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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 3:18:40 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		for me collaring is a symbol of his ownership of me. Sure it's not needed but like a wedding ring, it means a lot to me to be able to feel it, play with it and see it there so that all day long it brings a smile to my face and a reminder of him, especially when I'm having a rough day.

We never had a ceremony. I never had a ceremony when I was married either but when both men gave me my ring and bracelet, it brought tremendous joy to my heart to know how loved and cared for I was and am.

Up until the point when they gave me the ring and bracelet, our relationship didn't feel "official". Until that point it felt not as serious. I was still unsure of their commitments and was never sure of just where I stood until that point. For me personally it marks a place where the relationship becomes more serious.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 3/17/2011 3:25:58 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 4:02:59 PM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks for starting this thread Arpig.
I think I am beginning to understand a little better.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 5:17:48 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

Of course I'm no less owned if it's there or not but it's just my *thing*, the *thing* that marked the time we changed, the *thing* that I like to see when I look in the mirror and the *thing* that he likes to see when he looks at me.
Sort of how some people will get a new tatoo to mark important stages or events in their life?


Yes. I have piercings for the same reason. Each one denotes a time when things changed; momentous times for us. They are part of our private little herb garden and they bring very, very fond memories and thoughts.

agirl


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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 5:46:35 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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quote:

Yes. I have piercings for the same reason. Each one denotes a time when things changed; momentous times for us. They are part of our private little herb garden and they bring very, very fond memories and thoughts.
Now that is a cool-ass idea. I really like that, and I think I am going to incorporate it. Thanks.

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 5:57:45 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

What does collaring mean to you? Is it a profound step, an important milestone, or just a bit of harmless fun?


Greetings,

I have consciously maintained a blank slate regarding this subject for a very important reason. I see numerous threads that contain various levels of frustration, anticipation, disappointment, and everything in between. They're often crafted by individuals that have fashioned ideas that had little bearing on their present relationship, but were the result of notions crafted years before. It is in opposition to the present state of awareness that I seek to maintain in my partnerships. Yesterday has no bearing on the here and now unless he wills it so.

Therefore, the collar is an extension of my Keeper. It's association, symbolism, and whatever special attributions he's derived are the ones I grab hold of. The canvas, much like my neck is naked and awaiting his strokes. I wouldn't wish to mar the image by scribbling unnecessary gibberish that will only be expunged later on. One of the key aspects of being under his tutelage is the realization that we move according to his cadence. If I'm solely focused on reaching the summit and fail to grasp the steps in between, I'll miss out on quite a lot.

It is an honor to sit at his feet and a privilege to wear his yoke. I am not entitled nor would I demand an outward manifestation of my tether. May my being bear witness to his Mastery always. That is the greatest compliment I could ever bestow. His hand should be evident to the degree where an onlooker knows without confirmation that I am wholly Owned. The collar is etched on my person. My neck is merely its placeholder.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 6:43:59 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		I will admit that having a collar is a somewhat selfish thing, something I enjoy having. He knows this and was kind enough to give me one.

Our commitment to each other is unquestionable in my mind. I don't need my UMs to have special jewelry to prove my love for them...I don't need a material object for him to prove his love for me.

That being said, he travels for business A LOT. He is gone sometimes 5 days out of 7, usually 3-4 days. My collar is a source of comfort for me during those times when we can't be together. I feel secure with it around my neck the way I feel secure with his arms around me. It's a touchstone, more than anything.

My opinion...YMMV.

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(in reply to Arpig)
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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 6:46:25 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Fuck collaring.

You tattoo my name to your throat.


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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 8:37:27 PM   
avena


Posts: 80
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		As agirl said
quote:

it signifies the moment when we went from friends to Owner and owned


D and i were friends for years before we took things a few steps further. We transitioned from 'friends' to 'friends with benefits' to 'a whole lot more than friends'...and then one morning, he upped the ante completely, and I've worn the bracelet he fastened around my wrist ever since. There was no big ceremony. One wasn't needed. I knew where I belonged, and he knew where he wanted me, and that was enough. Even as our relationship progressed, I never once expected a collar. But now that I wear one, it will take dire circumstances to make me take it off.


As DesFIP said
quote:

I find it comforting to have a physical something to touch when I'm having a bad day
and as litltlewonder said
quote:

it means a lot to me to be able to feel it, play with it and see it there so that all day long it brings a smile to my face and a reminder of him, especially when I'm having a rough day


It's the same for me. I don't NEED the collar to be his, or to be reminded that I'm his. But when things are going just crappy, being able to stroke a fingertip along the metal of my bracelet, or sliding it up my wrist so it sits snuggly around my forearm as a constant pressure, is a very strong reminder that I'm not going through it alone. It reminds me that, although I'm an adult and I have to be strong on my own, I can still, at the end of the day, lay my head on his lap and let him take those worries and stress away while we focus on each other. And sometimes, when I'm busy and focused on something else, the weight of the bracelet on my wrist will suddenly make itself felt, and the memory that little smile of his and the brush of his hand across my flesh, will suddenly rise in my mind, and I'm left with a little smile on my lips and a slightly distant, unfocused look in my eyes.


And finally, as littlewonder said
quote:

Until that point it felt not as serious. I was still unsure of their commitments and was never sure of just where I stood until that point.


Because the transition for us, from friends to Owner and owned was so gradual, without the collar, I'm not so certain we wouldn't still be just 'a whole lot more than friends'. The collar is a statement. On his side, it says "MINE!". On my side, it says "Yours!". Do we need the collar to make those statements? Nope! We reconfirm those statements many times in many ways. The physical presence of a piece of jewelry is just one of those ways.

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/17/2011 9:58:59 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		My partner and I like the symbolism and outwardly tangible expression of our commitment to each other in having me wear a collar 24/7. To us it's a mutual gesture of respect. I think the collar for both of us adds a facet of physical weight or presence to our relationship. We like the extra connection it gives us to each other.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 11:15:07 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
I don't believe I ever did say such a thing, quite the opposite actually. I'm sorry if my asking offended you, that wasn't my intent. I started this thread to get other people's views of an aspect of wiitwd that is very important to many people, that I just don't get.

I understand where you are coming from, needing something tangible you can feel. That makes sense to me. Thank you for your input.


Not here, but in other threads you've made it clear you find collaring rather silly and that you view people who do this equally so. It was that general sense your posts have left that I was referring to.


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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 12:55:49 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		i'm not a slave in my kink life (really i'm not sure what lable i fit if i have to have one) and i never wanted to be married in my vanilla life. i lived with my ex for 16 years and he did ask me to marry him. i said yes at the time as i loved him and considered him worthy of marriage had that been what i wanted. i did tell him afterwards though that i still did not want to be married but did say that i would wear a ring as a symbol that i was his, he did the same for me.

in this kink life i guess if someone wanted to actually claim me as theirs then i'd be open to some sort of thing to wear as a symbol of that. to that end i see no problem with others choosing a collar and having a ceremony to boot. afterall i have said that if i were to have any ceremony to represent a wedding i'd probably go for the pagan hand-fasting. i suppose that the level of commitment you put on the depends on your level of relationship in the first place.

each to their own.

needles

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 12:57:06 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Since the other Collaring thread doesn't seem to be the appropriate place to discuss collaring objectively, I am starting this one.

My opinion of collaring and collaring ceremonies is that they are a vastly overblown and somewhat ridiculous bit of silliness. A girl is mine when I say so and she agrees...not after some trial period leading up to a collar. I feel no need for any sort of formal "taking possession" or marking of ownership. That she and I agree on who owns who is sufficient...the rest of the world doesn't matter. The marks I leave on her body is all the visible signs of ownership that is required.

Collars are just sexy accessories that look hot as hell and, depending on the design of the collar, a useful restraining device. If my girl gets off on wearing a dog collar...then go for it...but she better dress appropriately so as to not look silly.

What does collaring mean to you? Is it a profound step, an important milestone, or just a bit of harmless fun?



To me a collar is a symbol of relationship--the kind of relationship that tend to enter into. Its not jewelry or an accessory. It doesn't matter to me if it can be seen although my current collar, given to my boy almost a year ago, is more often seen than not. I don't go for gradations (consideration, training) and I don't go for big public stuff -- I find it grandstanding, "look at me" and really for the public collaring things I've been too have shown clear overblown sense of the participants' importance in the "community" and the world for that matter. No shock there.

I don't think of it as an accessory (she only wears one and it never comes off) any more than I think of a wedding/commitment type ring as one. It certainly can be, and I've seen them but like the pieces of jewelry that I wear that symbolize our relationship, I have one -- and I wear it all the time.

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 2:39:30 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig


What does collaring mean to you? Is it a profound step, an important milestone, or just a bit of harmless fun?



I look on things like ceremonies for collaring in the same way I do for any other sort of celebration be it a graduation from college or boot camp, a wedding and other such occasions. It's a great reason to have a party with friends and family to mark something which is special in your life. Sure, we don't *have* to throw graduation parties for our kids nor do we need to add stripes to uniforms to distinguish between a private and a general.. but it sure does make it easier to know who to salute so for me, collars, of course, can be tangible accessory's to a wardrobe, but they can also be simply what is in your heart, no outward symbol necessary or required but for some of us, nice to have either every day or for formal occasions.

Silly.. sure, why not? Nothing wrong with silly. Little silly can go a long way in a relationship.. but, it can also be serious and meaningful to the parties involved.. that's how it is for Himself and I and yes, we had a ceremony and we had a blast because our *reception* was a play party afterwards where we got to try out all the new toys we were gifted (which were completely unexpected but a welcome and lovely surprise!).

To answer the questions .. What does it mean to me, to us? It is a profound step, an important milestone AND just a bit of harmless fun and a whole lot more besides.

Thanks for asking. :D



< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 3/18/2011 3:04:33 PM >

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 3:02:11 PM   
TotalDiscipline


Posts: 225
Joined: 5/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

What does collaring mean to you? Is it a profound step, an important milestone, or just a bit of harmless fun?


I can do with out. A collar doesn't make you more slave or sub then with out.
But it is nice to give someone you care for a ring or necklace. When it is a necklace...I sometimes call it collar.
Her real submission is inside her....in the way she behaves towards me..not in a symbol.

ps. She will not be under consideration before I collar her. That is what I call weird..lol ... consideration.
If you are not sure...don't take her.


< Message edited by TotalDiscipline -- 3/18/2011 3:04:16 PM >

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 3:22:32 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Since the other Collaring thread doesn't seem to be the appropriate place to discuss collaring objectively, I am starting this one.

My opinion of collaring and collaring ceremonies is that they are a vastly overblown and somewhat ridiculous bit of silliness. A girl is mine when I say so and she agrees...not after some trial period leading up to a collar. I feel no need for any sort of formal "taking possession" or marking of ownership. That she and I agree on who owns who is sufficient...the rest of the world doesn't matter. The marks I leave on her body is all the visible signs of ownership that is required.

Collars are just sexy accessories that look hot as hell and, depending on the design of the collar, a useful restraining device. If my girl gets off on wearing a dog collar...then go for it...but she better dress appropriately so as to not look silly.

What does collaring mean to you? Is it a profound step, an important milestone, or just a bit of harmless fun?



It's funny because any one who has seen Shore and I interact know that we are definitely NOT protocol people. And yet I wear a heavy stainless steel collar 24/7 since August of 2009. A leather one before that from January of 09. For some reason, it was important for us to have a physical symbol of our relationship. We both risked and sacrificed a tremendous amount to be together. Maybe that was a reason. I really don't know.

I didn't beg for it or go through any kind of "training" for it. It just seemed like the natural progression of the relationship. There also wasn't any formal ceremony. I do believe I was shackled under the basement stairs enduring some kind of physical torture when he locked it onto my neck.
To us, it is a symbol of our commitment to each other. It shows that I am his.

Plus....It's the perfect size so that when he puts his fingers between it and my neck, it chokes me quite nicely.

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 3:30:26 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Oh my fucking God, is it still yammerin' on about it's collar?

Poor Shore. How fucking embarrassing.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 3:33:48 PM   
ShoreBound149


Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		It's a ball bearing housing from a burnt out machine at work.

She thinks there's a key.

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 3:36:56 PM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Aileen is one lucky gal. 

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 3:57:37 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShoreBound149

It's a ball bearing housing from a burnt out machine at work.

She thinks there's a key.


That's fucking hot!

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RE: Following my own advice - collaring in general - 3/18/2011 4:20:29 PM   
flcouple2009


Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

I agree. I never needed a collar to indicate I was with someone.

We just knew.
Yeah, that about sums it up for me too. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who sees it this way. But how about we hear from the other point of view...why don't some of you who are pro collaring chime in and tell us what it means to you and why it is an important step.


I would have to agree with those sentiments as well.

But I do respect how other people feel about theirs.

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 60
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