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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/16/2011 2:32:07 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

Do you find that you agree? Within a relationship that professes to be based on honesty (not solely, but as a core value) are there lies you can forgive or would anything not completely honest be reason to move on/end the relationship? i think it is prob diff if you're getting to know someone vs. already in a long term, committed relationship, but perhaps not. Looking forward to hearing others thoughts :).

I leave it to God to forgive. I opt for revenge.

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/16/2011 2:50:27 PM

rockspider

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7 year old girl: Daddy, are you allowed to to lie to people.
Daddy: Certainly not.
7 year old: Why did you then tell me you believed in Father Cristmas last year?
And that is as i do remember it going down

Well i think she has forgiven me now about 10 years later.

< Message edited by rockspider -- 3/16/2011 2:52:34 PM >

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/16/2011 10:07:39 PM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

one lie..or transgression.. I will ABSOLUTELY not forgive is someone who says I will never put my hands on my partner in anger,.. and then does.

many (but not all) others MIGHT have a mitigating circumstance that I *may* be willing to take in to account.

oh yeah.. CHEATING doesnt fall into that last category.

So how are you with... say... having all your clothes ripped off while washing dishes and being TOTALLY VIOLATED?

Jus askin.
SLURP~

as long as SLURPAGE is included!

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/16/2011 10:42:05 PM

FukinTroll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

one lie..or transgression.. I will ABSOLUTELY not forgive is someone who says I will never put my hands on my partner in anger,.. and then does.

many (but not all) others MIGHT have a mitigating circumstance that I *may* be willing to take in to account.

oh yeah.. CHEATING doesnt fall into that last category.

So how are you with... say... having all your clothes ripped off while washing dishes and being TOTALLY VIOLATED?

Jus askin.
SLURP~

as long as SLURPAGE is included!

ABSO-FUKIN-LUTLY!

SLURP~

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/17/2011 1:45:11 AM

SexyBossyBBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I told him in the beginning that if he was going to shoot the messenger when he heard something he didn't like, expect the messenger to lie for reasons of self defense.

In other words, if he really did want honesty, then he had to be able to hear it without attacking me because I had hurt his feelings by telling him that he made a mistake.

I've had this type of conversation, and it has usually turned out well. I've also found there are individuals I cannot have honest conversations with, because everything is taken as a personal attack, and disrespectful.

quote:

Now at the same time, there's no reason to say "you look like an overstuffed pig in that shirt". You can always say "That shirt doesn't flatter you at all, I'd put it into the donate pile". The result is the same but no one's feelings are savaged in the process.

So if you're using absolute honesty as an excuse to be as nasty as possible, which is what people usually mean by this, then no thanks

This is also my position, when someone genuinely is seeking to put his/her best foot forward. I do tell them the truth, but have always found a gentle/tactful way to do it. Truth does not need to be beaten into someone. M

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/17/2011 10:53:42 PM

Aylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: butynbrains

Do you find that you agree? Within a relationship that professes to be based on honesty (not solely, but as a core value) are there lies you can forgive or would anything not completely honest be reason to move on/end the relationship?

Can you define "lie" for me?

Is it a lie if it is an omission?
Is it a lie if they believe that it is true?
What about expected social exchanges?

What do you mean by "forgiveness"?
Are we talking in the Catholic sense?

I am wondering what you are really asking here. Your question is rather vague and if I knew what kind of issue that you were dealing with then I could jump on a band wagon and actually give some sound (to me) advice.

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/18/2011 12:21:16 AM

angelslave71

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I personnally believe that a lie depends on how a person perceives it. My Master believes if something is omitted or withheld it is a lie...unless he is the person doing the withholding. I think that it depends on what is being withheld and the cirsumstances. If you forget to mentionsomething then it is not a lie. If you for instance say you are going to bed when in fact you are not but do not feel like chatting any longer then it isnt really a lie or it is a forgivable untruth because most likely it was said to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Which doesnt make it right but.....

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/18/2011 12:30:40 AM

GreedyTop

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so it's ok for him to lie/omit/whatever to YOU..but not ok for you do do the same to him?

this is an online only master, yes?

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/18/2011 6:08:43 AM

Icarys

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Pretty sure that was about adults. Ya know..those who understand the ramifications of lying to people.

Maybe. The statement was a general one so I don't really know. But "ya know," not all adults "understand the ramifications of lying to people" either. I think that's kind of the point. So they do it anyhow. Can I forgive lying? Yes. I can't possibly think of every single instance where I could or could not or would or would not but, in general, if it's someone I care enough about to want to keep around, damn right I can forgive...........luci

How about not using a lame-ass example of a 6 year old for it next time. Most adults do know..for one reason or another they do it anyway. About the only ones who don't know are those who are childlike mentally.

Even habitual liars know what happens if they get caught...it doesn't mean they stop.

"Ya know"..I try not to make a whole lot of assumptions but at times it's a safe bet to make some. As in..the sun will rise tomorrow ( or like this if you prefer.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yop62wQH498 ) The stars will be there at night or when we're on an adult forum such as this and speaking about relationships that adults have and so on that we might make one such as we are speaking about adults.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 3/18/2011 6:43:58 AM >

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/18/2011 8:53:08 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
so it's ok for him to lie/omit/whatever to YOU..but not ok for you do do the same to him? this is an online only master, yes?

This would describe Carol and I GT and (at least from Carol's vantage point) I'm not an online master.

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/18/2011 3:07:56 PM

TotalDiscipline

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/18/2011 5:44:17 PM

Aylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalDiscipline

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie

Great, but that still does not tell me what the OP is really asking.

For example, if you and I are in a long term relationship and while at the store you tell me we are out of oatmeal and I buy a box, then we get home and there is an unopened box, you have lied to me. Do we now end the relationship since it is based on 100% honesty?

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/18/2011 10:05:36 PM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
so it's ok for him to lie/omit/whatever to YOU..but not ok for you do do the same to him? this is an online only master, yes?

This would describe Carol and I GT and (at least from Carol's vantage point) I'm not an online master.

Fair enough :)

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/18/2011 10:24:44 PM

tazzygirl

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quote:

This would describe Carol and I GT and (at least from Carol's vantage point) I'm not an online master.

Is that how you view it as well?

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/19/2011 12:13:28 AM

TotalDiscipline

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A situation doesn''t make a change to the definition of a lie ofcourse.
A situation ...does make a change to how we handle it.

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/19/2011 4:17:40 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BurntKitty

From the start, my former SO lied on his profile. He's 10 years older and 25lbs heavier. He also sent me a pic from 20+ yrs ago. I forgave the "deception" and thought we could move on. He'd won me over with his wit, intelligence and personality, so I wasn't concerned with his looks.
Unfortunately it was the least of his lies. After 3 years of a "monogamous committed" relationship, he emailed me a lame excuse for breaking up. His biggest lie of all: he's not a widower, his wife is very much alive.

I'm hesitant now to even say I'd forgive any lies. I'll make those decisions when I have to.

When someone does this I don't know if it is going to be internet fluffing that stops with the old picture or a pattern that will consistently repeat. The man who was the worst offender - 10 years and 50# - turned out to be a bullshitter as well.

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/19/2011 4:20:07 AM

Awareness

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"It's so big!"

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/19/2011 6:09:51 AM

TotalDiscipline

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

"It's so big!"

lol..could also be pov ..that isn't really a lie :P

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/19/2011 8:24:45 AM

LaTigresse

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Using fast reply...

Another thing I thought of... Why do we put people in the position to lie?

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RE: Any Lies You Can Forgive? - 3/19/2011 8:30:29 AM

TotalDiscipline

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Do we?
Or do they have a choice..to lie..or not to lie?

I can understand if it is about cloths or haircut..that you lie..to not hurt people.
Because people want friends to like it..else they get angry.
( Better not ask me in those cases)

< Message edited by TotalDiscipline -- 3/19/2011 8:33:30 AM >

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