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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/14/2011 12:02:19 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Kana gets an "oo la la" from me

and catize --
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
He doesn't think I am a horrible person. Humiliation “does it” for me because he is so proud when I show him how low I will go for him. 

i can really relate to that, too.



Yes to all 3 of you!


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/14/2011 2:32:21 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		aaawww hell...now I'll never get anything done tonight. Sheesh.

wanders off to get her mind outta the gutter

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/14/2011 2:58:06 PM   
TheShrew


Posts: 519
Joined: 2/15/2009
From: The state I live in? Confusion.
Status: offline 		I agree, what Kana said was hot. But {for me} it wasn't related to humiliation. I suspect it's just witnessing the manifestation of the nature of a male Dom.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/14/2011 7:36:03 PM   
iHeartYourCum


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/1/2011
Status: offline 		As for me, humiliation is something I crave and willingly do TO MYSELF, even by myself. I take pics of myself doing what "nice girls" don't, for my Dom. Not to make too much of it or sound utterly pretentious, but it's almost performance art for me. One favorite; I love to write "degrading", outrageous things on myself; the kinds of "labels" society gives "bad girls" like me who really, really, REALLY enjoy kink and fetish. I label MYSELF to proudly own those words, and I am far more creative than most moronic name-callers could ever hope to be. My Dom also loves to write on me and discover messages, appreciation, or particular requests I have left for him. (fyi, we use paint-markers, if anyone else cares!)

Don't you imagine that if non-kink, non-fetish people were to see a video of what you and your partner do, they would probably label it as "humiliating" even if WE would not? Take gang-bangs, for instance. Pretty tame stuff comparatively, but many men would consider it humiliation of a woman, and many women would never consider doing it because of the humiliation factor (despite their probable -common, mundane- fantasies about it!)

In context, many non-kink, non-fetish people see ALL of what we do as "humiliating" - anal, spankings/floggings/pain-play, dressing up, using gear & toys, bi-sexuality, role-playing, any kind of submission -- even the least. The list goes on and on, to include nearly every variation of what people enjoy here.

Get yer mad, consensual groove on! Maybe you like blood-play, but I don't quite "get it" or do it. That in no way means that those who DO participate in it get more or less out of it than I get from the things in which I choose to participate, or that they are better, worse, crazier, or saner than me.

< Message edited by iHeartYourCum -- 3/14/2011 7:39:24 PM >

(in reply to TheShrew)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/16/2011 10:06:15 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		After reading all the replies, there is a great deal of information to digest.

A lot of it may have to do with the definition of the word "humiliation."   I must cogitate for a bit.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/16/2011 10:11:07 PM   
FetishRose


Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline 		I personally don't like humiliation.  Call me sensitive, or whatever you'd like, but I want the person who I choose to give myself to, to both respect and adore me.  I do not want to take any self-esteem hits from them (and yes, I know a lot of people can have humiliation and have it not effect their self esteem...I am not one of them.)

That said, I do enjoy some names that would be considered humiliation, except that I like mine the way my Sir says them. He will never call me a slut, instead he will say, "Aww, you are my pretty little slut" "My whore," etc etc.  There is always the possessive pronoun, and to me, that means the world.


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(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/16/2011 10:58:29 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		But that is not humiliation.

"Aah, isn't that cute what my pretty little slut did?"

Is far different from, "Fuck you, you little slut!  Now suck my cock because you're dirty!"

Excuse my language.  I was only using swears to illustrate the point.

I like a girl who will do that action because I told her to ( it's even better if she enjoys it) rather than a girl who did it because she was taught that it makes her bad.

Listen to me carefully, for I will say this only once: Slaves who perform oral sex on their Dom/mes because they enjoy it are better slaves than those who are forced to do so. (did you like my pseudo Michelle from "Allo, Allo" impression?)

(in reply to FetishRose)
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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 12:28:32 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Humiliation is not my kink, but as a few here remember, I can take inordinate pleasure in ripping someone a new arsehole and humiliating them.. Better when I do it face to face verbally and in public with their friends watching..


Never watched "Allo, Allo" sorry, not my style of TV or pseudo comedy....


< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/17/2011 12:31:23 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 3:01:02 AM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		While I realize that BDSM involves many dichotomies, it is rarely found in one sentence.

Would you care to elaborate please?

(And yeah, BritComs aren't for everyone.)

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 4:49:35 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If MN, thou referrest to mine comment regarding humiliation and not BritComs, wouldst thou kindly elaborate thy question so I mayest reply suitably?

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 6:00:24 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheShrew

I agree, what Kana said was hot. But {for me} it wasn't related to humiliation. I suspect it's just witnessing the manifestation of the nature of a male Dom.


In my opinion what Kana wrote isn't the nature of the male dominant, but reflective of what he enjoys. And that would include humiliation and a bunch of other 'ations as well. I'm curious if you draw a distinction between the two? Or is your comment merely suggesting that's his nature rather than the generic that I'm suspecting?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

Listen to me carefully, for I will say this only once: Slaves who perform oral sex on their Dom/mes because they enjoy it are better slaves than those who are forced to do so. (did you like my pseudo Michelle from "Allo, Allo" impression?)


Then I must be one lousy slave. In most cases I have zero interest in doing it. But there are rare exceptions; specimens so divine I'm motivated to emulate a babe. This is generally related to the fuckability factor and his is typically out the roof. The encounters are rare but memorable. Imagine if I considered those lacking this 'aura' to be limited in their dominance. The pickings would be awful slim.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to TheShrew)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 8:56:28 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

But that is not humiliation.

"Aah, isn't that cute what my pretty little slut did?"

Is far different from, "Fuck you, you little slut!  Now suck my cock because you're dirty!"



Except that for some people, it is humiliating to be called a slut, even affectionately. For those of us who do find it humiliating to be referred to by a term which to us is entirely negative, it doesn't matter if others find it enjoyable. The person who feels humiliated gets to define it. I know some women who find crawling on a leash humiliating, the fact that I don't doesn't mean it isn't for them. It isn't the act, it's the mindset of the person involved.

And I'd call the second degradation, myself.


_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 12:04:37 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

Here's why:

When I choose a girl I want her to be proud to be mine.  I want her to wear her collar proudly and say, "See!  I am special because master chose me."  I want to be proud of owning her.

Humiliation seems to be a very popular theme, but I really don't get it.  It seems to be at cross-purposes to being a dominant.

I can understand that some men are attracted to other men, I don't share that feeling, but I can understand it.  I can see why someone likes dressing up as the opposite sex (I'm a stormtrooper!)

I mean that I don't get it because it's almost entirely the opposite as what I see a dominant/master being.  It's a dichotomy.  If the subject of your humiliation is such a horrible person, why would you choose to play with them in the first place?

I can wrap my head around most kinks.  Even the ones I don't share.  This one still has me confuzzled.

I'm hoping that someone can shed some light on this.


You cannot wrap your head around it because...like a lot of people...you do not see a difference between humiliation and degradation. Just as the word "slave" means something entirely different in D/s/BDSM than it does in the "real" world, sexual humiliation is different from humiliation.

In BDSM play...sexual humiliation is something that touches the inner core of the submissive. Something that embarasses her and makes her hot at the same time. For some, it is the embarassment that creates the humiliation AND sexual excitement at the same time because Sir/Ma'am has "guessed" the secret the submissive keeps hidden. Thus, many submissives are turned on by being told just what a "hot fuckslut" they are. They may well KNOW they are. They are not ashamed of their sexuality. But perhaps something in their upbringing or their career position or their familial society keeps that from being acknowledged because "it's WRONG for a woman/person to be that promiscuous/vulgar/nasty/etc". BUT...to be able to express it with their dominant? To have him/her bring it out and lay it out in the open and not only acknowledge but be happy about it? Happy day. Sexual humiliation builds UP the submissive's ego and self-esteem through excitation and acceptance of their inner self.

Now then, some submissives do not react to the title of "slut" or "whore" in that realm of humiliation. For some, it is just a term their D-type uses. It makes them proud. For some, it is neither negative or positive. For some, as noted, it does not trigger any sexual humiliation feeling.

Degradation is a lot trickier area...degradation takes something that is potentially harmful to the submissive's esteem and uses it. If your submissive is a BBW but it bothers her to be large and you tell her that she is a "fat, disgusting-because-you-are-fat fuckslut" who fucks like a minx because that is the ONLY way she can keep a man, then you are degrading her. Tearing her down. Chipping at her self-image.
Even though degradation is not MY thing, there are some Ds and some s-types who DO get off on it.

This just goes to show the variety of human beings there are. I enjoy humiliation play BUT only with partners that it works for.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 12:42:09 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
For some, it is the embarassment that creates the humiliation AND sexual excitement at the same time because Sir/Ma'am has "guessed" the secret the submissive keeps hidden. .


Ah.  This explains it better than I have seen so far.

Are you saying that essentially you are attempting to remove inhibitions?  Now _this_ I can understand.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 12:50:59 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

for us it's because:

1. Master is a sadist...what else is there to say on that?

2. Sometimes I need to be knocked down a peg when I start to get a little out of line and it humbles me and reminds me that I'm getting a little too mouthy or out of place.




Ditto.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 2:33:52 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheShrew

I agree, what Kana said was hot. But {for me} it wasn't related to humiliation. I suspect it's just witnessing the manifestation of the nature of a male Dom.


In my opinion what Kana wrote isn't the nature of the male dominant, but reflective of what he enjoys. And that would include humiliation and a bunch of other 'ations as well. I'm curious if you draw a distinction between the two? Or is your comment merely suggesting that's his nature rather than the generic that I'm suspecting?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

Listen to me carefully, for I will say this only once: Slaves who perform oral sex on their Dom/mes because they enjoy it are better slaves than those who are forced to do so. (did you like my pseudo Michelle from "Allo, Allo" impression?)


Then I must be one lousy slave. In most cases I have zero interest in doing it. But there are rare exceptions; specimens so divine I'm motivated to emulate a babe. This is generally related to the fuckability factor and his is typically out the roof. The encounters are rare but memorable. Imagine if I considered those lacking this 'aura' to be limited in their dominance. The pickings would be awful slim.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



Come now, I am quite positive you are already a babe and have no need to emulate one or play her on TV.



< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 3/17/2011 2:34:29 PM >

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 2:42:40 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Come now, I am quite positive you are already a babe and have no need to emulate one or play her on TV.


Shhh. A day on the board will have a girl second guessing everything. *lol* Thankie doll!

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/17/2011 5:15:07 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Just as there is a difference between a hand spanking and a caning, there are different levels of humiliation.

There is
a) Striping someone at a bdsm club or nude beach
b) calling someone a slut, whore, cunt / cock, gigolo, pathetic, tiny-dick,
c) taking naked pictures of someone (and threatening to publish them but not doing so)
d) stripping someone in public
e) publishing nude pictures of someone on the internet AND sending links to everyone they know, have worked with, live near, etc.

This is just a sample, there are a lot more types of humiliation. But I am willing to bet that some of you that think you don't enjoy humiliating someone would enjoy stripping a "bdsm virgin" at a bdsm club


You can hurt someone with anger, or hurt someone for bdsm. You don't need to be mad at someone to hit them. Same thing with humiliation.


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/18/2011 12:14:58 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
For some, it is the embarassment that creates the humiliation AND sexual excitement at the same time because Sir/Ma'am has "guessed" the secret the submissive keeps hidden. .


Ah.  This explains it better than I have seen so far.

Are you saying that essentially you are attempting to remove inhibitions?  Now _this_ I can understand.


No...I am NOT attempting to remove inhibitions. At least that is not the main point...

The main inhibitions have been removed...let's face it, if she fucks...she fucks. (as an example) BUT, she may be embarassed by how much she enjoys it. She may be embarassed by how much/often she wants it. (all due to societal, familial, other conflicts from her past) But she does...and the dominant "knowing that secret" and using it in a way that acknowledges her sexuality and shows her that he is happy about it.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/18/2011 1:21:05 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

The main inhibitions have been removed...let's face it, if she fucks...she fucks. (as an example) BUT, she may be embarassed by how much she enjoys it. She may be embarassed by how much/often she wants it. (all due to societal, familial, other conflicts from her past) But she does...and the dominant "knowing that secret" and using it in a way that acknowledges her sexuality and shows her that he is happy about it.


I don't believe the woman is always afraid to show her shadow side. In many instances she's able to keep it hidden when he elects to tiptoe around the subject. Or chooses to approach it from a respectable stance rather than the gutteral brazenness she secretly covets. When I engage in humiliation it is devoid of societal pleasantries and steeped in a primal energy that bellows 'mine' without apology. He takes, uses, and brings me under hand through the reinforcement of my lowliness. It's the latter that makes me beg, plead and grovel with an unashamed abandon that I relish. But it would never see the light without his willingness to exploit it.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 60
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