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think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 4:43:27 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

of saddness. pain. i think i'd like to throw a fit, break things, throw things through the sliding glass door. break things on walls. shatter. i think i cant stop crying either. drown in tears. i wouldnt mind. i think not caring would be good, close off. i think i want to fight, scream throw a fit. no cant change the emotion. anger is better. no think i'm dying inside. dont care anymore. no. i want to scream.

he's movin out. save money. assures me it'll be ok. his word. i dun care if i'm not being strong. i'm not. i'm a weak little crybaby. says he's not leaving me. cant look him in the eye makes me cry. he says not to think negative but positive. been through worse - should be no sweat. i can do it - i'll be okay

i believe in time. time tells you everything. the truth can not out run time. he says its not for long.. 6months maybe, didnt hear that part. wait patiently for time to pass. you let go, enjoy the moment and every time your gaurd goes down its taken away. no matter waht. it is. you learn its okay, you trust its yours and then is taken. when the walls are down.

he says he says its okay. his word. it'll be okay. Daddys dont abandon their little girls. why do i feel like my world caved in and i'm dying inside

Post #: 1

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 4:47:22 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

You sound like your in an awful amount of pain, I'm not to sure what I can do to help suffice to say if you need to rant at someone feel free to msg me.

Hope things work out,

dia

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 4:50:17 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Do you have a friend close by who can come over and take care of you for a few days?
Friends or family you can stay with for a while? You need to talk about how you
are feeling, ideally in person with someone who knows you well.

Hugs,

Vendaval

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(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 3

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 4:56:27 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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I'm sorry you're going through such a painful experience. I hope you have friends/family nearby who can help you through all this. M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 5:13:34 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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*expletive*

I care about you, RiotGirl. Your master has taken the wrong decision. You are not ready yet to function independently. You NEED a master in this part of your life. Tell him so.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 5

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 5:19:05 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Question: Is he releasing you or is he working out of town?

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(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 6

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 5:31:37 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule
*expletive*

? Which one?

That is too cute. M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 7

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 5:34:06 PM

sweetnsensual200

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/23/2005
Status: offline

i know how you feel. i really hope you make it through and sometimes it helps if you think that you won't for a little while. sometimes it's good to let yourself give up for a day and then in the morning, you're more up to picking up the pieces.

take care, keep us posted.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 8

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 5:48:08 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Hmmm... riot, i dont think I have enough info.

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(in reply to sweetnsensual200)

Post #: 9

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 6:05:55 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
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he's working out of town. hour a way. gas is high ect ect.. tolls. save 700 a month. He's not releasing me. Not leaving me. says everything'll be the same just different residences for awhile. i cant cook him dinner any more or wash his clothes. wont be able to take his shoes or just idly stare at him, admiring. i've a friend round here.. but most of mine are all over the world. happens when u move alot.she helped abit. hugging him, cuddling with him, looking at him, in his eyes just makes me cry. he's assured, reassured, assured some more.. reassured more... as i couldnt stop crying. i asked him if its just an easy way to break up. he says no - he'd be honest and tell me so. later he wouldnt let me finish my sentence when i asked that if he was to break up with me to do so easily. to not just not exsist in my life anymore. to walk out slow i suppose. but hewouldnt let me get bask easily. he says to stop thinking negatively - think postively. its good for us i know. logical. better in the long run. i know. logic isnt hard. but i cant stop crying.

do nothing for me - as nothing can be done. Nothing can change the facts, alter whats going to happen or even make it easier. there is nothing todo. he says he'll keep an eye on me, make sure i'm ok. i dun think i will be. but i dun want to hold him back or to stop whats best long run. i dun want to be selfish

what am i going to do? chain smoke as i have all night. he's my rock, my stability. my anchor in the world. he gives me a reason to care, to move fwd.

chain smoke, lie in bed and not eat. and watch the sun shine when he calls or visits. i feel likethe world is shattering. my friend says i am stronger then i give myself credit for.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 10

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 6:31:20 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

Are you bound to your house? Why cannot you accompany him? Why cannot you move to this other town?

Anyway, as he is your master, you must obey him. He, however, has to address your needs. Talk about it. Perhaps there is another solution for this problem.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 6:57:19 PM

misfire

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Greenville, SC
Status: offline

I know it's probably not what you want to hear right now, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices -- and sometimes, damnit all, those sacrifices take their toll on us.

I can't imagine what it'd be like to go from living together to living apart -- my Sir and I have been doing the long-distance thing for three years, and have to for another year until he's out of school. It's hard, but we get it done.

And absence does make the heart fonder, I guess.

How far away is he moving? Is anything keeping you from going with him? How often would the two of you be able to spend time together?

*hugs* for you, and keep in mind: things that're easy aren't always worthwhile, and things that're worthwhile are rarely ever easy.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 12

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 7:06:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Hey, the last three times he's done something that completely rips you apart and tears you down...you seem to come back and become perfectly content at his feet.

So there's no reason to think this won't be just the same. You've got history to back you up.

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(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 13

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 7:39:06 PM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

But pain... seems to me an insufficient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like time, is going to come on regardless. Question is, what glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain?

My mailbox is always open Riot.

Best,

LaMalinche

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 7:54:40 PM

tangldupinblue

Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline

i know its hard right now, but keep the faith, the same faith that said He was your Daddy. Give him and yourself a chance. He can be all the things He is to you now, just in a different form, and give Him a reason to be proud of His little girl.

blue

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(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 15

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 8:11:10 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

that's not true. Absence often makes the heart grow cold cause ya start forgetting the person, if it's to long an absebce. I haven't seen my brother in about oh 3 years I barely remember him.

course he';s not a lover an the saying is ment for lovers I guess , but absence has never made me grow fonder of lovers who were away to long.

quote:

ORIGINAL: misfire

And absence does make the heart fonder, I guess.

How far away is he moving? Is anything keeping you from going with him? How often would the two of you be able to spend time together?

*hugs* for you, and keep in mind: things that're easy aren't always worthwhile, and things that're worthwhile are rarely ever easy.

(in reply to misfire)

Post #: 16

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/4/2006 11:50:13 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Well hell, honey. That sucks. :( Is there no way you could both just move half-way so it's a half hour trip for each of you to commute?

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Post #: 17

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/5/2006 12:00:11 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

The motivation is financial, Celeste. Moving halfway would cost as much as not moving at all as the distance to be crossed has not changed.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/5/2006 3:46:43 AM

Dustyn

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

Most people hate the genre, but Chris Cagle's "I Breathe In, I Breathe Out" would be a good song to listen to... music, at least to me, settles rampaging emotions by touching on the subject... but then again, I'm on anti-depression meds and considering going witht eh recommendation of an anti-psychotic or two as well, so my advice might be a bit circumspect...

- Dustyn

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Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 19

RE: think i'm going to die - 5/5/2006 4:09:13 AM

TigerLily23

Posts: 53
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline

My heart goes out to you RiotGirl-
You are not weak...and as your friend told you, you are much stonger than you give yourself credit for...know this of yourself....if you need to chat, e-mail me...

_____________________________

Lily

Nosce te ipsum...Know Thyself

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 20

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