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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 1:08:34 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		  It's too early for funishment.  You're still establishing ground rules - and one of the ground rules at this point should be obedience.

Indulging the brat dynamic is going to make it difficult for her to respect you.  Brats push to test boundaries and because they enjoy knowing the Dom is strong enough to punish them.  A brat should not be rewarded with 'funishment' for disobeying.  Playful disobedience is one thing - outright defiance in public is quite another.

The first step is to remain absolutely unmoved by anything she does in public.   You're the Dom, you control the dynamic.  Withdrawal of attention is second step.  If she continues, abandon her.  She's wasting your time.

The effectiveness of this is dependent upon her investment in the dynamic.  You should also be conditioning her with a pattern of presence and absence.   And at all costs, she must be aware that you have no compunction about terminating the whole thing at any time.  If she senses an inability to do so on your part, you're fucked.


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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 1:20:07 PM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		Woo Hoooo...........resuscitated just as it was on it's last breath! 

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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 2:14:00 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		If you are out to dinner, ask for the check.  Drive her home.  Tell her to go to bed and leave.  If you are with friends, make your apologies to friends but say you have to leave.  Drive her home. Tell her to go to bed and leave.  If you are at a movie, get up and leave.  Drive her home.  Tell her to go to bed and leave. 

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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 4:45:41 PM   
coookie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

If you are out to dinner, ask for the check.  Drive her home.  Tell her to go to bed and leave.  If you are with friends, make your apologies to friends but say you have to leave.  Drive her home. Tell her to go to bed and leave.  If you are at a movie, get up and leave.  Drive her home.  Tell her to go to bed and leave. 


This will be the most effective imo unless you are looking for play.

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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 5:15:44 PM   
NocturnalStalker


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Status: offline 		Choke a'bitch.


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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 5:17:59 PM   
gothikbutterfly


Posts: 484
Joined: 12/4/2010
From: the deepest darkest recesses of your mind
Status: offline 		Charming as always NS

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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 5:36:56 PM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

It's too early for funishment.  You're still establishing ground rules - and one of the ground rules at this point should be obedienc


This is so cute! Heavy handedness always works well with me at the beginning of a relationship!

If I were the OP I would attempt to have an adult conversation about such behavior after I left the restaurant and tell her that I didn't appreciate it, and I wouldn't tolerate it... then I would live up to my word.

If your partner isn't up for behaving like an adult, good luck in having any sort of relationship with her that does not end up in a power struggle. But if you get off on the "establishing dominance" kink, then have fun with it!

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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 8:08:05 PM   
WyldHrt


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quote:

It's too early for funishment.

Since the OP was made 3 months ago, you're a little late, actually.


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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/11/2011 9:54:38 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		i wouldn't punish her at all. the next time she does it, end the evening and bring her home. sit her down and explain to her calmly and patiently that you do not like this sammy behaviour and if it happens again the relationship is at an end. and if she defies you, dump her ass on the spot.

she does it because you let her.

hannah lynn


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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/12/2011 12:02:30 AM   
BeautyDebased


Posts: 96
Joined: 3/20/2009
From: My Masters Feet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx

So I have a sub I'm getting to know who is a little more bratty and uppity than I've had in the past. She will try to rile me up sexually in public when I don't wish it and can't do anything about it. I'd like to offer her some "immediate feedback", because otherwise she will continue causing me discomfort. Of course, I don't want to draw unwanted attention so I need some thoughts on punishments that can be used discreetly in a restaurant or bar.

Pinches and hair tugs are good, bending a thumb back as well. But I'd like some more ideas, particularly using devices.

Thoughts?


You need to work on 'The Look'.

Mine still works on my kids, and they are 30 and 31.



lmao!

The look always works on me, there's a few, one the smouldering deep brown eyes that make me want to jump over and cover him in kisses, which I do ....then there's the look, slightly darker that says, your going to be in a lot of pain when you get home.

I'm not a Master but perhaps try some time out, she misbehaves in such a manner and continues to do so, keep her retrained at home, time to think about what she has done.

Works well for me, I always miss him on the rare occasion that has to happen, thankfully, I don't misbehave very often at all, mostly because I don't want to displease him, I only want his happiness and also because he is very sadistic and when he says he is going to punish me, well, I won't forget it for months.


Beauty.


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RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/12/2011 1:31:24 AM   
SailingBum


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Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx


quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx
Thoughts?

Yeah. How about the next time you see her you say, "Stop doing that." Why is it that dominance seems to be the last tool used by all the dominants?


Chuckle. If that had worked it wouldn't be an issue.


Well if that doesn't work...perhaps you need to work on your skill set. Nobody gets out of line at my house...not even the pet rock.

BadOne


< Message edited by SailingBum -- 5/12/2011 1:32:11 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/12/2011 1:36:15 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

It's too early for funishment.

Since the OP was made 3 months ago, you're a little late, actually.
Not true.  My wisdom - much like my charisma - propagates back through time.  The OP's problem has consequently been solved.

Similar to the way you've spent the last few months adoring me despite never having encountered me.

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/12/2011 2:56:22 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		So your new girl is feisty and sexual... i hope you like that... i am like that... i appreciate a strong man who leads well
So she flirts with you... and maybe more aggressively than you know how to deal with... at the moment... so you have to learn fast or she might get out of hand and things get spoilt between you
pinching is good, but might make her want more too, you have to know when or how hard is appropriate, get feed back.
I always like a bit of sexual tension too it makes for good dancing... also i am sometimes a bit of an exhibitionist... if i was with the wrong man he might allow me to make a spectacle of myself... i would not like that... i appreciate my man slowing me down... but i might resent Him slightly for it too

whisper something humiliating to her
promises for later work too...
and the stare of course... though it makes me laugh too... and sometimes defiant

the electric shock devices are nifty... but definitely for play and not for 'real training' because that would just be pathetic imo... and ignoring the matter or dumping her off home is just too boring for words.

Edit: oh... has he solved it? How?

< Message edited by ranja -- 5/12/2011 2:58:42 AM >

(in reply to golemx)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/12/2011 4:46:43 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I would lean over and quietly explain to her that I am tired of her acting out and if she didn't start acting like an adult I would end the relationship.


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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/12/2011 5:01:06 AM   
thishereboi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

It's too early for funishment.

Since the OP was made 3 months ago, you're a little late, actually.



I suppose that will make my post a little late also. I really have to start checking dates before I respond. But maybe the op will come back and let us know how things are going.


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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/12/2011 11:01:46 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		It doesn't make someone not a good sub to not want to go around wearing horse gear in public at all times. If it was visible, There's a time and a place for fetish wear and displaying odd behaviors blatantly, at all times, isn't one of them.


quote:

ORIGINAL: golemx

Interesting read all. It's only been a couple dates... nothing has gotten to the point where I'm truly pissed off.

There may be other far more important deal-breakers that prevent this from working out. What kind of good sub objects to wearing a horse halter at all times in public?

It is good to see all the takes on it though, and I'm glad I could provide a jumping off point for discussion.

Thanks.


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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/12/2011 11:24:57 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		If a relationship is brand new, and you dump someone each time there's a little blip in the road, or defiance, now and then, nobody would ever get anywhere and we'd all be single.

I don't think the key to building good long term relationships is to dump someone , or have the threat of being dumped constantly in the back ground, when the relationship is new, the moment they displease you, Shit my first dominant submissive relationship wouldn't of lasted as long as it did, if he took the dump her when displeasing approach.


Now once the relationship is cemented and they know better? then I could see considering dumping someone on their butt if they continually disrespected the dynamic of what we had, a dom sub relationship, if the bratty cheeky behavior wasn't my thing.



quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

i wouldn't punish her at all. the next time she does it, end the evening and bring her home. sit her down and explain to her calmly and patiently that you do not like this sammy behaviour and if it happens again the relationship is at an end. and if she defies you, dump her ass on the spot.

she does it because you let her.

hannah lynn


< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 5/12/2011 11:26:33 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/12/2011 11:34:36 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

If a relationship is brand new, and you dump someone each time there's a little blip in the road, or defiance, now and then, nobody would ever get anywhere and we'd all be single.

I don't think the key to building good long term relationships is to dump someone , or have the threat of being dumped constantly in the back ground, when the relationship is new, the moment they displease you, Shit my first dominant submissive relationship wouldn't of lasted as long as it did, if he took the dump her when displeasing approach.


Now once the relationship is cemented and they know better? then I could see considering dumping someone on their butt if they continually disrespected the dynamic of what we had, a dom sub relationship, if the bratty cheeky behavior wasn't my thing.



quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

i wouldn't punish her at all. the next time she does it, end the evening and bring her home. sit her down and explain to her calmly and patiently that you do not like this sammy behaviour and if it happens again the relationship is at an end. and if she defies you, dump her ass on the spot.

she does it because you let her.

hannah lynn



WTF over I refuse to have my date act out and have to discuss like she's a 10 years old. There is no "next time" I didn't tolerate it from my kids Im damn sure not going to date one.

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/13/2011 8:10:03 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

If a relationship is brand new, and you dump someone each time there's a little blip in the road, or defiance, now and then, nobody would ever get anywhere and we'd all be single


In my experience I have found that most people tend to behave more in the beginning of a relationship. Everything is new and they are trying their best to make a good impression. If the new girl can't behave at this point, how bad is she going to be once she starts feeling comfortable. Both parties are expected to be adults and adults can generally talk things out and explain why the behavior is bad. If she doesn't understand at that point, why bother going any further?


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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Public and immediate punishment. - 5/13/2011 8:33:05 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom
If a relationship is brand new, and you dump someone each time there's a little blip in the road, or defiance, now and then, nobody would ever get anywhere and we'd all be single.

I agree. However, I think there's a valid question around whether or not blatantly and consistently ignoring the desires of one's partner is "a small blip". I would not accept that out of anyone. It has nothing to do with dom/sub. It has to do with the kind of people I hang out with. As sailingbum said, I do not tolerate behavior in adults that I would not tolerate out of a 10 year old.

When you add in the dominance factor (meaning I'm really good at enforcing my own boundaries)... well... let's just say this would be a very short conversation between myself and this other person. The behavior would end NOW or I'd make it end.


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Profile   Post #: 80
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