RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (Full Version)

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stellauk -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 3:37:25 PM)

I'd just like to come back to add - just in case the OP thinks I'm being hostile or insulting - I'm not. I understand the situation, that a very few, a small minority of men (these people are not transgendered by any means) get off by presenting themselves as women or transsexuals and deceiving men.

This is a reason also why some people choose to list themselves in pink or red. Look through the section on Trans and you will find a few men who clearly aren't in any way transgendered.

There's a lot of ignorance and discrimination, because a number of people think the transgendered are trying to be someone they're not. Actually the reverse is true, but the thing is you can only see their appearance, on which you are judging them, you can't see their genes, you cannot see inside their minds, you know nothing about their lives, experiences, history and genetic make up.

But try and see things their way. How would you feel if you had people staring at you? Judging you on your masculine appearance? Asking you constantly about your dick? Addressing you as a woman and arguing with you and telling you that you're deluded and are really a woman?

Thing is, this is really a non-issue for most people. They know that the real issue isn't the transgendered people themselves, but the ignorance and bigotry surrounding them.

Nobody likes to be deceived of course, and this is understood. But this issue compared with the amount of dishonesty among the cisgendered (cisgendered means people who aren't transgendered) is by far a bigger issue.

Why not just accept that some people are dishonest and have ulterior motives, and not everybody in a particular social group. I mean, if one woman lies to you, you don't go round thinking all women are dishonest, or do you?



gothikbutterfly -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 3:39:57 PM)

WELL SAID! [:)]



HeidiAnn -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 3:39:58 PM)

I have to admit that I personally find the collarme gender-category a bit lacking, which makes it hard for me to choose my gender. On medical documents I am described as a transsexual woman, but I personally do not have any kind of trans-identity. I mostly identify as a gender-variant human being and I do not have a strong feeling of belonging into either gender. Though in daily life I do wish to be perceived and treated as a woman (as people do), since in daily life I do need to be perceived as one of the two categories. At the moment I have listed myself as trans, but I could've just aswell listed myself as a woman. Neither term describes me very well, but from time to time one feels more better than the other (I think I'd feel more comfortable with a category like "gender-variant" or "queer").



YourToDeny -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 3:42:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rick1283

I think I see what the OP was saying, but he REALLY needs to work on his vocabulary and usage, especially if he wants a positive response.
Other than that, I'll be damned if I'm going to defend him.

I want to know, where is the line between a "fake" woman and a "real" woman?

As far as I can tell, the only things he doesn't like are the facts that:
1. They weren't born with a pussy, and he doesn't have the mental capacity of a male dog sniffing a bitch in heat.
2. He must have a Y-chromosome fetish or something (so look out ladies, he'll only like you for your cells.), and he can't get excited unless they are there.
3. Not every one wants to be upfront about their change, probably because of idiots like him who will go out of their way to insult them and degrade them for who they are, and then turn around and say something like, "Oh! Whats wrong? I'd love to know. I can't have been what I said. could it? Nah, I didn't MEAN to be offensive."

Seriously. If you don't like it, just skip over them. I do it if they don't tickle my fancy, and so does everyone else on the site.
I may be the youngest person to post on this thread, but I have some advice for you: Grow up. Neither the world nor its people revolve around you, and none of them are going to conform to your idea of perfection.


Silly man-dom. Vocabulary isn't a rule. Meaning no offense and saying so should be enough for decent society, or even ours. I am doing a comprehensive search.

For the bunch of you to insist on the one hand that sexual identity is a conceptual matter - fine I can agree with that. But for all the presupposition that you are looking into it so much more 'deeply' than other people, I call you short sighted if you think the identity of a woman is limited to what any man can emulate. To say there is nothing distinctly and uniquely female about a woman with two X chromosomes is highly disingenuous.

And your final sentence in point #3 reveals the volatility of the hormonal teenager - a compliment! Think about how many people in their late 20's pretend to be 19. They may feel like they're 19 but there's that undeniable difference.



LadyPact -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 3:42:43 PM)

I said I'd be back.  I'm here to fulfill My promise.

OP, I want to stress something to you.  I don't have any problem with your preference for only being interested in a Dominant woman who is and was born genetically and biologically female.  You are absolutely entitled to only form intimate relationships with those that you prefer and if that means that you are not interested in anyone who identifies themselves as a member of the trans community, there is not a thing wrong with that.  I don't begrudge you your personal choices in any way, shape, or form.

At the same time, everybody has the same rights as you do.  Every other individual out there has the same rights to their preferences.  Each and every person has the right to identify as they wish.  Even if that wish is contradictory to the way you think they 'should' identify.

Between you and Me, yes, I'd actually prefer that folks be honest about their transition.  At the same time, I want them to do that on a voluntary basis.  Not because they've been dictated to do so. 

Did you give a lot of thought to writing your original?  It was easy for you to check the 'male' box because you looked at your own body, saw male parts, and you've always identified as male.  Maybe it's not exactly that easy for everybody.



YourToDeny -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 3:43:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

I'd just like to come back to add - just in case the OP thinks I'm being hostile or insulting - I'm not. I understand the situation, that a very few, a small minority of men (these people are not transgendered by any means) get off by presenting themselves as women or transsexuals and deceiving men.



I don't think you're being hostile or insulting in fact you're the nicest person to reply. I say thank you.



LadyNTrainer -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 3:49:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny

This is not a post against trans-gendered people its a post about playing impostor instead of being upfront. Its not political and I don't mean to be 'offensive' - some people will be offended no matter what but that still doesn't make a dominant woman and a dominant transgendered individual the same thing. I would think the dominant woman who have a hard time finding a quality reliable submissive would appreciate the help as well. I never used the word "fake" but using the word "same" would be equally disingenuous.


Bullshit. You're calling transgendered women not real women, and that's fucking ridiculous, not to mention incredibly rude. Also medically ignorant; transgendered women *are* women, and transgendered men *are* men. If you suggest otherwise, you are basically saying that people born with birth defects pr bodies that don't match their brains aren't human.

Normal humans are born with two arms and two legs, so if someone is born in a body that doesn't match the humanity of their fully functioning brain, would you have the gall to deny them human status and human rights?



stellauk -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 3:56:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny

But is it right for the TG individual to impose their definition of sex-identity upon the community as a whole? I think its an open question.



I don't see how they are imposing their definition of sex identity upon the community as a whole.

Apart from one or two exceptions (and they are rare) those who are transgendered and listing as females are living as themselves, i.e. women in society. They have a female identity, documents, bank accounts, they present themselves solely as women, they work as women, socialize as women, and form relationships as women.

Why discriminate against them simply because they weren't born female?

You overlooked the fact that they aren't making a choice, but they are responding to something they discover about themselves. It's just like if you discover you are blind or have cancer, you make the necessary adjustments in your lifestyle to live in the best way for your health. Being transgendered isn't an illness, nor is it a disability, just a state of being, and these people are just doing the exact same thing.

You can turn this round and ask is it right for someone to define femininity for a group of people and what is female? Bear in mind when you are making judgments on the femininity of the transgendered you are making a statement about femininity in general, and that statement or judgment also pertains to naturally born women.

You have to look at the complete picture. A woman is more than a pair of breasts and a vagina, a man is more than a penis. It's who you are inside which makes you male or female. Contrary to popular belief sex reassignment surgery does not make a transgendered woman a naturally born woman, nor does it make a man a woman. But it doesn't change the fact that a transgendered woman is still a woman.




YourToDeny -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 3:57:55 PM)

LadyPact,

You said You'd be back and a Domme usually means what she says. I praise You.

I gave a lot of thought to writing my original in the sense that I have spent a lot of time on the main page looking and searching and I consider it a problem. I have hidden 5 more just since I started this thread. Maybe the solution is for CM to change their categories very soon so that people can find who they are actually looking for.

I prefer too that folks be honest about their transition. I agree too that it should be voluntary, but I don't think deceit should be praised. Us submissive males have to live up to everything we say and we pay a high price for failing. If we tell the Domme we are something we're not there are consequences. TG's shouldn't be dictated to do one thing or the other but CM should have broader categories. And... no matter how far the transition goes, unless we want to call the Mystery of Woman a generic quality that can be bought and sold, I don't think it will ever be fair to classify the two as "same".

Dominant Women and submissive males are a minority. The male doms can scoff and the submissive women can smirk but W/we spend a life time trying to find each other. I just don't think its fair.



isoLadyOwner -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:00:20 PM)

Fake ads posted by straight men posing as women probably vastly outnumber the sincere profiles of TS/TG People on CM.

Whether the OP considers the TS/TG person as being truthful in identifying their gender or not they are just a convenient scapegoat for his frustration.

The majority of time wasters here use stolen pictures.

I can't remotely imagine why the OP can't handle TS/TG profiles that are actually looking for a partner.

Just move to the next profile if you're not interested, the person(s) you are bitching about probably don't want to hear from you either.




rick1283 -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:04:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny


Silly man-dom. Vocabulary isn't a rule. Meaning no offense and saying so should be enough for decent society, or even ours. I am doing a comprehensive search.

For the bunch of you to insist on the one hand that sexual identity is a conceptual matter - fine I can agree with that. But for all the presupposition that you are looking into it so much more 'deeply' than other people, I call you short sighted if you think the identity of a woman is limited to what any man can emulate. To say there is nothing distinctly and uniquely female about a woman with two X chromosomes is highly disingenuous.

And your final sentence in point #3 reveals the volatility of the hormonal teenager - a compliment! Think about how many people in their late 20's pretend to be 19. They may feel like they're 19 but there's that undeniable difference.


Are you so dense that you have forgotten high-school English? Vocabulary helps set the tone. It is the way the word is commonly used that gives it the tone it helps set.
For example the words "odor" and "smell".
Odor is used more commonly when one is trying to invoke a sense of mystery or suspense as to its origin.
'Smell', on the other hand, may set the mood of the writing to be obvious, maybe even childish.

It's knowing the difference between them, and knowing your target audience that allows one to turn/conjure/manifest (take your pick) their feelings into the appropriate text.

Saying "no offense" is pointless, it always has been and it always will be.
People WILL take offense. it is inevitable. All that says is that you don't care whether it will or not, you are going to say it as you will and not attempt to find a better way to put it, or, perhaps, you failed at doing so.


Finally, great job bringing my age into this! [:D]
As if people can't figure it out for themselves.
In actuality, it isn't just teenagers who are 'volatile', we're just one of the few groups lucky enough to be able to blame it on our bodies. [;)]



Lucylastic -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:05:54 PM)

Just popping in to say a huge hello to Stella, you rock lady:) 



DesFIP -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:10:52 PM)

It's the "no offense" comment that got me. Because we all know what that means. It means the person saying it is going to be as offensive as possible but too cowardly to want to deal with the rightful fallout.

Instead of Pepsi Max, has anyone got a diet coke with lime?



PeonForHer -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:12:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

Thing is, this is really a non-issue for most people.


Hello me dear. Good to see you back and posting. ;-)

Indeed it is a non-issue for most people, which is why they don't think that what they're saying is 'political'. This is bollocks of the worst order, of course: the world is shaped by people saying and doing things that they don't think are 'political'.

But probably the nastiest thing about gender-identity being a non-issue for most people is the cold, cold world that it forces those for whom it *is* an issue to live in. I hope and trust you've found a bit of warmth, now, Stella. You deserve it muchly.

To the OP: I should think everyone using this site has a corn or two that can be stepped on. Be careful of those of others, eh? Also, I know full well that being a submale can be a grind. But it's not usually in the same league of grind as being transgendered. Best to throw your mind as open as you can when you call in at these CM forums.




YourToDeny -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:20:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
To the OP: I should think everyone using this site has a corn or two that can be stepped on. Be careful of those of others, eh? Also, I know full well that being a submale can be a grind. But it's not usually in the same league of grind as being transgendered. Best to throw your mind as open as you can when you call in at these CM forums.


I am not close minded I am short-lived. No offense means no offense and if people want to go out of their way to be offended that is not my problem. TG's may be a minority in the world's population; that margin increases in UK and USA - online now... online that percentage is approaching the same number of double-X Dommes. Collarme should either provide a gender category they are happy with or - probably better - give the option when you select "Female" on your profile, to choose from XY or XX.



VideoAdminTheta -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:21:08 PM)

Please refrain from making personal attacks on other users. When you find yourself about to respond to another user with a personal attack, please take a few minutes to regain your composure before posting. Strong opinions are allowed and passionate discussion is sure to occur, but when the posts turn away from the topic and towards the poster, we must call a halt.

Thank you



gungadin09 -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:36:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny

Women unlike men have much less a need to advertise their single-ness

i think you're referring to the fact that men outnumber women on this site, and especially, male submissives outnumber female Dominants.

What this means is that if we have non-women posting themselves as women, we get a disproportionate amount of men in the search - I have hidden at least a hundred men from the search (every time I see a wrongly classified page I hide it) and they are still overwhelming the submissive male's search for a dominant female. This hampers the effectiveness of the website.

As far as i am concerned, you're welcome to discard anyone from your search, for any reason. i don't think the term *bigotry* applies to romance or sex. What gets you hot gets you hot, and what doesn't, doesn't. i don't think the same concepts of "fairness" apply here as would apply if you were hiring someone for a job, for example. If you aren't interested in transvestites or transgender individuals, or *anyone*, you are free to pass them by.

Having said that... i find it REAL hard to believe that biologically female Dominants are literally being "drowned out" by all the lying TV and TG Dominants out to deceive poor, unsuspecting male submissives. The reason you're having difficulty finding Someone is because, as you said yourself, submissive males far outnumber Dominant females. That's not anybody's fault, it's just a fact.

Technically, the number of TVs or TGs identifying as women does not affect the number of submissive men on the site, but rather the number of Dominant women. What that means is that you may have to screen potential cantidates to make sure that they are biologically female, if what you are searching for is a biological female. i can understand your frustration if they're downright *lying* about it. But this is the internet, and people sometimes lie. That problem is experienced by everyone, not just you. Incidently, it's a free website, and you get what you pay for.

Moral grounds: it seems wrong for a TV to post as a dominant female and assume a position of power under false pretenses to try to manipulate submissive males who are looking for what they truly want.

Seriously: how many TV or TG dominants have approached you, (or you approached them) and *flat out* claimed that they were biologically female, only to have you find later that it wasn't true? What are these "false pretenses" you're talking about?

Come closer... i have a secret to tell you. It may shock you to hear it. You pass by people every day whose biological gender is not obvious at a glance. Gasp. Yes, it's true. And yet, as a society we don't require people to wear labels for easy indentification. In real life, you have to ask.

i'll grant you this: it would be easier for you if all TVs and TGs identified themselves as such. If i were TV or TG i would explicitly state it in my profile, to avoid any misunderstandings or resentment. Surely you aren't the only person on this site for whom *biological gender* makes a difference. However, please try to see things from the opposite point of view. If you feel put upon as a male submissive trying to find a match, think of how much more disadvantaged TVs and TGs must feel. And i can understand not wanting to walk around the site (so to speak) while "wearing" that label. After all, in real life, it's probably *not* immediately obvious. It might be unfair to expect it to be here.

Again I make this protest with the utmost respect for those involved in this practice, and I mean no offense...

In that case, perhaps it would be better not to refer to people as non-women, pseudo women, or to make statements like females have less of a need to advertise their singleness (singleness?), or males have a desperation to be selected and females don't.


pam



Prinsexx -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:39:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

There's a lot of ignorance and discrimination, because a number of people think the transgendered are trying to be someone they're not. Actually the reverse is true,

Re-quoted for truth



rick1283 -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:46:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourToDeny
Not at all. I am using your unique status as an example to illustrate another point. Respectfully, just relax and try to see what I am saying.


Wake up and see mine, bro. Its about time and, while I enjoy ranting thoroughly, the longer I go, the harder it is for me to reformat my thoughts and logic into semi-cognitive arguments that normal people can understand.

The only person this whole thing is a problem for, is you. So, learn to deal with it like any normal person deals with problems they have no way of fixing.



OttersSwim -> RE: TV's - No offense but please stop showing up as Female Dominants (2/26/2011 4:50:05 PM)

So let's see here...you are pissed off because you keep encountering "other-gendered" Dominant folk listed as female Dominants and that is making you actually have to read their profiles to see if they are cis-gendered or not?

And you don't consider them women...

All of the offensive stuff you have said aside, it is part of the process to read prospective profiles and make a determination of whether that person would be compatible for you or not.  If you carry with you a bias against someone who is other-gendered, then that is your responsibility to weed those folks out of your search. 

Welcome to the free BDSM dating site - CollarMe.com.

No one owes you anything here...

Read Stella's posts twice and realize that the people who you are claiming are not women...are women...regardless of what plumbing they were born with...  [8|]



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