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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 10:58:34 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Yes, there are truly people here who believe that if you don't attend group BDSM functions you aren't truly 'in the lifestyle'.


Care to back that up with any actual evidence?  Show me a post or two?

Taggard


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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 11:11:28 AM   
ServiceNTucson


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister
Are there people here who actually believe that one is not truly in the “lifestyle” if one does not attend lifestyle functions on a regular basis?


I doubt you could find one single quote on this board from anyone with more than 500 posts that says anything like what I have quoted above.



Are there people here who actually believe that one is not truly in the “lifestyle” if one does not have at least 500 posts on this board?


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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 11:33:34 AM   
MrMister


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
His question was merely …is it the general consensus that one is not truly in this lifestyle if they don’t participate in such functions?




Do you honestly believe that was the intent of the OP?

Can you find any evidence at all on this board that could lead one to even think such a statment could possibly be true?

The OP threw up an obvious straw man to make some sort of point...what do you think that point might have been?

Taggard


Very fascinating indeed that there are a few of you kind folks who possess an extraordinary tendency to assume such things that do in fact literally speak volumes about another person’s character, values, etc. Thank goodness this isn’t too common amongst the vast majority here.

And by the way, TD&W, Bearlee was absolutely correct in what she gleaned from my inquiry, which was most assuredly made in an honest effort to learn from the input of like-minded individuals. If you would be so kind, please point out to me what in heaven’s name is wrong with that?


< Message edited by MrMister -- 5/7/2006 11:34:43 AM >

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 11:37:52 AM   
cybergoddess


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Status: offline 		hello




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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 11:42:42 AM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
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From: Alberta, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

I would like to get some input on something that has been on my mind as of late. Are there people here who actually believe that one is not truly in the “lifestyle” if one does not attend lifestyle functions on a regular basis?

Obviously, there is a wealth of knowledge to be gained from certain events that are geared for honing skills and/or educating those who have a desire to learn as much as humanly possible (and by the way I will always be highly motivated to continually learn and better myself by whatever means are available). But I have heard on more than a few occasions that I am not truly in this lifestyle if I don’t have a desire to participate in functions revolving around public play. Just wondering is this the general consensus amongst people posting on these boards?

My stance is that this is absolutely a bunch of nonsense, for we are who we are. Some like chicken, some like fish. We all can’t want and desire the very same things in life, and particularly this lifestyle. It has made me wonder how in the world is it possible that I have seen so much intolerance and negativism simply because of my choices and preferences. Very strange indeed coming from folks associated with a lifestyle that in fact is not very well accepted amongst mainstream society.



who has said this to you???

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 11:46:22 AM   
JohnWarren


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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
Am I still a chef if I don’t work in a restaurant?


Actually, no.  That's a job title.  It's like when I left academia.  I was still "doctor" but I lost the right to call myself "professor".

You can still be a good cook

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 11:56:52 AM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		To the OP:

There are people who believe it and there are people who don't.  The real question is:  Does it really matter one whit (to you)  if they do?




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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 12:03:01 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
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Status: offline 		Actually, to further stroll down the path of minutia and unimportant tangential information, thats not totally accurate either.  There is a difference beyond employment between cook and chef. 

To actually be recognized as a chef you must have accreditation, even if you are the best of cooks.  You will remain a chef even if you are not employed as one, so .. say you take a 10 year hiatus working in the jungles of Brazil for  Green Peace or something.. even when hacking down branches with a machete, you are still a chef, doing so.

There is an interesting site which explains the rigorous of 'chefdome' if you are interested... I will post it below.

Sorry for being a geek,  I am just an avid cook !  ;)

http://www.instant-chef.com/articles/the-difference-between-a-chef-and-a-cook

< Message edited by puella -- 5/7/2006 12:04:04 PM >

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 12:06:21 PM   
Bearlee


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From: South Central CO
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Yes, there are truly people here who believe that if you don't attend group BDSM functions you aren't truly 'in the lifestyle'.

And Yes, that's hogwash.

TexasMaam


Yup...I've heard it too!  I've not been on Cm long enough to say I've seen it here, but I've heard it in chatrooms many times before...as well as at Munches (real time).  I couldn't agree more; I think it's hogwash!

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 1:00:16 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

Are there people here who actually believe that one is not truly in the “lifestyle” if one does not attend lifestyle functions on a regular basis?


First let me state in my time and involvement on this forum I have never seen someone state " if you do not attend munches or play partys you are not a [insert title].
 
The reality is there will always be people who say if you do not meet my standards or participation or beleive that I will not accept you as part of said group. I am not sure that that is exclusive to BDSM or munches. I have seen it in religious groups, bdsm groups, many alternative lifestyle groups (i.e. bdsm, gorean,gothic,hippy,swingers and swingers) as well as the "normal" every day aspects of life.
 
I am not sure if it is right or wrong. I think it simply happens.The reality we are all individuals and hold our own standards for things that we involve ourselves in.
 
That being said.
I personally do not think someone elses standards are always releivant to me. They are just that their standards, unless I adopt them as my own.
 
I also do not personally think that actions such as how much you post on a forum such as this, the symbal next to your name ( that horrid ice cone or those paddles) or going to play parties or munches define you. I beleive that your actions your words define you. Those are simply symbols of your involvement, nothing more nothing less.
 
At the end of the day do the standards of others really define you or do yours?
 
 
Blessed Be,
Phoenix's Nika
 
 
 
.



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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 1:43:58 PM   
Bearlee


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Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

    Actually, to further stroll down the path of minutia and unimportant tangential information, thats not totally accurate either.  There is a difference beyond employment between cook and chef. 
    To actually be recognized as a chef you must have accreditation, even if you are the best of cooks.  You will remain a chef even if you are not employed as one, so .. say you take a 10 year hiatus working in the jungles of Brazil for  Green Peace or something.. even when hacking down branches with a machete, you are still a chef, doing so.
    There is an interesting site which explains the rigorous of 'chefdome' if you are interested... I will post it below.
    Sorry for being a geek,  I am just an avid cook !  ;)

http://www.instant-chef.com/articles/the-difference-between-a-chef-and-a-cook


LOL  ...thank you puella!  I, too, am an avid cook; one who worked in some fairly la-de-da restaurants in California (SF & Bay Area) and Denver for over 20 years. 

I have to say, though, that while I appreciated the link...I have to disagree with it's author on one point.  There are just too many popular chefs in this world who got there working their way up from prep; not going to some school for a certificate.  I'm talking about the many creative, successful, celibrity chefs (think: Paul Prudhomme, Mario Batali, Rick Bayless, Wulfgang Puck, Alice Waters, Nora Pouillon, Jody Adams...)

And while I have managed kitchens before (ordering food, creating menus, watching the bottom line ...and cooking)...I didn't have to come up with such spectacular hamburgers as that above mentioned author talked about!  <grinz>  Yeah,   I'm a cook. 

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 1:50:06 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Oh I hear you Bearlee,

And I think that mentoring and following the traditions of working your way to 'chefdome' outside of the culinary institute is also a possiblity... and can be traced upon a resume.. if you will.  There were Chef's before there were Culinary Institutes, for sure, but the process I think was very similar.. you just didn't get a certificate.

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 1:51:58 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe the OP just got the impression from some that attending functions was a sign of "realness".....who knows? But keep in mind that not everyone falls into the social butterfly group, and they prefer to keep to themselves.
 
And bearlee, if I'm remembering rightly, did you have a home for sell in CO? Seems you showed some pics of it in the Gallery a couple years back, nice place *grins*........if so, did it sell?
 
Level

< Message edited by Level -- 5/7/2006 1:52:29 PM >

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 2:01:56 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

I would like to get some input on something that has been on my mind as of late. Are there people here who actually believe that one is not truly in the “lifestyle” if one does not attend lifestyle functions on a regular basis?


This notion is ridiculous to me.  If that were the case, I'd have to tell my Master I am not really a slave, I do not really submit to him as deeply as I do - giving all, without limits - because I haven't gone to a BDSM function.  Pfft!!!

I would actually like to attend such a function, but I have found nothing in my area and I am far too busy to travel to one.  So I talk to people on discussion boards instead

I guess it all depends on how people define "lifestyle."   Mostly though, it depends if I care how others define me.  My Master knows who and what I am, and that's all that matters.

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 2:12:35 PM   
CanadianGuy


Posts: 219
Status: offline 		I agree with the OP for the most part.  Munches, play parties, "the scene", dungeons, S&M clubs, and so on have no appeal to me.  I've been briefly to one S&M club, and I've been around BDSM people online enough to know what munches are like, and I have to say that I don't feel any need to participate.  Furthermore, I won't dress, talk, or act in any particular way to make people think or know that I'm dominant.  I care so little for what people think that sometimes I go out of my way to say something that's clearly not dominant.  If people judge me by what I say and what I wear, that's going to be their mistake or downfall.  Along the same lines, I try not to judge people by how they act or dress, but I admit that I'm still working on that one.

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 2:16:13 PM   
MrMister


Posts: 272
Joined: 3/6/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CanadianGuy

I agree with the OP for the most part.  Munches, play parties, "the scene", dungeons, S&M clubs, and so on have no appeal to me.  I've been briefly to one S&M club, and I've been around BDSM people online enough to know what munches are like, and I have to say that I don't feel any need to participate.  Furthermore, I won't dress, talk, or act in any particular way to make people think or know that I'm dominant.  I care so little for what people think that sometimes I go out of my way to say something that's clearly not dominant.  If people judge me by what I say and what I wear, that's going to be their mistake or downfall.  Along the same lines, I try not to judge people by how they act or dress, but I admit that I'm still working on that one.


My sentiments precisely CG. Very well said.
                      
And thanks to you, and everyone else, for your posts.

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 2:17:29 PM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

So I talk to people on discussion boards instead



And we're damn glad of it, owned .
 
Level

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 2:30:59 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I wouldnt go so far to say people who dont attend bdsm functions and demo's etc arent in the lifestyle..thats just silly...a D/s dynamic can play out in the most vanilla of relationships, they are in the lifestyle and don't even know it *grin*..However...I really think its important in regards to play and safety to attend demo's etc..I know for me, I would never submit to anyone who hadnt had the appropriate training/experience (would I let a virgin whipmaster come at me with a signal whip or a cane? No way in hell unless they were being supervised). Also I think for people who are new to all of this, in reality, its a safety net in other ways, having contacts with real live physical people who have much more experience in play and the whole mental and emotional dynamic can be invaluable. It's also good for exposing yourself to various areas of play, it can add ideas to your relationship etc. I dont really feel you need to get all wrapped up in the physical bdsm community and the whole social thing, like has been said, not everyone is a social butterfly. I think however, even just one visit to a demo or whatever would ground a lot of relationships as I see them online etc.

Book reading isnt enough, you can read lots of books about africa, watch movies etc...but when you actually go there, the experience is grounded.

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 2:49:48 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

So I talk to people on discussion boards instead



And we're damn glad of it, owned .

Level


Awww, thank you Level
I'm glad I found my way here.

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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 4:25:10 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

I would like to get some input on something that has been on my mind as of late. Are there people here who actually believe that one is not truly in the “lifestyle” if one does not attend lifestyle functions on a regular basis?



I don't believe that a person has to attend events to be in the lifestyle. However, I believe that in order to be happy we all need to have some contact with likeminded people. The need to belong is definitely one of our highest primal needs.

For me, I just feel more content and fulfilled when I have contact with other people who share my needs and desires. It's very re-affirming.

I just spent the weekend at a Kink Conference surrounded by kinksters. I can't say I learned a lot in terms of technical knowledge but my spirit feels rejuvenated. Surrounded by the smell of leather, the look of PVC, surrounded by the sounds of sadistic giggles, paddles and whips in play, and just being able to freely express my inner state of being as a sub, is always a wonderful 'going-home' experience for me.

Cin

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