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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 12:17:12 PM

leadership527

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*laughs* That's because there is nothing to wrap your head around. It's a preference, nothing more. Why do some people like dogma and others not? Why do some people like ritual and others not? Why do some people like obedience and others not? There is no real answer to these questions.

Carol and I don't "need" our wedding bands to be married. We're pretty married without 'em too. We just like seeing them on our fingers enough to not want to take them off.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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Post #: 21

RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 12:21:18 PM

Arpig

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quote:

Are you asking specifically why it has to be leather? The every day one isn't. It's a chain with a lock that is more appropriate for his job.

No, what I meant is would it have to be "the collar" you gave him, or wouldn't stopping by the toy store on your way to an event and picking one up achieve the same result?

Edited to add clarity.

< Message edited by Arpig -- 3/17/2011 12:22:16 PM >

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 12:24:46 PM

Arpig

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quote:

We're pretty married without 'em too. We just like seeing them on our fingers enough to not want to take them off.

Fair enough, Jeff. I can understand that. In fact I can understand how a symbol can be important on a personal level. I guess its just the whole "waiting to be collared" thing I don't get.

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 12:25:51 PM

Arpig

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quote:

If you see a gold band being worn on the third finger of the left hand, what is the common assumption? Married, right? Doesn't mean it's always true, but you've got a decent shot at being correct.

LOL...In truth I don't think I have ever even noticed the presence or absence of a ring...I'm pretty oblivious at times.

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Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 12:40:16 PM

aerten

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The symbolism is very nice, and having worn 'symbolic jewelry,' i can attest to it being a physical reassurance on a rough day. On that level, it has the same meaning as any other talisman. "You're not going through this alone."

For a practical level, for me? A collar is a place to attach the leash. Mmmmm.... leashes....

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 12:44:23 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
No, what I meant is would it have to be "the collar" you gave him, or wouldn't stopping by the toy store on your way to an event and picking one up achieve the same result?

Edited to add clarity.

I'm struggling to answer you properly because I'm not quite sure in which way you mean this. I'm going to take a couple of shots in the dark.

We don't see it as the collar I gave him. It wasn't a gift and it actually doesn't belong to him. I own the collar in something of the same sense as I own the person wearing it.

Could I have just picked him up any random thing and stuck it on his neck? Yes and no. Potentially, it could have fulfilled the "outward appearance" theory. It would have missed something in our personal case.

You have to remember that there aren't two of us. There are three. While MP doesn't have any part of clip's ownership, he's still My partner in life. Grabbing something at a store, when we might have been rushing somewhere or distracted wouldn't have felt the same. It was more about each of us accepting what the collar meant as being a poly family just about as much as the D/s aspect. I wanted our collaring ceremony to reflect that.

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 12:54:25 PM

Arpig

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You answered clearly enough LP. I see where you are coming from. I suspect that a part of my difficulty with collaring is not being into any sort of protocol. And thinking of it as your collar that he happens to wear does clarify things somewhat...thanks.

As always you are a fount of useful information.

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Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 12:57:22 PM

Arpig

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quote:

The symbolism is very nice, and having worn 'symbolic jewelry,' i can attest to it being a physical reassurance on a rough day. On that level, it has the same meaning as any other talisman. "You're not going through this alone."

Thanks for joining in. And yes, I can grok that..as a reminder that one is not alone. Perhaps I should try looking at it from the other point of view, from the submissive's. I'd like to hear from that point of view.

quote:

For a practical level, for me? A collar is a place to attach the leash. Mmmmm.... leashes....

Oh yes! This I can relate to very easily.

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Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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Post #: 28

RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 12:59:20 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
...I guess its just the whole "waiting to be collared" thing I don't get.

OK, I have to admit that that one's a bit foreign to me too. But if I squint a bit I can see it as "an important milestone" and therefor something to be desired. When Carol and I were still engaged but not married, I looked forward to the wedding. Clearly it wasn't going to change our relationship. But it is a symbolically important milestone if you are hoping to "be married".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 29

RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 1:07:53 PM

IronBear

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Whilst on the other thread, I believe I made my case for collars, I would add that like rings and assorted specific jewellery, each has an intricate meaning for me. I am by nature, High protocol in life and most definately in Lodge. It is the magickal belief and training over a lifetime which I refer to now. I wear both a pendent and a rong at appropriate times which have value because I am the third generation of my family to wear them so there is a link to my late Father and Grandfather who were both GM's of Lodge before me. that these items have specific uses in lodge is besides the point. they are designed talismans as is any collar I give to a personal girl. each one has a specific link to me physically and my psychi. .. Being a klutz, even when crafting a maile collar, I will bleed over it.. (Blood Sacrifice is good for the soul).. Thus there is something of me there too.. It is just the way I am wired to see and perhaps because recognise the need for such symbols. Others will make their own choices and are welcome to them, it is very much a personal choice with no right and no wrong.

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 1:11:16 PM

Arpig

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quote:

When Carol and I were still engaged but not married, I looked forward to the wedding. Clearly it wasn't going to change our relationship. But it is a symbolically important milestone if you are hoping to "be married".

Yes, I agree. I looked forward to "being married" very much, even before I met my Ex, it was something I always wanted. Having done it, to be honest, I found it disappointing on many levels, perhaps that is part of why I am no longer attracted to formal commitments.

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Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 1:15:02 PM

Arpig

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Now a collar you made yourself for a specific girl...that I agree would be something special. I could easily see how a submissive would treasure such a thing. Thanks for the input IB.

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Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

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Post #: 32

RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 1:48:05 PM

agirl

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I had been with M for roughly 5yrs before we made a change... We were dear friends with him suggesting stuff, and me either following or not.

Being owned by him is very different to following him as and when I want to. Therefore when I asked him if he'd take me on it was a significant commitment for us both. He took a week to decide if he had the energy, time and resources to actually own me and when he'd deliberated we had a little intimate moment where we both recognised that we were changing something significant.

He placed a chain around my neck which has been there ever since. It's my collar and to US it signifies the moment when we went from friends to Owner and owned. The way we related changed from day forward.

Of course I'm no less owned if it's there or not but it's just my *thing*, the *thing* that marked the time we changed, the *thing* that I like to see when I look in the mirror and the *thing* that he likes to see when he looks at me.

agirl

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 1:49:37 PM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
OK, both very good points. It does however raise another related question...why the need for a symbol? When I got married, we had rings because the Ex wanted them. Didn't mean a thing to me. When she got pregnant she stopped wearing hers because it didn't fit well...didn't bother me at all. When she got used to not wearing it, it didn't bother me either. I stopped wearing mine when the band split...didn't mean a thing to me.

So here's the follow up...why do you think some (I would hazard a guess...most) people feel the need to have a visible symbol of their commitment? Is it not enough to simply know it exists?

Hello Mr Arpig
I can only speak for myself as his girl in the relationship I have with Master and no one else.
Master is very much like you in that symbols do not have relevance as the actual act/feeling etc. However, before I met Master and even to this day, I find symbolism to be both interesting as a concept and a huge (sexual) fetish for me. This pleases Master and for this reason, he indulges me in symbols and icons because of the response it generates in me and he loves to torture me

. If this was not the case, he would not bother - but I am absolutely to remember that I am dealing with symbols as a fetish and not as though they were important because that is what I submit to under his authority.

< Message edited by RCdc -- 3/17/2011 1:50:32 PM >

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 2:41:17 PM

DesFIP

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A collar is a tangible, physical expression of the bond between you. Some married folk don't wear their rings and they still feel just as married. Others take it off in order to not feel bonded and be able to cheat.

I need physicality in my relationship. If all I needed was the mental, we could have stayed online forever and never meeting. Some people are fulfilled by the mental only. More power to them.

So if I find it comforting to have a physical something to touch when I'm having a bad day, so what? It's no more silly to find that comforting than it is silly for a toddler to be attached to a security blanket. It fills a need.

I understand the op doesn't have this need. However that does not give him the right to claim that no one else should.

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 2:49:04 PM

DCWoody

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FR
A collar is a symbol, and like all symbols, it has no power other than what we give to it.

To me, if I collar someone it'd be a symbol that I take the relationship as seriously as more general society is supposed to (but doesn't) take a marriage. To some extent, the collar can be more a sign for other people than for the individuals involved.

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Post #: 36

RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 2:51:19 PM

Arpig

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quote:

I understand the op doesn't have this need. However that does not give him the right to claim that no one else should.

I don't believe I ever did say such a thing, quite the opposite actually. I'm sorry if my asking offended you, that wasn't my intent. I started this thread to get other people's views of an aspect of wiitwd that is very important to many people, that I just don't get.

I understand where you are coming from, needing something tangible you can feel. That makes sense to me. Thank you for your input.

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Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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Post #: 37

RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 2:53:14 PM

Arpig

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A symbolism fetish..now that I hadn't considered at all. How intriguing.

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Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 38

RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 2:54:36 PM

Arpig

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quote:

Of course I'm no less owned if it's there or not but it's just my *thing*, the *thing* that marked the time we changed, the *thing* that I like to see when I look in the mirror and the *thing* that he likes to see when he looks at me.

Sort of how some people will get a new tatoo to mark important stages or events in their life?

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 39

RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 3:05:35 PM

LillyBoPeep

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i'm another symbolism person -- when M officially "collared" me, he made me a collar and, for the most part, it stayed attached to the headboard of his bed.. it was a play collar, but the symbolism of the collaring was daily. the existence of the collar itself was symbolic. i mean, i felt like his property before the collar was made, sure. the power exchange didn't become "official" once the collar was made, it had been plenty "official" before that. but there is something to be said of the symbol; how it marks a milestone, etc etc.
we didn't have a big ceremony; he just put it around my neck while he had me on my knees in his basement. =p it was for valentine's day ^.^
some people like having a visual reminder of something deeply personal. some people see the symbol as this larger "thing" that they can relate to -- some people like the little knowing glance they get to share with others who are wearing the same thing. people have all sorts of reasons for liking symbols.

i don't really see it as something to "get your head around," either -- some people believe in all sorts of things that may not jive with you. all you really need to do is simply acknowledge that people have other ways of going about things. i LIKE collars as items, as jewelry, etc. i've always been fond of choker necklaces, and that's what many day collars look like, to me -- just a bit bigger/heavier sometimes. and i LIKE what they stand for, as symbols of a particular type of relationship.

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