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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 4:52:28 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
His question was merely …is it the general consensus that one is not truly in this lifestyle if they don’t participate in such functions?


Do you honestly believe that was the intent of the OP?

Can you find any evidence at all on this board that could lead one to even think such a statement could possibly be true?

The OP threw up an obvious straw man to make some sort of point...what do you think that point might have been?
Taggard


Very fascinating indeed that there are a few of you kind folks who possess an extraordinary tendency to assume such things that do in fact literally speak volumes about another person’s character, values, etc. Thank goodness this isn’t too common amongst the vast majority here.

And by the way, TD&W, Bearlee was absolutely correct in what she gleaned from my inquiry, which was most assuredly made in an honest effort to learn from the input of like-minded individuals. If you would be so kind, please point out to me what in heaven’s name is wrong with that?


Happy that you've received your solicited validation. There are people who feel you can't be considered "lifestyle" if you don't attend functions. After all it's be "heard it in a chat-room" AND "at a munch"!

quote:

puella: Yikes, I see his question was offensive to you..

The question wasn't offensive in the least. The assumption, based on "experience" never gleaned from any "experience" I find offensive. If you've never been to a function where is the reference that anyone who does is judgmental? Based upon that perspective it's valid to be judgmental on a group that you admit is not doing something you would do. But wait, the references of validity come from on-line source, by definition outside the avoided experience. And throughout the post, the responses are; "Yeah you're right" from people sharing the same perspective; while anyone claiming activity of sort never experienced by the OP claims they've never heard it, and concur that it's not even thought about.

Disagreement is responded to by claims of "misinterpretation" or "taking the quote out of context". If there was a post, "Are there any Dominants who use a safe-word that are anthing more than submissive obeying the sensation needs of their subs." Do you think that would be attacking Dominants with safe words? I'd say so whether I agreed or disagreed with the OP! Can it be interpreted another way? Adding, "it's nonsense if anyone should be considered dominant if they have safe words"; pretty much confirms that attitude. Is there an alternative intrepretation? I only changed the issue addressed. Is there a real example, or experience sited?

(in reply to MrMister)
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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 4:56:09 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CanadianGuy

If people judge me by what I say and what I wear, that's going to be their mistake or downfall.  Along the same lines, I try not to judge people by how they act or dress, but I admit that I'm still working on that one.


Well, I can agree with not being judged by how I dress, I suppose. But personally, my words and my actions are how I expect people to judge me. I say what I mean, and I stand by what I say, and then I try as best as I can to always back that up with action. That's how you can judge me.

Cin

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quote:


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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 5:06:08 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

but you can't be 24/7 without living together.


Hmmm, I'm not sure I agree with this, but rather than hijack the thread, should we start a thread about this?

Cin

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Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 5:57:39 PM   
SweetEscravo


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		Right...this makes no sense to me.  Do you have to attend peace rallys to be a hippy?  Church to be a believer? 

Some people like to be open about their lifestyles and some don't.  Some of us like to watch demonstrations and hear lectures while others prefer to learn in their own bedroom.  What does it matter?

If you're kinky, you're kinky.  You don't need a classroom to tell you how or why.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 6:11:48 PM   
MrMister


Posts: 272
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth



Happy that you've received your solicited validation. There are people who feel you can't be considered "lifestyle" if you don't attend functions. After all it's be "heard it in a chat-room" AND "at a munch"!




I would like to ask you how it is you surmised that I solicited validation for whatever view I may have, which by the way I never explicitly expressed what my view was. Here is the fact stated as best as I know how for you; I simply found it to be a tad bit difficult to comprehend why anyone can make such a statement, and thus wanted to learn how others here viewed this matter. Once again, I will pose this question to you Merc; what ever in the world is wrong with that?

Furthermore, how can you surmise that I have no experience regarding anything pertaining to this lifestyle, or anything else for that matter, based upon a few words posted in a forum? I do not know you, and would venture an educated guess that neither you know anything about me other than what I may have previously listed on these boards. I have been involved in this lifestyle since 1996, thus you can infer from that statement that I do indeed have a bit more experience perhaps than you may have thought. I do not know why you, as well as others here have exhibited, are so darn quick to be so critical of others. Even if I have little or no experience, it should not serve as a detriment to ask such a question to a group of people whose opinions I greatly value. After all, isn’t seeking answers to specific questions part of the very reason these boards exist?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 7:18:25 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		24/7 - living together 24/7, high phone bills and video cameras don't cut it.

Lifestyle - you beat/get beat, you bottom/top, submit/dominate in some glorious combination unique to you and yours

Scene - you participate with other lifestylers in real life events where you can see each other without the aid of an electronic medium


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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 7:26:13 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Perhaps I am just thick, but did I miss where the OP mentioned that if you do go to community gatherings you should somehow be castigated?

I  must have.. I completely read his question differently than you did.

Peculiarly enough,I would have had a very similar response, actually, had someone actually posted a thread that stated that people who attend community functions are 'less valid' or however you interpreted the question... That that is nonsense and how people choose to explore themselves is their own business and learning process, none more valid than another.

< Message edited by puella -- 5/7/2006 7:31:29 PM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 7:42:51 PM   
unquenchable


Posts: 155
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

It's kind of like church...

Does one have to be sitting in church on Sunday in order to be called a Christian?

Do we benefit on some level by attending organized events?

Sure we do.



Ditto!!

Says it all, no need for any additions IMO.

un--------

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 7:48:25 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		It has been my personal experience, yet not on this board, that there are those who do believe if one isn't participating in "lifestyle" functions, be they munches, play parties, public dungeons, etc., that they are not "really" in the lifestyle.  I cannot imagine a more ridiculous barometer.

That being said, I wonder what these same folks would feel if someone told them they were not "really" in the lifestyle, as they were not participating in anything but munches, play parties and public dungeons.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 8:27:07 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Are there people here who actually believe that one is not truly in the “lifestyle” if one does not attend lifestyle functions on a regular basis?


MrM - there are people who believe they've been abducted by aliens, there are people who believe they should cleanse the world of infidels, there are people who believe they are Jesus. One should not be surprised that there are some people who believe you must attend functions to be consider 'lifestyle' as well. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. If you want to consider those people nutty as fruitcakes, you have the right to your own opinion and you'll get some people who agree with you and some who don't.

Celeste


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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MrMister)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 8:27:29 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

...And bearlee, if I'm remembering rightly, did you have a home for sell in CO? Seems you showed some pics of it in the Gallery a couple years back, nice place *grins*........if so, did it sell?
 
Level


Good lord, what a memory!!!  Someone asked to see my 'cabin in the woods' so I posted a link to the realtor's website.  It was a special place; took a couple years to sell...but yes, it finally did.  <sigh>

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 10:03:22 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline 		I go to public parties and co-host two munches, while I do recommend community activities for newbies so they can get a sense of whether reality fits their fantasies of BDSM or not, it definately isn't mandatory and it is no gauge of whether you are "real" or not.

Having said that, I won't meet a new sub who claims to be devoted to me and HAS to meet me until they have been to at least one munch.  Those are my rules for people wanting to be involved with me.  I have my own reasons for it, but folks who aren't proclaiming they are new, have no limits and HAVE to be mine are adults who are free to do as they please.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

I would like to get some input on something that has been on my mind as of late. Are there people here who actually believe that one is not truly in the “lifestyle” if one does not attend lifestyle functions on a regular basis?

Obviously, there is a wealth of knowledge to be gained from certain events that are geared for honing skills and/or educating those who have a desire to learn as much as humanly possible (and by the way I will always be highly motivated to continually learn and better myself by whatever means are available). But I have heard on more than a few occasions that I am not truly in this lifestyle if I don’t have a desire to participate in functions revolving around public play. Just wondering is this the general consensus amongst people posting on these boards?

My stance is that this is absolutely a bunch of nonsense, for we are who we are. Some like chicken, some like fish. We all can’t want and desire the very same things in life, and particularly this lifestyle. It has made me wonder how in the world is it possible that I have seen so much intolerance and negativism simply because of my choices and preferences. Very strange indeed coming from folks associated with a lifestyle that in fact is not very well accepted amongst mainstream society.


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RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/7/2006 11:06:54 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I understand why you ask this question, and know that I myself felt a little out of place for being initially hesitant to go to to munches; my reasons were that in my experience people can lie to your face as well as they can online, and play parties are for people who want to play in public; my play being fairly sexual, I didn't want to do all that in public anyway.

What I have learned is that socializing and joining is simply an opportunity to learn; and attending a play party is yet another opportunity to learn and open your mind to things you perhaps hadn't considered fun, but no one ever forces you to do anything you are uncomfortable with.   M

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(in reply to MrMister)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/8/2006 2:38:37 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Events are supposed to be eduational or fun or both.  Go...don't go.  Your choice.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/8/2006 3:22:16 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Ah the one true way mantra.... typical bullshit, mandatory my arse! Like most things it is often advantagious to at least look at what is out there, often there are things that prove useful, but certainly not mandatory.

Local scenes are often just as loaded with fakes, wannabes, one true wayers and other annoyances all running around in their little cliques, bitching about each other behind their backs and being all nicey nicey to their face. I don't work that way, I don't like cliques and if I have something unpleasent to say I will and do say it straight to the persons face.

Look at what is out there, take what you want and find useful and balls to the rest of it, if the cliques have a problem with that then tough, let it remain their problem, it can only effect you if you let it.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MrMister)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/8/2006 5:13:53 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		Nothing in this way of life is "mandatory". It is -all- a matter of personal choice. That being said, for individuals who are looking to build a relationship, it is much easier to get to meet people and get to know them through face-to-face interaction.

We don't scene. Our focus is heirarchical relationships, the submission of the core of an individual to his or her own internal call to serve, and the development of the guide -- the individual who is both responsible for directing service and caring for the one who serves. That being said, we -still- go out and meet people locally, even though we don't participate in the play and scening part of what goes on. We do so because it gives us a chance to talk to people in person and to see their eyes and listen to what they have to say, as well as watching how they interact with one another.

I don't think that attendance is mandatory, but it has been beneficial to us in ways that corresponding through a chat-box cannot fulfill.

Lady Zephyr

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(in reply to MrMister)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/8/2006 6:25:39 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Wow, I gotta long way to go before people ever take me seriously. Maybe that's a good thing....


The arbitrary post count I threw out there had nothing to do with being taken seriously.  It was one way you could identify a regular on this board. (Or at least someone who posts under one name, with one opinion.)

And I seem to remember an astronaut avatar with a similar name...was that not you?

Taggard



Yeah, that was me. It was a little lego spaceman. It's amazing you remember that. I have enough trouble remembering...um, I don't remember.

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/8/2006 7:09:15 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

My stance is that this is absolutely a bunch of nonsense, for we are who we are. Some like chicken, some like fish. We all can’t want and desire the very same things in life, and particularly this lifestyle.


This would be me thoughts!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/8/2006 10:15:09 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		If some only think you ae a true part of the life style because you attend play parties or munches then what about those who like us do not live in communities where it is mpt even  possible to mention BDSM with out the  S##T hitting the fan.
We did attend one when we could get away and it was an education and can recomend anyone attend them when they wish to and are able to.
If going by the thinking of such people who say we have to attend them all the time it means we are only real before or after the event only when there.
Must tell the Subs we enjoy our plays with that we are not true Doms on those occasions either.



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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Attending lifestyle functions is mandatory??? - 5/9/2006 4:48:53 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		I met my first Dom some years ago now, and I've had all sorts of wonderful experiences so far.  I've never been to a public event, even though I'd love to - I'd be risking my job, and more.  One day, one glorious day, I'll find an event close enough to attend, and I'll be brave enough to do it. 

I'm sure that there's a lot of fun to be had, plenty to learn, and the buzz of being with our 'own kind' as well, but until I have the courage and the opportunity, I'll have to settle for being less than 'real', apparently.


(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)
Profile   Post #: 80
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