom/me this way. Why should a sub fall to her knees in complete obedience just because some relative stranger has labelled themselves "dominant".

The OP's sub is controlling their relationship. It's not because she wants to, it's because she can - his inaction allows and empowers her to do so. Her acting out is because she's seeking reassurance that this new dom in her life can control her - and thus far, he can't. So her behaviour only gets worse....

Too many will say she's supposed to be submissive and should act appropriately. I say he's supposed to be the dominant who inspires her to act appropriately with meaningful consequences if she doesn't. And since doms lead, him *first*.

The OP comes here seeking seeking solutions for a localised problem (public punishment). He doesn't see the bigger picture that he doesn't control their D/s relationship. Bratty or not, I'll wager she's every bit as miserable as he is for his lack of relationship control. As I implied in my first post, the problem isn't out in public where "the stare" would work perfectly well, it's back at home where he hasn't earnt her respect as a dominant.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 1:21:36 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
The "look" (I call it the "stare") is a cue and clue to the submissive of impending consequences if her behaviour doesn't improve. It doesn't work if the sub has no previous experience of those consequences. Then it's the child being threatened with a slap by a parent whose never once slapped them.

This doesn't really match my experience. I have given "the look" to a wide variety of people throughout my life... most of whom I had no particular authority over. I'd say all but maybe 3 or 4 got the message loud and clear. For the most part, I find the language of dominance to be almost universally spoken and by more than simply humans. Put differently, I'd be VERY surprised if some random stranger managed to get "the look" out of me and they didn't immediately evaluate the ground they were standing on. Most people seem to get it that the world just changed.

The OP's sub is controlling their relationship. It's not because she wants to, it's because she can...
Actually, while that's a tempting read, I'm not sure I agree. As I've read his follow-up posts, I think he's in fact getting exactly what he wants. I think he wants her to disobey so that he can "funish" her. I think his question here is just about more fun ways to funish.

Too many will say she's supposed to be submissive and should act appropriately. I say he's supposed to be the dominant...
I've always agreed with this. The bottom line is that by default EVERYONE is submissive. If you want to be dominant, then you have to step forward and claim the territory. Otherwise, anyone could be dominant. Oh wait.. that's pretty much how it is ~chuckles~

The OP comes here seeking seeking solutions for a localised problem (public punishment). He doesn't see the bigger picture that he doesn't control their D/s relationship. Bratty or not, I'll wager she's every bit as miserable as he is for his lack of relationship control. As I implied in my first post, the problem isn't out in public where "the stare" would work perfectly well, it's back at home where he hasn't earnt her respect as a dominant.
Again, I was with you when we were talking punishment. But the OP revised this post into a funishment post. Now I'm seeing it more as a fun way to play fun games than a way to establish any kind of discipline and/or control. I'm presuming he already has the control he wants.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 1:31:08 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx

...I need some thoughts on punishments that can be used discreetly in a restaurant or bar.



Ask for the check, leave, then tell her in the car the two of you won't be going out again till she learns to behave.



_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to golemx)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 6:24:31 PM   
Nanako


Posts: 222
Joined: 2/7/2011
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

She will try to rile me up sexually in public when I don't wish it and can't do anything about it.
You are putting up with this...why?

Quite simply, do not take her out in public again.



Lock her in a cage at home when you go out ^__^

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 7:35:52 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx
Thoughts?

Yeah. How about the next time you see her you say, "Stop doing that." Why is it that dominance seems to be the last tool used by all the dominants?


Makes my list for worthy quote of the year!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/14/2011 8:20:14 PM   
just4rfun


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/13/2010
Status: offline 		I had one of those and if we went out I had a modified dog shock collar inside her and I just kept the remote handy . A few jolts from that and it was yes sir no sir

(in reply to golemx)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/15/2011 12:55:31 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
The "look" (I call it the "stare") is a cue and clue to the submissive of impending consequences if her behaviour doesn't improve. It doesn't work if the sub has no previous experience of those consequences. Then it's the child being threatened with a slap by a parent whose never once slapped them.

This doesn't really match my experience. I have given "the look" to a wide variety of people throughout my life... most of whom I had no particular authority over. I'd say all but maybe 3 or 4 got the message loud and clear. For the most part, I find the language of dominance to be almost universally spoken and by more than simply humans. Put differently, I'd be VERY surprised if some random stranger managed to get "the look" out of me and they didn't immediately evaluate the ground they were standing on. Most people seem to get it that the world just changed.

Errrrr, you do understand I'm not talking about strangers but of *my* submissive? And presumably the OP and his. Again, the stare works because she's learnt consequences - something strangers can't have done and have no reason to respect.


quote:

The OP's sub is controlling their relationship. It's not because she wants to, it's because she can...

Actually, while that's a tempting read, I'm not sure I agree. As I've read his follow-up posts, I think he's in fact getting exactly what he wants. I think he wants her to disobey so that he can "funish" her. I think his question here is just about more fun ways to funish.


You've got me there.... I concede I have been remiss in not keeping abreast of all the OP's updates in this thread. And since you say it's deteriorated into mere contrived funishment and cheesy roleplay etc, I'm done wasting my time here. Thanks for the "heads up".

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/15/2011 2:01:55 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Humour IB.......

And I am going to go out on a shaky little limb here and guess that..........at some point.....after enough dramatic punishments, at least one of the slaves you've had over the years got the idea that you were serious. So serious that it didn't require the dramatic punishments to get the desired results but instead.....a look, a gesture perhaps?



excellent point.  the OP has said its a new relationship so he is yet to establish these ground rules and make them stick.

whatever hes doing isnt working.  so look at what the sub is doing, why she is doing it, what she's getting out of it and stop providing her with the 'reward' of whatever attention youre giving her.  its the reward shes after, so withdraw it, whatever it is, stop it, stop giving her what she wants and she'll stop doing it.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/15/2011 2:30:24 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Lets imagine that you have talked to me and accepted the slave collar I offered you. Mind you, I could live with that very happily too. However back to reality, and lets ignore that I have learned enough  about you to have a pretty fair idea how the best way to treat you would be. OK, I wouldn't believe that you would resist the teaching regarding the "LOOK": and any other posturing, vocals or hand signals designed to direct a slave subtly. I'd futher be prepared to be that you wouldn't need all that much direction behavior wise.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/15/2011 11:21:21 AM   
golemx


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/7/2011
Status: offline 		Interesting read all. It's only been a couple dates... nothing has gotten to the point where I'm truly pissed off.

There may be other far more important deal-breakers that prevent this from working out. What kind of good sub objects to wearing a horse halter at all times in public?

It is good to see all the takes on it though, and I'm glad I could provide a jumping off point for discussion.

Thanks...

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/15/2011 11:42:44 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx

Interesting read all. It's only been a couple dates... nothing has gotten to the point where I'm truly pissed off.

There may be other far more important deal-breakers that prevent this from working out. What kind of good sub objects to wearing a horse halter at all times in public?

It is good to see all the takes on it though, and I'm glad I could provide a jumping off point for discussion.

Thanks...


I hope like hell, that is a joke.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to golemx)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 2/15/2011 11:47:27 AM   
golemx


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/7/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx

Interesting read all. It's only been a couple dates... nothing has gotten to the point where I'm truly pissed off.

There may be other far more important deal-breakers that prevent this from working out. What kind of good sub objects to wearing a horse halter at all times in public?

It is good to see all the takes on it though, and I'm glad I could provide a jumping off point for discussion.

Thanks...


I hope like hell, that is a joke.



Guilty as charged! :)

I guess Poe's Law applies here as well.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 11:30:09 AM   
mastersico


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		what you can do is buy a litle catle probe one sting of that makes her think twice of doing that again.

(in reply to golemx)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 12:36:33 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

For heaven's sake,  the LOOK is the popular means of control these days is it? Must have missed the email or fax. Or some fucker didn't send it to me.. Now that is well worth the LOOK. Come on folks, fellas, females, bald headed babies and those undecided, you mean to tell me thet either the LOOK has one meaning which (shock horror) y'all have agreed to?


Well, I understood exactly what they meant, and so - I suspect - did you.

quote:



Where I come from and we being independent buggers resistant to authority as only those stemming from a penal colony can develop into (BTW is a Penal colony a colony of Penises? When I asked that at school I used to wear a flying piece of chalk or a black board eraser (Rubber)..) Anyhow back to the program (yes there is logic here after all), Such techniques for controlong your environment such as kids, wives/husbands and sub/slaves as The LOOK, is taught and depending on the facial expression or the negative wagging of a large digit with the LOOK dufferent meanings are established from the get go and enforced with a cane, crop or leather strap (I prefer the old fashion Razor Strop myself) and perhaps loss of privilages like eating desert.



I bet you've never eaten a whole desert though.

[ED to fix quotes]

< Message edited by crazyml -- 5/11/2011 12:43:38 PM >

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 1:03:08 PM   
mastersico


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 60
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